As I stand before a gorgeous woman, who despite her perfect features and sculpted curves, does not invoke lust but reverence, I know, that I am on the crossroads of an isekai self-insert, the details of which I must now negotiate at the smiling portrait of Beauty personified. Her lush blonde locks surround her perfect symmetric face as a stray lock just so stealthily appears on her right side, which she gracefully tugs behind her ear leading me in a trance as I stare at that wild lock before she coughs gently in her melodious voice that brings my attention to her hazel eyes and her soft nose and full rosy lips. I missed what she said, until I heard the remains of her dialogue, "...and so it is up to you dear what you want to do from here."
I pull my concentration back on the pilot seat and put my game face on (a pathetic look of despair and hopelessness at losing a chance at leading a full life). "I am sorry madam, but can I go back to my parents, I want to see them one last time and Kay, um that's my girlfriend. Please! (Insert puppy eyes here, after all I am trying to sell myself as a desperate man here)
The goddess sniffles a bit (I don't think she is that smart, if she fell for it, neither did she bother to read my mind as it appears she cannot hear me monologue in my mind) and appears sad, "Sorry child, but no I cannot allow you back on the mortal plane, I am sorry, but I can offer a better life after this."
Okay now the field is set! I know I can have her dance on my palm, if I play this right. "Umm then if I become strong and powerful, can I come back and visit them. Like those Heroes do in those Japanese novels." She smiles gently at that, though appears to be reminiscing about her past. "Yes, don't be sad now, if you work hard and be strong like me, you can definitely come back and visit them. I have my faith in you." She smiles so bright that I felt I would be exorcised or banished by her holy smile. Unfortunately (for her) I am much resilient than to melt by her innocent faith in me.
"Then can you give me a system?" I try the most difficult one. "No, those systems which grant you unlimited accessories for trivial benefits do not exist. Think of something else, I am being generous here, so be a bit imaginative." Hmm, that's one option down. "How about the gamer power then?" I look at her pleadingly, but here, she is very stern for some reason. "Nope, not that one either, I cannot give those infinite dungeon for you level. Seriously dear, do you think I can keep filling up your dungeons and give those drop materials like that. Uhh uhh, next options please and take your time. We are in the void, so no time passes when you are here." Hmm so she is being flexible, but not bending over backwards to compensate me. HMM, I must be creative, if someone like those self inserts in Marvel (AUTHOR: here I reference 12 Step Program to Omnipotence on fan fiction dot net, seriously loved it) can become so strong that even ancient one must be respectful, hmm let's see. "Umm madam, then jumpchain is also out of question then?" "Not necessarily, I don't mind being your Jumpchan and watch over you, as you grow in power and travel worlds. Do you want that?" She looks at me cutely, while tilting her head slightly to her left as her wild lock of hair once again is set free. I stare at her blankly, whilst inwardly filled with panic. Absolutely not! I cannot be so stupid to act all goody while enjoying what I desire the most, namely being free of any control and this bitch won't be my handler putting me on a leash. Damage control time!
"Umm no, not really, I want to live my life in each world more than the ten years a jump lasts for, to find people to grow up with and find a family among them." She sounds excited by my answer. "Absolutely, I understand and limiting how much time you can spend in a place sounds cruel and a recipe for disaster. I want you to find all that you lost here, after all." She smiles graciously. "But I would like to jump worlds like those planewalkers, without drawing any untoward attention from the gods and seers of those worlds. By the way, those fictional worlds like Harry Potter, Marvel, and DC Universes do exist right?" I ask her with genuine curiosity. "Oh of course, all of them do, some realities like Marvel exists in all their instances like those various ages in comics. For example, in some DC universes, Superman never left Krypton, Kara was the sole Kryptonian on earth and Kal-El became the military dictator and successor of General Zord. All imaginable instances of realties exist and yes I can grant you power to jump in any reality as you imagine it to be at any specific time in any specific location. Anything else?"
Jackpot, yes now what else hmm. Oh right! "Could I have that power to transfer, store and use skills, talents, abilities and items into cards in my mental space? The one from the fan fiction?" I ask.
She ponders for a while and as if struck with realization, bounces towards me. "Yes! I can do that, though with severe restrictions, you cannot extract abilities or skill cards more than once from the same person, the same ability card cannot be used more than once and you cannot combine cards like gacha system. It is the same headache and limitations as with systems and gamer abilities. Though in compensation, I can simply remove any time constraints for extracting cards of higher rarity. Also as a side-effect, Ability Cards can be used only by you. I cannot allow you to pass Jean Grey's phoenix powers to all your harem members." She wiggled her eyebrows.
What does she think of me? Do I look that charitable to give girls I share my bed with powers like me and expose my secret? Bah! If I want to fuck a woman, I'll bend her over, and pound her cunt. If I want to own someone, I'll imperio her and brainwash her to blow me under the table as I punish her husband for his blunder. I do not want a harem; I want a sexy fucktoy to pound my big cock in, a bangable relief from the hard work that is gaining power by leeching it of other simple-minded people's hard work. Well to be a tyrant, one must have power to seize it for themselves.
Not relying on your sect and master like those simpletons from xinxia novels, well back to the blonde bimbo! I appeared to think for a while as if weighing the pros and cons and reply smoothly, "Umm that's fine. I understand the complications it can cause. Can you also remove limitation of the number of cards I can store? Also since you are basically nerfing the ability so much, can you make it so, so that if I use the ability card of opposing features like Iceman's and Firestar's power, then they do not destabilize my body. Also if I use cards of similar features then they get amplified, like after possessing Prof. Xavier's telepathic ability using Jean Grey's ability grants me more control over telepathy than the both individuals combined?" I am sure she'd say no or impose more restrictions but surprisingly she readily agrees.
"Yes, it would have been my oversight, if I gave the ability to extract the cards but not use them. Gosh, don't worry, and if you use cards like Beast physique, other abilities where your body shape, size or features change, it would give you the option to add to your original appearance, use a separate form like Hulk or that of Multi-Animagus and you can switch between them interchangeably freely. Think of it as my personal gift." She dazzles me with her pearly white row of teeth as she stands mere inches from my face baffling me with her generous offer.
"Ah! My Goddess I am so grateful for this opportunity. Thank you so much." I gushed with my sugary smile as I know the negotiations have come to an end. I decide my arrival destination after choosing my appearance and other trivial details to May, 12 1921 London, Great Britain, Harry Potter World (Cannon of course)
As I am ready to depart, the goddess otherwise known as Rose, to me just some R.O.B. an acquaintance in passing, see a side-view my smirking face, and misunderstands it as nervous excitement at 'the start of my next great adventure'. She unconsciously glances at my soul, and instead of expected white soul indicative of a pure soul, she sees a blemished shape of blood red colour with tinges of black. She blinks and chooses to observe carefully, but before doing so, I vanished from her sight, disappearing in tiny white motes of light. She thinks she is imagining things after meeting so many sinners in this shift, making her jump at conclusions. "How could such a poor sweet boy be such a grave sinner, he would have already been banished by the supervisor to hell before meeting me. And he was so polite too! Humph! I think I need some rest now." And so Rose, a random omnipotent being, patted her back for a job well done and helping a sweet polite boy in his time of need. And to reap good rewards for her good actions, she applied for a vacation humming softly in her mind, forgetting how she grabbed the file from her supervisor's desk without checking the destination of the soul. And since she took care of it herself, the file vanished into the endless stream of bureaucratic archives of other administrators lost in the annals of time.
All fictional works and characters belong to their respective owners and such a bullshit disclaimer finds itself here purely on austerity, since I don't expect their said owners to actually read my work. Well Ciao!