Three months later…

I'm completely dead inside. Cold and empty. A silence setting over my soul so profoundly, I no longer sense my surroundings as vibrant as I once did. The world is wrapped in bundles of gray, I can feel the edges of my world growing darker like a creeping stalker waiting for its chance to strike. A flame of void burns the edges of my consciousness. I can start to taste the emptiness in my soul. Despair growing with every heartbeat.

I perceive everything around me like a silhouette in a fog. There's a fridgedness in my chest, numbness on my fingertips - ash on my tongue. I'm a vessel of flesh, blood and bone, but I am a phantom drifting through a meaningless existence. I feel as if I'm no longer living, and every day seems like the last. Just as empty. Just as cold and pointless.

This is what battle sleep must feel like.

Nothing matters.

No purpose.

I stare out one of the windows in the exterior walkway, my gaze fixated on the distant stars and the endless dark between. I see them, but I'm not really seeing. I have trouble concentrating. My thoughts are lost in a blur. How many times have I wondered - with sick curiosity - if anyone would notice if I hit the airlock controls and disappeared into space? I know the security measures would kick in a few seconds afterward and seal the doors, but it would be too late. I would drift away into that unending blackness. Empty and cold like the rest of me, but at least everything would be over.

I don't think I would feel any different from what I feel now.

"You look so sad." Liara's gentle voice sounds behind me.

l want to turn to her, but I can't bring myself to care enough to. Instead, I focus my attention on her reflection in the glass. Soft grey tones catch the ship's lighting, making white streaks appear on her skin in the panel like war paint. An interruption to the serenity of my engulfing darkness.

"Do I?" I try my best to sound surprised by her observation. Hide the truth in the lie. I doubt she would be able to tell.

She smiles and comes closer until she's standing right beside me, gaze fixated on the tranquil scenery, although it's no longer my solace with her presence. I know the stars won't be our view for much longer. Soon we will have to move the ship, hide it on a planet with atmospheric distortions. Nothing but rain, lightning, and wind to beat against the glass.

"You haven't really come to see me since you've returned from your last mission."

"You've been busy," I deflect, not wishing to talk about anything that happened on the Citadel. Not like I would share the information anyway. It was my lie to covet. My experience untainted and unspoken. I got to live another life not forced upon me - became another person for a single night that wasn't a premade alias. I was a version of myself I truly wished I was. Experienced a passion so deep, I never understood true lust until I tasted it on my tongue that night.

The rest of my world feels dull in comparison now.

Shrugging, I force a grin to my lips. It seems almost natural in the reflection of the window pane as I glance at her. "Do you miss me? Want me to give you something good to look at from time to time?"

Liara smiles full bloom, blue eyes sparkling in warmth and kindness. They are not my cerulean though. The eyes that have haunted my thoughts for the last two months.

"There's the Feron I know. I thought perhaps I gave you too much work and you were lost in your room for all eternity."

I chuckle because she made a joke and it would be the normal thing to do, but the joviality doesn't reach within me. I wish what she said was the actual truth. I honestly yearn for a reason never to leave my room. To have so much work I could literally drown in distraction and never have to think of anything else again. At least it would give me a focus - give me a reason. Anything not to leave me with dangerous thoughts of going back to the Citadel and chase after a dream I have long awoken from.

It's been three months. I doubt he even thinks of me. I doubt I made enough of an impression.

My chest feels numb at the thought.

"Actually, I was just about to drop off the results from the last batch of missions you gave me." I hold up my arm and sync my omnitool to hers, allowing her access to everything I've completed.

"You finished them already?" She accepts the transfer and quickly cuts the connection. Her paranoia has grown since she became the broker. Her mannerisms more curt and closed off. I pretend I don't notice, but I know that knowledge and power can sway even the most virtuous of hearts. The archives chip away at her the deeper she sinks within them.

She is silent for awhile as she looks over the information. My work is mostly data breaches and server disruptions for information to be syphoned for later use. This time I had a log of camera interruptions and firewalls to take down for field agents to move undetected while they worked. Some corporations were moving heavy funds and the broker was given a large sum to locate every credit and what it was being used for. The catch was that the money was from an organization that was secretly funded by a turian primarch, which made the breaches difficult and time consuming.

"This is perfect. Thank you." She closes her omnitool and looks up at me. There is a look in her eye. I can tell she wants to say something else. Maybe more work? Maybe she thinks she asks too much?

She never does. I still have time to think.

Please. Just give me a focus.

We both say each other's names at the same time. She laughs and glances away, a shyness entering her expression. It makes her seem soft and childlike - almost like when we first met … but that Liara is dead, and it makes me suspicious instead. I wait for her to speak first.

Eventually she moves her gaze to meet mine. Something is hidden there and it makes me uncomfortable. "So, how are you holding up?"

"I'm fine."

Her smile is strained from my quick response. "I meant … I meant your injuries. How are you mentally holding up?"

I realize that she is talking about my recuperation from my time in captivity. The first few months I refused to be touched. I was continuously plagued by nightmares. Fuzzy images that tried to resurface, forcing me not to sleep. Drells can remember any moment in time vividly however, the torture involved electric shock and it rattled my brain enough to force amnesia. The doctor assured me as time passed, the nightmares would become less frequent.

I was still unsure if that was a blessing or a curse.

Sometimes I wonder what awful, creative techniques the previous broker used on me. Sometimes I wish I could forget what I knew he already did. My scars were evidence enough. Now, about a year later, I was finally able to get a full night's sleep every once in awhile. I still don't like unnecessary contact though.

Although for some reason I had no problem with the feel of Kol's lips on my skin that night. The look of him on his knees as he took me deep. The feel of his tongue on-

"I'm fine, Liara." I blink rapidly to prevent myself from slipping into my memory. I add warmth to my voice to try and convince her and stress, "really. I'm fine."

Please let this be the end of the conversation.

She smiles in acceptance and nods before that same shy look sweeps over her face again. My stomach tightens in discomfort. "There's something I've been meaning to speak to you about, but I can never find the right moment to bring it up."

"Well, you have been very busy." I shrug nonchalantly. I choose not to bring up the amount of times I've caught her passed out over the terminal controls. How many times she didn't even realize I was there while she was fixated on the data streams.

When she first became the broker I would pick her up from the console and carry her to her private quarters nightly. An unorthodox daily ritual. I did it a few times until I realized she would wake up and go right back to the terminals without missing a beat. She became obsessed with the archives, with the knowledge she was gaining, with the power that magnified every time she pushed a button.

She was changing. Slowly … but it was happening. The creeping tendrils grasping her mind every time she learned something new. Something to gain leverage. To covet and turn over. To gather more power and siphon influence. Even if she thought she was doing it for the benefit of the galaxy. The darkness was beginning to eat away at her soul.

"It's … a lot of information. More than I ever dreamed. I can't wait to find out all I can."

And there it is….

I want to warn her. To tell her the previous broker was originally just as curious as she. Starting out as a simple trader but quickly gaining more information then they knew what to do with at a rapid pace. Greed turned into a quest for power and soon he became the all seeing, all knowing eye in a race to become evil overlord when they struck a deal with the collectors. An unquenchable thirst drove him to madness and an unending lust for even more power drove him to cross paths with Shepard, and ultimately his demise.

"Just be careful, Liara." I can give her at least that much. "Sometimes too much of something can be dangerous."

"That is surprising coming from you. You used to indulge deeply in … simple pleasures." She smiles and gives me another of her coy looks. Although I know her comment was meant to goad me into flirty banter, I am simply not in the mood.

I turn my attention back to the window instead and the endless darkness around us. I can feel the scenery in my soul. "I won't pretend like I don't know what it's like to long for something. To feel desire."

My thoughts automatically turn to Kol. His touch a breath away from escaping on my tongue … and all of the regrets I have cycling over and over in my brain like a repeating SOS transmission. The what ifs. The could've beens. The possibility that maybe I should've stayed. Bought him breakfast and fed him from my hand and got to know him a little better.

The reality that he probably forgot about me and moved on by now the real truth of the matter. That I'm just an obsessive creep about the whole situation. An insignificant memory now. A moment in time to be looked over and brushed aside. I'm not worth it.

She takes a step closer, her voice low with a hint of something I have trouble processing. "So why not make an attempt to get what you want? You won't know until you try."

Get what I want?

I want to belong somewhere and not feel empty.

She shifts and runs her fingers over the back of my hand. I turn and look at her, Liara's face so close I am forced to peer into her eyes and see the heat and playful seduction staring back at me. Desire and longing I am no stranger to. She glances at my mouth and smiles. Moves closer.

Oh….

Oh!

Wait a minute!

I freeze instead like an idiot. Her lips brushing mine are soft and cool. Gentle and almost delicate. Three years ago I would've been skipping over a starfleet at how much I wanted this to happen. How much I fantasized with countless perverted scenarios on the different ways I'd take her. Make her sit on my lap to make up for all the times I showed interest and got rejected.

But instead, I feel nothing. My wild fantasy is over three years dead.

I don't kiss her back and I just stand there waiting for her to realize. It doesn't take her long. She pulls back slowly and searches my face in confusion. I never closed my eyes and I know my expression is as empty as I feel. Not even a flicker for her now.

"Forgive me, Feron. I thought perhaps…" She puts distance between us and shakes her head. "I apologize."

"No, Liara." I shake my head in return. I hope she realizes it's not her. It truly is me. I've already dreamed the dream I wanted. Touched heaven and ran from its perfection like the coward I am. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm just not the same person and you're-"

"Not what you need," she finishes for me.

I fill my lungs with air and release it slowly in regret. "You'll be wasted on me. I can't give you what you want." My voice falls low. A ghost in all of my desires laid extinguished. "What you need."

"What do you want, Feron?"

I blink and fall silent, my gaze dropping as I try to think of an answer. What do I want? What do I need? I thought Kol would've come to mind again but instead a cold void wraps itself back around my heart and my mind goes blank. My soul is desolate. No warmth to chase away the darkness inside of me.

Liara raises her hand and brushes my arm again to get my attention. The contact surprises me and I fight the urge to step away from her. I wonder how long our friendship shifted from platonic to something more for her. Asari can live more than ten of my lifetimes. Three years was a bat of an eye for her.

For me, my whole existence shifted.

"I've noticed your change, Feron. I understand it."

I nod in acceptance but I don't believe her words. There is no way she could possibly understand how I feel. "You're a good friend, Liara - better than I've ever deserved…"

"But?"

"You've changed, too."

"I don't think I've changed that much." She smiles, shrugs and shakes her head like it's a lighthearted joke.

I am far from any kind of jest. "If that's what you believe then …" I smile without warmth and shrug back letting the words die out between us. I don't know what else to say to her.

She quirks an eyeridge at my tone and she shifts on her feet. "Feron … do you even want to be here anymore?"

No…

No, I don't.

But I have an obligation.

I bring my stare back on her with a strange sense of determination, trying to find strength in my conviction. "I promised I would help you rebuild. There's still much that needs to be done. War is coming and you need me. So, yes. I want to be here."

She frowns because she knows I'm right, even though I am lying to her and myself. My soul feels tired, but the truth of the matter is, I'm an asset. I have loyalty to the cause, to her, and to those that are fighting to save everything.

She says my name but lets the word linger before something flashes over her face and I guess she decides to change the subject. "I need you for another assignment."

"Or course. Whatever you need." I nod waiting for direction from my boss.

"Shepard needs some assistance for a mission she is putting together."

"Shepard?" I smile with a spark of fondness, trying not to slip into the last memory I have of her. "How's she doing?"

"Good. She's doing her best to find a way to prepare for what's coming."

"Of course." The air turns somber. No one needs to be reminded of the war that is coming. Curiosity does get me though. "What does she need from me?"

"I'm not entirely sure. She was … vague, but I think infiltration. She couldn't give the details, 'too many prying eyes', she said. However, she asked for you specifically." Liara's stare is level, the coy air done and buried.

I lick my lips and smile wearily. I really don't want to leave the comfort of my room. The solitude and quiet. I only like to take field work occasionally, my talents best served behind a computer screen and a data center. I haven't taken another field job since… I push the color turquoise from my mind and force my gaze back up to Liara's, wanting to refuse, but if Shepard asked for me in particular….

I owe her my life.

"Where does she want to meet?" I honestly can't deny her. Shepard is the one risking it all. The whole galaxy should be bowing to her.

"Thane has to visit Huerta Memorial for his last set of tests so Shepard thought the Citadel would be the best place to rendezvou."

I feel my heart literally stop for a second.

I want to groan in dismay. Now, I really want to refuse. I spent all this time trying to convince myself not to go back. Not to chase after something I want more than air but know could never be. I still have trouble convincing myself that not hacking Kol's omnitool was, in the end, the right choice. That leaving was the correct thing to do. Hope swells in my chest for a brief flicker before it deflates into despair. I shouldn't. I really shouldn't, and it's been three months but…

Maybe I could look for him...

Maybe I could find him again...

Maybe I could-

"Feron?" Liara's voice is full of concern as I meet her gaze realizing that I never actually responded. She tilts her head to the side wistfully. "Are you sure you're up for the task? Shepard asked for you but I could find someone-"

"No!" The denial bursts from my lips like an untamed storm. I catch myself horrified by my own outburst. Liara's mouth drop's open, her eyerridges rise. I purr in apology, stuttering, N-No. I'll-I'll go." I pause trying to find something to add when she doesn't look convinced. "Maybe I need to get off the ship, perhaps a change of scenery? I … I think it would be for the best." I try to sound as convincing as possible, my thoughts churning with an edge of desperation.

What if I could find him?

What if I could track him down and get a second chance?

Would I feel alive again for just one more second?

I'm a coward.

Such a fucking coward.

For hours I stared at my computer screen. At the tiny blinking cursor ready to start the search program to bring up the name of every registered drell on the Citadel. The thought is there. The hope is there. I was poised and ready. I just don't know if my heart is there too. I'm not sure. I experienced that night over and over. Daydreamed and hoped as if I experienced an entire romance.

I ended up staying. I took him to breakfast. He laughed and smiled that amazing smile. The harsh lines of his mouth were perfect as we chatted. I learned about his family on Kahje. His opportunities and what brought him to the Citadel. I learned about his dreams, his hobbies, his favorite foods. He told me about the times he snuck out of the domed city as a child and played in the markin fields. The long purple bushy seaweed like plants that moved and hid when you touched them. Time passed, our kisses started to feel like more. I would feed him fruit from my hand, lick his lips when juice overflowed. Kiss his shoulder when temptation was too much to control.

A fantasy. All of it. Not at all what it was.

A one night stand.

A one and done.

Nothing more.

I ran away in the end. A coward to the core. He didn't even know my real name. Was Kol even his? It was three months ago. Why can't I let it go?

The problem was as I pulled closer to the Citadel and my ship started to dock, my heart sped up at the possibilities. I felt warmth again. I felt something other than emptiness. Anticipation guiding my steps. My mind is the problem though. Constant nagging thoughts that just won't stop.

I just came here for Shepard. Kol was only a one time dream. I would probably never see him again and I needed to force myself to forget him. Even if I had the slight possibility of finding him, what would I say? Sorry for the fuck and run? Can we do it again? Can I take you out to dinner and lie about what I do and who I am? What normal person would even want to be involved in what I did? Accept the war that was coming that most didn't even know existed?

Hi, my real name is Feron and I work for the Shadow Broker. You know, the person who people are terrified of. Mostly everything I do is illegal. Go on a date with me?

I chuckle despite myself. Yeah, he'll be clamoring for a chance to get to know me. Quick enough to get me arrested with the first C-Sec Officer he sees and run away.

I have to stop thinking about it. Move on. Enough of this. I have to move on…

I close the data center and recline my seat. Closing my eyes I do my best to clear my mind and resign myself in giving up. It would never work anyway. We live in two different worlds. Our paths will never cross again.

I sleep for several hours until the autopilot alerts me. The docking procedures for the Citadel kick in and I switch the ship to manual as I make my approach to the landing pad.

I puff my cheeks and release a long stream of air as I glance around the cafe trying to spot them. I let Shepard know the moment I arrived and she shoots me a message back immediately with a location to meet her. I'm really surprised at such a public setting. The cafe is huge, at least a hundred tables in the midst of an indoor garden. It's open with lots of escape routes, maybe that's what she is looking for? Knowing Shepard she's probably deeper in with her back to a wall so she can watch the crowd.

I move past countless tables, weaving my way in between giggling women, rowdy men and crying children. A group of women are talking amongst themselves as I approach their table to pass. A human stops talking, smiles, clearly trying to flirt with me. I blatantly ignore her. A deep sigh leaves me and I frown, continuing on towards the back of the dining area. I just want this meeting with Shepard to be over so I can do what she needs and just go back to my battlesleep.

Being around people feels worse than being alone. It makes me realize how closed off from everything I really am now. My skin hurts and my insides crawl with trepidation.

There're stairs in front of me leading to a different area with marble flooring and a more intimate darkened feel. I can smell food instead of tea and coffee. Feel the heat of the burning candles. People are a little more dressed up in this area. I'm glad I opted for a brown dressier shirt, black slacks and my brown and black leather jacket. At least no one should give me a second glance.

Then I see it. A flash of vibrant red towards the back. Shepards signature color. My eyes zero in on her hair like a blazing beacon. I swerve around another table right before the staircase leading down four steps. A soft smile curves my comes into view. I already knew that he would be with her. Shepard's personal shadow that could kill you quicker than you could move a finger. Our eyes meet and my lips spread into a grin just as a quick flash of teal distracts me making my smile fall.

The color forces my gaze away from Thane.

I freeze on the last step.

Ho … ly … shit. There's no way.

My eyes widen while a shiver of dread and disbelief run over my spine and I stare like an animal caught in oncoming traffic. My equilibrium shifts, existence kicked off its axis. I am pulled from reality. Catapulted into fantasy. Am I dreaming? This can't be real. There's just no way.

Shepard forces me to pull myself out of the enchantment that held me rooted and I meet her stare head on. She stands from her seat, waving dramatically. Clear excitement on her face. "Over here!" she yells, uncaring that one table over looks at her and glares.

Thane remains seated at her side used to Shepherds antics no doubtedly. His smile is soft … but it's the man on Shepard's opposite side that makes me question my sanity. Maybe I'm in one of my dirty dreams again. I have to be asleep. I'm still daydreaming on my ship, using Shepard as my catalyst. A bridge to link my regrets.

I blink rapidly and look around. This is usually when my imagination ends. I figured out it's a dream so why am I not waking up? My gaze falls back on the man at Shepard's side.

Teal scales. So beautiful. Flawless. A complete vision of perfection. His moan echoes in my memory, the heavy breath he made as he purred my name. How I wished it was my real one. The taste of his tongue fills my mouth.

Kol….

His wide eyes are on me. A quick expression of surprise. Perfect mouth dropped open briefly before he glances to Shepard and Thane, and closes it. When he looks back at me, his eyes are cold and hard. Closed off but fierce. Brief anger and then nothing. He stares at me like I'm inconsequential. Like he doesn't even know me. Like he could care less if I turn and walk away.

Because honestly despite what I imagined, my far fetched inventions. My mind's alternate possibilities. I'm really not. I am nothing to him but an unvisited memory.

No … this isn't a fantasy.

It's not a dream.

It's a fucking nightmare.

I catch myself and flatten out my expression, forcing my legs to move, propel me forward. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. My movements feel jerky. I must be sinking in quicksand.

"Feron!" Shepard smiles as I reach the table. So much for alias'.

Thane stands, bows his head in the formal drell greeting. "Feron, it is good to see you again." He turns towards Kol who stands then, following Thane's lead, but remains silent, expression stoic. "This is my son, Kolyat."

His …

What!

My brain is having trouble registering. My mouth drops open as I glance between them. I knew he had a son but I never knew any of the details. I thought his son was a child.

Kolyat bows his head in the proper greeting, before he blinks slowly and meets my eyes. There is a harshness in his gaze as he stares me up and down. Cruel. Full of anger. Defiance.

"You're Thane's son?" I ask, doing my best to keep the astonishment from my voice.

This has to be a bad joke. Arashu's twist of fate.

"He just said that, didn't he?" Kolyat's voice is full of irritation, harsh, rising ire. Thane quirks an eyeridge towards him, most likely for the animosity dripping from his tone.

His freaking son!

"Hey! Be nice!" Shepard elbows him in the side causing him to jump. "Who pissed in your blast-ohs this morning?" She quips, scolding Kolyat like he was her-

Son - in - law, right. Liara told me Thane and Shepard are getting married soon.

Wait…

Wait! This can't be real!

"Sorry," Kolyat mumbles, barely audible, rubbing his side in annoyance. Gaze averted. "I'm Kolyat Krios. A pleasure to make your acquaintance."

A pleasure, huh? I stare at him in uncertainty. He wants to pretend like he doesn't know me. Understandable. I can do the same. "Feron Ferai," I answer quietly and bow back in proper etiquette. When I lift my head up, our gazes interlock. "Nice to meet you, too."

His eyes flick to my mouth and he rips his gaze away again, tongue licking his bottom lip as anger slithers its way back upon his features. "Please tell me this isn't your contact, Jane."

She quirks an eyeridge and narrows her gaze towards him. "What the hell has gotten into you?"

"Kolyat," Thane says sternly. His tone turning into that warning sound parents are known for.

Amonkira's balls. This is crazy.

"Apologies, Feron. Kolyat has been under a lot of stress recently. Please. Sit." He extends a hand in invitation.

Kolyat lets out an angry huff through his nose and I glance between all of them before I take a seat and they follow suit. I take a sip from my glass of water just as Kolyat speaks again. "Father, are you sure about this? I don't think he would be the best choice. Surely there is someone else more capable?"

Ouch…

Thanks asshole…

All emotion leaves me and I stare up at Kolyat in the same way he's looking at me. Cold. Uncaring. I hope he's right. I hope whatever Shepard needs help with I can't offer any support and I can leave and fly away as fast as my ship can jump. I glance around and pretend not to hear his outburst noticing one of the waiters approach.

"You shouldn't judge people by their looks, Kolyat." Shepard speaks calmly, smiling at the waiter coming their way. She lowers her voice for only them to hear. "If I did, your punk ass would be rotting in a prison cell as we speak." She flashes her teeth in a dazzling smile. "Hi there!"

I snort and spit a little of my water back into my cup unable to stop the chuckle riding through my lungs. I cough and tap my chest, bringing a fist to my mouth in a feeble attempt to hide my laughter. Kolyat only glares, frills darkening and glances away. I lick my lips and pick up the menu selecting something randomly after everyone places their order and I still haven't decided. As soon as the waiter is out of earshot I turn my attention to Shepard and smile professionally when she starts to speak.

"So, how was your trip? You weren't too far out were you?"

"We hope it wasn't too much of an inconvenience to meet us here," Thane adds.

"Not at all." I purse my lips and glance around the dining area again, I rub my hands together before folding them upon the table. "I only had to jump a few times. We were about thirty-nine light years out when you contacted us."

"Us?" Kolyat's question drips thick with suspicion. I remain quiet and glance at Shepard unsure if I can speak freely in front of Kolyat.

She leans in and whispers to him. I barely catch her words as she says, "he works for the Shadow Broker."

"What?" Kolyat sneers before glancing back at me. "Him? You're joking right? You told me your contact was one of the best." He eyes me up and down and makes a dismissive growl. "He barely looks like he can walk down the stairs without tripping."

Wow…

You're a dick. I see what you did there.

I pretend not to hear him and turn to Thane keeping a smile plastered. "So, are we talking freely in front of Kolyat?" He wants to be a dick? I can be a dick, too. "I mean I wouldn't want to get a child involved." I emphasize the word 'child' getting the desired effect as Kolyat scowls from my words. "Your child. How old is he anyway? Eighteen? Is he even legal?"

Shit. Please be legal. I did meet him in a club though and he said he had a job. Wait. What the hell did he do anyway?

Kolyat growls, forcing me from my thoughts as he glares daggers at me. "I'm twenty-three, asshole. How old are you?"

A grin fills up my entire face, I feel it in my soul. I'm enjoying the way I agitate him a little too much. "Twenty -six. Apologies. I assumed your balls didn't drop yet."

Kolyat chuckles heartlessly, his voice almost cruel. "Why the sudden interest in my balls?"

"I have none. Trust me."

I do.

I completely do.

"I was just wondering about the possible lack of," I counter.

He has really nice ones too.

"Oh yeah?" His tone spikes in challenge and he licks his lips edging forward, eyes burning. "If you really work for who Jane says you work for - what kind of training do you have? You must have some kind of specialty? Besides being a smartass."

That's my best one.

I lean my elbows on the table and fold my hands in front of me. I try to look on the bright side of this fuckery, at least we are getting to know each other better in this five minutes then we did in our entire erotic fueled night. "Cyber Espionage. Infiltration and Reconnaissance. Information trading. Counterintelligence and I do the occasional undercover work." I'm not entirely sure why Thane and Shepard don't interject but they share a silent glance as I give Kolyat a teasing purr. "I assure you my hands are very … skilled in what I can do with them."

My words have a double meaning and Kolyat catches it like I want him to. All the emotion drains from his face, nostrils flaring as he releases a calm steady exhale. "Jane, I really don't want to work with him."

"Tough shit." Shepard bites back finally speaking. Her tone is harsh and it startles the both of us into silence. "I don't know what the hell is going on with the two of you but it ends now. Do you understand me? Or is there something I've missed and you'd care to explain? You don't know anything about one another. I don't want any dick comparing, you got me?"

Kolyat looks at her as if he wants to say something, but remains silent. I don't speak either. Kolyat knew me alright, but only in the sense of what my cum tasted like. What my dick felt like buried inside of him. The feel of my tongue on his. My hand wrapped around his cock when he pulsed in completion.

You know … the important stuff.

"Fine," he sighs. "I don't think he's as good as you say he is though, but I'll abide by your wishes," Kolyat hums begrudgingly.

Because my mere existence is a bother to him now. I sigh and glance away. I don't know what kind of mission she apparently needs us both for but I'm already regretting my choice in coming here. To think only a few hours earlier I was reliving the feel of Kolyat's mouth on my dick. Now the mere thought of him is turning my stomach.

Three months … he probably never thought of me once since then judging by his reaction to me.

I shrug in indifference and pretend his words don't hurt me, even though they do. The hope in my soul shrivels up with the anger in his eyes. I dreamed and hoped but not in a million years did I actually ever expect to see Kol again, and if I did, it was only with wanting the opportunity of feeling him explode in my mouth again. Look at me with appreciation for the pleasure I provide. Breath in the sound of his moan as I swallow his kiss.

Not like this.

Like he wished I would disappear.

Like I was nothing to him.

A dream shattering and hopes destroyed.