Chloe held the cylindrical container in her hand, reading the finely-printed list of ingredients. "And you are certain that this product does not require one to be wet in order for it to work?" she inquired, rotating the teal spray bottle so that the label faced her. In bold black, the letters spelled out Satinique Dry Shampoo.

The Earthling known as Elka nodded, leaning forward to tap the bottle with her finger. "It's very easy to use. You just spray it directly onto your hair, then massage it down to the roots." She combed through her own abudundent hair, her fingers sliding easily through the golden strands. The action would not have looked so smooth and effortless had Chloe mimicked it- too many tangles would have impeded the progress of her fingers. "The special formula absorbs the oil, giving your hair more volume and a vibrant shine."

"Interesting." Use of the word 'vibrant' stood out to Chloe. By definition, vibrant implied something lively, and Chloe knew from her studies of human anatomy that the long fibers which many females of this species extended so much care upon were actually the dead part of the follicle. Chloe wondered how Elka would react to this being pointed out to her. Negatively, she concluded. Chloe had ascertained from prior interactions with this specimen that she had a very hostile relationship with reality, and she did not appreciate having facts pointed out to her.

Indeed, conversing with this Earthing was like traversing through an asteroid belt. One misstep would send Chloe into a head-on collision with rage and defensive hysteria. She found that the best way to navigate through this perilous meeting was to allow Elka to do most of the talking. And talk she did, a barrage of words shot rapid fire from her mouth too quickly for Chloe to do more than interject with occasional expressions of engagement. The capacity of this human's lungs allowed her to speak for far longer than other members of her species- even the camper known as Vernon paused to breathe every now and then.

Impressed as she was, Chloe was also experiencing a significant amount of frustration. Biting back the corrections and inquiries she very much wanted to make was difficult enough, but Elka appeared to be going out of her way to maintain eye-contact with her. This Earth-habit made Chloe exceedingly uncomfortable, and she was glad that she had her helmet to protect her from the brunt of Elka's fervent gaze; otherwise she would not have been able to endure speaking with her for longer than a few minutes.

And endure it she must, if she wanted to establish friendly relations with this potentially useful human. According to the data Chloe had collected, Elka Doom's primary psychic ability allowed her to see into the future; a skill that, if utilized correctly, would be highly beneficial to her mission. "This product is very suitable for my needs," Chloe remarked. Research of human social interaction had shown her that the best way to ingratiate herself to an Earthling was to speak positively of things associated with them. And it was not as if Chloe was lying- a shampoo that did not require her to submit to the arduous process of bathing would make maintaining a satisfactory level of hygiene much easier.

"If you want, you can try it out right now," Elka said, taking the bottle out of Chloe's hand. "I can spray some right on you and you'll notice an immediate difference." She removed the white cap and set it beside where she knelt on the floor, then leaned towards Chloe with her arm outstretched. "If you'll just take off the helmet, I'll be able to demonstrate-"

The slap of both of Chloe's hands on either side of her helmet cut the rest of Elka's words off. "Negative," she said, speaking more sharply than she had the previous two times she'd denied this human access to her unprotected head. Chloe did not enjoy using such a stern tone, for she had no desire to engender any hostility between herself and any of the natives of this planet. But this human's continued disregard for the boundaries Chloe had set was grating on her nerves. There were plenty of cultural gaps that Chloe was willing to bridge- such as submitting to the light shoulder taps Elka bestowed upon her to the close proximity with which they sat- but removal of the helmet was a step too far outside of Chloe's comfort zone. "I believe that I expressed the necessity of keeping my helmet on," she said, speaking clearly so that the potential for misunderstanding would be reduced. "I will repeat it again for your benefit. My helmet is to remain on my person if this interaction is to continue."

There had been no ambiguity in the statement. Despite that, Elka continued to gently prode Chloe into taking her helmet off, much to Chloe's chagrin. "You wouldn't buy a dress without trying it on first, would you?" she argued, plucking at the hem of her green shirt.

Elka's argument was both baffling and ineffective. Chloe did not purchase her own clothing; that was a duty that had been delegated to her parental units. Naturally, Chloe answered with a negative, for that was the truth, and was subsequently further confused by Elka's positive response. "Right! This is basically the same thing!" she said.

Chloe could not see how either idea was remotely related, aside from being two activities she was never going to engage in. Tempting as it was to combat the nonsensical point, Chloe decided that it would be less aggravating to let it go. "If you are so concerned about demonstrating this product, perhaps you could do so on your own hair."

"I can't do that!" Elka protested, outraged by the suggestion. "My hair is already clean and has plenty of volume." She flipped the curled ends of her hair, which immediately fell back into place once her hand was done moving through it.

Elka's hair was indeed very clean and very full. Chloe would have ranked her as having the third largest mass of hair in this camp, behind Chops (whom this human referred to as Melvin and did not seem to like very much) and the large, odd-smelling human male who had thrown a foul smelling brown substance at the back of her helmet earlier that day (a being who may very well be an alien much like herself, if his physical appearance was anything to go by). "Your hair is in that favorable state because you use the product that you are recommending," Chloe said, gesturing at the dry shampoo.

"Oh!" Spots of pink appeared on Elka's cheeks. A human's face coloring in that manner indicated one of two things: attraction or embarrassment. Since she had not observed this Earthling expressing any sort of romantic preference for her own sex, Chloe had to assume that it was the latter that caused her cheeks to pinken so. She could not with any certainty say what had brought the embarrassment on, as all Chloe had done was make a hypothesis out loud. "O-of course," Elka said, hastily putting the bottle back onto the floor. "I do use these, everyday in fact! You're right, we don't need to do a demo if you can already see the results right in front of you!"

Chloe hoped that would be the end of Elka's attempts to remove her helmet. "What other samples do you have available?" she inquired. There was a large array of bottles and tubes spread out before them on a blanket; Elka had only shown her the conditioner and the dry shampoo so far. Chloe was not sure if any of them were as useful to her as the dry shampoo, but she figured that it could not hurt to learn about them. If anything, she would be able to catalogue some of the many items humans used to enhance their appearance. Cosmetic appeal is a very important aspect of human society, Chloe thought as Elka reached for a small vial. Human hair is vestigial from a biological perspective. And yet, much time and currency is spent maintaining and improving it, and humans with poor hair or who lack any hair at all are looked down upon. Interesting.

"This is Satinique Hair Oil Serum," Elka said, holding the glass vial up. The sunlight streaming in from the window reflected off of the glass directly onto Chloe's face. Yet another reason she was glad she had not allowed Elka to remove her helmet- the beam would have hit her right in the eye. "This serum will control frizz, add shine, and leave your hair feeling soft, sleek, and nourished." Elka spoke in a pleasantly bland tone, as though the words she were using had been rehearsed many times.

Chloe regarded the vial with a raised eyebrow. The substance within it was clear, tinted a pale gold, and looked to be more viscous than water. "You say that it is an oil?"

Elka nodded. "It's made of aragon, avocado, and Kukui seed oils," she explained, "which promote hair health."

Chloe recognized at least one of those ingredients as a food. "The combination of the dry shampoo and the hair oil seems contradictory," she observed.

Elka's face appeared to experience an involuntary spasm. It had only lasted a second but Chloe had seen her nose wrinkle, her lips purse, and her eyes narrow. Control over her facial features was swiftly regained, but her expression was altered- the smile bore more of her teeth, and her eyes had hardened, a layer of ice over a pond. "How so?" she asked.

In spite of her strange facial transformation, her voice sounded the same as always- friendly, with an undercurrent of self-righteousness. It made Chloe feel as though it was safe to elaborate. "The dry shampoo," she pointed at the product in question, lying right by her knee, "is supposed to absorb the oil in my hair. What, then, is the purpose of putting a different sort of oil in my hair if the dry shampoo is just going to absorb it?"

Elka tittered in a way that Chloe could only describe as exceptionally patronizing. "Well, for one, you can't use them at the same time." She looked at Chloe the way that the instructor who had taught her at the Earth educational facility the previous year often had. That particular instructor had not thought much of Chloe's intellectual abilities. "You spray the dry shampoo first. After it's absorbed, you use the hair oil. The dry shampoo takes care of the bad, dirty oils, and this-" she held the vial up, "puts in the good, natural oils."

"How long does this process take?" Chloe wanted to know.

"Ah…" Elka glanced away, her eyes looking to the upper right, though there was nothing there that Chloe could see. "That's, um, something that varies from person to person."

"I see." Chloe thought that it sounded like more work than she wanted to commit to. Her people, she was quite sure, had little interest in their own hair outside of their basic hygienic needs. "Let us continue on to the next product."

The next item was of little interest to Chloe, and she made that very clear so as to not mislead Elka. "I cannot see myself putting that to use," she said after Elka presented her with a spray bottle of what she called 'volumizing spray'. "There is no reason for me to increase the 'body of my hair. It has to fit underneath my helmet."

The Earthling was either unable or unwilling to believe Chloe. "Just try it," she insisted, thrusting the bottle at her. "It'll give your hair the bounce it desperately needs."

"My hair does not need to bounce," Chloe said as she tossed the bottle back to Elka, "in fact, I would prefer it if it did not do that at all."

Elka persisted, slightly modifying the wording of her previous arguments until Chloe's continued refusals wore her down. "Let's just put this one in the 'maybe' pile," she said, setting the spray down and picking up a white-capped silver tube. "This is Satinique's Revitalizing Hair Mask."

Chloe took the offered tube, pressing the plastic between her thumb and forefinger, leaving behind a small dent where she squeezed it. "I had associated the term 'mask' with coverings for the face," she remarked. Humans certainly did enjoy playing around with their vocabulary.

Elka reacted in the way that Chloe had come to expect; by explaining what the product did in a manner that bordered on condescending. Again, Chloe told her that she did not need to 'bring her hair back to life', since most of it was technically already dead. Again, Elka tried to convince her otherwise, as if she thought that Chloe did not know her own mind. It was not the first time that Chloe had been forced to endure this off-putting variety of human communication. The official referred to as the 'guidance counselor' (a misnomer if there ever was one) had done the same thing, repeatedly insisting that Chloe was not an extraterrestrial in spite of all of the evidence she had put forth. The sessions she'd gone to had been very distressing, and she'd been glad when her parental units had put a stop to them after seeing that they were doing more harm than good. It is perhaps no coincidence that Mr. Palmer also thought that removing my helmet would be beneficial, even when I explained why that was not true.

"Don't you want a head of beautiful, shiny hair?" Elka asked after Chloe rejected the next two items (a hair pomade and a deep cleanse conditioner). "Your life could improve tremendously! You'll be so much happier!"

Chloe thought of the things that made her happy- building interstellar communication devices, designing spaceships, listening to her favorite Earth music, and watching the numerous, insightful documentary programs available on television (the humans called it 'reality television')- and could not see how any of those activities were connected to the condition of her hair. "That may be true of an Earth female such as yourself. On my planet, however, one's hair has little to do with the quality of one's life, and as such, tending to my follicles beyond the level of basic hygiene would just be a waste of time."

Elka's face did not twitch as it had previously. That may have been because her facial muscles had locked themselves into a stiff-looking expression of affability. "Well, it will," Elka said. Chloe was impressed with her ability to speak through gritted teeth. "If you have pretty hair, you'll be able to turn the head of every boy in this camp!"

Chloe did not see how this was supposed to entice her. "I am not interested in finding a mate. And besides that, the males would not be able to see my hair anyway." She thought for a moment, and then added, "unless x-ray vision is an ability your kind possesses?"

"Oh God no!" Elka said, a shudder running through her before she continued with, "if you would just take your helmet off-"

"No," Chloe said in a tone that brooked no argument.

Elka tried anyway. "I'm only making a suggestion. You do have a pretty face under there, you know. It's such a shame that nobody gets to see it." She leaned over and lay a hand on Chloe's shoulder. "All I am saying is that taking it off from time to time might be good for you."

Chloe shrugged free of Elka's touch, officially at her limit. "I believe that we are done here," she said tersely. Best to end this interaction now before she lost her patience and caused an intergalactic incident. "I will accept the dry shampoo, but that is it."

Elka let out a 'but' before cutting herself off. She then inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth; a self-soothing ritual that Chloe had observed other humans engaging in. "Okay. That's fine," she said, fixing a bright smile onto Chloe. "You try that out, and then, when you see how good your hair looks, you'll come back to me and see all of the other wonders Satinique has to offer you."

"That is not a likely outcome," Chloe said bluntly.

"Never say never!" Elka sang out (when had Chloe said that word?) as she began gathering the samples up.

Chloe helped, taking the items closest to her and placing all but the dry shampoo into the white tote bag they had been stored in. The word 'Amway' was emblazoned upon the bag in blue letters and underlined in in a curving red slash. "I have not seen that logo in any of the commerce centers my parental units frequent," Chloe said when they were finished. "Are they exclusive to your settlement?"

Elka laughed as she slid the tote bag underneath her bunk. As usual, Chloe was surprised by the sheer number of emotional undertones that a human laugh could contain, especially since Chloe herself was not prone to laughter of any sort. In this case, Elka's giggles held a note of smugness, as if she were privy to information that Chloe was not. "You won't find any of these products in stores," Elka said, rolling her eyes fondly at Chloe's ignorance. "You can only get them through Amway Brand Ambassadors." Her face lit up, and from the way her chest puffed up proudly Chloe assumed that was the position that Elka herself held. When she was questioned on it, however the Earthling was swift to deny it. "Oh no, not me!" she said, flapping her hand airily- a gesture Chloe recently figured out was supposed to convey nonchalance. "I'm too young. My mother is the Amway Ambassador- she's a Silver Producer- and she said that I should share these samples with the girls here. And I really need to, because…" Elka trailed off, the ghost of something very sad creeping into her eyes. She blinked it away before Chloe could comment on it. "Because I think that these products are ah-may-zing and I want to help her in any way that I can!"

Chloe nodded, thinking the endeavor honorable, even if the Earthling's methods could use some work. Loyalty to one's parental units was a common theme amongst Earth families, and Chloe, who felt a considerable amount of affection for the couple who had functioned as her caretakers since the day she had arrived on this planet, theorized that it was one of the few commonalities their respective societies held. "I will use the dry shampoo in lieu of my usual hair care regime the next time I am required to bathe," Chloe said, softening a little towards the strange, delusional female. "If it performs its function in a satisfactory manner, I will see about having my maternal unit contact your maternal unit, so that they may come to a commercial arrangement."

"Wonderful!" Elka exclaimed, clapping her hands together. She grinned from ear to ear, eyes alight with joy and relief. "You've just made a very good decision right now!" she said, reaching forward to pat Chloe again. To her credit, she aborted the motion after Chloe inched away from her grasping hand. "Let me tell you, you've saved yourself from complete disaster!"

Chloe tilted her head to the side. "What do you mean?" she asked, wondering why this Earthling should care so much about the state of another being's hair. "Have you had a vision of some misfortune falling upon me?"

Elka flushed pink. "Oh, it's nothing you need to worry about now!" she said as she hopped to her feet. "Everything will be fine, now that you've got Satinique protecting you!"

"Hmm." Chloe rose as well, thinking she had been too quick in judging this human as entirely self-serving and frivolous. "Would you care to elaborate on what it was you saw?"

Elka opened her mouth, but no sound came out. For the first time, she appeared hesitant to speak, torn between sharing her vision and keeping it a secret. She swayed from side to side, as though she were physically being pulled by the two choices. "I would tell you," she said after a few seconds of internal back and forth, "but...I think that I hear James calling me!"

Chloe glanced out of the cabin's open door and saw nobody within view. "I did not hear him," she said, confused, "or any of our other peers, for that matter."

Elka huffed. "I meant in my head," she said, jabbing a finger at her cranium. "James and I have such a strong connection with each other that I can hear him crying out for me, even when he's on the other side of camp!"

The claim seemed rather unbelievable. Chloe's previous observations had led her to conclude that communication between Elka and her mate were very inconsistent. Why else would she have had so much trouble locating him earlier? Chloe wanted to bring the contradiction up but Elka was heading towards the door, waving her hand in the customary human farewell. "Don't worry about it! Just use that shampoo and everything will be fine!" She reached the threshold, shouting out a quick 'bye' as she jumped down the steps and then out of Chloe's visual field.

Chloe stood in the middle of the cabin, perfunctionally returning the wave. She let that hand fall to her side and regarded the other one, which held the dry shampoo. Mentally, she weighed the pros and cons of recruiting such a temperamental person to her crew- the potential use her powers brought could very well be outweighed by the potential problems a volatile personality like that could cause. The subject known as Elka Doom will require a more solid grounding in reality before I can take her to the stars.

A lot of liberty was taken with the Amway products mentioned in this chapter- they really are called 'Satinique' (lol at that bastardized French) and I do believe that some of them are based on real products I saw on the site. But some of them I just made up. If you're really that curious, go check out the website for yourself and be amazed. These products are so good that the company doesn't let anyone comment about how good they are!