Poe is still angry, still hurt, and still so scared.
He sets course for Ajan Kloss and glowers in the pilot's seat, not sure what to do now that everything has gone completely to hell. Rey is gone, and they don't have the Wayfinder, which means they can't get to Exegol. The Sith fleet will spread out across the galaxy and there will be no stopping them. He lets his head fall back and groans, forgetting that Chewbacca is sitting beside him.
Chewie tells him to lay down, none of them have had much rest since they left the base and Poe was shot. "I'm fine, buddy," he says, which is, of course, when he feels a twinge of pain in his arm. He glances down only to find it's started bleeding again, and the painkillers he'd taken earlier are starting to wear off because he can feel it burning fiercely. Chewie tilts his head in that way he has when he knows someone is clearly lying to him, then tells him to at least go fix his arm so he can fly. To which Poe reluctantly agrees. He hopes he doesn't run into Finn, which is a ridiculous thought on a ship so small, and he hates feeling that way about one of his closest friends.
"I'll be right back," he tells Chewie. "If you hear from Jannah, transmit those coordinates and cross your fingers." The Wookie nods, and Poe heads to the back.
He grabs a medpac and unwraps the scarf he'd hastily tied around his arm, hissing as it comes off and more feeling returns to the area. It's not the worst he's had as blaster burns go, but they don't have any bacta wraps on board; all he can do is clean it, put another pressure bandage on, and take some more pills. It's awkward though, and he struggles, grunting as the wound oozes painfully. He sits down, puts his head on the dejarik table, and breathes deep as a wave of dizziness hits him. BB-8 rolls over, beeping worriedly.
"Do you need help?" Finn asks quietly from nearby. Poe glances up, too fast, and closes his eyes against another rush.
"No," he grinds out, and turns away to finish. "I got it." BB-8 offers to help as well. "I'm fine buddy. Why don't you go check on C3-P0, make sure he's still doing okay with the reboot?" The droid whistles reluctantly and hurries away. Poe is glad; he can feel the tension building between him and Finn already, and for some reason, he does not want BB-8 there to see it.
"I can help," Finn says, moving closer, but Poe shakes his head.
"I really don't think you can," he says, and Finn freezes, his eyes flashing.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asks, but Poe can't tell if he's hurt or angry.
"Forget it," says Poe, placing the pressure bandage on his arm and wrapping it again. Finn is silent the entire time. Poe pulls his sleeve down, shuts the medpac, and stands, once again letting the dizziness pass. "It's done."
Finn's face hardens. "No, it's not done. We need to talk. If you have something to say, say it."
Poe stares at him, his lip curling in frustration as he moves closer, lowers his voice. "I wouldn't even know where to begin," he hisses, all his anger instantly flooding back, so much so that Finn moves away, looking surprised. Poe steps forward again, raises his voice. "And frankly, I don't think it would matter. You're going to do what you want to do anyway, like Rey. Because you understand, and I don't." And there's the hurt, too. Poe doesn't want to do this, but can't leave now.
Finn opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again. "Are you serious? For real? You really think that low of that of me?"
Poe holds up his hands, winces when his left arms twinges. "I don't know, anymore. I feel like I don't know you anymore. You're keeping secrets, and you—"
"Secrets?" Finn exclaims, interrupting him. "You can't complain to me about secrets, not with your…your sordid past."
"Sordid?" Poe laughs, but it's bitter and he hates the sound of it, hates that Finn's words hurt when it was so long ago. "Finn, it's not like it's a big secret. People know—Leia knows, Snap knows. I ran away from home when I was sixteen and got mixed up with a bad crowd. It was half a lifetime ago, and I don't even think about it anymore!"
"Except when you have to hotwire speeders and crack open droids," Finn replies, which for some reason, sets Poe off, even if Finn is only half serious.
"Kriff, Finn, have you ever heard me complain about all the things you learned as a Stormtrooper? Especially when they got us out of trouble?" A look of surprise and maybe shame crosses Finn's face. "No. Because it was your past—your sordid past with the First Order—but it's not who you are now! And I'm sorry if the man I am now isn't good enough, but we—"
"Poe, stop," Finn says, holding up his hand and shaking his head. "That's not what I think, and I'm sorry about—"
"About what?" Poe is too agitated to stop now. He needs to let it all out, or it will fester until he explodes. "About your own secret? About running off after Rey when I said we'd fix the Falcon and go out there together? Or about how I'm not Leia, not as good as her?"
Poe moves closer with each damning accusation; Finn backs away at the last, his eyes wide, his face pale. He looks away, but does not speak.
"I thought we were a good team," Poe says quietly. "But maybe I was wrong."
Finn's head whips up, his eyes on fire. "We are a team," he says. "And I would never do anything to hurt you."
"Well, you did," Poe tells him, very matter-of-fact. He never thought it would happen, but it has. "So now we move on. It's over, Finn. We failed. We need to regroup back at base and figure out what the hell to do now."
"No," says Finn, shaking his head. "It's not over. Not this coming battle, and not us. Never us."
"You left," Poe hisses at him. "You could have been killed out there, and what for?"
"I already told you, I was trying to help Rey!"
"Can you see she doesn't want our help?" Poe shouts.
"That doesn't mean I couldn't try," Finn shouts back. "You don't know, don't understand how hard this is for her."
"Right, because I'm not Leia," Poe replies, letting Finn see and feel all the hurt and bitterness., Poe hates that one damning sentence is coming between them, wishes it didn't break his heart, but it does because it's Finn and too close to the truth Poe feels in his gut every time he messes up. The other man frowns, shakes his head.
"That's not what I meant."
"What did you mean, then?" Poe demands. "What do you understand here that I don't? Why do you get to know and I can't?"
"Because I think I'm Force-sensitive!" Finn shouts. "I can feel things, sense them, sometimes before they happen. Like Leia. And I can feel that something is wrong with Rey!"
Poe stares at him. Never in a million years would he have thought to hear such a confession, and yet it makes so much sense. Of course Finn is Force-sensitive, it explains everything. And it's brilliant. Yet it also makes Poe feel worse, that for some reason Finn couldn't share something so important.
"What's wrong with Rey?" he asks, because he doesn't know how to react to Finn's confession, what to think. Finn shrugs helplessly.
"I don't know. But that's what I wanted to tell her, why I went after her. She's in danger, Poe. I know it."
Poe sighs, suddenly feeling sad. "You could have told me."
"I didn't know how," Finn says. "I didn't know what you'd say."
And that raises Poe's defenses once more, because he thought they were closer than that, but Finn's also right, he doesn't know how to respond. "What am I supposed to say? Congratulations, take some time off to float rocks?"
There is an angry finger in his face. "That's what I'm talking about. You're always giving Rey a hard time about her training. Why would I tell you something you'd only judge me for?"
"I'm not judging you!" Poe exclaims. "I think it's fantastic, Finn. It's amazing, and it…it makes so much sense, it explains so much. But if I'm being honest, it freaks me out because I don't want to lose you—"
"You're not going to lose me," Finn sighs in frustration.
"—lose you to training, to Rey, to some Jedi code. Finn, we need you. Now more than ever." He wants to tell Finn how much he needs the other man, but after all they've said, how can he? He'd always thought Finn was his strongest source of support, but apparently, he was wrong. At least he has some idea of why.
Finn steps forward, grips his elbow. "You are not going to lose me," he says. "Not like that."
"Like what, then?" Poe asks, and he can't help the break in his voice. "You could have been killed out there, Finn. You could have drowned, or…or Ren…" He cuts off, shakes his head, the shame filling him. He can't help it: even if Finn sees him differently, Poe still needs him. Still cares about him. "I can't lose you," he grinds out, blinking back angry tears. He wishes this wasn't happening, that he could say something else to Finn, but those words…those words may never happen now.
Finn stares at the ground for so long Poe is certain he's said too much anyway. He steps back, tries to calm his racing heart. "Look, we have bigger problems to worry about. I need to know I can trust you to be there."
"Poe, you can always trust me." Finn's eyes are sad, and Poe wants so badly to believe him.
"You left," he says again, but this time it is soft and damning. "I need to know you won't leave again, no matter who's in danger."
"Even you?" Finn demands.
"Especially me." Poe holds his gaze, but Finn shakes his head.
"I won't let you sacrifice yourself," Finn starts. "If that's what you're thinking—"
"Of course I'm not. I'm going to see this through, all the way to the end." Poe takes a deep breath. "So let's set this aside. We need to move on."
Poe is not exactly sure how, and is shocked at what he sees in Finn's eyes: the same pain and heartbreak he feels himself. "No," Finn replies, his voice stronger. "I'm not setting it aside. Not this time."
Finn is still afraid, still upset, and still determined to fix it.
He's afraid he's going to lose everything—Rey, the war, and now Poe. Poe who is right here with him, alive and yet so angry, so hurt. Finn can not only see how much Poe hurts, he can feel it. But he can't set it aside, he won't. It's too important. He can't move on and defeat the Sith fleet if he doesn't make this right.
"No," he says. "I'm not setting it aside. Not this time."
"What do you mean, no?" Poe demands. "We can't have this argument right now, Finn. We have to get back to base and figure out a way to find Exegol, so we can get there and stop this fleet!"
"And I can't do that if we're not good," Finn says. "I can't lose you either, Poe. I need you."
Poe looks at him like he's crazy, like Finn has lost his mind. Maybe Poe is right and this isn't an argument they should have when so many other things are falling apart around them, but Finn can't stop now. He meant what he said, he needs Poe. And he especially needs to know Poe truly trusts him if they are going to get through this.
"I don't know what you need, Finn," Poe says, his voice quiet and sad. "But it's not me."
"Don't say it's Rey," Finn immediately replies, not sure why he's worried about Poe thinking such a thing. Poe huffs and does a frustrated turn, just like earlier.
"I wasn't going to say that," Poe tells him. "Believe it or not, I think I get it now, why you've been so…so…concerned about her, so worried. Why you put your own life at risk to run after her," he says. "I'd do the same, if I thought…if I could actually feel that something was wrong, with you or Rey, or Jess or Snap. Any one of my friends. I understand."
"Then why are you still mad at me?" Finn demands. This is not going at all how he imagined it would, but he doesn't understand.
"Because youdidn't trust me!" Poe exclaims. "Because ever since I lightspeed skipped us out of Sinta Glacier Colony, you've been looking at me like…like I'm different. Like I'm less. Less than Leia," he practically whispers at the end, before meeting Finn's eyes. "I always thought you were the one person who believed in me, really believed in me, Finn. I don't know why, but that's gone now. And I don't know how to get it back."
Finn feels like he's been kicked in the chest, and staggers back, shaking his head. "No," he says, then again, stronger. "No, that is not what's going on here. Not at all. You are so wrong!"
Poe's face hardens. "Of course I am. Wrong. Always wrong."
"Stop it," Finn hisses. "That's not what I meant, stop twisting my words! You're wrong about me—because I do trust you, more than anyone I know. And yeah, I was surprised at the light speed skipping, and the hotwiring, and the droid cracking—"
"And the spice running," Poe interrupts, his voice thick with bitter sarcasm.
"And that's it, I was surprised," Finn says. "Maybe I reacted badly, but it was unexpected, it…" He laughs, a breathy sound through his nose. "It kind of makes you normal, more like the rest of us. Poe Dameron, best pilot in the galaxy? Turns out he's as messed up as the rest of us."
"You knew that," Poe tells him. "Because you know me, you've known me for over a year, you've watched me screw up over and over, seen me at my best and my worst. Falling apart after Crait, getting shot after Anoat, crashing on Pacara. You've seen it all, I hid nothing!" He's shouting by the end, his voice cracking, his eyes bright, the implication clear: Finn hid himself. And he did, because he was scared. The only way he can make it better is to take the risk that he may make it worse. He can't hide any more.
"I do know you," Finn says, so quiet the words barely come out, because his throat is tight and his heart is racing. He brushes away the wetness in his eyes, sees Poe frown. "It's why I believe in you, why I've believed in you since the moment we met. I never stopped, and I never will." He forces his feet to move forward, is so grateful when Poe doesn't retreat. Finn has never been more nervous and frightened in his life—not when he left the First Order, not when he faced Phasma, not a dozen other times he's almost died with the Resistance, usually by Poe's side.
"I have never meant anything more than when I say I can't lose you. I can't do this without you, Poe."
Poe's eyes reflect both confusion and hope, and Finn steps forward, puts a hand on his shoulder. Poe looks at it, nods, sighs.
"Then let's finish this," he says quietly. "We can talk more later."
"Poe," Finn starts, but the other man shakes his head.
"We have to," Poe insists. "This is bigger than me or you."
"No, I'm not hiding anymore," Finn tells him. "I need you to believe me!"
Poe purses his lips, like he's holding back another outburst, then shrugs, his voice falsely bright. "Fine, I believe you. Now let's go, we need to get to Ajan Kloss, and let everyone know—kriff, what are we going to tell Leia?" His shoulders slump as he rubs his good hand across his face. "It couldn't get any worse, could it?" he whispers.
Finn reaches out, takes his hand. He steps forward, slowly wrapping his other arm around Poe's waist and holding tight. Finn is shaking hard, terrified as Poe looks at him with wide-eyed surprise, so much like the day Finn pulled off his trooper helmet and defected, that Finn almost laughs. Yet Poe doesn't pull away, and Finn leans forward, kisses Poe with all the clumsy awkwardness of the moment, closing his eyes and hoping he isn't making an even bigger mistake.
Poe doesn't quite react, is still staring at him when Finn ends the kiss. "Uh, what was that?" he asks softy, eyes flicking to Poe's lips. Finn's heart is thumping.
"That was me, not hiding, not anymore, and hoping to stars you believe in me like I believe in you."
Poe's mouth drops open, and Finn takes the opportunity to kiss him again, hoping that maybe this time Poe will kiss him back. And after a moment's hesitation, Poe closes his eyes and returns the kiss. Hard and fast, his hand coming up to cup the back of Finn's head as they grow more passionate, more heated, until—
"Wait, wait," Poe gasps. "I don't understand, where is this coming from?" He steps back, runs a hand through his hair, uncertainty and longing clear in his eyes. The latter gives Finn hope. "Why now?"
"Because I never meant to hurt you," Finn tells him. "Because I trust you, and I believe in you, and because I can't lose you." He emphasizes the last, because he can't say the words he wants to say, not yet.
Poe searches his face, and sometimes Finn could swear the other man is Force-sensitive, can see into his soul. Once again everything plays out in Poe's eyes: confusion, realization, wonder. "You really mean it."
"Of course I mean it." Finn almost laughs, but not quite. "I want to do this together, Poe. Together."
"Together." Poe looks away. "You actually mean, together. Kriff, Finn, talk about timing! There's a Sith fleet out there that we have to find and take down! How are we supposed to do that now, if all I can think about is this?"
"Because this will make us stronger." Poe shakes his head, trying to deny it, but Finn will not let him. "It will, because I can't do it without you!" He can feel the tears in his eyes, see them in Poe's.
"I can't do it without you either," Poe finally whispers, and kisses him this time. "Stars, that's amazing. But we shouldn't do this, not now. Finn, we have to set it aside, focus. We have to win first."
Poe looks determined, and Finn can't find it in him to argue anymore, and his voice is stuck in his throat anyway so he can only nod. "Okay," he finally croaks. "I get it, I do, but that means you…Poe, you have to make it back."
"We both do," Poe tells him, gripping his arms tight, his voice earnest and intense. "We come back together, and we work this out."
"Promise?"
Poe nods slowly, then reaches over his head, taking off the chain he wears every day. Finn grabs his hands and stops him.
"No, no, no!" he says. "Are you crazy, you can't do that, not now." Finn has always known how impulsive Poe can be, but this is too much.
"Do you know how long I've thought about this?" Poe replies. "After everything that's happened, that might still happen, I thought I'd never have a chance."
"I'm sorry," Finn tells him, settling the chain back around Poe's neck. "But I won't take it until we win. Like you said."
"Promise?" Poe asks, and Finn kisses him again, giving him his answer. They remain close, Finn's hand holding the back of Poe's head, his fingers running through the other man's hair; Poe's hand gently caressing Finn's jaw.
"We're gonna do this," says Finn. It is both a question and a statement, about more than just them.
"Yeah," says Poe, and he smiles. "We are. So let's get started." The smile splits into a broad grin that he punctuates with one final kiss. "I don't want to wait any longer than I already have."
"The feeling is mutual," Finn laughs, and Poe laughs with him; it feels as if all the tension between them is released in one hysterical rush. They are still laughing when they reach the cockpit, walking close, fingers brushing. Chewbacca glances back, growls at them that Jannah and her crew have radioed for the coordinates to Ajan Kloss. Poe looks to Finn, who simply nods, and Poe gives the order to transmit before sitting down in the pilot's seat.
Chewbacca growls something to Poe about working it out with Finn. "We did, buddy," Poe replies. "We're good now."
Chewie replies with something about Poe's hair being messed up and how they should work it out in private next time. Poe rolls his eyes, while Finn apologizes, until Poe turns to look at him, and he smiles; Finn smiles back, his heart full. He's not hiding anything anymore, and it feels good. He's still worried, and Poe is still probably upset; they have a long way to go, but they've made promises. They're going to do this. They will win this war, and survive, and come back together.
Author's Note:
The end! Thanks again to captain-flint, mssrj_335, and starsarefire824! If it's too angsty, know it could have been worse; if it's too sappy, that too could have been worse. I edited and edited and tried to achieve some sort of balance that I really hope works for this imaginary scene. Sometimes I feel like we read way too much into the some of the interactions between Finn and Poe, into Finn's reasons for the things he says and does, or Poe's reaction to them; that line about Leia will always get to me, though. But fanfic is a way to give these things more depth and context, and this is just one possibility. Who knows, maybe they worked it out quick and easy with far less yelling; maybe they ignored it completely; maybe it was all a bit of light teasing. The possibilities are almost endless. Thanks for reading this one possibility!