Chapter 1

We have everything we need.

Leia's words echoed in Rey's mind. But regardless, she was restless.

She laid on her cot in the Falcon, wide awake.

Rey turned her head, to see and hear the rest of the Resistance sound asleep. She looked upon them fondly, but she still felt like an outsider, like she didn't fully belong there. They all adorned the uniforms of pilots, mechanics, brothers in arms.

They'd sacrificed, fought, and bled for the Resistance. And what had she done? Showed up in the Falcon and shot up a few TIEs.

Her thoughts kept drifting to Ben. When he'd begged her to join him, every part of her wanted to say yes. But she knew it wasn't Ben asking, it had been Kylo asking. And she couldn't join the dark. Not because it was impossible…quite the opposite.

It would be too easy.

Rey shivered at the thought, but it was true. Her loyalty was to the Resistance, without a doubt. But for once in her life, even for a brief moment, she wanted to belong to herself. Maybe that meant leaving for a while. Not forever, but long enough to get to know herself again.

Ever since that day on Jakku, when she saw Finn in that market, she'd felt as if she'd been running full tilt down a hill with no hint of stopping. She'd never really had time to process anything. That she was strong with the force, finding Luke, beginning training, or her feelings for Ben.

Not to mention that Luke brainwashed her as a child. She wanted nothing to do with the Jedi in that instant. Besides, now she had no master to teach her anyway.

Despite their battle, and the events that had ensued on Snoke's Star Destroyer, she kept replaying that night in her yurt, over and over. The moment they'd touched hands.

The dreams he'd had of them together when he was a child, the way he used to hold her when she was small, the day on the beach when he'd taught her how to swim.

She flushed as she remembered the dream she'd had, their heated passion and desire, which took place on the very ship she was sleeping in.

Her heart raced. Yes, he was the leader of the First Order and everything in her brain told her it was wrong to want him but unfortunately, she had eyes.

Kylo clearly loved her, but he didn't love her enough to turn to the light. It wasn't enough for her. She needed more. And she deserved more.

Just a day. She would only take one day.

With that last thought, she got out of bed, as soundlessly as she could. Her bag was already packed, she'd never unpacked from leaving Ahch-To.

She could just slip away. To a city in the Inner Rim. She could explain later. She wouldn't be gone long.

Rey snuck over to one of the Falcon's escape pods, careful to step over sleeping bodies and snoring aliens.

Rey was just about to make her escape when she heard a voice behind her.

"Rey?" It was a question.

She gasped in surprise and turned around.

Finn was standing in front of her, in his pajamas, with a worried look.

"Finn," she said in a whisper.

"Where are you going?" he asked, rushing over in bare feet to be next to her. "We need you," he said frantically, but quietly. "I need you. There's so much I want to tell you – "

"– I was just going to take a day," she said in a sigh, suddenly feeling this overbearing pressure on her chest. "I just…I need a day to myself."

Finn raised a hand and cupped her face gently in his palm, looking at her intently, with deep affection. "What's wrong?" he asked softly. "You can talk to me, Rey. Tell me what's going on."

Tears rose to her eyes before she could stop them at Finn's touch. Her breathing grew sharp as memories flooded her mind of another man's hand, just as tender and gentle, holding her face in his hand.

With a soft wail of pain, she back away and balled her fists at her sides, like she'd been stung.

Rey clenched her eyes shut. She missed him. She missed him so much. She didn't want to, but she did. And she couldn't stand the thought of someone else touching her.

~.~

He didn't understand. Finn had waited so long for the chance to tell her how he felt…

He thought she felt it too. Rey, the first person to look at him like he was worth anything, backed away from his touch faster than the speed of light, like she couldn't wait to get away from him. Had he hurt her? Could it be possible? He'd held her face with the lightest touch he'd ever held anything.

But then he saw her eyes. She wasn't even here, on this ship, with him.

She was somewhere else.

It dawned on him what she was seeing. "Who hurt you?" he asked, a rage pooling from his stomach that was slowly rising to his shoulders.

At first, she didn't answer, tears flowing freely down her face. But finally, she spoke in a sharp whisper, like it was hard to breathe, "He didn't."

With those words, a chill ran down Finn's arms. "Ren," he said with finality.

He'd suspected but Finn never actually believed it was possible for Rey to feel for the monster that periodically tried to exterminate them like a pack of womprats. "What did he do to you?"

Finn realized all too late the young Jedi warrior had reached her limit. She shakily sat down into the escape pod and strapped in, securing her pack. "This isn't about him," she said, taking deep breaths. "This is about me."

"He broke your heart, didn't he?" he asked. Jealousy flooded his veins instantaneously, despite himself. He couldn't help it. It meant Ren had possessed an affection from Rey he'd never known.

And he'd squandered it anyway.

Rey swallowed, her jaw tight. "I need time…after Luke…"

The jealousy dissipated as quickly as it had manifested. Mother of moons, I'm an idiot, he thought. "Of course," he said, relief and guilt washing over him in equal measures. "I'm so sorry, Rey, I'm so stupid – "

"– It's alright, don't apologize," she said, managing a soft smile. "You've been so kind to me. A true friend, Finn. I understand you only want what's best for me."

There it was again. That F-word. Friend.

But for now, it warmed his heart.

"I swear it's not forever," she said. "I just need some time."

Finn nodded. "Take all the time you need," he said. "May the force be with you."

She scoffed, and closed the doors of the escape pod, but not before he heard her muttering, "Actually if it could leave me alone for a second that would be fantastic."

Finn watched her ship depart into open space, and disappear once it reached lightspeed.