Chapter 1

Sabrina woke up to the soft drumming of rain on the windowsills. When she first opened her eyes, her vision was tainted with white dots like the sky on a snowy afternoon, but as she blinked, it cleared and she could make out the contours of the austere hospital bed she was lying in. It was still dark out and judging by the sounds emanating from the beds surrounding her, the rest of the hospital wing was still fast asleep. She moved her fingers and toes carefully, assessing the damage to her body. All limbs were still intact, and except for a pounding headache nothing hurt terribly. The only remarkable thing was a sort of tingling sensation running from her spine to the tips off her fingers, reminiscent of the feeling you get when you poke an electric fence with a grass straw or have a particularly fizzy drink in your tummy.

Sabrina had hoped to wake up and heal herself before anyone noticed she was gone, thereby avoiding any awkward questions posed by snoopy staff members or classmates. However, she had accounted for the possibility of detection in her plans and had come up with a fairly solid cover story in case someone decided to question her. "What was she doing outside in the middle of a storm?" She was looking for Salem, her dear pet that had gone missing. She knew not to go outside in such bad weather, but she had been so terribly torn up about the cat's disappearance that she had lost her head and gone out looking for it anyways. This was partly true; Salem had been missing for a couple of days – but in all actuality Sabrina wasn't particularly worried. She knew Salem could take care of himself and it wasn't uncommon that he went away for a while, only to later return to her side as if nothing had happened – sometimes in the company of a dead rat or bird.

The most compelling lies were those with a grain of truth in them, as Sabrina had learned from years of practice in the area. She prided herself in being a good liar. She knew exactly how to tilt her head down in apparent shame when caught out in the castle at night, how to thicken her voice as if she was holding back tears when telling professor Snape about how she was being plagued by horrible nightmares making it impossible to stay down in the dungeons. How to compliment miss Pince on her haircut before asking for access to the restricted section of the library. She knew precisely what to say to get what she wanted, not that it was particularly difficult. Most people were stupid, especially her peers. Even in Slytherin, which she had thought was for the cunning, people were easily manipulated – inclined to believe whatever bullshit came out of her mouth. They were naïve, too, concerned about petty rivalry between houses. About stupid gossip; who was sleeping with who, what teachers had a drinking problem and who's parents were set to lose their fortunes. Most of them were spoiled brats and none of them had a clue about anything that really mattered.

But still, Sabrina played along in their game – because she knew that was what she had to do to eventually accomplish her real goals. She became a prefect, she fixed her hair perfectly and put makeup on her face everyday. She pretended to care about the dumb boys her roommates were fawning over, she even blinked her eyelashes and smiled her most charming of smiles at the Head Boy until he asked her to become his girlfriend. She was pretty, delightful even – to the people who mattered. The people who didn't, were replaceable, and would sometimes become pawns in her plays. She spat at a muggleborn girl in her herbology class, she spread a rumour that the Hufflepuff who was above her in transfiguration had an STD. Those things didn't bring her joy, she realised they were futile and cruel – but they were necessary. Just like it was necessary to perform that spell yesterday. It was worth the guilt, the boredom, the headache that now had escalated to such an intensity she felt her head might blow up (god, she could use a straightener). It was worth it, because Sabrina wasn't like all the other kids here, she wasn't blind like them. Her purpose was divine. She looked at the world around her, the world she loved so much – and she saw it slowly falling to pieces. She knew she had to save it, heal it. She was going to rescue all of wizarding kind. Even though she was still young, this was something she was absolutely sure of – she was destined for power. She would rule the world one day – and she would make it a better place for everyone.

"Oh good, Miss Spellman, you're awake" A bright light was pushed up Sabrina's face, temporarily blinding her and once again turning her eyeballs into snowglobes. Blinking, the plump face of madam Pomfrey, school matron, came into focus. Sabrina had talked to her a number of times, when dropping of injured first years, and she had even offered to volunteer during flu season when the ward was packed. The woman wasn't likely to question her, the only fear Sabrina had was that the matron, who had a reputation of being quite strict, would want to keep her on bed rest. That was of course unthinkable, she didn't have time too just lie down, she had things to do. That's why Sabrina in that moment pushed through her headaches, and put on the widest smile she could manage. "Yes, I am. And I feel quite brilliant to be honest" She said. "You really are a miracle worker, Madam Pomfrey" The matron looked sceptical "Are you sure about that honey? I've given you a potion- but that was a rather powerful bolt that struck you. I'd expect your head would hurt pretty bad. I could get you a pain reliever if you wan't to" Yes, yes, please give me something- anything to make it stop hurting, Sabrina thought. But she knew accepting help would give her pain away so instead she answered "Oh no, not at all, I guess it mustn't have hit me that hard. I feel fine- just a bit hungry I suppose" The mere thought of food made Sabrina feel sick, but she knew that an appetite was a sign of good health, and so it would help her get released. "Oh, that's not a problem. I'll get you something to eat" With a flick of her wand, madam Pomfrey summoned a full plate of sandwiches. Bollocks, Sabrina had hoped she would just get sent to the kitchens- but of course the infirmary would have direct access, it was a stupid thought but this damn headache kept her from thinking straight. Her stomach clenched as the smell of food hit her nostrils and she had to stop herself from physically gagging. Nonetheless – She picked up a jelly looking sandwich from the top of the pile and thanked Pomfrey with a smile. This was most definitely a test, Sabrina thought. She had to eat up or else she would get called on her bluff, she would be forced to stay in the hospital wing – and in the worst case scenario people would start to question other things she had said. Everything could fall apart. Sure, Madame Pompfrey didn't look very menacing, but in Sabrina's world the most harmless of things could pave the way to her destruction. She was a spider in a web of lies and deceptions, she had spun them artfully but still, she was always a mear ripple away from falling to her demise. Therefore, she took a bite out of the sandwich, she focused all her energy on chewing and swallowing, pushing the food down her resisting throat, taking another bite and then another until there was nothing left on the plate. She knew her mind was stronger than her body, and she could force away it's desires and make it comply to her will if she just kept focusing. So she focused and she chewed until with a final gulp she swallowed the last piece of bread. Madam Pomfrey looked at her with a surprised satisfaction, and Sabrina wanted to cry with relief when at last she said "Well then, it looks like you really are fine, the wonders of the world huh… And you're sure you don't want to stay the night out for observation?" "I'd rather sleep in my own bed, but thank you madam" "Well then, you go take a good rest and if anything starts hurting you contact me right away- okay love?"

Sabrina collected her things and walked at a dignified, slow pace all the way through the ward- keeping her head held high and her back straight. When the doors slammed shut, she ran crunched over to the nearest bathroom- and let her body finally rid itself of those godforsaken sandwiches. When she had thrown up what felt like all her guts and hopes and dreams, she collapsed on the floor. In the rare solitude of the girl's lavatories- she felt the full impact of the pain she had been holding back in the presence of others. This wasn't just a regular migraine; it was hurt that shook her to the very core of her being. It was torment that made all her thoughts and feelings fade away and be replaced by red, pulsing, torture. She knew this was the sacrifice she had made in performing that spell. Pain in exchange for power, it was old blood magic and as her body shook in convulsions of agony some part of her still knew it was worth it. So she siphoned the last drops of energy she had left to getting off the floor, and slowly she made her way back to the dungeons. She got back to her room and stilled her shaking hands enough to open the bottle of liquor she had hidden under her pillow. Chugging all the alcohol down, she pulled the covers of her bed over her body and then finally she let herself be absorbed by the infinite blackness of pain, hoping it would come a time where she could emerge out of it- stronger.

Hey! Thanks for reading, I hope you liked the story. Perks of being in a quarantine is finally having time to write (:, i'm working on a new chapter that will hopefully be out soon! Reviews make my heart explode, and please let me know if you have any critiques or ideas as I'm still not set on where I wan't the story to go yet. Lots of love /V