"Daddy, do two people marry when they love each other?"
"No, sweetie. When two people acknowledge one another's weaknesses, and wanna devote their lives to making each other stronger, that's when they decide to marry."
Summer was almost bearing down upon Kamihama. Kaede was so glad Rena accepted to hold hands beneath her family quilt despite this.
Kaede couldn't have taken an entire movie with her girlfriend like this. There was just no way.
"That movie sucked," she stated over the end credits.
Kaede, however, felt for the hundreds involved with any production. But she couldn't lie, least of all to the scrutinous Rena: "It kinda did."
"But it was so funny." She turned her grin towards Kaede. "Those skeletons were clearly puppets just thrown at the actor in that one scene."
Laughing, Kaede said, "And the way he broke that one's spine over his knee like a twig?"
"And the skelly there just didn't even try stabbing him with its knife!" Rena fell over, snickering into Kaede's shoulder.
"It saw he was wearing god-tier plot armor," she intoned, "and accepted its fate." That got Rena cackling, hard. So hard she started coughing. Kaede rubbed her back.
Composing herself, Rena returned her smile on Kaede, cheeks flushed pale within the credits' glow. "This was a lot of fun."
"Yeah. Bad Movie Monday's become my favorite day of the week."
"Next weekend we're starting the Biohazard movies," said Rena, muttering, "Or as the Americans call it: 'Rezidento E-ville.'"
Kaede groaned. "Rena, I can't stand those awful horror shows. This was fine because it was so clearly campy, but zombies?" They were like Familiars, but human, and they devoured sentient, terrified, sentient humans like animals, rending them to bits as they screamed for help that they knew wouldn't come.
Far more scary than Witches' cronies.
"But these movies are funny-bad, Kaede. Trust me. You can't take them seriously. And if the first is too much for you, we'll find something else. I don't care," Rena grunted as she stretched, shoulders popping as the blanket fell from her shoulders.
...as the blanket fell from her shoulders!
Kaede swallowed. Her plan had to have failed eventually, and a terrible part of her—a writhing in her belly—thanked God it did.
Because Rena, having gone home to feed her brother before coming over, arrived in form-fitting jeans, a ton of bracelets, and a purple Fumino Sayuki tank top that showed off a fair bit of skin. The whole look was cutesy punkish, simultaneously bringing out the harsh aura Rena gave off to outsiders whilst hinting at what lay beneath: a small girl trying her hardest to be fearfully big.
It was cute. Rena was cute.
So was her top. Really, it was great! Rena didn't know that Kaede thought that, but Kaede knew herself unfortunately well enough to know she more than liked it.
Like, her entire arms were showing. And her shoulders! When does anyone see those except at the pool?! Rena's neck, too—it was so slim, just like her.
Kaede's gaze dropped suddenly and snapped away for the millionth time since they started dating.
Why? Why can't I stop doing that?! This top was at once the best and the worst. It's just presenting to the world her—! Her big… big—!
NO! NO! NO! Kaede shouldn't care! She's seen this top before, loads of times! Even after Rena confessed (screamed) her feelings to Kaede, she didn't feel quite so… so needy as she had now!
So why?
Or, rather, why had Kaede been such a depraved teenager since her secret visit to Mitama's? Half the time her thoughts weren't even so dirty, but…
But since then, whenever the moment got quiet and she had nothing to distract her, Kaede's thoughts drifted to Rena.
To all the times she was Kaede's shoulder to cry on.
How much she smiled now.
How much she cried, rare as her tears were.
The way her "crying" typically amounted to a single, frustrated sob, but only ever—EVER—done around Kaede, who only knew because Rena told her as much.
How she'd blush when they held hands and ate lunch outside at school, how angry she got when Kaede would point it out, and furiously protective when others would.
The way she got redder the more embarrassed she became.
Now, ever since Mitama filled her head with "lovemaking" and it being a conversation, it had been much harder to just see Rena as simple Rena—Kaede's best friend-slash-girlfriend. It's not that Kaede was asexual or anything beforehand. Rena had always been cute and attractive, her figure enviously healthy. And voluptuous, too.
All of this was thought before they'd started dating.
Now, though… the things Mitama had said about their bond: its specialness, the idea of love and making love kept her awake at night, thoughts running amok. Sometimes Kaede touched herself to these sentiments, these images. Always she hated herself afterwards, hated how Rena would react.
She didn't know Rena's feelings about such things, who never, ever said anything about one's physical appearance. Not Kaede's, not her own, not the idol Sayuki. Never. It at least suggested she didn't care, then, right?
On the other end of the spectrum cowered Kaede Akino: with her… her own shitty body, drooling over a girl who unlike Rena lacked the godlike courage to confess her feelings.
Rena could do such things, despite her fears. And to a girl, at that! A girl who was her one of her only friends; who might not feel the same, who might avoid her forever after out of awkwardness.
I don't have an ounce of Rena's courage, thought Kaede, and then, Curse that pervy Coordinator-san, filling my head with… with such beastly things!
Yet, Kaede's stomach twisted just as badly now as it had all those other times, lewd or not. I'm scared, she realized. I'm having a 'life flashing before my eyes' moment every time I think about Rena, because… because I don't want this dream to end! I want to stay with Rena so badly, but I also… dang it, I want more of Rena-chan!
Curse Mitama Yakumo for awakening this part of Kae—!
"Ah!" A dull, yet sharp thunk had resounded, stinging her forehead. "Owie." Kaede clasped the spot, met with Rena's piercing, yet softened gaze.
Rena, whose cleavage deepened as her breasts fluffed up—her arms had crossed. "Come back to Earth, space cadet. I've been saying your name forever." Kaede was depraved for noting one before the other. "Kaede?" She was disgusting. "Kaede!" Rena deserved better than someone who objectified her. "Hey."
Warm fingers pressed beneath her chin, her face lifting. Another set brushed away wet warmth from either cheek. The air conditioner hummed softly in the DVD menu's silence, cooling the tracks Rena left behind.
Rena, whose scowl was gone. Now there was only worry. "Why the hell are you crying?" she murmured. Eyes widening, both hands moved, grasping Kaede's shoulders. "Are those bitches in your homeroom laughing about us again?"
Kaede was too scared to wipe away her tears. "N-no?" Why did she answer like that? A slight twinge in her features, akin to shock after a slap in the face for Rena, sent Kaede sputtering for recovery. "I'm not upset! Or scared. Of anything at school." It was impossible to lie to Rena—dancing around the truth was all she could do until a convincing opportunity presented itself.
Goodness, why am I still lying?
The heavy warmth on her shoulders was gone—Rena's hands curled against her thighs. "Did I do something?" she asked, quiet. Her bangs hung to conceal her eyes. "Please, Kaede. Tell me if I did."
The waver in her voice shuddered through Kaede's soul. Rena had already concluded that she did something, hated herself for it.
This is why. Among many, many other reasons, of course: This is why I can't follow through with Mitama's plan. Even if it won't last long, I can't stand the thought of Rena feeling bad.
"Rena-chan."
Her face flickered up as Kaede's dropped down, unable to bear whatever look was in her eyes. "You haven't called me that since we started dating."
"Because, R-Rena-chan…" Kaede bunched up the cuffs of her boy's basketball shorts, uncovering kneecaps browned slightly from weeding earlier. "Because… I'm feeling this way, because I… I care about you so much. And… it's because I care about you so much that I'm so scared of doing something stupid that will hurt you."
"Tch. N-nothing you could do'll get through me!" she tried boasting.
"Th-then th-that makes… this…" Her words, already soft, broke into a whisper and died unfinished.
"Huh? Speak louder, Kaede, I hate it when you mumble to me. You got nothing to be afraid of—"
"Then that makes this easier let's break up okay?!"
Kaede huffed, puffed, gasped and sniffled.
Rena sat there, eyes wide but nothing more. She didn't care.
She doesn't care. She doesn't have to, she's her own person, I'm the one-the one who… who—!
A choked gasp. A sniveling inhale, dampened exhale.
None of which came from her own pounding chest.
Tears were spotted snaking down Rena's cheeks, her throbbing lips desperately pursed shut. "Ok-ay," she croaked, "sure, Kaede. Chan. I-if that's what you want…" Her wrists, hands, when to wiping her cheeks, her eyes. "I get it, yeah, I won't f-force you or anything—"
It was too much. "No!" She hurt Rena, made her cry—I went too far. I shouldn't have said anything. If I didn't, then we'd still be happy.
And Kaede would know what she already had, deep down: Rena didn't want this either. She had always been serious about this relationship.
"I'm so sorry, Rena!" Kaede lunged forth.
Only to be shoved back unto the couch. "Don't! You don't have to pity me!" Rena snarled, grief channeling to anger—her usual defense. "Dammit, Kaede, why? How the fuck did I fuck this up, huh!? You could tell me that much, dammit!"
"I didn't mean it!" And Kaede felt cold all over, a beat before Rena's tears seemed to freeze, her expression dubious, confused, pissed. "I… I didn't want to hurt you, Rena," she explained, sitting up crisscross. "But Mitama-san, she—"
"Oh," Rena muttered thickly. Then exhaling, "That… that explains it. There was this part of me that couldn't believe this was true. Like it wasn't actually you doing this. Stupid, huh?"
Kaede didn't hesitate to shake her head, alleviate Rena's self-deprecation. "You were right."
"So, then…" Rena glared at the television. "Why the hell did Mitama-san tell you to break up with me?" Her fists squeezed so tight her knuckles paled—Kaede only knew from the way they trembled.
She should be directing that anger towards her stupid pessimistic girlfriend. Why did I ever doubt you? she thought one moment. But the reason had long been known: "Because... I wanted to know how you really felt. I'm sorry!" Kaede bowed on the spot. "I didn't know how else and I was scared to ask, and if you didn't wanna be girlfriends I'd still love to be friends—!" Her face was grabbed firmly.
Rena looked Kaede in the eye as she asked, "Am I honestly that bad, Kaede?"
"No!" she cried, pinning Rena to her cheeks. "No, Rena, no-no, you've been amazing! I've been so happy since we got together, I mean that!"
A sad smile. "Yeah, I could tell." Frowning, she tilted her head. "But then, what the hell's your deal? Why go to Mitama-san instead of… talking to me?" She shook her head, trying to pull her hands away but Kaede held firm, held them together in her lap. "Tell me, Kaede. Please. I… I really want to make you happy."
From eyes unsee, droplets burst soundlessly against Rena's many bracelets.
"Rena," Kaede began, breathing, exhaling, "how come you don't—?" she choked, sighing, groaning and shaking her head. It was boiling in here despite the AC groaning.
The silence was filled by tinkling from Don-chan's collar behind Kaede, beside the sofa as he was roused from sleep. The chiming harshened, joined by flapping ears as he shook his head.
"Kaede?" One of Rena's hands slipped out to lace their fingers together, to squeeze reassuringly. "I won't be mad. I promise. I promise I won't be mad."
It's not which she was afraid of. It was literally anything else besides an unrealistic joyous reaction: disgust, perturbation, fear… and maybe anger, honestly.
"Kaede, for God's sake, I won't ever know if you don't—"
"Rena how come you don't want to kiss me?!" Apparently she could only scream her confessions like her girlfriend would. Eyes kept shut, barreling through the flood of squeamishness in her belly, Kaede prattled on: "How come you don't want to touch me like a girlfriend would?! How come you don't ever look at me the way like—! ...Like I look at you?" she finished softly.
An inhale, probably priming a derision, to label Kaede a pervert. A stupid horny teenager. Because Rena never cared about the stuff and she wouldn't ever force herself to, not for anybody's sake, least of all depraved helpless crybaby Kaede Akino.
"And I would be fine with it, if you didn't… didn't want any of that," she forced herself to say. Because it was true: "I would rather have you and none of that than none of either. I can definitely live without it." Besides, it wasn't so bad—masturbating alone, shameful as it was. "All I want to know… all I really wanted to know, this whole time, was if… if…"
Rena squeezed her hand.
"If you… liked me... um, that way. Because… because I… do. Like you! That… way—I'm sorry!"
Don-chan yawned in the background. "I'm sorry." The AC fell awkwardly silent. "Th-that was weird."
"Kaede."
"I'm sorry that was weird!"
"Kaede, look at me… Kaede!" Her eyes opened after a few tries. "Oi, oi. My face, not my lap." It took a thousand years to find Rena's face, but the sight of her bulbous extremities rushed the journey to its conclusion: a knee-weakening stern expression.
Or it might have been.
Kaede couldn't be too sure this time.
Because Rena lunged.
It was immediate, the instant their eyes locked she tackled, Kaede's face sandwiched tight and her lips even tighter between Rena's own. Her back thumping against the sofa, Rena's butt pinning her stomach, an explosion of emotions flooding her core—it was too much to take in and not enough at the same time.
Rena obliged herself—kissed her more than Kaede ever thought she would or could in ten seconds flat: peppering, smacking, switching angles a few times and grunting softly each time they broke off, only to be recaptured a thunderous heartbeat later.
Two passed and Kaede was sad to think it over, only to gasp as a warmer, wetter warmth snaked up her cheeks: gently by little laps from the tip of Rena's tongue, cleaning any lingering tears all the way up to her eyelashes and kissing beneath each.
Suddenly, too soon, the warmth left her altogether, her face and loins left to tingle awfully. Gone was the warmth of Rena's shaking breaths, the hands which had moved to Kaede's shoulders, squeezing them tight with want and comfort.
It was so quick it felt like it hadn't occurred at all.
But that… had undeniably happened. It actually just… happened!
Kaede blinked, the daze dissipating as the heat in her core writhed—hungrily, vying for more. Oh, my goodness, Kaede would have gasped had she the strength to do so, I want more and I don't feel bad about it because… because my Rena does, too!
Wait.
Rena?
The ceiling, she realized, was vacant of her girlfriend's face, as was the weight on Kaede's torso. Her butt was touching me…
Kaede shook her head, pushed herself up.
And winced at the sight awaiting her: Rena balled up on the other end of the couch, as far back as she could physically be, clasping her cherry-red face. Panting.
"I'm sorry," she breathed, staring not directly at Kaede but somewhere in the darkness of her thoughts. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just… When I heard you say that, I just, I-I-I—"
"'Realized I felt the same?'" Kaede ventured. She still felt Rena's lips, devouring hers every way they could. "I didn't—never—thought you thought of me like that, Rena. It was amazing." Rena's apprehension lessened, only slightly. "My heart is still racing," Kaede confessed, her girlfriend's knees easier to behold as she touched her thumping sternum. "And… I want to do it again. If I'm being honest—"
"Kaede…" Rena began, finishing with her: "It was impossible to think you felt this way about me." She frowned at Kaede having been the only one to say, 'about me.' Rena inhaled, blushed, and sputtered, growling at herself. It was adorable, her embarrassment.
Rather than explain her self image in this delicate moment, Kaede took the opportunity to ask, "How come you never tried anything with me?" Especially with so much lust put into that makeout session—Oh, my gosh, I actually had a makeout session with Rena! AH!
"Tch. You're even smiling as you ask that. I can't believe this." Of course Rena would find something to hate about herself in this instance. Kaede crawled over as Rena shook her head. "I put you through so much stupid… so many bad feelings since we started dating. All because I was too afraid to push you into something I thought you would never wanna—!"
Kaede captured her bottom lip. Rena peeped in surprise before melting into her, leaning, moaning softly. She was so warm. She was trembling so bad, restraining herself or from sheer emotion, or a cocktail of it all, Kaede couldn't be sure. But she loved it. She loved seeing this side of Rena and she loved Rena.
They switched head tilts, Kaede's nails sinking into her own forearm to keep from blurting out such heated, lustful things that could risk hurting Rena if they weren't from the heart.
This, for sure, wasn't the time nor place to be professing such things.
A soft smack as Kaede broke off, bowing to tap her head against her girlfriend's. "Of course," Kaede breathed, throat clenching. She swallowed. "Of course you, Rena, would consider me before yourself." Mitama had said as much. She really was a genius. "You're honestly amazing."
"No, I'm really not."
So much pain and loathing in those hissed words. "You are," Kaede assured, stroking Rena's forearm, whose fingers stretched to brush against her skin. So gentle a gesture, Kaede couldn't help but smile. "I'm telling you you are. So there."
Rena shook without breaking their forehead-kiss. "If I was, I'd have known how I would've made you feel from the start. How you really felt all this time." She hissed, cringing. "So stupid, stupid-ass Rena—!"
Kaede leaned back, but not so far she couldn't feel the warm, wavering exhales passing Rena's soft little lips. "Same with me," she said, smiling despite how agonizing this whole affair had been. "I would have known, too. Should've. But I was so focused on not hurting you I made you end up hating those natural, wonderful feelings you had for me." It was like a bad comedy, like the one they just watched. Kaede had to chortle, lest she start crying.
"Rena," she said, "we're really bad at talking, aren't we?"
A smile returned, equally as pained as Kaede's felt. "Kinda, yeah. You're worse though." As Kaede opened her mouth to speak, Rena winced. "No, I am. I'm so much worse. I'm sorry, Kaede. I'm sorry I made you my girlf—"
Enough of that. Kaede swooped in to silence that self-hating mouth of hers. She withdrew after a few seconds with a pop after Rena's breath hitched, deteriorating. "Rena?"
Her eyes opened, lidded with lust, moist with anger and regret.
Kaede entwined their hands. "I think I'm kinda done," she exhaled, her courage fading faster than her lust and heart rate skyrocketed. It hurt so bad, everywhere hurt so bad and it felt amazing at the same time. "I'm done talking with words."
Rena hummed, brows knitting.
Kaede chortled to herself as she rose, pulling her along, urging Rena to stand as well, eyes locked all the while. "I… want to go to bed," she managed, squeezing those delicate fingers.
"Uh. Um!" Rena looked between them and Kaede's burning face, their fingers and her smile once more. "A-are you—? Ah, no! I mean, sh-should I leave? I'll leave if—"
The thought of Rena feeling pressured came suddenly. "N-no, no, I don't want anything you won't feel comfortable with!" Either that or she didn't want to assume anything and look like a perv.
Rena shrank into her shoulders, eyes flickering to and fro before settling on Kaede's chin. "Are… you saying you…"
Squeezing her hand, Kaede said with all her excitement and anxiety pushed out of mind, "Yes!"
Still without looking, "But your parents might—"
"They're gone for the week, Rena-chan," Kaede teased. "I told you that at lunch today while you were so busy scraping the sides of our pudding cup. After finishing it yourself."
"S-sorry. I'll buy tomorrow's. On our way to school." She, at last, squeezed back, her palm fully laid against Kaede's, warm. "T-together. I-if you want, of course, I don't really care."
Kaede giggled—at her courtesy, embarrassment, her thinking the dessert was such a big deal.
"Kaede, I…" Rena scowled, her cheeks puffed out as her gaze flashed to join Kaede's at last. "I'm afraid of attacking you like before. So, I… I don't wanna hear any crying or blaming later, got it?"
She was definitely going to regret how that came out, so before she could, Kaede put on a smirk she knew was wholly out of character and said, "Oh, that was supposed to be an attack?"
Rena's eyes flared open, her expression otherwise unreadable: she had the confirmation of consent, the want from Kaede, her own having been pent up for months and wholly embraced by the one she trusted above all others.
And above it all, she was just given a challenge. The fires within them both were now stoked into a roaring inferno.