—
ii: brocade
—
Noctis brings me lunch one day and I feel guilty. More than feeling guilty, I am embarrassed. He pushes a bento my way and sets his own down in his lap. The bento has chocobos on it—CHOCOBOS. I asked Ignis to make you something. I just... never see you eating much of anything at lunch. Noctis lowers his gaze and fiddles with the top of his bento. Fuck, he noticed. I just wanted to make sure you have something... an apple isn't enough food to take you through the day, you know? He looks up at me with the most earnest look I've ever seen. I know how seriously you take your personal fitness, so I just wanted to make sure you were eating enough, Prompto.
There's a surge of irrational anger that courses through my body and I have to fight down the need to curse Noctis out for this gesture. That's the crazy part of me talking. Don't pay attention to it, Prompto, Noct doesn't deserve that. Not with everything he's given you, everything he's done for you. My anger is hidden by the way I clench my jaw and smack Noctis on the shoulder. I let out a loud boisterous laugh; he's concerned that I'm not eating properly? Not eating enough? I smile at him and it hurts. I just find making lunch such a bother and I don't want to waste money on the crappy food that our school serves. Is that so hard to believe?
I reach for the bento and shakily begin to open it. Noctis continues, Ignis can start making you food if you prefer? I could tell him what foods you like, what you don't... honestly he won't mind. He actually says I could learn something from you. You actually eat your vegetables. No, I don't want Ignis to start making me food. Even if his cooking is absurdly delicious and makes me want to binge every time I'm around it. I survey the bento. Two ajinori rice balls, cherry tomatoes, broccoli, sautéed spinach and a few slices of salmon filet. This is way too much, but it looks so good. Fuck. Fuck.
Noct is watching me survey the food with such an intense gaze that I think I might break. He opens his mouth and then closes it as I interrupt.
DUDE! This looks amazing.
—
I run until everything is on fire.
Breathe, Prompto. Breathe.
I crash forward and slam hard as I hit the floor.
—
Noct brings me food again and I literally feel like crying. Why is he doing this? Why is he trying to make me fat again? What the hell am I supposed to do with all of this food? He pushes the bento toward me again. The same fucking chocobo bento with food crammed into it. Food that someone—Ignis—took their time to prepare. I feel like shit. I can't do this. How am I supposed to pretend to eat this when he's looking right at me? I can feel my stomach refusing every part of the food I'm trying to ingest. The funny thing about making yourself throw up is that at some point the body starts to reject most of what you'll put into it. It becomes accustomed to you constantly forcing yourself to throw up. ...My gag reflex feels like its starting to disappear.
Halfway through lunch I begin to choke as I feel the half eaten food rush back up my esophagus and I literally have to clamp my mouth shut before I throw up on Noct. I quickly excuse myself to the bathroom and proceed to cough up the lunch that I should have never had to begin with. When I come back, Noct tries to hide the concern on his face and I wave him off. Maybe... Ignis should start making my lunches a little lighter?
I eat a big breakfast after all...
—
How long has it been since I've seen the sun? The rainy season is upon us and the weather is getting warmer. We'll be switching to summer uniform shortly and I won't be able to hide underneath the layers of my blazer or sweater anymore. Maybe I can keep a sweater around and claim that the air conditioning in the classroom is too much. I get cold so easily. I feel like… I feel like I'm falling apart.
—
My tongue is red and swollen and my eyes are drying out. The freckles on my nose stand out in stark contrast to my pale skin. There's a permanent ring of red around my eyes and I'm considering investing in makeup or something. I look fucking terrible. I'm tired. I'm so damn tired. I'm sitting at the kitchen table and there's an apple on the plate in front of me. Why am I testing myself like this? I leave the table and go to take a picture of myself.
(142.5lbs?)
—
I wonder if I can call Gladio and Ignis friends?They're always around whenever I'm around. And we do things together ... like friends do. Ignis cooks for us, Gladio calls Noct and I—the kids—and somehow it feels like I've gained the siblings I never had the chance to have. It feels warm. I like being around them, but I'm not quite so sure how they feel about me. Don't mess this up, Prompto.
—
A few days later Noctis and I are lying around in his bed at late night. My brain hurts for more reasons than one and I'm tired from all the studying that I've been forced into. My wrists are sore from holding up stupid textbooks all day and I honestly just want to go to sleep, wake up in the morning and do nothing. I know Noct isn't asleep because he keeps tossing and turning, which is odd for him. Usually the guy just knocks the fuck out the minute his head hits the pillow.
…It's been on my mind for a while now, but I'm surprised Noct let's me sleep next to him like this. Royalty aside, isn't this, y'know, a little gay? Two guys. Sleeping in a bed together? Not that I mind. It's just. I've never really had friends that were this close before. Maybe this isn't gay? I don't know. Noct flips back over and whispers to me in the darkness. When I turn to look at him, I feel my heart do a weird skipping thing—heart palpitations from starvation maybe—and maybe my face is heating up just a little. He's really fucking close, curled up and has his hands fisting his pillow like a small child. Why in the world does he look so confused? I'm confused myself. Prompto? Are you up?
I nod my head slowly and wait for him to continue. He sighs and turns over on his side. Can I ask you a question? This is it. He's gonna ask me why I'm still fat. I can hear it in his voice before he even says it. Sure, Noct. You can ask me anything ... anything but that. Don't ask me why I'm still fat. I just—Do you have any gay friends?
What? Huh? What did he say?
Do you have any gay friends?
My answer spills out my mouth before I even have a chance to think: you're my only friend.
I hear a sharp intake of air on Noct's side and I immediately realize what I said. I'm quick to shoot up in bed and start apologizing profusely at the absurdity at it all. I wasn't calling him gay but if he's gay that's totally cool I don't have anything against gay people some of the best photographers in the world are gay and I look up to them but that doesn't make me gay and you don't do anything that's gay so don't worry if you are—Prompto.
He's laughing. Noct is honestly laughing at my meltdown. He punches me lightly on the shoulder. I wasn't talking about you... and if you're gay. That's okay with me, too. He sits up in bed as well and motions for me to turn on the light beside his bed. Come on, I can't sleep. Let's go make fatfatfatfatfathot chocolatefatfatfatfat.
Was Noct fucking insane? I completely blanked out on his reasons for making such an offending, fattening drink as I try to recall everything that I'd had to eat that day. Coffee, no sugar, 2 calories. Two egg whites, 34 calories. Three cherry tomatoes, 9 calories. Noct had forced a diet soda—0 calories—and a slice of pizza—albeit veggie—down my throat, so that's 230 … 270 calories? Of course Ignis had dropped by to prepare dinner—keycatrich salad and a mushroom medley for me, some type of grilled greasy sandwich for Noct. I had a cup of the mushroom medley and ate most of the salad. ... I'm going to ballpark that around 250 just to be safe. Just under six hundred for the day and I haven't even had a chance to run yet. Not that I really can as of late, my legs feel stiff and my shins hurt. I've tried stretching but that causes more pain than it's worth at times.
This is not okay.
Prom? I blinked my way back into the present and looked up at him. What did he just call me? Noct waves a hand in front of my face and tilts his head to the side, You still here? I swallow hard and force a grin at Noct. Yeah, I guess I am.
We head out into the kitchen and Noct fumbles his way through using some expensive looking appliance on the countertop. I take two mugs out of the cabinet, set them down on the island and wait for him to finish up with whatever he's doing. I look at the time, just after eleven.The reason... I asked you about before is, uh. I, uhm. I saw Ignis and Gladio. You know, kissing.
I stared at Noct for a minute and then had the audacity to laugh at him. That's what he's so hung up over? This is what he wanted to talk to me about? The way he was getting so flustered over this well... it ... it was kinda cute. I crossed my arms over my chest and grinned at him. What's the matter, Noct? Are you jealous?
NO! I... I never. He frowned and then reached for one of the mugs so that he could pour the hot chocolate for us. I was just surprised. That's all. Gladio's always hitting on every girl that moves and Ignis is... well. I always thought he was just ... too devoted to his duties to care about that kind of thing. Just ...why wouldn't they tell me? A strange surge of pride rose into my chest and I tried to swallow it down. Noctis was confiding in me. In me. I pushed my mug forward and let him pour out some hot chocolate for me. I guess ... I would allow this if it brought Noct some type of comfort in some way. I brought the mug up to my lips and sniffed in the aroma of the warm drink.
He stared at me as if he was expecting me to be able to clear up what he was thinking and I don't know? Every person has their thing? …Like I have my thing. And that thing is personal. Ignis and Gladio just had a thing. And when they felt like sharing that thing, Noct would get his answer. For now, it would be better if he didn't worry about what didn't concern him. If they were together, well. Noct would accept them for who they were… wouldn't he?
—
Summer comes in hot and wet. School ends for summer break and Noct keeps asking me to hang out every day of the week. I can't deny that I love being in his presence, but I want to have some time alone for a while. I'm thinking of getting a part time job. This whole binge and purge nonsense is starting to become expensive and I'm tired of explaining my exorbitant food purchases to my parents when they question my bank statements. I find an ad for a studio assistant, the perfect job. I call them on a Tuesday; they bring me in for an interview. I get hired the following Monday.
Honestly, I've been thinking about turning this photography thing into something more. I already have enough shots of myself and I sneak a few of Noct every now and then when he's not looking. But I should start learning more about it... what does it take to be a successful photographer? Finding something beautiful to take a picture of? What do I consider beautiful? Not ... me of course.
...Noct?
What …about Noctis?
—
Sometimes I enjoy the feeling of emptiness in my stomach. Sure my hands are shaking and my mouth feels dry, but the feeling of emptiness mirrors what I feel in my heart on a daily basis. I thought becoming Noctis' friend—his best friend—would fix these feelings of inadequacy. I thought I would stop feeling like the god damn lonely fat kid all the time and finally start feeling like an actual person. Like I belonged for once in my life. Maybe I don't. Maybe I never will.
(137.6lbs)
—
Noct's birthday creeps up on me at the end of the month. The city has a festive air about it, even if Noct looks like he wants to murder everyone in the reports that run about him. His sullen face is splashed across the television all day and I have to laugh at how ridiculously pissed off he looks.
We don't really talk about the whole royalty thing. I know it makes him uncomfortable, so I make an effort to always treat Noct as a person first and the prince ... well ... never. It's odd though. With as much as I stress over my position in relation to this, you think my insecurities would come out a lot more. ...I guess I'm just good about hiding things... like this little secret ... diet of mine. If we can even call it a diet at this point, ha.
Anyway, today was a momentous occasion for me as well because—I was going to the Citadel... and I was meeting King Regis. No big deal, no big deal. Actually my brain was on fucking code red the entire day. Noctis had thankfully enlisted the help of Ignis to find "suitable" attire for me for dinner with the two of them tonight. Fuck. Could I not eat and just pass it off as nerves? Oh fuck, oh fuck. Noct says we'll do something normal to celebrate, probably something like playing video games and eating junk food. But the King—uh ... his dad—really wants to see me. Meet me? Oh god.
So there I was. Sitting at this long ass table between a prince and a king, and wondering, how the hell this had suddenly become my life for one night. I couldn't stop fiddling with the damn cuff on my right arm. Fuck. Fuck. I looked at Noct and then Regis. Things seemed tense and I couldn't tell if it was because I was there or if things between the two of them were awkward. Awkward. That's a trending topic in my life, isn't it? Well this was just another awkward moment to add to the list.
Regis clears his throat and looks at me. He asks me about school, my interests, my life at home... how much time I've been spending with Noct. He seems to smile at the mention of his son and I can feel the red working from the center of my nose all the way up to my ears. Yeah. We have been spending a lot of time together haven't we? It's been nice being close with someone though. Having someone who wants to spend so much time with you... a best friend. Regis seems to emphasize those last two words and Noct chokes on the piece of steak he just chomps down on. I spear a couple of pieces of lettuce on my fork and nod in agreement. It's nice spending time with Noct. I've never had a friend like him before. Regis looks at me and then at Noctis and he smiles warmly in return. Noctis has taken to hiding his face behind his fork and half of his hand and I wonder what's the significance of what I've just said? Why is Noct so flustered all of a sudden? Did I say something stupid again? I tend to do that a lot ... don't I?
We retire from the dinner table and head out to a private balcony to watch the fireworks display over the city. Noct leans in to say something to me, but I can't hear him over the sounds of cheering below and exploding powder and lights in the sky. Something Regis does catches Noct's attention, but he waves him away as he goes to reach for his cane. Regis clamps a hand over my shoulder and leans in close: Please, keep watch over him for the rest of the night. He trusts you, Prompto. I look up at Regis, startled by the candid and personal confession. ...I'll do my best.
When Regis disappears, I catch fireworks in the reflection of Noct's eyes. He turns to smile at me. My heart pulls and I nearly choke on my breath.
Oh. What was that?
—
I had a weird dream last night. I was a girl. And Noct was also a girl. And I'm not quite sure why, but I know that Noct makes a really beautiful looking girl. But, that's … not really the point. For some reason we were in my bed. Which is weird, considering that Noct has never been over to my house … and I never really want him to come over here. The lights were off and I had taken the corner by the wall for once. Noct was on his (her?) side with his back to me. I could hear the rain outside and the rumble of a car passing by my house. Why were we here of all places? Why wasn't this dream taking place in Noct's place? What. The. Fuck. (WHY ARE WE GIRLS?)
Noctis finally rolls over and looks at me in this way. She leans in and I shrink against the wall, surprised by his sudden movements. He frowns and draws in closer and I turn away from her. Him. HER. HIM? I don't know how to describe it; I don't want to describe it. But the look on her face is coy and somewhat playful. (Ah, fuck. I'm describing it.) He doesn't look as uncomfortable as I feel in this dream. The world feels foggy. Like we're in this dreamscape (this is a dream, after all) where no one can touch us. And it feels nice… really nice. I can't really process my feelings in this instance. Nor can I really explain what it is about this place that feels nice to me. Maybe it's… being here with Noct. Even if… this isn't really Noct? I feel a hand slide underneath the spaghetti strap of the tank top I'm wearing. There are lips being pressed against the bare skin there and I'm frozen. One of Noct's arms rests on my hip and toys with the hem of my tank top. I hear a small giggle. I can't breathe.
Noctis gets really close to my ear and whispers, Why are you being so shy right now? Why am I being so shy? She tugs at the hem of my tank top and brushes her lip over my shoulder again. You know how much I love your freckles, right? No, I don't. This is weird. But it's… kind of nice? It's Noct. But it's not really Noct. She fiddles with the drawstrings of my pajama pants and pushes me against the wall. The real Noctis would never be this forward. Besides, I doubt Noct would have boobs that are this big… pressing so intently between my shoulder blades. I hate my brain. Why is it doing this right now? Noct's hands are… in my pants now and I confess it actually feels … really … good and I … I wake up just as dawn breaks.
What the fuck.
—
My head is in a fog as I sip my iced coffee and try to wrap my brain around the damn dream. The studio is quiet in the evening and I think I might head home earlier if my boss approves it. The dream is still on my mind and I'm just… weird today. Weirder than usual, that is. What was that? I've had my share of wet dreams… but nothing like that. Was that even a wet dream? I don't know. I can't figure this mess out right now. My boss comes in and disrupts my not-so-heterosexual daydreams and tells me that we've got a shoot to set up for. I set my cup down on a table and set about fixing the key lights while the other assistant leads the client over to the makeup chair and begins applying powder to her already too pale face.
—
The autumn quarter is upon us and we're almost halfway through the school year. Things haven't changed much since Noct's birthday. I'm still working, still running, still avoiding food. Noctis stops pushing the whole lunch thing after awhile. I think he realizes how uncomfortable it was making me. He still frowns at my typical apple for lunch, but he doesn't push the issue. The next day he asks me, Prompto, have you lost weight?
Finally, he notices. I laugh in response.
Nah, still the same fat kid from before.
Noct doesn't laugh.
—
It's almost rush hour and we're walking away from the arcade when Noct asks me: So, when can I come over to your place? I nearly choke on my diet soda and pause to look at him. Why in the world would he want to come over to my place? Noct is waiting for an answer and I honestly feel like I'm standing in the middle of a tundra. I sip on my soda and then laugh his question off. Why would we go to my place? It's a regular plebeian house. Nothing to see there, nothing to do there. Noctis frowns again and I'm not sure why. What did I do that was wrong? What did I say that was wrong? What did I do? At the fork in the road he mumbles a quick goodbye. This is what Noct does when he's upset. He shuts down and pretends like the other person is a mind reader. Fuck. What the fuck did I do? I was being honest, wasn't I? Was that the problem?
—
Today is not a good day.
(145.7lbs)
I'm not. I'm not seeing that right. That's a mistake. I can't—
145.7145.7145.7145.7145.7145.7.
WHY HAS IT GONE UP?
It was that fucking binge the other night wasn't it? Pigging out with Noct last weekend? Not running enough this week? Am I building up too much muscle? Am I... why have I gained weight? I want to pick the scale up and throw it at out the fucking window. I feel an overwhelming sense of dread. I want to die. This isn't good. I can't breathe. I'm going to be late to school if I don't pull myself together and get out the door in another thirty minutes. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God, I can't go out like this. I can't—
…I don't remember getting back into bed. I don't remember sleeping the day away. But when I wake up, it's close to four in the afternoon and my stomach feels like its trying to digest itself. My head is throbbing and my throat is so dry it hurts. I try to push myself up on shaky arms so that I can sit up in bed, but my vision corkscrews and I collapse back down onto my bed, too weak to move. My phone buzzes on my nightstand and it's honestly a struggle to reach for it. When my vision refocuses, I notice that they're all notifications from Noct. Four missed calls and fifteen texts. Great. Great.
Most of the texts involve variations of—dude, where are you?—and—is everything okay?—No, it's not okay. I think I might be running a fever, because everything fucking aches and my entire body feels like its both on fire and chilled to the bone at the same time. I try and listen to one of Noct's voicemails, but my head hurts too much and his voice sounds jarring against the silence of my house.
I attempt to text him something coherent, but my vision won't concentrate enough for me to focus on my phone. Fuck. My phone rings suddenly and startles me so much that I drop it on my face. It's Noct. I can't hold a decent conversation with him when I feel this shitty. I let the phone go to voicemail again and drift off.
—
Someone's hand is on my forehead. Heavy, safe, warm… I don't want the hand to leave. When I open my eyes, I realize … that I was dreaming. There's a really gross aftertaste in the back of my mouth and I still feel like crap. I glance at the clock and realize that its nighttime and I've slept the entire day away. Just as I push myself up in bed, I register the faint knocking that's at my front door. Who in the world could that be?
Getting out of bed takes more effort than I realize and I slowly shuffle my way out of my room and into the hallway. Everything fucking hurts and I can't shake this cold sweat that's building up with each step that I take. I peek through the peephole and nearly fall straight back on my ass when I see Noct standing there along with Ignis. What the fuck. What the fuck? How did they find me?
The knocking persists and I don't know if I should answer the door or run, get back into bed and hide away. The house is a fucking mess, Jesus Christ they can't come in here. There's a muffled exchange between the two of them from behind the door, softer knocking, and then the doorbell rings. Prompto?
I inhale sharply and open the door just a smidge so I can poke my head out. I greet them and try to manage a grin, but it's not working. My eyes are betraying my emotions. Noct's eyes light up in recognition and then he frowns. Why haven't I contacted him all day? I had him worried. It's been two days since I've seen you or heard from you, I—wait, two days? What the hell? I tilt my head to the side, what does he mean by two days? I've been out for a day haven't I?
No, you haven't. It's Friday.
I blink again. I'm losing my grip on reality and Noctis and Ignis are still standing there. Noct with a mixture of concern and anger on his face and Ignis is neutral as always. I'm fine. Just tired. A little sick, I've been sleeping all day. Don't worry. I'm taking care of myself. You didn't have to come all this way. How did you know where I lived anyway? Oh, right. You're the prince. You can do these sorts of things. Finding things out about people when they wish you would respect their privacy and leave things alone. Noct looks hurt and Ignis apologizes for the intrusion. I don't care if I fucked things up. I just want to go back to sleep.
Please, just go away.
—
The scale drops the next morning.
139.8lbs.
I'm buying a new scale.
—
There's a knock at the door on Sunday morning. I'm feeling a little better physically, but my mood still feels largely unstable. I don't want visitors. I'm saving all my mental energy for school tomorrow... thinking about what I'm going to do about Noct tomorrow. The doorbell rings again and I pull myself together just enough to get up and see who's at the door.
Gladio. And Ignis. Oh shit. Oh, shit. Ignis goes to ring the doorbell again, but Gladio swipes his hand away and pounds on the door. Oh my God, they're here to beat the shit out of me. They're gonna kill me for upsetting the crown prince. I'm dead, I'm dead. Committed treason against the royal family, I—Prompto, I know you're there. We're only here to talk about you and Noctis. Ignis' calm and collected rhetoric is interrupted by Gladio's brutish—No we're not. You upset the princess, so now it's my job to kick your—Gladio. Please. I timidly chanced poking my head out of the door. Ignis nodded courteously to me and Gladio has his hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie, staring me down as hard as he could. I frowned and then sighed. I knew they weren't going to leave until I heard what they had to say. Thankfully I had cleaned up some that morning, so the house didn't look like an absolute mess when they walked in.
Ignis laid it all out for me once we were seated: Noctis was a mess and didn't understand what he did wrong. He was concerned about me. I didn't seem well these days, I was pushing him away. I wasn't eating properly, I was distant. There's something I'm not telling him and it hurts that I'm shutting him out. Noct doesn't understand people very well. And you, Prompto, you don't treat him like everyone else does. You know, gawking at him because he's royalty. You treat him like a regular person, you never bring up the royal stuff... and he doesn't want to bring you around it either. That's why he likes you, Prompto. You like him just as he is. You make him feel ... normal.
In my head: He did nothing wrong, this is my fault. I don't want him to know how deep the rabbit hole goes with me. I want him to see that I've changed. I'm not that stupid fat kid anymore. I'm Prompto, the happy-go-lucky joker he's come to know over these past six months. I don't want him to know about my disgusting habits. How I hate myself so much that I'm slowly killing myself. I just want to be good enough, good enough for him. Is that so much to ask for?
The thoughts stack in my brain, like a stupid game of Tetris. Except it's impossible to line them up so they cancel out and disappear. I look up at Ignis and feel the tears starting to brim at the corner of my eyes. Gladio's demeanor changes and Ignis' eyebrows rise in curiosity. Prompto, are you all right?
No. No I'm fucking not okay.
—
Homeroom is hell the next morning and I want to die before I even step foot through the threshold of our classroom. Noct is sitting by the window, pastry in hand and some type of book is open on his desk. My stomach clenches painfully—in hunger or anxiety, I really can't tell anymore. Stiff upper lip, Prompto.
I greet him in my usual raucous manner and he doesn't even look up at me. He gestures forward with the pastry he's eating and still doesn't meet my gaze. Breakfast? Need some? No? This feels like a challenge on Noct's part, and I stare at the pastry and feel like hyperventilating. Do I take it and resign myself to cutting my calories in half for the day? Or do I refuse it—increasing Noct's ire and making this whole thing worse than it needs to be?
I take a bite out of the pastry and nearly choke on the flood of sugar, cream and jam that seeps into my mouth. The rich texture—Ignis must have made this. This is absolutely delicious; I forgot how good food was supposed to taste. I'm disgusted with myself for even enjoying this. I manage to swallow and it feels like poison is entering my body. I look back at Noct, he's been watching me this entire time. I take another bite and he flips the page of whatever report or book he was reading over. You need to eat more.
—
One week before my birthday, I pass out as I'm getting ready for school. I smack my head on the corner of my dresser and arrive to school, an hour late, with a giant fucking bandage on my head. Noctis is furious and I'm apologetic. What is going on with you? I'm sick. I'm just sick and he can't fix it. I wish he would stop trying. Please stop worrying about me. Please, please, please, please. Please don't worry about me; I'm not worth the trouble. I just want to die. I want everyone to stop worrying about me. I'm not thin enough, I'm still fat. Fatfatfatfatfat. And this is my punishment for never being good enough. I'm just waiting for Noctis to get rid of me like he should. Why did I think this would work out? Whywhywhywhywhy.
—
Four days later, Noctis asks me to come somewhere with him after school. He leads me into the backstreets running along the rear end of the school and I'm a little hesitant to follow. There's a sleek black car parked on the edge of the street and I raise my eyebrows in curiosity. Ignis steps out and Noctis reaches for my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. He leads me into the car and Ignis closes the door behind us. Ignis gets into the front of the car and starts the car up. The partition slowly rolls up and I swallow hard. What's this about? Why is Noct being so formal right now? Furthermore, why is he holding onto my hand like this?
As the car pulls away from the curb, Noctis looks ... nervous. This is a first. Noct turns to me and he can barely meet my eyes, I wanted. I wanted to talk. About you. What about me? Noct frowns and then looks at me. Prompto... I'm not accusing you, okay? I just want to understand. I ... uh, I have a hard time with that. It's something Ignis tells me to work on daily... He turns to look at me, Are you okay? Really, Prom. Please don't lie to me.
I stare at Noctis... and I can't say anything. I can't say anything, but my eyes start to fill with tears in the same way it did when Gladio and Ignis showed up and I lied through all of that built up emotion. I lied about how I was just my stressed out and feeling anxious about school. I lied about how sick I really was, in my body, in my soul. My silent tears soon become full on sobs and I can't stop or catch my breath. I can't keep doing this to myself anymore. I can't keep throwing up. I can't keep gorging myself on food and then starving for three days to keep my weight down. I can't. I couldn't lie to Noct, anymore. I can't keep lying to Noct. Not when he's doing something like this. Not when he's asking me—asking me, finally—Prompto, are you okay?