Nothing had been the same since that night.
I suppose some people who have experienced life-changing events can understand how I feel, except their life-changing events are much more prominent such as becoming married or having children.
Neither of those will ever happen to me, whether I want them to or not.
I believe a divine intervention would count as a life-changing event as well, the Healing Church would be exceptionally fond of that. I can imagine the hundreds of Sisters and Fathers and Brothers, all clutching their crosses and clasping their hands together in holy prayer, thanking the Great Ones and their divine power for the gift of sight. And I can also imagine how they would react, at finding a Huntress sharing a stolen kiss with a street-wench.
There would not be enough holy water in the city to 'cleanse' me of my sin.
Eileen had noticed a change in my attitude; we rarely fought together these days anyway, due to her battle being with plague-ridden Hunters, but the very few times in the last two months that we had taken the same score as a pair, she had been silent to the grave as usual. Eileen was never the talkative type; even during my training days as her apprentice she would only speak to me in regard of my sloppy form, my technique, or whatever else she wanted to criticise me about.
Still, I had a sort of internal respect and loyalty to the old woman. She was not unkind, nor demeaning, she simply had the tendency to speak only when there was something worth saying. Our longest mutual conversation lasted roughly 5 minutes in the entirety that I knew her, and that was that. If she had suspected a change in my attitude – and being the observant Eileen, she noticed everything – she didn't mention it, so I had secretly hoped I might escape from the kiss that plague my mind more so than the beasts did.
Or so I thought.
"You seem changed", the aloof Eileen finally spoke. We were settled in one of the city's taverns, not the most reputable place by far – a dimly lit, smoke-filled set of chambers filled with inhabitants who kept their eyes to themselves – but one where most hunters were welcome in. Alcohol was looked upon with distaste by the church, but that didn't stop rich and poor alike consuming wine, it was less powerful than blood. After all, even ruffians needed company.
"Changed?", I questioned her carelessly, stretching out my aching legs and resting them on the table. The thick smoke in the tavern hid our quiet alcove; we would not be disturbed, and better yet, go unrecognised. There weren't many others in the establishment, save for the bartender and a group of men quietly playing cards. "How so?".
"You are… different, somehow", it took Eileen a good minute or two before replying. "You are more agreeable. Less… woeful". I let my feet fall back to the floor, leaning forward at her in earnest.
"Is that good?", I patiently waited for her answer. You always had to be patient with Eileen.
"Some might think so", she turned away, and I smirked. Only Eileen could give a compliment and then brush it off so thoughtlessly.
"One must keep good cheer, especially during the nights of purging", I passed it off, as we both lowered our heads at the mention of the hunt. It was our duty, as Hunters, to remember and pay respect to our brothers and sisters that had fallen before us. We were the ones who carried the torch now.
Two men passed us by, casting sidelong glances, and we both turned our heads away instinctively, but made sure to watch them still, from the corner of our eyes. From the shabbiness of their clothes, I could assume they were grave-diggers, just finished burying the daily victims of the plague. At the looks of recognition they gave us – nudging and silently noticing our uniforms – they turned away again with a nervous shake of their heads. I smirked again; it was sometimes better to be feared. Those who feared us let us do our jobs in the shadows, away from sight, and further conflict. It was a slightly mutual relationship, we didn't bother the people and they didn't bother us, at least to our faces. I turned back to our alcove, where the flames in the candelabra above us were beginning to burn themselves out.
"Do night workers bring good cheer then?". I wasn't expecting the directness of her question, it stabbed me fiercely, refusing to unpin me from the subject. I put down my goblet and stared into its dark contents, biting my lip anxiously.
"I would have thought you were above following people, Eileen", I responded, staring up at her darkly from under the brim of my hat. I peered into the eyes of her mask, despite being used to peering into darkness, I could only vaguely make out her grey eyes from behind the black beak.
"And I would have expected a Hunter to hold themselves to higher standards", she held up her own drink and slowly drained it, emphasising the jab at my character. My stare became a glare, as I felt my skin prickle with danger – something that was strictly confined to the hunt. Eileen put her cup back down, empty, and looked at me pointedly, waiting for me to defend my actions, or beg her forgiveness. I crept forward, lowering my voice to an icy whisper.
"She is nothing more than an acquaintance". Eileen studied me, silently. She was less of a crow, more of a hawk.
"Then keep it that way", she murmured, before leaning back with ease as if our whole conversation had never occurred. "I care not what you do with your time", she sighed, like a schoolmistress scolding a misbehaving child. "For that is your time to waste how you please. But know this-", her reedy voice spoke to me again, less harsh, but with great warning.
"-It is unwise, to be around one such as her. Our way of life is not fit for people like this", she quietly gestured around to the others in the tavern. "Our duty is to protect them from the beasts, not involve them in the fight".
I stood up, not wanting to continue the conversation. I nodded, and Eileen tilted her head at me, making sure I understood. Gathering my belongings and tossing a coin onto the bar, I called to her over my shoulder. "I am not one to worry about, mistress. Save your concern for your own liberty". My cloak settled onto my shoulders like a faithful cat, warm and comforting, and my heeled boots caused the floorboards to creak as I headed for the door.
The darkness entombed me again; the familiar, Yharnam night was suffocating from its miasma. As I carefully got into the rhythm of silent footsteps, taking great care to walk quickly but with little noise, I headed back to my rooms. The distant tolling of the cathedral's bells rang in my ears, filling my head with only one thought.
Her.
XXX
It was another miserable night when I found myself in the Cathedral Ward again. This area of the city was so heavily populated it was frequently full of beasts, blood-drunk and twitching with excitement from the promise of violence. The city itself felt like one giant beast: convulsing, hair-covered, and foaming at the mouth as its bloodshot eyes turned the familiarly-sinister yellow, its limbs twisting and turning like a broken doll being forced back together by an unseen puppeteer.
I hated to have left her like that, in such an unforgiving part of the city. Cathedral Ward was supposed to be one of the safest boroughs of Yharnam; it was the foundation and headquarters of the Healing Church after all, but I had never been one to trust the judgement of the so-called "men of the cloth", for rarely ventured out of their secluded little haven to see the suffering of the lower areas of the city.
The ward felt more savage as of late
I wiped my weapon clean of the sickly-sweet blood, courtesy of the lycanthropic beast at my feet. Its hairy, skeletal limbs stirred as it succumbed to death, the yellow of its eyes growing cold and glassy. I wasn't just here for the plethora of prey, however. It had been over a month since I had seen her last, that Lady of the Night. Since our first meeting, we had found ourselves near each other twice, and both stopped to engage in conversation. I had found more about her, and this had sparked a type of childish curiosity in me, the allure of a civil companion, maybe even friendship, had clouded my vision like night fog and made me yearn for her presence.
I had made certain to remember her whereabouts; the path being one of the twisting, winding dark streets covered with fog, following the grimy pavement round past chained coffins and misty lanterns alike, until finally finding – at the very end of the street – a dark two storey house with bottles upon bottles of blood lining the steps, and a small incense burner with a sole red candle lit.
Except this time, the candle wasn't lit. There was no light at all, and the bottles were smashed, leaving oozing red liquid splashed across the steps, and a gaping, splintered hole where her front door should have been.
I immediately drew my weapon, letting its blade flash in the pale moonlight as I silently crept upon the home. The intoxicating scent of the blood made my very own heartbeat pound harder in my ears, hindering my ability to desperately listen for any noise. My boots squelched from under my feet.
"What has happened here?"
The shadows crept up the building's meagre walls. It wasn't a very well-kept house, I couldn't blame her – being a lady of the night surely couldn't have paid well – but aside from the plasma that dripped down the front steps, the entire place smelt of damp, and the wallpaper was rotting and peeling away. The floorboards gave a threatening creak as I crossed the threshold, through the splintered door which gaped like an open mouth.
A shadow darted across the room.
I swung my blade as the dark shape lunged at me, causing the creature to let out a yelp of pain. A scourge beast landed on the groaning floorboards, it's body shuddering for a moment before it disintegrated into nothing but ash. I had seen blood on its lips. Was it drinking from the spilt bottles outside? Or did….
"Dear?", a shaking voice came from upstairs. I put away my blade, recognising the owner as a small pool of light came from the upstairs. Ascending the cramped staircase, I darted around piles of furniture and junk to find one sole door at the top. There was a bolted chain on the door, leaving it slightly ajar as a crack of light slid through, dazzling me for a moment. A figure moved in its way, and I heart my heart dance with relief.
Arianna. Pale, trembling, but alive all the same. She physically relaxed when she saw me, and undid the bolt, letting the door open fully with a loud creak. I saw she was in a thin white nightgown, making me assume she was about to retire for the evening when the beast broke through her door.
"Did you kill it?", she asked worriedly, pulling her thin white shawl around her shoulders. The shadows under her eyes were familiar to me, resembling my own reflection, but I grew concerned upon noticing her hand shaking while holding the candle.
"Yes, it won't be hurting anyone, anymore", I watched as her face became less tense at my words. Taking a gulp, and cracking a smile, she returned to her usual humorous attitude.
"So, good hunter, what brings you here?"
"I…", I paused before finishing my sentence. It felt embarrassing to announce out loud, that I had come to only seek her company. How pathetic, she must think me to be. "I came to see if you were alright", I hesitantly outstretched my gloved hand, and she took it, allowing me to lead her downstairs. "The night of the hunt is long, and I hadn't seen you for some time", I gestured to my belt where my weapon hung loyally, waiting to be used again.
"I was well, thank you", she smiled graciously. "Before that beast destroyed my parlour", she chewed her lip and turned back to examine the chaos of her home. "Would it be safe for the rest of the night do you think?". We had become much more at ease with one another, displayed by how she turned her back to me and leaned against the wall.
"Truthfully?", I asked her, stooping down and picking up a piece of fabric, torn to shreds from beastly claws. "I wouldn't stay here for another hour. With all that noise and the blood, it will likely bring more of them", I tried to keep my voice as calming as possible.
"Gods", she closed her eyes, her brow knitted together in worry. "What can be done?"
"In the morning, it would need to be repaired immediately, would your landlord fix it?"
"After all this", she gestured to the piles of debris: the shattered glass from the window panes, the shredded curtains and splintered wood from various pieces of furniture. "He certainly won't let me stay here for another night".
We both went silent then. I knew what I wanted to say, but I also knew how inappropriate it was. But she was helpless, she needed somewhere to stay, and I had more than enough space in my bleak home. It wasn't fit for a lady, but it was safe.
"If you would be willing", I began, unsure, like a child nervously stroking a cat for the first time. "I would be gracious for your company, if you are happy to spend the night in my home".
The look in her eyes said it all.
XXX
"Are you sure that's all you intend to bring?", I asked from the doorway, arms crossed as I kept watch from the bedroom window. Arianna had been changing behind her divider, and I had been awkwardly standing afar and looking elsewhere, but did not tell her that I could see her naked silhouette from the candle she had with her. Arianna had grabbed a few things from the top of cabinets and out of drawers, before changing into travelling clothes, but still didn't take much regardless of being told that she may be staying with me for some time. Her belongings consisted of one singular suitcase, full of some clothes, a few books, and a music box. It was hardly enough for an extended visit.
"That's all I need", her pleasant voice came out from behind the divider. She had noticeably calmed down the longer I had stayed with her, making me feel some sort of pride; I was secretly gleeful to have this effect on someone, to put them at ease instead of causing the routinely nervous glances or disgusted stares. She came out from behind the divider, and I instinctively looked away out of politeness.
One slender hand did up the snaps on the suitcase as her other arm reached out and linked with mine. She rested her head on my shoulder, burrowing into my cloak.
"Shall we go?"