"You're so sweet!"
"Don't listen to him, Honey, you're so much softer!"
Ichigo froze on the spot. He could recognize these voices among anything: they belonged to Rukia and Renji.
Several questions rushed to his mind. What were they doing in his house - wasn't Urahara's store big enough to accommodate them? Well - Rukia had claimed her ownership over his closet for so long, that he could almost tolerate her presence.
But Renji's? Hell no.
And what was this "Honey"?!
"Cara mia! You are so...," Renji's voice was unusually, insufferably, mellow.
"Renji!" Rukia sounded offended and the substitute shinigami almost burst out the door. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Well, I don't know. I-I'm not really used to it."
"Be softer!"
"Like this?"
"Less stiff! For God's sake," now, she sounded angry. "Relax! You're scaring her away."
"A-Am I doing it so bad?"
"Yes! Well, I suppose so. I-I don't know! This is my first time dealing with a real one."
"Seriously?," Renji seemed surprised. "I thought you had more experience. You're always talking about them so...-"
Ichigo arched an eyebrow. Then the other.
His eyes widened in horror.
The teenager's face went from white to red.
Rukia. And. Renji.
No, no, NO.
It wasn't right.
They were just childhood friends, there had never been and there will never be anything between them - Renji had strangely felt compelled to assure him that dozens of times.
But well, Ichigo always had the unpleasant impression that the vice-captain was asking for more... That damn traitor.
Fuck it - Ichigo was in his own house. He was the master of his own room and his own closet.
With a quick gesture, the high schooler opened the door and came face to face with... a bunch of rabbits.
Literal rabbits.
"Oh, Ichigo!" Rukia, sitting on his bed, welcomed him with a bright smile.
"It's about time you're here!," Renji turned towards him, a ball of white fur in his arms.
The substitute shinigami felt his jaw hit the ground. Well, on the brightest side, the relationship between Rukia and Renji had remained purely friendly.
On the other hand, however, he had just discovered the existence of his paranoia, voyeurism, and murderous impulses.
And what were those rabbits even doing here?
"Rukia...?"
The girl was startled. Her amethyst pupils landed on Renji, asking for help. He promptly looked away, choosing to cuddle his rabbit instead.
That damn coward.
He was going to pay for that later.
But for now, she had better things to do: justify the presence of these adorable little creatures. She thought for a moment to pretend that it was all part of some kind of mission. Who knows, these tiny little rabbits could very well be higher beings! Such as the reincarnation of ancestral lords, or better; pets belonging to the Seireitei's Great Nobility...
The Shinhouis worshiped cats, the Kuchikis appreciated the carps' serenity, so what if the Kyorakus were fervent admirers of bunnies?
A simple glance at the redhead was enough to give up on that idea.
He was mad.
"Do you remember the magic trick I was taught?"
"You're trying to make be believe that you've miraculously succeeded? That the pure air of Soul Society have disrupted your magic and that ten rabbits appeared all at once?"
Well, that answered her question. He hadn't forget.
Rukia chose not to address the sarcastic tone he had used for the sake of her own survival, as well as her cuties'.
"It's not exactly that. Nii-sama had found it strange to see me return so early, so I told him all about that bunnies magic trick and...-"
"Wait...," he instantly cut her off while a wonderful image was coming into his head.
"Don't tell me Byakuya also tried to recite that stupid spell and wave the wand like a maniac?!"
Ichigo would have gone into an uncontrollable frenzy of laughter if he wasn't in such a state of shock. Luckily for the orange-haired student, Rukia came to help by kicking him in the shin.
"Idiot, what are you imagining?! When I returned, I was almost immediately summoned by my division. Ukitake taicho wasn't feeling well so the magician's story totally slipped off my mind..."
There was a silence.
"Well... And then I came back to the mansion in the evening."
The shinigami arched an eyebrow. He was no longer feeling like laughing.
"I-I swear I have nothing to do with it. Nii sama simply wanted to try it himself..."
"So you're going to tell me that just because his name is fucking Byakuya Kuchiki, fifteen rabbits appeared for him?!"
"I-I...", Rukia lowered her eyes and continued weakly. "Infacttheyrenotfifteenbuttwentyone."
...
"WHAT?"
"There are twenty-one of them, the others are in the closet."
That's how Byakuya Kuchiki had declared war.