Deep in the heart of the woods there is a statue of a demon. This demon was a terrible thing, as all demons are, and had earned everything he ever was. Including his current state as a seemingly harmless inanimate object. Anywhere near by it made the living deeply uncomfortable. No living things wanted to even try it. No deer, no chipmunks, no birds, and most definitely no people. And so,do to the lack of sentient life, it was deafeningly silent.
Yet, beyond all odds, something with a hard hangover began stumbling through the trees. The love god, was growning and moaning. Burping and grunting. All kinds of disgusting sounds broke the stagnated silence.
"Oooh man, I need to pee so bad." he said shakily. His eyes still droopy and half closed.
Slowly the god stumbled near the statue, ever so carefully he stopped in front of it and unbuttoned is shorts, his eyes looking at it but not quite seeing it. As he did this he put a hand out to stop himself from falling over. And before the god could relieve himself he felt a pulse; an energy. This made him halt all actions, including breathing. But only for a moment before he turned and gasped falling over, his butt landing in the dirt.
He looked at this statue suddenly very sober and a little startled, a little awed.
"You." He whispered.
The love god then got up and leaned forward, examining the large slit eye engraved on it. Then, he laughed. It started out jolly before becoming a bit sarcastic. He circled the triangular clump of stone and said to it in an oddly condescending way. "Still alive you loveless monster hmmm? Well well. Isn't this funny."
The statue stared off into nowhere. Lifeless.
"Not so tough to oddities like me as are you now Bill huh. Yea, I remember when you took my wings and shoved them up..." The love god halted his sentence, catching himself.
The portly man stopped circling the statue, looking it directly in its eye. It was then an awful, wonderful idea came to him. He smiled kindly, almost sweetly, before saying "I think you are gunna be my next big score for the year Bill." He then patted the top of its head, "Yea, thats right, your gunna find true love in this century. I can feel it in my bones."
An unnatural shiver passed though him. Was that rage he felt?
"Ah so your still there huh? Dont like what ya hear do you?"
Love god leaned froward and smirked, slowly pulling off his belt of potions. "Oh your gunna hate every second of this."
The love god then took out the one that said "Pure, true, unadulterated love" and splashed it on all over its eye. The glittery substance soaked into it slowly, letting off a bright glow before disappearing entirely.