I do not own Zootopia, that belongs to Disney. This a fan work made solely for the sake of amusement.

The One That I Want

Chapter Two: Il Lupo Di Gubbio

By: Gabriel LaVedier

Gabu Akayama had a strange relationship with sleep for a high school teenager. Though stereotyped as hormonal sleeping machines, Gabu didn't have an easy time with it. His body could demand it, but his mind was seldom in a position to listen. He remembered things he would like to forget. Nothing truly terrible; in his more thoughtful states he was sure that true transgressions would have left him unable to sleep at all.

But being part of a pack meant he thought he could dissipate responsibility. The unfeeling mass would absolve him of his wrongs. The pack was strong. He was part of the pack, he was strong. He had seen other wolves who went it alone, and thought little of them. They were fools. Some idiot from another neighborhood named Paolo had been the perfect stereotype. A lazy but good-natured slacker who didn't make mischief. They all ignored that he was generally considered harmless and liked, and might have possibly actually been, like the rumors said, involved with some trendy hedgehog. Prey.

Prey.

They thought so little of prey. They could do that. They. Not Gabu. They. He was they. But he... was him.

The contradictions weren't what disturbed his sleep. That would be too easy, too simple to resolve. Understanding a pack was an illusion, mammals coming together to appear to be one but being themselves deep down. That was the issue. It worked when there was nothing to worry about. The pack always had something to worry about, because not all wolves liked playing up their strong and forward nature. He was an ill fit at the best of times, smiling wryly and hoping it would magically fix itself. The power of the pack would soothe him. Cure him of the pain that came from being a moral mammal that thought he could push it all away with sheer will.

As sleep started to take him his dreams began to gather, reality and memory fading into one another. His dreams were not wild fantasies, not always. Memories, of regrets or happiness, could play out in his head freely and easily. To his good fortune he thought about a time he got hurt, and a smile spread across his face. It was a bad storm, with hail, a rare occurrence. It caught everyone by surprise. Howling wind, the stinging pelts of ice, the slick floors...

o o o

He had been stupid, participating in idiotic dares in the dangerous conditions. They were prep students. They were supposed to be smarter than that. Book smarts, not common sense. He felt himself go down. The pain in his paw was brief, if only because the pain in his head was distracting. It wasn't a bad hit, but he was dazed. Though the pack was not exactly kind, they were smart enough to know that it looked good to take Gabu to the infirmary.

The slight daze made everything sort of melt into moments. The most clear thing he could recall was the nurse, a matronly gnu, who was bandaging his head and his paw. "You're lucky, Mr. Akayama. I'm sure this was all a natural accident. No break, no concussion. Just a knock and a sprain. We'll call your parents and inform them about this. You can rest for today and your parents will schedule a regular examination. Oh, and keep it down, one of your fellow students had a genuine accident. Windblown debris and a fall too. Sun and earth willing we won't have more. She's in the next cot and needs her rest."

Silence fell. The nurse had her own private office that she went into, dealing with paperwork and leaving Gabu alone. But not quite alone. By the side of his cot was a cloth divider. He faintly heard breathing on the other side, and couldn't get an idea of who was on the other side by silhouette, as most of the light was either from above or just barely on his side. Even smelling got him nothing. Not only had the cold given his hose some stuffing, the office smelled of antiseptic and killed any possible traces of the other mammal.

He just laid back, his paw and head faintly throbbing but not hurting much, with decreasing pain as the low-dose painkiller he got went to work. He was going to be substantially alone for the day, the pack wasn't going to be seeing about him. Strength was assumed. It was looking to be a boring day.

As the time ticked away a stirring came from the other cot and a small sound came from beyond the divider. Gabu was determined to mind his own business, but also didn't feel like simply spending his time brooding. He wasn't like... well, he tried not to think deeply on the personalities of the other pack members. So, with a tentative voice he said, "Some storm, isn't it?" What an idiot. The most stock of lines. But, teens with book smarts were on equal footing. Maybe she wouldn't know it was pathetic.

"Oh! I didn't know someone else was here. Did you get hurt too?" The voice seemed small, high, very sweet. The concern was genuine. Something about it was just nice and comforting.

"Ha ha... yes. But don't feel so bad about me. Just being stupid. Friends are a bad influence sometimes..." Gabu confessed.

"Mmm! Yes. Always so wild, challenging, butting heads over and over just to try and get some kind of status," the girl said. "I wasn't hurt by that, the wind is very strong, I got stinging hail in my eyes and was blown down onto my back."

"Ouch! I'm so sorry," Gabu said. Even if he was also hurt, he still felt for her. She didn't deserve it. She hadn't been doing idiotic things. A thought crossed his mind and he added, "I'm Gabu. Gabu Akayama."

"May! May Greystone. So nice to meet you. But... I've never heard of you," she said, almost apologetically. "We go to the same school and everything."

Gabu laughed softly, rubbing his head a little. "I'm not important enough for that. I guess that's why I have to be with all my friends. I... protect what I am by never being alone..."

"I... I want to be myself. But mother always told me to be safe around others. I'm small and I need the help of everyone around me," May said with a sigh. "It's not always easy, but it's always safe."

'Spoken like a true wolf,' Gabu thought. He could already picture her. Short, thin, weak, pale. The old ones would have called her omega. They still knew the name even if the bad old days were millennia dead. He felt compassion for her, if nothing else. A sorry thing to be. He couldn't quite recall other wolves like that but his pack was very masculine. There were others not so restrictive. Probably why they had never met. They were a better class of moneyed, a better class of wolf. "Mother, yes. She knew I was never going to be anything too special, not like I was. She wanted to make sure I could stand up, have some kind of position. I needed to be in one big mass, solid and secure."

Later on, May had told him what she had thought of him in that moment. That he was exactly the kind that her friends would have swooned over. Not her, but they would have. She understood him, though. What he said was just what she expected someone to say if they were like she imagined. "It's always like that, isn't it? We're never enough just as us. The way our kind are, we always have to lean on someone just to get along."

"Not... not always. We can try to go alone. But I don't think that's strong all the time. Even the ones alone usually aren't actually alone," Gabu said. They had friends, but not a pack. Had someone to love, maybe.

"I know how other species do it. They don't need to get together like that. They live together and still have themselves," May said, sounding slightly down. "I'm happy I have them around, but my friends can't be everything for me. B-but I'm still glad that they brought me here when I got hurt!"

"Mine did too, I got a sprain and a little knock on the head. Doing dumb things because I was dared," Gabu said.

"It's always like that. That's how you break things and sprain things and get concussions, all because dumb friends dare you," May said, suddenly stern. Not quite indignant, but passionate.

Gabu was slightly taken aback. Yet not at all upset at the chastisement. She was entirely right. Even richer and fancier wolves had their stupid members and still did things that were ridiculous. "You really see though it. I'm impressed. Book smart preps aren't always common-smart, you know?"

"I just... it doesn't make any sense. I wish it just stopped. So we could be nice to each other, peaceful. Like the Tenders tell us on Frededas," May softly said.

Just like everyone else in the city. But like a small number, she actually listened. His friends would say that only omegas needed to listen to the Church, they were the ones that needed it. They didn't even know what the word was all about. She understood the need. Mammals couldn't treat each other like that. It never did any good. "I, uh... sorry. Is this bothering you?"

"No, no. I was done sleeping. And I don't want to just lie here in the dark, that's boring. I'm glad someone is here. Ah! I mean... sorry... I don't mean I'm glad you got hurt..."

"No, no, I understand. I... almost didn't talk when I heard you wake up. I didn't want to feel so alone," Gabu admitted, turning to the divider again. He thought he could almost see her. He knew what to expect. Pale gray, maybe white, thin, small. Delicate features. Someone would like her. One of the pack might think to take advantage of her. Would protecting her from that make him a bad mammal? If he knew they'd try to hurt her, what could he do? They weren't there. It really didn't matter. "Are you going to be sent home early or are you just here for the day?"

"My parents are going to get me after school is out. It's not serious but they might take me to the doctor."

"Same here. So we have a lot of time. Do you, um... have a favorite restaurant?" Cheap. Stupid. She's a wolf. Not the type to hit on. But it was the only line that came to his suddenly empty head.

May laughed, a sweet, musical sound. "Don't make me choose! I'm so cliché, but I'll just eat everything. It all goes in but I never get bigger. If you're not careful I'll nibble on your apple sticks and your napkin too."

A ravenous wolf in a small body. They're always the same. Where it all goes, no wolf knows. That was the truth. The skinny wolves never gained a gram and went to every restaurant. They always liked fruit, too. They ate like foxes, muzzles in sweet fruit bowls as well as the shrimp special. "I don't know if you've ever been in Tanukitown, but I always go to Kuzunoha Ramen. The lunch special makes for a nice treat when you need to feed a group."

May laughed again, and at the time Gabu lamented how beautiful it was. He would have loved to keep hearing it, but she wasn't for him, so far as he knew. "I've been there several times. But I mostly went to the Neko No Seimei Cafe. It's easy to treat everyone at a cafe, just buy a pot of tea. Bitter and green, it's refreshing."

Bitter green tea. His mother drank it like water. Father too. He hadn't gotten the taste, but of course a rich and sophisticated wolf would pick up the habit. His friends would be all over her like a fresh fillet of sole. A good reason to never mention this happened. "My parents love that. They try to get me to but... I don't know, it tastes like the herbs I have to eat if my stomach is bothering me."

"I can tell the difference, but I see. I hate that too. I'd never eat them on purpose, but I know some do. I bet if I took you to the cafe I could get you to like it. It's about how you drink. And maybe adding a little honey.," May said with a little chuckle.

Gabu chuckled himself and considered it. Could she tell what he was? He learned the truth later. But in that moment there was a question. Someone was making a mistake, he thought. But to be free from the pack, for a little while, with someone actually nice, it had a certain appeal. And no pressure, on his end. "I'm almost inclined to take you up on that. I think I might learn to like it."

"I don't want you to think this is a date," May suddenly said, sounding slightly nervous. Classy and quality, she wouldn't pick up some injured idiot in the nurse's office.

"That's not a problem, I wasn't thinking of it," Gabu said. It was true. He was in no danger of falling for her. Just friends. Just tea. "Just friends. Just tea. You seem nice."

"Even if you say you do what your friends want, get rough and all... you seem nice too," May replied. "Tomorrow, noon?"

"That's perfect. Oh! You can't see me right now... and even if I could recognize you that's not very nice. I don't want to disturb your privacy. I had to get out of my wet clothes to get bandaged," Gabu said, lightly rubbing his head. His imagination wasn't exactly racing but he had a good idea what he'd see.

"Oh! Does your mother wash your uniforms on Sundas or Frededas?"

"Usually Frededas, so they're nice and clean for the week. Why?" Gabu asked.

"If you don't mind wearing one of the used uniforms one more day, we can wear our uniforms, so we'll know we're the right ones. And just to make sure... do you think you can find something with a four-leaf clover on it? Maybe a necklace or bracelet or something. That way we can be completely sure," May said resolutely.

Clover. That would certainly set them apart from other predators. The uniforms would help but an extra later never hurt. "Sounds good. I'll ask my mother for a little extra money. I know they have food there. Maybe I could get you to try what we usually get if they have a similar menu."

"I'll try anything, I promise," May giggled. "Really... I'm not happy either of us got hurt. But it... it's not bad to make friends, is it?"

Gabu shifted on his cot, getting comfortable, as it really seemed like the conversation was slowing down. "No, not bad at all. I hope you don't mind, but you had a good idea. Some sleep might make time go faster. And I'll hurt less."

"Good idea. Thank you for talking to me, and for agreeing to do this," May said with a small yawn.

"Not a problem at all. I'll probably miss your parents coming for you. So I'll see you tomorrow..." Gabu said, settling down more and letting himself drift off.

He had been right. His parents arrived first and took him before he could tell May goodbye. After a quick checkup he was told roughly the same as he had been at school. Just a hard hit to the head with no actual concussion, and he didn't need a cast but got the wrap on his ankle changed. He also got admonished by the doctor when he was forced to admit how he got hurt. His parents scolded him even harder when they got home. He wasn't shy about tucking and folding his ears, begging, pleading for the freedom to go to Tanukitown to have tea with May. He likely only succeeded because it was for tea in a very classy location. He was warned to actually follow through and not just meet his friends. Asking for something with a clover on it really locked it up.

So it was that Gabu strolled over to the cafe, only slightly limping, leaning on a single crutch. He knew where it was but had never been inclined to stop. He was dressed in the cleanest uniform he had, khaki slacks, white short-sleeved button-up shirt, yellow and blue striped tie, and a blue vest. The weather in that part of the city was nice, and it was appropriate. He had managed to add to things with a pin he managed to scrounge up, a four-leaf clover that he attached to his tie. A little silly but it worked. His eyes scanned the tables to seek a matching clover and uniform.

Time almost ground to a halt as they both seemed to notice each other simultaneously, each noticing the clovers before really seeing who they were attached to. Long khaki skirt with pleats, white shirt, blue vest, a yellow and blue ribbon done up in a bow. But she wasn't a pale, skinny, small wolf. She stood on split trotters, her hooves ended in fingers capped with keratin, little horns peeked from her forehead, and a cute little beard dangled off of her chin. And yes, attached to the vest, a four-leaf clover pin. Family bovidae, not a wolf. She wasn't just friend material. She was his type.

Her eyes traced him, examined his brown fur spiked back in a way that marked him as part of the pack. The slightly big nose that made him self-conscious. He was slim and bordered on gangly, just close enough to being an omega that having a pack at all was sometimes hinted at being a favor. Her caprine eyes were wide in surprise. Because of his teeth. She had expected a horn-headed idiot that rammed his head into everything. She had wanted to be safe. Her gaze wasn't safe. Gabu had never seen a look go from disbelieving to hungry, not from prey. For as meek and mild as her little white body looked, she knew what she was, same as him. It wasn't safe friends being friendly.

One of them was going to have to admit, it had become a date before Gabu had even sat down.

The mood became tense as soon as he approached, despite the potential for breaking the awkward tension when a wah waitress approached and handed him a menu. May's call was lost on him, but she escorted him over to the table, allowing both of them to get a better look at each other. Coming closer didn't make her cute caprinity go away. If anything it made her more pretty. He could see the silken strands of her adorable goatee were cared for and conditioned to perfection. Her horns were shaved and buffed to their size. The small fur puff atop her head was swept and combed into a gentle tuft. Her sideways pupils were big and dark and more contrasted by her beautiful but muted green irises.

He almost could have believed he had been mistaken about how she was reacting to him. He wasn't lucky enough to find a beautiful goat that could look at a nobody wolf like that. But when she met his wide blue eyes her pupils got just a bit bigger. She wasn't afraid. It had to be the opposite.

Even after sitting down, silence was the order of things, interrupted by the murmuring of the other diners and the traffic sounds on the fitted brick streets. He broke the tension, tentatively managing to get out," M-m-may?"

She nodded, quickly. Too quickly. Her eagerness was in her face, in her eyes. She wanted it all to be true. "Gabu?"

Another interruption gave them time to gather everything. The wah came back to take their orders, probably eager to get the table moving. May had probably specifically said there was a guest coming. Tea, green, a large pot, plus, oddly, raw honeycomb. Gabu wasn't silent, he worked on instinct, getting a large bowl of shrimp udon. A challenging meal for one, a filling gift for two.

"I'm not... this lucky," Gabu said, gently rubbing the sore spot on his head and adjusting the crutch against the edge of the table. "It's good to see you, finally. I never... I thought you were something else."

The light in May's eyes all but died with that one statement. She looked gutted for the briefest of moments. Her face was a mask of cheer, white as porcelain almost as a highlight to the artificiality. "What did you think? I... I thought you were another goat. I thought you were in a herd, headbutting other goat boys and being stupid."

"Wolf packs aren't that much smarter than goat herds I guess," Gabu said. "You said... you said you'd eat anything, like a ravenous wolf. That you were in a pack because you were small and pale and weak."

"Mother warned me to stay in a herd because I was small, and weak. I'm not helpless, but it's... so much easier to go along with the herd," May said, trying to keep a lilt in her voice. "A goat will eat anything if you put it in front of them. It's a joke they'd eat a can but if there's some sauce on a napkin I really might eat it if I'm hungry enough."

To go on with the light in her eyes gone was not something Gabu wanted. He knew he was wrong. He had been mistaken about what he saw in her gaze. That he was the only one to think that way. But he couldn't go on washed in a look without brightness. "I was happier when I thought you were a wolf. It would be safe. It wouldn't be a date. I don't... don't feel anything for wolves..."

"And goats?" May pierced him with her gaze, pinned him down like a dissected frog.

Gabu weakly smiled. "Family bovidae. When you're well-off you can take any test you want as many times as you want. They wanted my orientation axises, so they could give me the best chance in life. Where did my attraction reach? Family bovidae. I keep that with me always, how clinical it sounded when they read the results. Cattle, oxen, sheep..."

"Family canidae," May said, a smile pulling up the corners of her mouth, life coming back to her eyes. "Sometimes, mammals can be that lucky."

The beauty of the glow in her gaze struck Gabu speechless for a moment. He had been talking to her so smoothly, so easily to her the other day. He even gave her the cheapest of lines. All because he didn't know he should have been petrified by her. Talking to a pretty goat was difficult. Talking to one that actually had a reason to look on him with the gaze he was getting...

They traded glances for a time, until the wah returned with a rather large tray and a folding stand. She arranged the table very carefully, setting the large bowl of thick noodles directly in the center and placing a set of chopsticks on Gabu's side and a plastic fork on May's side. The teapot was set beside the bowl and two ceramic cups were set down in front of each of them. A plate containing a slab of honeycomb and a dainty fork went beside the teapot, and next to that, a small plate with two almond cookies.

"Miss! We didn't order these," Gabu said, lifting the cookies from the table.

The wah laughed softly. "A gift to celebrate your first date."

"But, but we're not..." Gabu began.

The look the wah gave him could have punched through plates of solid steel. She was clearly not a woman that tolerated being lied to. "To celebrate your first date."

Gabu set the plate down and dropped his head. "Thank you. It's appreciated."

The look vanished, replaced with a smile as the reddish woman walked away. May could only laugh and reach across to start pouring the tea for herself, after cutting a piece of honeycomb into her cup. "I didn't know. I thought you were a goat. Maybe I was hoping I could just make a new friend. Just a friend. I don't want to be locked into a herd. But I don't want to be alone."

"It's no better being in a pack, especially not... when they expect things," Gabu mumbled, sliding out the chopsticks and cracking them apart. He casually mixed the udon and shrimp, wrapping a few thick noodles around the sticks. "I hope you don't mind they gave you a fork, and I hope you don't mind shrimp. I was just saying what came to mind."

"I told her I wanted a fork when the time came. And I wasn't kidding. It's a hard sell for some, but goats will really eat anything, and I'm always interested," May said, casually making a cup of tea for Gabu. She cut a large chunk of the honeycomb and slowly poured the tea over the comb, watching it carefully as it melted slowly under the hot liquid. She used the back end of the fork to give it a stir before passing it along.

Gabu smiled a bit and took a slow, small sip. It was still bitter, a very strong green tea. But the honey had a very unique floral taste, it was nicely sweet, and the dissolved wax gave the whole thing a different feel from usual. "Mmm, delicious..."

"It's the small things that really matter sometimes," May said, sipping her tea daintily. She used the provided plastic fork to blatantly spear a shrimp and consume it, chewing thoughtfully. "Mild. Nice broth, I love salty broth."

"Oh yes, I think this is a quality place too. At Kuzunoha they use mineral lick salt, it's... better..." Gabu's stumbling speech was cut off slowly by May giving him an adorable lopsided smile, looking amused.

"They wanted to give you the best chance in life. I thought they were steering you away from what you liked. No... they bought you books, didn't they? A Gentlemammal's Guide To Interspecies Dating or something like that. They taught you about salt licks and all of that. Right?" May asked in her cheerful bleat.

"Don't look at my search history," Gabu said with a laugh. "Do goatees fall off? Are the horns okay to touch? Did you know there was a famous goat and wolf couple? The new hall at the big PUCA sanctuary is named after them."

"I didn't know that! That's... that's really nice," May said, taking a sip of her tea.

The rest of what was, indeed, a date went smoothly, with small talk. They shared the udon, they drank the pot of tea, and at the very end, they ate the almond cookies. That was putting a cap on the whole thing. The wah had been right. Between the two they paid for the meal and left a good tip. They strolled the streets for a time, and took selfies by various things, statues and signs and the torii arches by the shrine. The pictures went first to their respective parents, out of respect on May's part and out of sheer joy on Gabu's.

When they parted it was only after the tram ride back to the Savannah Central station, which was where both could be picked up. May wanted to help Gabu but he didn't need it. He did wait until her father drove up, withering under the stern billy's intense gaze before he drove off with a deep, booming, bleating laugh. Apparently, he passed muster.

The whole drive back home he was talking about the date, his mother nodding and asking questions about his manners and bearing. She was approving of how he had acted and offered tips about how all women would like to be treated. She also said his father would offer his own input later, on how to be the most gentlemammally wolf possible. That got Gabu's attention. Because he was certain of one thing after the date he had just gone on.

Gentlemammal wolves weren't packed delinquents.

o o o

Sleep may have taken him, his dreams may have shown the beautiful things he treasured. But his eyes popped open. He wasn't always good. He had participated in intimidation and bullying, from the back. That was no excuse. He could have said no, could have walked away. But in those days he needed the pack. He would silently condone theft, abuse, vandalism, and destruction. They marked up areas they wanted to show dominion over with paint, thankfully. Only one actually used the ancient way, but that was a bridge too far for everyone else, and never happened again.

Every crying face, every indignant but powerless mammal, every pained yelp and plea for help was burned into his mind. May made it happen. He was happy to anesthetize himself to it, make himself believe he had actually forgotten, that it was all over and done. May's honesty had made him want to be better. And that meant remembering, making sure he would never be involved with anything like that ever again. Which also meant that while he was still in the pack, he spent far more time with the herbivore students, with May's herd. A wolf among goats.

They didn't trust him. They had little reason to. He had always kept his face out of things, but he recognized a few of them. A chubby one, a skinny one, targets for the pack. He had apologized to them personally. Even with no blame directly he had been part of the problem. The relationship wasn't instant, but it became cozy. And that was when he made a choice that changed everything. When he stuck to his new principles.

o o o

He cared little for the pack anymore. But without say-so, there was no leaving it. He didn't even pay attention to things involved with it, which made it so much of a surprised when, while changing his books over between classes they surrounded his locker, and looked down at him. "Getting close to the easy prey, aren't you? Wallets fat with that that... wool, eh? Clever, Gabu. Useful." The leader. Hector, a light brown wolf. He wasn't long for the school if he kept things up. One major infraction and they could expel him.

"It's not for that. I'm done hurting mammals," Gabu insisted, slamming his locker for emphasis. It moved none of them. He then noticed a gap in the pack. "Wait... where's..?"

"Don't change the subject!" Hector snarled. "You don't leave unless I say. And a wolf that's suddenly useful won't have my say-so for a long while, not until I've wrung out that usefulness from you, only then can I throw you away to those bleating nobodies. They won't want you anymore, least of all that snow-white winter coat you hold hands with in the halls. But that's not my problem, only yours. Packs share problems. Lone wolves are their own problems."

"The pack is my problem... was my problem. But not anymore," Gabu snarled, attempting to push his way through the others, but finding himself grabbed and slammed back into the lockers.

"Strength in numbers, rule one for wolves," Hector said, smooth and calm. "And each member is of use to the pack, making it better and stronger. If you want to succeed, you must be strong. So, perhaps you can tell us about who is most vulnerable? Who has the most to give, who would be easy to intimidate. Be of use to us, Gabu, or learn the consequences of refusal."

"You can't make me!" Gabu growled, getting a quick gut punch from Hector.

"You know their weakness, their vulnerability. Bleating sweaters on the trotter. Think they're so high and mighty for their flat teeth and inoffensive ways. They're just as violent as us, they bash their heads together and no one comments. They need to learn," Hector snarled.

"You can't! I won't let you!"

"Tell us all about where they hang out, where they congregate. You're there with that sickeningly sweet bearded snowdrop. All their favorite places, how to keep them from getting out. No, it won't be what you think. You noticed the one who might think that isn't here. But let's say that Ivan managed to make a deal to pick up some... less desirable fish bits. No one will miss not eating it. That should take the wind out of them. No one's immune to utter humiliation. And we'll keep you out of it, a gift, the strength of the pack," Hector said sternly.

"I'll be right there. I won't tell you anything. I'm not going to make it easy on you. So what if some of them act high and mighty? May doesn't. May cares about me, May wants me to be a better wolf, not like you, not like the ones in the herd that beat their heads together. I don't butt and I won't bite, so just leave me out of this," Gabu demanded, finally forcing his way through the blockade of bodies.

"We've seen you!" Hector shouted. He smirked and turned his head slightly. "We've seen you. Show some loyalty. We took you in, gave you friendship. Then you meet some sniveling grass-muncher and you abandon us. Even if you don't tell us where and who, we know fairly good times. We were offering you an escape. The guts are ripening near, where we can get them and use them. You were warned, and this will come back on you. You got one last mercy. Don't show up with your goats, and the pack may want you back. You saw there was one empty space already. You can choose to avoid making it two."

His thoughts raced as they slowly strolled away, looking smug, confident. Their insufferable swagger was what he used to think he wanted. He wanted to do good things, free from the anonymity of a pack. He could stand on his two paws, if May would stand beside him. He wanted to do what she wanted him to do, because she had his interests at heart. There was only one thing to do. The most taboo thing for any serious wolf-culture promoter. The worst thing a pack member could do.

He betrayed the pack.

o o o

Betrayal. That didn't make him feel guilty. He felt justified. Vindicated. It all worked out. The plan to humiliate the goats was stopped. Hector was expelled. It was never stated that they didn't just get lucky. They suspected he was the one that told the teachers. Hector was sure of it. But the rest couldn't make a move without absolute proof. The last little lingering bit of respect they gave him for being part of the pack once.

Doing the right thing was never easy. And doing the questionably right thing was harder. In hindsight, it had caused some problems, but some things needed to be said, and other things needed to be done. It was essential. Maybe it could change something, remote as the possibility could be.

One last memory lulled him to sleep. Doing just that. Yes, it gave the pack proof, it led to that day, when Mapigano asserted himself. But that led to everything that came after. A rough patch but a good thing. More friends, better friends. Not a pack, not a herd. Just friends. That was worth smiling about.

o o o

Between Hector being expelled and Mapigano coming to make trouble, there was an uneasy peace. Gabu had worries, but they never manifested. The pack let him be, stung as they were, needing to look inoffensive and mild. One didn't get the memo, who wasn't part of the pack anymore either. Gabu had forced his way out. But he had noticed the vacancy that day of confrontation.

He had been thrown out.

Not for betrayal, not for going too far, though he was the one that often wanted to, not for attacking the members of the pack or any sensible thing that should have seen him expelled. He had annoyed them so badly that they finally got rid of him just to give themselves some peace. Tough, punky delinquents could resist tears and fear and anger, but would not tolerate the equivalent of perpetual claws on a chalkboard screeching in whiny tones across their ears. He managed to escape trouble merely by virtue of being too much of a pain in the caudal region to stay a part of things.

But since the two had left the pack, that wolf seemed to think they were the same. Gabu had no sympathy for him, and no desire to trade on a single point of commonality, especially since he found him especially annoying, unbearable even. He understood too well what was annoying about him, and that made his presence all the more irritating.

It was after gym, after almost everyone had left the locker room. It was the last class of the day for some of them, like Gabu, so he often took his time. He got clean, dried off, took time dressing. May always waited for him, so he could walk with her to the bus stop, and take the bus until they needed to part. He wanted to look as nice as he could for her.

It often was he was the very last one there in the locker room, allowing him the peace to tend to himself. But he wasn't alone that day. The hackles rose as he could sense the aggravating presence, the annoyance was nearly palpable. He had hoped he was alone, free of all the baggage of the pack. But the worst thing about being free, he seemed to attract the other shed component like a magnet.

"You. You're like me." Bela Farkas. Unnaturally tall, unwholesomely skeletal (odd for a glutton), unhealthily washed-out, perpetually dark-eyed either from late nights or liner. A wreckage of a wolf shambling through the world like an animated corpse. That he was nearly down to his fur and only in a towel was an added layer of disturbing. "It's a tragedy in motion. We're lone wolves, drifting together because of the way we are, the way we approach the world."

"Leave the lyrics to those bands you always push on mammals, at least they can be entertaining," Gabu said with a roll of his eyes.

"I mean it, Gabu. You and I absolutely are the same. The pack wants nothing to do with either of us, and now we're out of it. We have a connection, you and I. We survive on our own power. I've finally come to see that I need to stop cringing, selling myself to prey, and be a real wolf," Bela snorted.

"Don't bother me anymore, Bela, and don't talk down prey," Gabu huffed. "I left the pack for a reason and at the time that meant leaving you. If I knew Hector had planned to throw you out I would have thrown a party before I left. We're all real wolves you chattering idiot; even if I only had one drop of wolf blood in me I'd still be a wolf as much as the Wulfberg offspring. Don't peddle your purism or I swear on the moon I'll get you expelled. There's no place for that here."

"Don't hand me that, there's always something going on. We are what we are and must be that. We have to be able to know what we are inside," Bela asserted.

"I'm Gabu Akayama, I used to be an idiot that hurt other mammals because the pack said so. I'm a straight-B student, I'm not picked last for dodgeball, my girlfriend, May, thinks I'm nice. I tolerate green tea with honeycomb, I kind of like udon over soba despite what others say, and I don't connect to anything on TV or in movies about high school, I'm already living it. If you don't know that much about yourself you're pathetic," Gabu proudly said, tying his tie in the mirror for the third time. He had left out that he was a mess at tying a necktie. Not everything was important.

"Tch, girlfriend. What a lie. Even with someone we are a million miles apart. I saw love once and it never came. My nature, the real nature, the way of the wolf, what we are, Gabu, that can't allow us to be with prey. Be with other mammals. We are to our own kind alone, and the burning we feel is the hunger we still have, to take and conquer. Savagery. A gnawing in the pit of our stomachs," Bela said, with a kind of husky rumbling.

Gabu rolled his eyes, messing up his tie again as his fingers flexed from frustration. "Were you passed out when the savagery crisis hit? That was a terrorist attack by Mayor Bellwether. They went nuts because some insane sheep tagged them with poison. I don't know where you get this idiocy but that's another reason I'm glad I got away from your kind."

"You are my kind," Bela insisted, standing up suddenly, looming like a skeletal tree over Gabu, fangs shining in the dim light of the locker room. "We're the same, Gabu, start to finish. You feel it. The ceaseless, gnawing hunger that you feel, the desire to taste that goat's blood. That's what pounds in your temples and races your heart. You want the old days, the ancient days, when Lupercalia was raw and fiery and bloody. Even if no one died they were true to their desire, not giving love notes and chasing laughing goats around with flower garlands. This is always in the heart of predators. Fyodor Medvedevsky s-"

"Give me a break!" Gabou practically howled, turning his annoyed gaze on Bela, looking up fearlessly at him. His height meant nothing. "You're the worst critical reader in the class and you know you're going to fail it because you can't help but insist you're always seeing what isn't there. You only quote him because he was as wrong as you! You only ever read things that make you look right. Even if it goes against what actual mammals say. Do you think he talked to the mammals he was writing about? No! You're so selfish and self-absorbed..."

"You've always hated learning. I'm amazed you read," Bela spat back, sniffing proudly. "I stopped being as timid and preyish as you, listened to Hector and the rest when they said to be a wolf. I wanted to mark my territory, show my fangs, be savage as our kind were meant to be! That time when I was a fool can be forgotten, that proof that the ravenous hunger divides predator and prey, that I shoved a mistake away."

"That rabbit from Iriomote would have dated you. She was actually an Outsider, and didn't bother to hide it. I don't know what signals you failed to read, but if my number didn't stop at bovidae I would have been the one. Was being a creepy Nice Mammal too important to you? I don't know when you turned from just another emo floor-looker to this new thing but all this savagery spoor makes you look like a psychopath, like that sheep."

"That plant did nothing, it released the darkness from inside mammals, showed predators the real truth, that we are but creatures of blood and desperation, led by instinct and the drive to dominate or cower. She feared me. She would never have been with me, those huge eyes looking at me like I was a freak..." Bela seethed.

"You came on too strong one night, like any other creeper. If... if one of May's friends had come on as strong she would have maced him. He's also got weapons attached to him. Your fangs and his horns are different only in sharpness. But I guess she was right about one thing. You're a creep. You turned into an eye-lined creep. Maybe instinct is real. She knew you were damaged," Gabu growled, giving up on his tie.

"I feel things sharply! My senses are attuned to the real world! I smell the fear of prey, the arrogance of predators out to cut the throats of their competition," Bela insisted, standing in Gabu's way. "That's why we're the same. You say I'm terrible at critical reading but I get the messages loud and clear. WE, now, have the most clarity, as we see the world without the blinders of adulthood, without the lie of civility. We have nothing but our anger and our sorrow, the raw and real. We wander in a grassland, trying to tell, those like you and me. We're the special ones, the better ones who know this lie. Embrace it! Take that little goat you hunger for, slather over, wrap your arms around her and remember what you really are! The old days, the truth behind the lie of civilization! Claws to scratch and teeth to taste the blood standing on her whi-"

Taller or not, Gabu was still large enough to reach Bela's jaw. The talk about all of that had been annoying. It gnawed at him. But to hear the lanky creep dare to even talk about May like a nothing, like... like meat, as if she was a fish or a lizard. Speaking of red blood standing on her silken snow white fleece. He was never a scrapper, never an abuser like the others. But even an idiot like him could throw a punch. His healthy form had enough muscle to really clock the scrawny scarecrow, slamming his head to the side and knocking the nearly-naked stringbean off to the side, into a bank of lockers and down onto his rear.

"Don't you ever talk about May like that again! You're pathetic! The adult lie of civilization? Civilization is why we can take buses on paved roads to climate-controlled condos and watch television while we use our phones to video chat with the girlfriends who are allowed to be any species that wants to be in a relationship! Don't ever vomit out that stupid Holden Maulfield pretentiousness again! I'm sick of the posturing and abuse and I'm even more sick of you and your creeper ways! I wish that you HAD still been in the pack when I told the teachers, so they would have suffered through having you and so you could have been sent to the school shrink. She could have helped you, or thrown you someplace. Maybe Imboca Bay. Keep talking like that and you'll kill someone someday, I can feel it!

"I'm done. Only warning. May has made sure I'm not an abusive idiot. I'm not a savage, I'm a Zootopian. But don't keep telling me I'm like you. That's not a statement that's a curse, thinking I could become you. Grow up, Bela. For real, you nightmare in wolf's clothing... grow up. I'm going to walk out. And we'll see each other. But never talk to me ever again." Picking up his bag, Gabu walked away, not deigning to look at the scandalized and angry Bela.

He was the one that told. Thought he could buy his way back into the pack's good graces. They rejected him, of course, but strung him along a bit, until Mapigano's humiliation, when he absolutely destroyed Bela, calling him even worse things. If that was savagery, maybe there was some use for it somewhere. Somehow.

Gabu walked out of the locker room, putting on a smile. The sight of May's waving goatee and horizontal pupils always made him happy. She gamboled over to him and immediately set to doing his tie. "Gabu... you need to learn to do this."

"An old packmate annoyed me too much. Besides, I think it's nicer if you do it for me, you're better," Gabu said with a laugh, bending down to make it easy for her.

"I'm not there in the morning, silly," May giggled.

So vital. So sweet. So full of life and light. She had scooped up just another packed simpleton on the edge of being the weak-tea modern equivalent of a savage and made it okay to give in to the goodness and kindness he had in his heart. "Well... someday. I don't want to think about a future where that doesn't happen."

"Gabu..." May adjusted the tie and leaned in to kiss his nose, tickling his lips with her wiggly goatee.

He kissed the little length of hair, subtly tasting the conditioner, a hint of dressing from lunch, and May. No bloodlust thrummed in his veins. No hunger gnawed at his belly. Love did fill his heart. Maybe that was the difference. There was no room to thirst for blood and hunger for flesh if something was already filling what would be that vacuous emptiness. "Let's go, I hope I didn't make us miss the bus."

"Dad will drive us if we did. He likes you, he just likes to watch your ears fall," May said happily, walking on hand-in-hoof with Gabu.

"Ha... I noticed. Well, that's okay too. A few jokes never hurt, as long as he's nice. It all works out," Gabu said, casually strolling along, hand-in-hoof with May. Untroubled.