Legend of the Godly Wolf -大神伝説-
First Chapter: Claws Encounters of the Xeno Sort
Author's Note: Just in time for Good Friday, here's the next chapter. Though the prologue went over well on the Super Smash Prose discord (code: gDX48ua), I wrote that as well as this chapter with little regard for how they'd be received by others so it's been almost surreal seeing others get into it. Prior to joining the server, I had even believed the following chapter would be a good stopping point. Compared to the prologue, this next chapter is way more pretentious and probably relies "to much" on references (though some are meant to be awkward at least). Nonetheless, all that is meant to keep with the same sense of humor as the prologue, mixing the silly and grandiose, so it'll be interesting to see if it continues to amuse. If it goes over well then this story shall continue to go strong and if not I may take a step back for a while. Anyways, get ready!
"He's such a sexy man: just my type!" Thus spoke Wolfutena as he spotted Shulk lounging on the beach of Delfino Plaza. As he approached Shulk, he found himself growing nervous. I am a goddess, he thought to himself, how can a mere mortal be making me anxious? Shulk was sitting in his swimsuit on the sand and reading a book. Next to him was the Monado, a cell phone which was playing the song "The Wretched Automatons" from NieR, and a newspaper. As Wolfutena drew close he noted that the book Shulk was reading was Dune and was seized with inspiration. Standing beside Shulk, he cleared his throat and began to speak.
"A beginning is a very delicate time. Know then that I am Wolfutena, a goddess born from the body of Wolf O'Donnell and the power of the chaos emeralds." He posed to show off his new dress (which was similar to Palutena's but with some darker colors and spikes similar to his old outfit to give it some edge) as Shulk looked up from Dune, taken a bit aback at being approached so abruptly.
"Er, hello there. Nice to meet you." He replied, uncertain how exactly to respond to the strange creature before him. There was a moment of silence, then Wolfutena spoke to him once more.
"I see you're reading Dune. Did you ever watch the movie? I must say, seeing you in that swimsuit is bringing back fond memories of my favorite part, Sting's steamy scene!" Confused, Shulk looked away from the goddess. Look at that! He's getting all hot and bothered! Wolfutena triumphantly declared to himself.
I hate that movie, Shulk thought to himself, why's she bringing up that awful thing? What do I say? "Sting? As in Noriaki Kakyoin's favorite musician? Hang on, I remember... wasn't he playing Feyd-Rautha?" Wolfutena nodded eagerly, licking his lips.
"Yes. Lovely Fay! He looked so hot wearing nothing but that metal speedo. Forgive me for being so direct, but I think you'd look just as sexy in something like that." This is getting really weird, Shulk thought, how can I get out of this?
"Um, I never saw the movie." Shulk lied, "We didn't have movies on the Bionis, so I'm more into reading."
"Oh, really? Well, have you ever read Thus Spoke Zarathustra?"
"Yeah, of course. I couldn't call myself a Xenosaga fan if I hadn't. The final game was even named after it."
"Well, it's great that you're not one of those fake fans. Anyway, you know what my favorite part of Zarathustra was? The antepenultimate chapter, 'The Ass Festival'! I know I'm biased, being a god myself, but I like how towards the end even Nietzsche basically admitted that humans need gods. Zarathustra had hoped that, following the death of God, mankind could evolve into something greater. However, the moment he left the "higher men" he had invited into his home alone, they began to worship a donkey! All of them, from the unemployed pope to the murderer of God, needed something to worship, even if it was an ass."
He turned around and lifted his tail, displaying his posterior to the young man before him. "Especially if it's an ass!" Shulk was rendered speechless for nearly a minute by this display, and Wolfutena savored the success of his seduction. His silver and green tail waved like a truce flag, except instead of him surrendering to Shulk it would be the other way around. Eventually Shulk regained his voice, stood up, and began speaking with a colder tone than before.
"Well, my favorite chapter from that book was 'On Passing By'. It's impressive how Nietzsche was able to call out the pseudo-intellectual edgelords who would go on to expound and emulate his work for their own twisted ends. I would advise you to go and read that bit again before trying to discuss that book, or anything else for that matter, with me. Star Wolf does not need more than one ape, more than one grunting swine!"
The nervousness Wolfutena felt when first glimpsing Shulk began to return to him and his left ear began to twitch. "Now Shulk, darling, I've heard that you possess clairvoyance that surpasses even the hero of Dune; surely you can see your destiny as one of my most cherished servants. Besides, it's okay for humans to give in to their desires and any sprightly young man would yearn to serve a beautiful goddess, especially one as generous as I. For all my followers, every day ends with an ass festival!"
The Homs responded by making a retching sound and followed it up with, "Oh, the nausea! After that remark, what I need is a Tums festival." He laughed and the wolf joined in despite not getting the joke, hopeful that the mood was getting lighter. However, when Shulk spoke up again his voice was firm. "Wolfutena, listen to me. I'm not entirely sure what you're playing at here, but I promise you that you will not have your way with me. Please, just accept that and pass by." Wolfutena grinned and bared his fangs.
"You know Shulk, I have not had this body long. I still need to get adjusted to my sexy powers. I'm not sure how much I can hold myself back once I start to really let loose, so if you resist things may get very rough for you. One cannot go against the word of a goddess."
Shulk sighed and answer, "You absolutely have no idea what I've been through, do you? I've dealt with your sort before, mortals who think they're gods just because they've stumbled across some power. Last time I had to deal with someone like that it didn't turn out well for them and I really don't want to see something like that happen again. However, if you won't pass by I might not have a choice."
What is he talking about? Wolfutena wondered, but he did not dwell on the question. "Well, it certainly seems like you'll provide a nice warm-up for my new position!" He placed a paw on Shulk's shoulder and dug his claws into the skin, blood welling up around them. "Verily, I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws."
Shulk slapped the god's paw away, scattering crimson droplets across the beach. Wolfutena's single eye reflected a myriad of emotions as he glared at Shulk whilst sensually licking the boy's blood from his claws, savoring the metallic tang of hemoglobin. Shulk eyed this behavior with quiet fury as memories and feelings he had tried to pass by returned to him.
"Looks like we don't have a choice." Shulk despondently whispered as he reached for something something on the sand. Does he actually think the Monado is enough to stop me? Wolfutena asked himself, smirking at what he saw as naive, futile resistance. However, when he saw what else Shulk had picked up, terror instantly purged all traces of amusement from his face: the lad may as well have been wielding the gom jabbar.
In one hand Shulk held the Monado at his side but in his other he was brandishing a rolled-up newspaper. Despite his godly powers, fear -the mind killer- saturated Wolfutena's entire being and he felt his animal instincts taking control of his mind and body. The almighty goddess began to plead for mercy.
"Shulk, please, I did all this only as a game..."
At this point "The Wretched Automatons" finished playing and "The Dark Colossus Destroys All" (also from the NieR soundtrack) began to play.
"Do you honestly expect me to buy the 'it was just a prank, bro' act? You were being serious, you foaming fool, you rabid dog! Your actions have crossed too many lines to be tolerated." Shulk held up the Monado, and a blue "疾" appeared in the centre. "Monado, show me the way!"
At this sight Wolfutena's fight-or-flight response finally took over completely. He turned tail and fled, the thoughts of his sexy powers almost totally driven from his mind. He was at least able to recall that his divine abilities allowed him to float above the water so as he began to glide above the surf he assumed that he had reached safety. However, he heard splashing behind him and looked back to see Shulk charging at him with such speed that he was able to sprint atop the waves. He looked down and began sprinting as hard as he could, trying to stay ahead of Shulk until the speed art wore off. Though he was fleet of foot, it was no match for the power of the Monado and before long he felt blows raining down on him.
"Bad dog! Bad dog!" Shulk bellowed as he struck the naughty goddess with the newspaper. Eventually the assault stopped and Wolfutena looked back, expecting to at last see his assailant halted. However, what he saw did not fill him with relief but instead despair. Shulk had leaped into the air; in one hand he held the newspaper above his head and in the other he brandished the Monado beneath his face, a red "撃" proudly displayed in the centre.
"SMASH!" Shulk cried as he hurled the newspaper towards Wolfutena. The impact launched the heavenly being up skyward while Shulk plunged down into the ocean. The wielder of the god-slaying sword resurfaced, watched the canine comet careen into the mesosphere, and shouted after it, "I'm not that kind of guy!"
THE END... ?