Chapter Two

Sidney POV - He wanted her happiness, didn't he?

Sidney knocked on the door of his brother's house and waited to be admitted. He appeared calm, but his insides were a riotous mess and had been since he arrived home, dusty and tired, to find out that the love of his life was above stairs and apparently staying in his house. He didn't know how to feel about any of it.

He sighed to himself. That wasn't true. He knew how he felt about Charlotte being in his house. He was thrilled, but he wasn't supposed to be. He was engaged. He broke Charlotte's heart after nearly making her a promise of forever. He deserved to feel wretched, and to be fair, part of him did. He felt wretched for having hurt Charlotte, and for having to live a lonely existence, next to a woman he didn't love, while the woman who consumed him was across the hall.

He had come to realize, while planning this unnecessarily elaborate wedding, that he did not love Eliza, worse was the knowledge that he probably never did. Eliza had been an infatuation of youth. A quick tumble through something hot. He proposed on a whim, equating that heat to love, and was devastated when she left him for another, but for him it had been more about losing what he wanted than being heartbroken.

His love for Charlotte, on the other hand, took root slowly. Getting to know her, wanting to be around her, not wanting to leave her, ever, and the emotions those needs created wove together with her own, drawing them nearer and nearer until they intertwined, a tangled copse in a forest of emotion where it was difficult to see where one ended and the other began.

So, yes, he was thrilled to see her, but ached knowing she couldn't be his.

His hand clenched in a tight fist and he forced himself to relax. His brother could never know the depth of his despair, for he would be devastated, and that wouldn't do. His brother was a good man, with the best of hearts. He deserved more than financial and social ruin because of a mistake.

His brother's butler, Martin, opened the door and ushered Sidney in, taking his coat and hat. Something he didn't allow his own butler to do earlier at his own home. Once he found out Charlotte was there. He had hurried up the stairs, dusty and dirty, to see her with his own eyes.

Once he was defrocked the butler spoke, "Mr. Parker is upstairs attending to Mrs. Parker."

"Thank you, Martin."

Martin nodded and Sidney made his way upstairs; knocking lightly on his brother's bedroom door. Surprise etched on Tom's face when he answered and saw Sidney.

"Sidney!" He reached out and hugged his brother. "I did not think you would come."

Sidney returned his embrace. "How is she?"

Worried lines formed on Tom's brow. "She is not well, brother."

"May I see her?"

"Of course." Tom stepped back and ushered his brother inside his wife's sickroom.

The room itself was stifling, the windows were shut, curtains drawn tight. A fire roared in the fireplace.

Sidney stepped up to the bed and reached out to hold Mary's hand. It was cold and clammy, despite the temperature of the room.

"Her fever has lessened, thanks to the tincture Charlotte brought from her dear mother." He smiled gravely at Sidney. "I do not know what we would do without Miss Heywood. She has been a blessing to us all."

Sidney nodded. There was nothing he could add. She was a blessing, and his curse, all wrapped up in a charming spencer and bonnet.

"Speaking of Miss Heywood." He let go of Mary's hand and patted it before moving their conversation to the other side of the room. He did not want to disturb Mary, but knew his brother did not want to leave the bedroom. "She is staying at my house."

"Yes, you were not in residence, so we thought taking the children there was best and since Charlotte came to help, it made sense that she should stay there as well."

"True, but I am in residence now."

"Oh, dear! You are correct, that would not be proper at all." Tom looked stricken. "What are we to do? Charlotte can't stay in the home of a bachelor without a chaperone."

"Do not concern yourself, Tom. Miss Heywood and the children should stay put. I will come and stay here, if that is all right."

"No, no, that will not do at all." Tom said fiercely. "The doctor said that all in residence should move elsewhere as this fever of Mary's could be quite catching. We are only to allow small visitations with young healthy adults. Only I, and a handful of servants, remain behind and only because they refuse to leave Mary. You really should not be here either. It would not do for you to catch this terrible sickness before you are to be wed. Mary would never forgive herself once she recovers and that simply won't do, Sidney. It simply won't do. No, we must think of something else."

"Has the inn been repaired, perhaps I can stay there?"

"No, it is next to be finished, but it is not inhabitable at the moment; and all of the available spaces in Sanditon are being used to house the families whose homes were damaged in the fire." Tom's face brightened and he clapped his hands once. "I've got it! Bring Miss Lambe to stay with you in your residence. She is your ward, and though that is not a typical chaperone, under the dire circumstances she can serve to protect Charlotte's reputation."

Sidney considered staying in his own home. On the one hand he would love to have Charlotte within arm's length, though no closer to be sure, but on the other, it would be torture.

It seemed there was little choice in the matter. He would have to remain at home, as there was nowhere else to go. Besides, he had been thinking of ways to repair and strengthen his relationship with Georgiana and removing her from Mrs. Griffiths' care and bringing her home would be a good start.

"Yes, I think that plan will work. I will hie off straight away and gather Miss Lambe and her things and bring her back to my house."

"Thank you, Sidney. I know this is a disruption for you," he said with a smile, "but perhaps it is one to get used to. Once you and Eliza marry and have children, your life will be full of unexpected interruptions. It is best to get used to it now."

Sidney gave him a forced smile. "You would know better than I, brother." Sidney walked back to Mary and squeezed her hand one last time before turning to leave. "Give her my love when she awakens, will you?"

"Of course. She will be happy to know that you came to check on her."

"I came to check on you as well, brother," Sidney said as he opened the bedroom door and turned back to Tom. "How are you?"

"I'm worried, though, now I have hope. Mary had been in quite a state prior to Charlotte's arrival." He looked over his shoulder sadly. "However, once she gave Mary the tincture her mother made, Mary's fever eased and she rested peacefully. This gives me hope that she will regain the strength she needs to fight this fever and win."

"I have no doubt she will, Tom, no doubt. Mary is a fighter and she does not give up easily."

"No," Tom said solemnly, "she does not. I believe, she is the best of all women, and she must recover. She must. I cannot imagine my life without her."

"I pray you never will."

Tom nodded and said a final farewell, closing the door after Sidney.

A little while later, Sidney arrived at Mrs. Griffiths'.

"Mr. Parker!" Mrs. Griffiths greeted him. "We were not expecting you."

"I apologize for the lack of announcement, Mrs. Griffiths, but I came home from London to check on Mrs. Tom Parker. She has become very ill."

"I did hear that, Mr. Parker. I am sorry to hear of it. She is in our nightly prayers."

"Thank you, Mrs. Griffiths."

"Have you come to see Miss Lambe?"

"No, actually, Mrs. Griffiths, I have come to bring Miss Lambe to stay at my home. I will remain in Sanditon for the time being and would like to have Miss Lambe stay with me while I'm there."

"Oh!" Clearly flustered, Mrs. Griffiths clasped her hands together. "I hope there has been nothing to want while Miss Lambe has stayed here."

"No, not at all, Mrs. Griffiths. You have been a superb caretaker for Georgiana. It is simply that I have been lax in my duties as her guardian, and I would like to make up for that." He smiled winningly at the proprietress. "Please know that I hold your establishment in the highest regard, and I will give a hearty recommendation to any that need your services."

Mrs. Griffiths beamed. "Why, thank you, Mr. Parker. Let me go and fetch Miss Lambe. I will have a maid start packing her belongings and a footman will deliver them to your home this afternoon along with the final bill for Miss Lambe's stay."

"That would be wonderful, thank you. Shall I wait here for Georgiana?"

She nodded as she left the room. "Yes, please do. I will return promptly with your ward."

Sidney watched her go and hoped he was able to smooth any ruffled feathers with his unexpected arrival and termination of her services. It was true that he wanted to repair his relationship with Georgiana, though he left out the part of needing Miss Lambe as a chaperone while Charlotte stayed in his house. No sense in setting tongues wagging if not necessary. It was better to have Georgiana safely ensconced prior to society's notice of the near impropriety.

Georgiana came down the stairs, quicker than a lady should, and raced to Sidney.

"Is it true?" she demanded. "Am I to finally leave this place?"

"Yes, Georgiana, it is true. I've come to collect you. We will be moving immediately into my house here in Sanditon."

Her face fell, "Not to London then?"

"No. My brother's wife is very ill, and I am staying to be of assistance and support."

Mrs. Griffiths walked into the room and Sidney watched Georgiana stifle an eye roll.

"Mr. Parker, I apologize. Miss Lambe still needs to change her gown and collect her necessities. She ran from the room before completing the tasks as asked." She gave Georgiana an admonishing look, and this time Georgiana did nothing to mask the eye roll.

"That is quite all right, Mrs. Griffiths. Georgiana was simply excited at the prospect of spending more time with me. Isn't that right?" he asked Georgiana, brow raised, daring her to say anything other than that.

"Absolutely, and now that my excitement has passed, I shall run upstairs and collect my things."

"You shall walk upstairs, my dear." Mrs. Griffiths said severely.

Sidney stifled a grin as he watched Georgiana exaggerate a sedate walk up the stairs. He schooled his features into a scowl when Mrs. Griffiths looked at him. Inside, though, he enjoyed Georgiana's spirit.

It was a new experience. Prior to meeting Charlotte, and even just after meeting her, he would have found this entire experience, not only tedious, but an utter nuisance.

Now, however, thanks to Charlotte, he could see that Georgiana was stifled here. She was used to island life, which was historically more relaxed. She was not used to rules governing her every move. She had not been born into such a life, of course it was difficult.

He thought he understood those challenges when he was tasked with her guardianship, but now, he realized, he didn't let that understanding adjust his actions. He treated her as if she was spoiled, when in reality, she was simply bucking the stringent expectations that she never had before. He would do better.

A little while later, Georgiana returned. She had donned an afternoon dress of white with a pale pink spencer and white bonnet with a pink silk ribbon trim. She looked very fetching.

"You look lovely, Georgiana." He offered her his arm. She looked at him strangely and hesitated before reaching out and taking his proffered escort.

They bid Mrs. Griffiths goodbye, and she promised to have Georgiana's belongings delivered by that afternoon.

Sidney helped Georgiana into the carriage and seated himself across from her once she was settled.

"Why are you doing this?" she demanded the second the carriage began to roll.

Normally, he would simply brush off such a question, but today he did not. It would not do to ignore her question or make up a half truth, not when he is trying to turn over a new leaf with her.

"I want you to come and stay with me for two reasons. Firstly, I believe that I could be doing a better job as your guardian." He ignored her unladylike snort. "Secondly," he said with a raised brow, "because my brother's wife is so ill, the children need to be relocated to a sickness free environment. They did not know I was planning to return to Sanditon, so they have taken them to my residence and asked Miss Heywood to attend them."

That bit of information perked Georgiana up. "Charlotte is coming?"

"She is, in fact, already here."

Georgiana narrowed her eyes. "I see. So, you need me to chaperone as it would be improper to stay at your house, alone."

"That is correct. I knew that you and Charlotte have become close, so I did not think it would be a burden."

Georgiana sat back and crossed her arms. "You are lucky that I have missed my friend dearly, otherwise I would have protested simply on principle."

"And what principle would that be?"

"The principle that you don't own me," she replied with severity.

He looked at her sharply, and he felt a pang at her words. "If this is how you think I see you?" She tilted her head and raised her brows. Sidney was trying to wrap his mind around it. "Georgiana, no. I do not see you in that regard, not in the least, and if I have given you that impression then I owe you my deepest apologies. You are not my property. I do not own you. I do not wish to own you, or anyone else." He sat back and wrinkled his brow. "I am your protector. That is all. Your father bestowed that honor on me, and I apologize for not taking better care with my promise." When she said nothing, he leaned forward and tried to project his earnestness. "Truly, Georgiana, I hope that it is not too late. I hope that you will give me a chance to prove that I care for you, and your future, and I only want you to have a happy life."

"Honestly, Mr. Parker. I do not know what to believe." She frowned. "A few months ago, I would not have believed anything you said, but after hearing Charlotte speak of you, and your actions rescuing me from that wretch who raced to Gretna Green with me, I began to think that maybe I was wrong," she paused and considered him with a frown. "Of course, then you broke my best friend's heart, and she went away, so I've come to believe that my original estimation of your character is the truth."

The words hit Sidney like a slap, he spoke with a clenched jaw, "I understand the loss of your friend was hard, especially in a town where you have little acquaintance, but understand this, hurting Charlotte was never my intention, ever," he bit out the word, "and in fact, I bleed every day with the loss of her. I did not pursue a permanent relationship with her, because I could not."

"Why?" she spat. "Was she not pretty enough, not rich enough? Mrs. Campion is certainly both of those things and is obviously more suited to your liking."

"Charlotte is everything," he yelled, slapping his hand against the wall of the carriage. "She is all I want! She is all I will ever want!"

The echo of his words seemed to linger between them. Neither spoke for a long moment, and the anger drained out of him with every passing second. Finally, he spoke stiffly, "I apologize for painting myself a monster in your eyes, but make no mistake; any upset or torture you could devise to make me pay, will pale in comparison to the utter desolation I feel every day."

Sidney shook his head, the conversation was getting out of hand. Sidney didn't want to get into it any further, so he simply said, "Traditionally English marriage has less to do with a pursuit of love and more to do with economical security or social climbing." He sat back and looked out the window. "My upcoming nuptials hold with the traditional marital vows, and there is no love on my part."

Georgiana didn't say anything for a long moment, but then skewered him with only a few words. "Somehow that is worse."

He looked her in the eye and spoke with complete self-loathing, "I agree."

"Then why do it?"

"Because, I love my brother, and I cannot marry for love and watch him carted off to debtors' prison while my sister in law and her children are forced to live off the charity of others." He sat back once more, looked out of the window, and spoke with resigned finality. "I broke our hearts for that alone."

Georgiana stared at Sidney for a long time, not saying a word. He didn't return the glance but noticed from the corner of his eye. Finally, she spoke in the forthright manner he had come to realize was her natural style and not impertinence. "Why are you telling me this?"

The question caught him off-guard making him laugh with complete self-deprecation. "Honestly, I have no idea. It seemed I couldn't bottle it any longer."

She considered this before smiling wryly. "Yes, well, it was a lot to keep bottled up."

He nodded and gave a soft snort of agreement.

After a moment, Georgiana said with sympathy, "I'm sorry about Mary. I always liked her."

He took a breath and tried to relax. It seemed like every muscle in his body was strained. "Thank you, Georgiana." He smiled sadly. "She always liked you, too."

She nodded and then asked, "I take it your brother doesn't know what you are doing for him."

"Tom?" he laughed. "No, Tom believes that I have rekindled an old flame in Eliza."

"Haven't you? I was told that you were engaged, but she jilted you, and you have pined for her ever since."

"You were given misinformation. Once upon a time, I held affection for Eliza, and yes, we were engaged for a short time, but when she broke our engagement and left me for another, I let her go," he shook his head, "and when she came back into my life, I did briefly wonder if there was anything there, and I thought to rekindle that feeling, but your friend made sure those thoughts were fleeting for Charlotte took up residence in my heart and mind and never left."

Georgiana smiled.

The carriage stopped. Sidney looked out of the window. "Well, it appears we have arrived." He looked at Georgiana. "Charlotte took the children on an outing to the beach. We will get you settled before they return, if they haven't already."

Georgiana remained seated. "This has been a strange and most enlightening carriage ride." She paused looking Sidney in the eye. "Thank you for treating me as an adult."

"Have I not done so in the past?"

"No, Mr. Parker, in the past I have felt to be little more than a child in your regard, and a pesky one at that."

He winced at her words and the truth they inspired. "It seems today is the day for apologies." He gave her a grave smile. "I apologize. I will endeavor to treat you with the respect you deserve from now on."

"Thank you. If you can do that, then I can quit acting like a petulant child."

He laughed. "Has your behavior truly been a reflection of my treatment of you?"

She raised a brow and gave him a grin. "Of course."

He laughed as he exited the carriage and held out his hand to help her down. He faced her once they were both on the sidewalk. "I hope today is the start of a new relationship for us, Georgiana," he said with a bow and then offered her his arm.

"So, do I," she replied, considering him before taking his arm and allowing him to lead her into the house.

Charlotte POV - I'm moving on.

Charlotte ushered the children into the house and let the governess take over from there. She smiled as their chatter and stories faded down the hall. She had a wonderful outing with the children. They were full of energy and pure sweetness. It was wonderfully refreshing and exactly what she needed to keep her mind off Sidney.

She shook her head at the butler who was prepared to take her pelisse and bonnet. "Thank you, Radcliff, but I'm going to run over to Mr. Parker's residence to check on Mrs. Parker. I will be back in half an hour."

"Of course, miss. Would you like me to call you the carriage?"

"That won't be necessary, but thank you."

Charlotte made her way over to Tom's house, eager to look in on Mary and see if the tincture her mother made needed any tweaking. She made it to the Parker residence in record time. She was let in and seen into the drawing room. It was there that Charlotte found Meg, the upstairs maid, crying.

She rushed over. "Meg, what is wrong? What has happened? Is everything alright with Mrs. Parker?"

Meg sniffled. "Mrs. Parker is okay ma'am," and then sobbed as she pulled out a near empty bottle from her pocket, "but I spilled the tincture you brought for her and it is almost gone."

Charlotte reached out and gave her a quick hug before taking the bottle and looking at it. "Don't worry, Meg. I can make more. In fact, I have most of the ingredients in my trunks. I just need to gather one more, and we are in luck. I spied it growing between some rocks on the beach. I can run there, grab it and then make more tincture for Mrs. Parker. Once I put the ingredients together it must sit for 24 hours." She held up the bottle that was spilled. "Do not worry, there is enough left in the bottle to get us to that point. She won't miss a dose."

"Really, Miss?"

"Yes." She smiled reassuringly. "I'll go right now and we will have a new batch made in no time."

"Should I go with you?"

"No, you stay here. I won't be gone long."

Charlotte left and headed to the beach. She hurried on her walk, but looked around as she went. The sun peeked through clouds and shone down on the quaint seaside town that was full of bustling activity as men hammered and sawed, repairing the fire damaged buildings, and children raced here and there. She smiled as she walked and felt at home. She lifted the skirt of her cream-colored gown and pelisse as she left the streets and entered the path toward the beach. There, in the green surroundings, her thoughts turned in another direction. Sidney. She sighed and kicked a rock, no longer interested in the scenery around her. It seemed that no matter what, her thoughts returned to him. Always.

She wasn't sure how she was going to survive living in the same house with him. Her insides were tied in knots anytime he was near. He made her nervous, excited, happy and sad, all at the same time. It was going to be a problem.

She simply needed to get over him, that was all. She needed to find someone new. Of course, she didn't have the first idea on how to go about it.

The wind kicked up and Charlotte was pulled from her reverie. She looked up at the sky as she walked. It was darkening with every step. That was strange. How did she not notice? The sun still shone when she walked through the streets of Sanditon. Little time had passed since then, but the world had begun to darken. A few minutes later the wind changed and became fiercer. The world where she walked had suddenly become dark and violent. She stepped onto the sand and looked out over the ocean and swallowed back a lump of fear. The clouds loomed over the vast expanse, angry and punishing, while dropping long white ropes of water from their bowels. The sea surged and beat the sand with every wave. The two in unison were forbidding and scary.

She needed to hurry. Charlotte put her head against the wind and hurried down the beach, heading toward the rocky enclosure where she spied the plant she needed while out with the children earlier.

The rain began to pour and the wind whipped her skirts with fierce determination. She still had a bit of a walk down the beach and fought to keep her legs from tangling in her sodden skirts as she made her way. The sand thickened with the moisture and it sucked and pulled with each step. She stopped, her boots sinking into the sand. Lightning streaked across the sky as far as her eye could see. Maybe she should turn around. She gulped. If she turned around then Mary would run out of tincture before the new batch was ready. No, she needed the plant and she was nearly there. She took a deep breath and plowed forward. If it was possible, the rain and wind grew stronger and louder, while the sky darkened. It no longer looked like late afternoon. It looked as if the night had become impatient and covered the day right before her very eyes.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Charlotte found the rocks. "Thank you," she whispered as she climbed over them searching in the darkening light for the greenery, and its flowers. Unfortunately, with the dying light she couldn't spot them.

Panic bubbled up in her throat. No, no, no, she needed that plant. The tincture wasn't as effective without it. She scrambled on the slippery rocks, searching for signs of the greenery.

A bright bolt of lightning shot out of the air, illuminating the area and leaving an acrid smell behind. That light was all she needed. There it was. At the top of a rocky enclosure. She crawled to the rocks edge and reached up, grabbing the stem, pulling quickly. The plant came loose just as a streak of lightning shot across the sky right above her head. She screamed at the unexpected bolt, lost her footing, and fell. Her head slammed into an outcropping of rock; pain radiated across her head. She landed in the wet sand and she sat for a moment, stunned. She held the plant in one hand and reached up with the other. Her fingers trembled as she felt her head. It hurt. Her hand came away wet, but she couldn't tell if it was rain or blood.

Dazed, she looked out over the darkened ocean. She couldn't see it well, but she could hear the surf pound the sand in a fit of rage. She needed to get out of there. She took two deep breaths, fortifying herself, and then stood. Her ankle was sore from where she lost her footing, but it wasn't too bad. She bent her head and moved away from the rocks toward the beach, and the road that would lead her back to town. She shoved the plant in her pocket and hurried as fast as her sopping wet dress and injured ankle would allow. Her head hurt but she ignored the pain and stepped faster.

She looked up, rain pelted her face, and she stopped dead in her tracks. A dark shadow moved toward her. She was about to turn and find somewhere to hide when a sudden bolt of electricity lit up the sky and revealed the shadow. It was Sidney! She breathed a sigh of relief and moved toward him.

He raced toward her.

"There you are!" Lightning struck, illuminating them both and she saw fear and anger flash across his face. "You're bleeding!" He stepped toward her, and without preamble, scooped her up in his arms.

If the storm wasn't raging, and her head didn't hurt, she would have demanded to be put down so she could walk, but even if she protested, she doubted he would have heard. The storm was the only thing being heard on the beach.

Another bolt lit up the sky just to the right of them. They weren't safe. He shouted something, but she didn't understand what he said. He moved swiftly, or as swiftly as the riotous wind would allow, and hurried them to a swimming cart that had been pushed off the beach and against the cliff. He kicked the door open and carried her inside, setting Charlotte on one of the benches before working to secure the door. The wind beat against the walls of the cart, and if it wasn't placed against the wall of a seaside cliff, she was sure it would have overturned.

"That came on quickly," Charlotte shivered with cold, wiped her face, and looked toward Sidney, barely making out his features in their dim surroundings. "It should still be light out, but it looks to be evening, isn't that strange?" She winced when she touched the large lump forming on her hairline and then further up to her bare head. "Oh dear, I've lost my bonnet." She said, mostly to herself, so she wasn't expecting Sidney's reaction.

"Your bonnet?" he spat. "You could have lost more than your bloody bonnet! Damn it, Charlotte! You could have lost your life! What were you thinking?"

Surprised, she asked, "You're angry?"

"Very astute, Miss Heywood," his voice dripped with sarcasm. "I am in fact, furious."

Charlotte lifted her chin. She had just had a terrible time, and he thought to somehow make the storm her fault. "I'm not sure why you are angry, Mr. Parker, I did not create the storm."

"No, you were only stupid enough to go out in it."

She narrowed her eyes and seethed, "I am not stupid, and you, Mr. Parker, are not my keeper."

"You are staying in my bloody house, Miss Heywood. It is my duty to keep you safe while under my care."

"There is no need, Mr. Parker," she said bitingly. "I can take care of myself."

He laughed without humor. "This afternoon proved otherwise; wouldn't you say? Why else would you take a stroll on the beach in this weather?"

"I wasn't taking a stroll," she said fiercely. "I only went to the beach to get more of the plant needed to make more tincture. Mary's bottle was spilled, leaving only a little left. I needed to get the plant so I could make more."

"In a storm?! What were you thinking?!" he yelled.

"I was thinking that my friend was better after the first dose, but there was only enough left in the bottle to last until tomorrow afternoon, and it takes 24 hours to make more. There was no time to waste."

"You could have waited until the storm had passed," he said with his jaw clenched so tight the words were ground out.

"It wasn't storming when I left. In fact, the sun was still shining." She gestured to the darkness outside of the window. 'This came on fast."

He rubbed his hands down his face and said wearily, "You should have sent someone for it."

"They wouldn't have known where to look."

Sidney turned to her just as a bolt of lightning illuminated the cart. He looked destroyed as he said desperately, "Do you have any idea what you put me through?" His voice was raw and Charlotte smothered the urge to put her arms around him. "Radcliff said you would return in half an hour. When that half an hour passed and the weather began to turn, I went to Tom's to fetch you, only his maid said you had gone to the beach. To the beach! What were you thinking?!"

Charlotte understood where his anger came from. She had worried him. Her own anger at his heavy-handed demands left her. If she had been in his shoes, she would have felt the same. She rose and moved next to him, taking his hand as she sat. "I'm sorry to have caused you distress, truly, but I needed this plant," she pulled it out of her pocket, "to make the tincture for Mary. She is my friend, Sidney. I could not see her suffer if I could help."

He didn't seem to hear her. "I couldn't find you," he whispered in a voice so raw she winced. "I almost turned around, sure that you wouldn't have gone that far down the beach. If I had turned around, something might have happened. You might have gone the wrong way in the dark, or fallen, or been blown back, swept away by the sea. Those were the scenarios viciously cycling through my mind on the beach today. I would have lost you forever."

Charlotte swallowed hard and fought back tears at his words; and the depth of emotion behind them. He already lost her forever with his slow march toward matrimony, but she wouldn't bring that reminder to light. Instead she wiped away her tears and simply said, "I'm sorry to have worried you."

Lightning filled the room and concern etched across Sidney's face in the illumination. "You're bleeding." He reached up and cursed. "The light is too dim. I can't see the damage." He swept the back of his knuckles down her cheek and leaned forward, his face close to her own, while he used his thumb and forefinger to gently move her chin this way and that to try and get a better look at the wound. "I will examine it as soon as we get home."

She opened her mouth to tell him that she was fine, but the warm breath that splayed across her cheek made the sound die where it started. Suddenly, she was all too aware of his nearness. The heat of his thigh pressed into her own, and the chill she felt when they entered the bathing cart disappeared into a cloud of heat and desire.

His thumb rubbed over her lips and her breath caught. She didn't move. Nothing existed outside of this moment. She shivered at his touch, as if her body remembered the way his mouth fit over her own and moved, whisper soft and then deep and pillaging, leaving her weak kneed; craving more. She breathed in his scent and recalled the way he tasted; fresh, spicy, and like everything she ever wanted. She leaned forward, wishing to take what she desired, fearing in that moment, that if she did, she would never get enough. Their lips were a hairbreadth apart.

Everything she wanted was within reach and it hit her, like an icy blast of winter air, it wasn't real. She pulled back and felt a wave of pain crash through her. Their desire and need were real, so real she felt as though she would go up in flames, but it was a fantasy. He was engaged to another woman. She would not disparage herself, or his commitment to Eliza.

She turned away.

He was breathing hard, so was she. "I'm sorry," they both said in unison.

"No, I apologize. This was my fault," he assured her, turning her to face him.

"No, Mr. Parker, no one is to carry this blame alone. I hold a hefty part of it myself. For the briefest of moments, I forgot that you have pledged yourself to another."

"If you are able to believe it, so did I."

"We must never forget again," she said, holding back tears.

He nodded solemnly; pain etched in his features.

Charlotte looked out as the light rapidly returned to the skyline. The wind had died down and the rain was merely a drizzle. The storm had passed and they hadn't even noticed.

"We should probably return," she whispered, standing, but he reached up and laid a gentle hand on her arm.

"I am sorry."

She knew he was speaking of more than the moment before. He was referencing all of the pain she felt since his betrothal. Only it was not her pain alone. It was his, too. What were they to do? She feared as long as she stayed as she was, the jilted love of Sidney Parker, neither of them stood a chance at being happy, and wasn't that what they both wanted.

She took his hand and gave him a tremulous smile. "I'm sorry, too."

"There is no reason you should apologize."

She gave him a sad smile. "I'm sorry that we are destined to live our lives in no further capacity other than friendship," she paused and then said earnestly, "but I want to be friends. I want to live in Sanditon and raise a family here. I want to see you and Eliza on the streets and visit without anger, regret or jealousy."

He didn't say anything.

"I'm not sure if those wants are unachievable, but I do know that we will never get there if I'm stuck living in the 'what ifs' of our relationship. I need to move on from our past."

He nodded. "I want your happiness, Charlotte, even if I can't be the one to give it to you."

She smiled bravely. "Not to worry, Mr. Parker, I'll find a way to give it to myself."

She gave a last stroke of her thumb over his knuckles, a gesture of goodbye, and exited the bathing cart. She would move on, and despite her thoughts from earlier about finding another, she would concentrate on letting go. If love found her in the meantime, then she would try to embrace it. Until then, she would find out who she was without Sidney Parker's love.