a/n ― this one's for the love of my life kaaterinapetrova / sakina it was all for you *blows kiss*

.

.

baby i've been bad

but the heavens forgave me

.

.

.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to how to stop a wedding with your host, Klaus Mikaelson.

Klaus may be an unruly, heinous beast, but he also likes his evil plans to follow a structured set of steps. It takes him five minutes (two of which are spent ogling Caroline's behind in that tight white number) to formulate the perfect plot to tear apart (―that Stefan what an absolute wanker with his slicked hair and engagement to the most beautiful woman he has ever―who picked him? who did that? oh he'd like to―) this ridiculous hoax of a ceremony.

He knows people will be twitching and looking his way near the middle of this charade.

Speaking up at if anyone has any objections?

Please. He's an enigma. He's an original.

He would never let it get that far.

Step one: start a fight.

Or, more accurately, Katherine starts a fight.

"What the fuck?" the dark-haired demon rises from her pew, arms stretched wide and a scowl on her face to match the energy of her title whispered among the younger demons (and, hell, some of the older) ― the baddest bitch of all.

The wedding tune screeches to a halt and Caroline's body freezes in the isle, including her carefully painted on smile. She doesn't turn her head. Her eyes stay focused on the alter ahead of her.

"You spilled champagne on my dress," the words drop from Katherine's lips like an avenging swarm of wasps as she gestures to the wet stain down the front of her pristine, white dress.

(Yes, Katherine wore white to a wedding.)

"I―I saw you spill it on yourself," the lower class demon stutters over his weak protests of innocence.

(Ha. Innocence. As if.)

"Are you calling me a liar?" her fangs appear extra sharp as she hisses at the newbie monster.

Klaus is impressed. Katherine inspires fear rather amicably. He'd never seen her in action before, largely due to her fleeing from him for five hundred years.

(He wasn't ever chasing her. It was hilarious. In his opinion.)

"No?" the demon coils into himself, eyes wide like saucers of chocolate milk.

"I demand to have this thing executed," Katherine dramatically announces, pointing toward the demon. Her chin raised in defiance and her tone authoritative with a singeing twist of malice.

"Katherine," the groom eyes her pleadingly. Klaus almost feels bad for the poor bugger.

When no one moves to obey her, Katherine clicks her slick, long fingers three times. Caroline's shoulders tense. Her grip on the luscious bouquet of white roses tightens. Ever into the symbolism, Caroline, dear, Klaus thinks, and you're not fooling anyone, you know, least of all me. As if hearing his taunting thoughts, she finally turns to glare at the pew Klaus and Katherine occupy.

Just in time, in fact, to watch as Katherine huffs a fine, I have to do everything myself, and slaps her champagne glass across the wooden pew in front of her before flipping her hair and stabbing the jagged shard of broken glass into the cowering demon to her left.

"Katherine!" Stefan growls, his fists clenched tight by his sides.

Many people in the church rise to their feet, all either talking, gasping or screaming.

"There is blood on my jacket," Klaus grumbles, doing his best to look annoyed and not amused.

"OUT!" Caroline's scream echoes around the cold room. She takes a deep breath, chest heaving and hands clenching. "Everyone. Out."

Klaus turns toward the entrance of the church, his smirk hidden from Caroline's beady eyes.

"Not. You."

Although delighted to hear it, he can't help but think, that's preciously the problem, sweetheart.

.

.

.

The church is evacuated stealthily, leaving behind Stefan, Caroline, Klaus, Katherine, Kol (who has been repetitively asked to leave ― "Hey, I delivered your invitation at great personal risk, I deserve to watch all of the drama unfold, little miss Demon Doggy," "What?" "I was trying to do some sort of Badge Bunny equivalent for your libidinous adventures with demon-kind," "LEAVE" "NO" ― and continues to be unsurprisingly uncooperative) and another demon Klaus is unfamiliar with.

"Caroline, you shouldn't be the only Angel here," Stefan touches her arm in a soft way that makes Klaus have to swallow down his immediate impulse to snap off the demon's wrist and shove it down his throat.

"Oh, how noble," Katherine croons with a roll of her eyes. Agreeing with the she-demon leaves a bad taste in his mouth, but a satisfied churn in his stomach. He'd be on anyone's side, even Elijah's, if it meant ribbing into this demonic thorn in his side.

"I'm fine. Klaus won't let anything happen to me," Caroline crosses her arms over her chest, forehead furrowed.

It's not the fact she says it so casually, so blatantly honest, that has Klaus preening with pride, but rather the fact that it irritates her new groom-to-be so very much.

"Well, Klaus," the name falls from his mouth like he's spitting into a rude customer's order. Stefan straightens his shoulders, sizing up his competition. "Can't stop three demons at once."

"Trust me," Caroline mutters, eyes narrowing. "He can." Klaus is smiling. "It's one of the reasons I left him." Klaus is not smiling.

This seems to have both soured Stefan as well as placated him.

"Yeah, yeah," Katherine waves her hand. "Klaus, bad. We know. Now, who is going to correct this huge injustice that has befallen me?"

"Huge?" Caroline's eyes drop to the small, half-dried shadow of a stain on Katherine's almost see-through white (oh, yeah, she noticed), satin dress. "You've made a bigger mess with the blood you spilled."

Katherine's mouth hangs open as she looks around her. She places her clawed hand over her heart. Caroline's eye twitches (a tick Klaus is well accustomed to inducing).

"Caroline," she gasps. "I was disrespected."

"Katherine," Caroline growls. "You've murdered someone at my wedding."

"Wow, Caroline," Katherine shakes her head. "Way to make it all about you."

Caroline scoffs and Stefan steps closer to Katherine.

"You can't ruin this wedding, Kat. I won't let you."

Katherine's hardened edges seem to crack for one small split-second. Just as quickly, her lips are pursing and her foot is tapping like a spoiled devil princess.

"Shall I escort the Evil Slut outside?"

Klaus turns to investigate the mystery demon walking closer to Katherine.

"Slither back into your lonely, dark, grovelling hole, Damon. Stefan wants you here about as much as he wants me," Her shoulders rise with her eyebrows.

Damon hisses at her, fangs gleaming in the light. Katherine sends him a low and guttural growl back.

Caroline sighs. She turns her back on them, her hands lifting to rub her pinched-up forehead. Klaus feels a tug where his heart would be if he had one. He wants to fix it for her, make her feel better, but he can't. Not if he wants her. He has to follow the plan.

Step two: remind her what he is.

It may seem counterproductive to show her the beast within, but, her new oh-so-beloved groom is made up of just as much demon as he is. An even more compelling argument being, that her groom is as much a demon as Katherine. Klaus takes a moment to enjoy the pure genius of his planning. Caroline would never suspect him to be working with a she-demon he can't stand the mere mention of. Nor would she question Katherine throwing a fit and tearing out some throats, that is very much in character for her. No, he'll look like the luckiest bystander in the world. So coincidentally getting everything he wants. Unless Kol blows the whole thing with that smug look he's sporting.

Katherine removes her heels and flings them like missiles at Damon's head. As Damon dodges, then lunges at her, Stefan jumps in between them. Caroline is still standing with her head in her hands, cradling herself through this disaster.

Time to swoop in and be the hero.

(He always was a fan of irony.)

"Caroline," he says, ever so gently, as he approaches her. "Would you like me to rid this event of the riffraff?"

She looks up at him with slight surprise lining her features, like him being helpful is a shocking development. Her eyes narrow.

"No."

Oh. That wasn't what he was expecting. But she does that, his Caroline.

"Stefan," he swears she says it just to burn his ears. She maintains eye contact with Klaus. "Would you please handle this?"

Klaus stares into the glistening blue circles of her eyes. It wouldn't hurt so much if they hadn't looked at him so softly before. Perhaps it would be easier had he not known. You can't miss happiness when you've never had it. But they had it. They had it in spades. Every morning when they opened their eyes to every night when they closed them again. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if he didn't know that it was him that ruined it. If he had someone ― anyone at all ― to blame. But the blame lay there in the mirror for him to see. For him to hate. He'd give anything to change for her ― but they ― they both know ―

"We'll continue when things are settled," her gaze bleeds into his for a devastating second before she turns and walks away.

They both know.

"Yeah, you will, you Monster Magnet," Kol looks around for approval.

Klaus would roll his eyes at the fact that his brother had definitely spent all of this time thinking that one up, but, he's overwhelmed. He's overwhelmed by the agonizing realization that ― that he's messing it up all over again. He's hurting her all over again.

Is he really that selfish?