"I hate this."
El said louder than she wanted to. She was putting on her eyeliner
"Everything ok in there?" Her dad must have heard her.
"I'm fine dad."
No I'm not. I hate this. Trying to look like something I'm not. Kali said guys would like the bitchin' look. Well, turns out the only ones that do are complete losers. The ones I want to like me, don't. They are either scared of me, ignore me, or… or like Mike they have nasty comebacks that hurt.
Well why do you think that is El? Huh?
Kali said the look would keep guys from bothering me. Max says the bad attitude would would be the icing on the cake. Stacey just wants to be one of the popular girls, she's only along for the ride. The second we aren't the cool kids anymore, she's gone.
Mike... I just want him to like me. But he called me a c- that vile word. Now he just ignores me.
And I don't even use the name I like. Only my dad knows it. What I wouldn't give to have Mike look at me like he did the other day when he said I had the prettiest eyes he'd ever seen, and then use my real name. Eleven. I thought I was going to faint when he said my eyes were pretty.
So what did I do? I betrayed his confidence. The other girls didn't know that of course, but Mike did. Now he's punishing me for it.
Shit.
I hate this.
El finished putting on her makeup, she looked in the mirror and gave herself a little smile, "Still bitchin'. "
She went out to the living room, her dad was sitting at the little table they used for meals, reading a paper.
He gave her a once over and, El thought she caught a mild look of disdain.
"I thought you didn't hate this bitchin' look?" She tried to smile but just didn't feel like it.
"I don't hate it, I think you are much prettier without it, that's all."
"I don't understand what guys are looking for… other than the obvious. You're a guy, what do guys really want?"
Her dad could hear it in her voice, "Ok, Honey, what's his name?"
"Mike."
"Let me guess, he just wants to…" Hopper cringed when he said it, "get into your pants?"
"No, he doesn't want anything to do with me."
"I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I'm not got to lie to you. Guys are attracted to pretty girls. That's just nature and you have that covered. But it's only a foot in the door. No guy is going to go out with a bimbo for very long. You are smart. Everyone in the school knows that. This guys name hasn't crossed my desk, so I'm guessing he's not someone who is in trouble a lot."
"He's really smart, and he and his friends are nerds."
Her dad's eyebrows went up. "A nerd? Well, the one thing I know about nerds is that they are shy around girls. Especially pretty girls. Definitely around scary looking ones. So they tend to be lonely and worship from afar, as the saying goes. "
"He doesn't like me."
"What he doesn't like, El, is this." He tapped her heart. "A guy like that wants someone who is kind and honest. Above all else. Even above how a girl looks. That's not important to him."
"It's not?"
"No, it's not. A girl who is honest with him, and loves him for who he is. That's what he wants."
"That's what I want too, dad."
He smiled. "See? You don't care what this Mike looks like do you?"
"He's cute."
"But you don't care."
"There's something about him, I don't know what it is. All I've done is come-on's and he gives really nasty replies back."
"El, I hope you're not surprised by that?"
El looked down, "I deserved everything he said. Now I don't know how to fix it."
"You just have to be yourself. That's it."
"That's it?"
"That's it. Trust me."
"That means I have to give up the bitchin' look?"
"Probably. Ask yourself, what's more important, looking like that, or talking to Mike as a friend? Or more than a friend?"
El was silent. Argh, why do parents have to be right… most of the time.
XXXXX
She stood right in front of his locker, he would have to ask her to move. He would have to talk to her.
El never thought she would find herself nervous and sweating. Her underarms were more than damp, she could feel the sweat trickling down her arms and down the sides of her breasts. She was sweating profusely.
I'm scared. I think this is going to be my last chance to talk to him without the others around.
She saw him coming down the hallway and steeled herself. This is it.
He stood a few feet in front of her and sighed. "Could you please move so I can get to my locker?"
El shook her head, tilted it slightly forward and said, "No."
"No?"
"No. I want to talk to you first."
"We don't have anything to say to each other. I don't want an apology from you. I don't want to have anything to do with you. You betrayed my confidence. I told you already. I'm done with you."
"Why aren't you scared of us? Or me?"
"I don't scare easily. Not by looks, not by attitude. Certainly not by words. Move or I will push you out of the way."
"You'd hit a girl?" El could see that struck home. Mike looked conflicted for a few seconds.
"I would never hurt you… and I'm sorry for calling you a… you know. That was out of line. I won't do it again. I won't talk to you ever again… but I will gently push you out of the way so I can get to my locker."
"Go ahead and try."
"Seriously Jane, this isn't grade three, move your ass out of the way." She could feel his anger. Don't push it, El.
"I'm not kidding, try to push me out of the way."
"What are you going to punch me like a girl?"
You have no idea, Mike. She used her ability and planted herself against the locker.
Mike shook his head put his arm on the side of her shoulder and pushed a little. He was so gentle with it she almost gave in. She kept her resolve and stayed put.
He frowned a little, she could feel him put more effort into it. She hadn't moved. Then he put a lot of effort into it. She didn't realize how strong he really was, but she could move a train car, he was never going to move her from her spot.
"Nice Jedi trick. I'm impressed." He walked away. Carrying his backpack full of books.
He didn't seem the least bit curious that he couldn't move me.
XXXXX
El was desperate. Why can't I get through to him? I just want to talk to him. I just want to let him know I'm not really a skank.
How are you going to do that El?
I don't know, but I have to try.
She met up with her friends, and they roamed the hallways at her insistence, she was going to apologize to him in front of her friends. That way he'll know I'm serious, that I want to talk.
She saw him coming down the hallway. He didn't try to duck into a classroom or avoid them. El was going smile at him.
When she did, she stopped and said, "Mike?"
He ignored her and continued to his next class.
She turned to her sister, "Kali, I need you to break your promise to me. I'm… I need to talk to Mike. Today… but not looking like this."
She described to Kali what she wanted.
"You don't think he will be angry at the intrusion into his mind? You may regret this sister. You may lose him forever."
"I don't really have him now Kali, I have nothing to lose."
"I will do this for you. You helped me with my angry heart, I will help you with the longing in your own."
They hugged.
When El was happy with Kali's help, she went to Mike's locker to wait for him. Kali not far behind but out of sight.
At the end of classes for the day, she saw Mike coming to his locker.
He smiled at her, he looked a little flustered as he approached.
This is me, Mike. This is who I am.