A/N: Hey guys! This story already has amazing support! Thank you to all who commented and favorited and followed. You have no idea how much that means to me. Sorry for the delay, guys! There's been a lot happening over here. Lots of personal issues going on with family... Updates may be a little slow, but they will keep coming! Anyway, here is chapter two of seven! Hope you enjoy! R&R!

GREY

Chapter 2: Grief

Ben sighed as he looked around them. When they'd fallen, the relic went bouncing off somewhere... He didn't have a clue where it went, but he knew he needed to find it. Again. He glanced over at Rey and saw her staring at him curiously, as if she wanted to say something. He returned her curious gaze. They were both similar, yet so different, he realized. They were so stubborn, but for different sides. He wanted so desperately to show her that his way was right. That the First Order could only be defeated with the power this relic would grant him. That he needed to destroy the ringleaders, too. But she was so... stubborn. She refused to listen to him. Refused to see his side. He understood hers. She wanted to use the relic for the Resistance, to help cripple the First Order.

But within her, he sensed conflict. As sure as the sun sets and rises the next day, the conflict was there, waging its silent war within her. He felt the tumultuous waves through their bond. She was torn. Just as he had been. His waters seemed to be calm whenever she was around. As if she strengthened his resolve to do what was right. To help make the galaxy safer. For her. For them. But he wouldn't yield to her. He couldn't afford to. He was too close to gaining the power he needed to defeat Snoke and Palpatine. He was so close to ending it all. To destroying the very creation he fought for, the one that wreaked havoc on his thoughts day and night. Snoke's militia, the First Order. He had blindly followed Snoke, finding himself having no other option other than him. He could have stayed by himself, but would he be this strong? Would he have met Rey? Would they have this... dyad? This bond that overtook his entire being and made him feel complete, yet hollow, all at once?

Certainly not.

It was because of his path down the dark path that he met her. Even if they were on opposite sides, he met her. He knew her. He was bonded to her. He'd only heard of a dyad, through his research, one time before them. Revan and Bastila Shan. He'd read about them. Shan was a Jedi. Revan was a Sith, turned Jedi, ultimately going back to Sith. Revan had been used. And while he was being used, he'd formed a bond with Shan. Fell in love with her. When she felt pain, he felt pain. When she was upset, he was upset. It was as if he'd been split in two, one side living for the light and the other living for the dark and leading different lives from each other. But no matter where he was, he felt her. Their bond was inseparable. The only separation was death. And even then... the pain of loss still overtook the living one, tormenting them until they, too, succumbed to the cold embrace of death. He never thought he would be so fortunate to experience affection so deep that he'd feel it even if the other died.

Until her.

He noticed a flicker in her eye, something that told him that she was about to say something. He remained silent as he begrudgingly broke his stare from hers. "Ben," she called, determination reaching her voice and drawing his sight back to her. He loved that determination. That determination that showed him who she really was, that attracted him to her, that made him want to see more of it, to see what she was most determined about in her life. "Why are you here?"

His eyes turned hard at the question. He'd already explained this to her. He'd already told her what he wanted to do. Why was she asking again? Did she, too, sense his conflict? Did she sense his need to protect her and bring down the First Order? He'd already told her that he wanted to do it. So, then, why was she asking again? Sensing his frustration, she amended her question. "What did I see before? What were you showing me?"

Ben didn't know how to respond. He didn't even want her to see it. She wiggled her way past his defenses and she'd broken into his mind without his permission because of a split second of distraction. But that was all she needed. One split second. His thoughts and plans were laid bare to her. She'd seen how he came to his conclusion to do this. To overthrow the First Order. To eliminate Snoke first, then Palpatine, who was residing on Exegol. He knew he needed to do this. He also knew he needed her help eventually, but he refused to say anything about that at the moment. It wasn't time. She hadn't agreed to join him. He knew... she never would. He knew that all he was doing was for naught, but he still had to try. He had to at least give it a shot to prove her to that he was discarding Kylo Ren and taking back Ben Solo. If no one else saw it, he hoped that she did. But none of that would come out of his mouth. He frowned at himself, disappointed at the fact that he couldn't properly communicate anything without anger or resentment. That he was terrible at relaying feelings or thoughts without emotions. The very emotions that led him here to begin with.

"Ben?" she called softly, leaning closer for a moment until he gave her a wary glare. She huffed in resignation. This man was so stubborn! So unyielding! Just once, she wished that he would actually do what she wanted for a change. Though... she'd never done what he wanted her to do either, so she supposed that was a losing battle. Why had they been bonded together? Why was the Force connecting them? They were both stubborn as a mule and they were both unwilling to give in to the other, for fear that it would drag them to the very side they were fighting. There was no gray. There was no truce. No real truce. There would... possibly never be.

He sensed her emotions going down a dark and depressing path and he instinctively held out his hand to her, just as they'd done in the stone hut on Ahch-To. She looked at his hand for a moment and her eyes found his, understanding flashing there for a moment. She steeled her mind for what was about to happen before their fingertips touched in a delicate, yet overwhelming sensation. He opened a part of his mind to her, his eyes searching hers as he tried to relay everything he wanted to accomplish. She tentatively followed the path he was leading her down, allowing her to see what led him to make the decision to overthrow the First Order.

"Ren! How is it that you allowed the Rebels to escape again? I tire of your insolence!" Snoke screamed at him, his mangled face harsh and relentless.

Ren remained silent, gazing at the floor, his emotions schooled to not betray his own feelings. "It will not happen again." It was such an effort on his part to make sure his voice relayed his false intentions. He never intended to capture the Rebels, nor did he have any plans of destroying them.

"How could you let your mother escape when you had the perfect opportunity to destroy her?" There was a tense silence that hung in the air. "Ah... you still miss her. You wish to go back to her, don't you? Thoughts like that are treasonous, Ren. Tell me... do you intend to revolt?"

"No." It was simple, yet strong. It held conviction. It held determination. Her determination.

Rey gasped at that thought as she watched his eyes shift to something akin to a plea to understand what drove him. She almost pulled away, but he grabbed her hand and held to her, his eyes showing her that she needed to know more. She let her body relax in his hold as she hesitantly reached out through their bond, returning to the same train of thought he was showing her.

Ben paced his room quietly, restlessly. He went over the conversation in his head, angry at himself for not defending his thoughts better. He still tasted the metallic taste of blood. Snoke had thrown him around again like a rag doll. Banged his face up pretty good. He knew better than to fight back in his current state. He was still building his conviction to take down the First Order.

He stopped in his tracks as he pressed his lips into a thin line. The emotions that were flooding his mind. The conflict. The resentment. The disappointment. The fear. The fear was so overwhelming. Would he risk his life for nothing? Would he still be rejected? He felt their bond quiver and he raised his sight to see her standing there in front of him. Her eyes were hard, her fists clenched at her sides. "Ben!" she hissed at him, making him bite back a flinch. Her voice hurt his head as she yelled at him. After the pounding he'd taken, the volume of her anger was too much for his head. Still, he made himself remain still as he stared at her. "Haven't you done enough damage!? Why do you keep killing people!?"

His sight lowered to the floor as he let out a soft sigh. He hadn't. That was Hux's orders. He had tried to fight against the orders, but... Hux beat him to it. That was the reason he'd been beaten by Snoke so badly. But he couldn't tell her any of that. She saw him as a monster. That was all she'd ever see him as, so he needed to play the part. If he was convincing to her, then he would be convincing to Snoke and Hux. He straightened as he glared at her. "You were meddling in a place you shouldn't have been meddling."

She scoffed at him. "Your precious First Order has cut off our food supplies! How else are we supposed to feed our people!?" He frowned at her. They were starving. He averted his glance away from her. He couldn't allow his emotions to betray him. This was practice for dealing with Snoke. "Oh, now you care?" she hissed at him. "Unbelievable. Ben-"

"You don't know anything!" he growled at her, the emotions warring in his head, surging towards her through their bond and making her breath hitch in her throat. He sent one word to her through their bond before he closed it. Endor. When he shut her out, he allowed the rest of his thought to finish, that he knew she would pick up on. Endor wasn't protected by the First Order. They could go there for rations and supplies. The Ewoks would help them, as they'd helped his... As they'd helped Han and Leia.

Rey felt tears welling in her eyes as she'd realized how harsh she was to him. But seeing herself through his eyes, she'd seen the reverence he'd held for her. He didn't see her as bad, just that she was doing what she needed to do to help her people, and he didn't fault her for that. "Ben-"

"Stop." She pressed her lips together as more images flooded her mind, overwhelming all thoughts she may have had before.

Research. Tons and tons of research. Until he found a relic on Aleria. A relic that had the power to grant power to whoever used it. What side they wanted to use it for. It was his wild card. His way out. His way to destroy Snoke and Palpatine and bring down the First Order all at once. He knew she would catch wind of it soon, and he would ultimately have a confrontation with her. But would she be sympathetic to the cause? Would she understand what he was trying to accomplish in his own way?

The connection stopped as he averted his glance and hid a thought from her. Rey looked at him curiously, a frown on her face. What was he hiding from her? She prodded a little and was met with a forceful shut out as he took his hand away from hers. "Ben, what are you-"

"It's nothing."

Rey frowned and halfheartedly glared at him. "If it was nothing, you wouldn't be so defensive. What are you hiding?" Ben glanced over at her and quickly averted his glance. "Why are you so stubborn?" she hissed at him.

"Why are you?"

"It's not about me!"

"It is!"

Rey frowned again. "How is it?"

He paused for a moment and realized what he'd said. He'd given her a hint at what was on his mind and he couldn't very well do that. Not if he wanted to keep this fragile truce between them. "If you would be more cooperative, we wouldn't be in this situation."

Rey gritted her teeth at him. "I beg your pardon?"

Ben glanced over at her and got to his feet, dusting himself off, Rey quickly following. "Pardon granted," he said sarcastically as he turned away from her to look around the room for the discarded object.

"Ben!" she hissed at him, saber igniting.

He turned to look at her over his shoulder, seeing that she was wanting to fight again. His eyes flashed with a bit of betrayal, mirroring what she saw when Luke ignited his saber against the younger Ben. Her eyes flashed with understanding before she let her mouth hang open in a silent plea for forgiveness. But it was too late. Ben's eyes took on a hard appearance as his own saber ignited. "Fine. Have it your way," he said, their bond quivering with betrayal and pain.

Before she could say a word, he rounded on her, saber swinging down aggressively, just in time to be blocked by Rey's own saber. His eyes were shining in the light of their sabers clashing, just as they had in the forest that time she gave him his scar. Her eyes scanned his face, tracing said scar with her eyes. She realized then and there that she'd made a mistake. He'd soon lump her in with Luke. And the thought made her all the more angry. Anger flowed freely through their bond, both struggling to overcome the other. They were waging a physical fight, as well as a mental war on each other. He pushed her back, her back hitting the wall with a harsh thud. She winced at the injury, but he came at her again, swinging down again, only to be blocked. "Ben, stop!"

Ben didn't answer. He only raised his saber again and slammed it back down on her defenses, a wild anger manifesting as the betrayal and hurt started to take over his being. His slashes got more brutal and stronger with each swing. It started to wear her down as she started to shrink to her knees. She finally twisted away from his last blow, swinging her own saber at his side, but holding back because she really didn't want to hurt him. Unfortunately, it slowed her down just enough to where he could dodge and use the Force to push her backwards. She flipped in the air and landed on her feet, regaining her defensive stance as he rushed towards her. He swung at her again, Rey meeting his saber with hers in a clash of beams. She sensed his amusement start to rise through their bond, but also his annoyance and hurt still hanging on to fuel his attacks.

She looked at him with a bit of pity, silently apologizing to him as she started to dodge his attacks. She thrust her saber forward in a stabbing motion, but he jumped backwards to avoid it. His own back collided with the wall of the temple and he glared at her. He wouldn't let it go. He wouldn't give up. He wouldn't let her beat him! When she slashed downwards, he grabbed her wrist and wrenched it behind her as he reversed their positions. She let out a cry of pain as she felt her arm wrench behind her back, his overwhelming strength overpowering her yet again. She heard him extinguish his saber and clip it to his belt as he took hers from her hand and extinguishing it as well. Their panting filled the otherwise silent room. "Let go!" she hissed in pain.

He didn't oblige her. He did loosen his grip a hair, though. "You're more like Luke than I thought..." he said softly.

Rey stilled as her eyes fell to the floor in shame. She felt his thumb gently and idly rubbing her wrist, lost in thought. "I'm not..."

Ben hummed under his breath. He averted his glance to the side and caught sight of the relic that had hopped off. He released her and gave her a light shove as he called it to his hand with the Force. "It doesn't matter," he said as he looked at the relic. She turned to look at him, a sadness on his face as he studied the relic in his hand. "Even if you want me dead, too, the First Order still needs to fall," he said as he turned his back on her to pick a corner to sit in. He leaned against it and slid down, knees up as his wrists rested on them. He stared at the relic quietly, his end of the bond silent.

Rey stared at him in his dejected form. She hesitantly walked over to him and sat against the wall next to him. "I'm... sorry." Ben remained silent as he looked at the relic. "I need that relic, Ben. The Resistance needs it. I could use it-"

"To what, Rey?" His hand went slack as he looked over at her. "To kill more people?" he shot back at her.

She frowned at her words coming back to her. "They don't have to die."

Ben scoffed. "What do you plan on doing, Rey? Walking in there and asking them to peacefully surrender? That will work," he said sarcastically. "Why can't you just accept that the First Order has ruined everyone? Just because FN-... Finn..." He paused for a moment. "Just because Finn defected doesn't mean others will. Hux and Snoke have them by the nape. What do you hope to accomplish with a relic you don't even know anything about?" She remained silent. He was right. She didn't know the first thing about it. She knew she needed it. She knew she couldn't let him have it. She could figure out the rest later. She thought. But now... that seemed rather foolish. He let his head fall back against the wall. "Our goal will never be the same..." he said under his breath.

Rey looked at him. She put her hand on his, earning a look from him. "We both need the First Order to disappear."

He scoffed. "That's where the similarities end, Rey. You want a relic you can do nothing with and know nothing about. You could kill your friends and yourself." She kept her eyes on his, just now noticing the pain that briefly revealed itself behind his dark eyes, only to recede again in his dark depths. He sighed and looked away. "I need this relic, Rey. I'm the only one who can use it. I studied it for a while before I decided to go after it. I know the risks and I know what it's capable of. I just..." He pressed his lips into a thin line. "I just need you to trust me."

She looked at her hand laying on top of his and threaded her fingers with his, earning his attention. "How do I know you won't use it to kill the Resistance?"

Ben sat in silence for a moment. After a long moment of silence and no effort to speak, she went to go pull her hand away. He grabbed her hand again, threading his fingers with hers again and resting palm against palm. He ventured out through their bond and invited her in. She tentatively accepted and went into his mind, as if their combined physical hands served as a guide through their minds. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to be guided by Ben. They arrived at a memory and Ben stopped in front of it, turning to her and telling her to tap into it. She hesitantly did. And what she saw... brought tears to her eyes.

Resolve. Determination. Conviction. For Leia. For Han. For atonement. For her. And then her eyes shot open as a gasp tore from her throat. There was a part that he wouldn't let her see that he forced her out before she could. But she saw a glimpse.

And Ben was smiling at her lovingly on Chandrila. He was... happy. With a saber that wasn't red, but white. And he'd wanted it to happen so badly. And... so did she.

Another grey area.