Chapter One: An Impossible Choice

Tyler's van hit a patch of black ice as he raced up the small hill into the Fork's High School parking lot. He had done the exact same thing dozens of times, he almost thought of it as his trademark move. Accelerate, turn and then brake. Except this time the rear end of the van slid out and caused him to lose traction. The van spun, and he started to slam on the brakes in a desperate attempt to stop, but that only seemed to make it worse. Then suddenly, he came to a stop his head slamming into the steering wheel.

It was stupid, he felt stupid and he knew he would never drive recklessly like that ever again. Then he realized blood was rushing from a cut about his left eye, obscuring his vision. He looked around and found some old fast food napkins on the passenger seat floor and pressed them to his forehead. That's when he looked outside his windows for the first time, it looked like the entire school was staring at him. He looked to the right and saw the bulk of Bella's red truck butted up against the shattered window; it must've been what stopped him.

It was almost funny, because it was the only vehicle in the parking lot that could take the brunt of an impact like that. He felt the smile start to form on his face, then noticed people crowding around the space between the two vehicles. A horrible thought occurred to him then, what if…

"Oh no." He whispered to himself, half convinced his life was over.

He moved over to the passenger seat and looked down, all he could really make out was Angela who was leaning over a prone figure laying between the van and truck. He poked his head out, and she immediately looked up, her face was twisted in pain, shock and fear. That's when he saw her, Angela's hands wrapped around her head, clearly to keep her neck immobilized.

"Get out here and help me hold her down." She ordered, even though her voice was trembling.

Tyler climbed out of the passenger side window and lowered himself to the ground using the hood of Bella's truck as leverage. Then he finally got a look at what he had done. His belly immediately started to rumble, as he took in the crumpled form of Isabella Swan.

(Bella POV)

From across the parking lot I could see his eyes, and they were glorious, like undulating topaz stretched over a whirlpool of infinite beauty. Yet there was something in them that said I wasn't paying attention to the right thing. Less than a split second later I noticed the van spinning wildly towards me.

I woke up sometime later in a hospital bed. My father was snoring in a chair across the room, and my mother was sitting awkwardly with her head resting on the edge of my mattress. If they were both here, it had to be bad. I was seriously fuzzy, and all I could remember were those topaz eyes staring at me with an overwhelming level of intensity. I tried to remember more and all I could conjure was his expression, and how it seemed like a shadow of his normal face twisted into a mask of fury and horror.

I tried to sit up, but I couldn't, I was strapped in from the waist down. I wanted to get up, but when I tried to unbuckle the belt at my waist, I realized my right arm wouldn't move. I felt rage and fear well up inside of me, a stupid accident and I'd been bedridden. I frantically searched for the nurse call button and hit it repeatedly until a young woman entered my room at a run.

The nurse's name tag was the first thing I noticed; G. Mallory. Then she spoke with a bit of an excited, but worried tone of voice, "I'll call the doctor right away." And then quietly to herself, "thank god."

Then she leaned outside of my room door and picked up a phone to page my doctor. After that she steadied herself and walked over to my side, adjusting her outfit slightly as she walked. As she reached me Renee started to stir.

"Bella?!" Renee almost screamed, her voice forcing dad to jump awake. Even though he was clearly foggy he focused in on me immediately and was at my bedside in three quick steps.

"Give her space Renee." He said softly, she was getting in the way of the nurse who was checking my vitals.

She turned and glared at him. "She's awake, she needs me." Renee said with venom. It was clear there was an argument there I wasn't aware of.

"She doesn't need you to get in the way of the nurse." Charlie said with clear frustration.

Renee stood up fully and turned on her ex-husband. "She doesn't need you at all. Get out of here Charlie."

Charlie blanched, and took a small step back. Then shook his head and squared his shoulders. "I will be here as long as she wants me here."

"Mom, dad. Please stop." I said with a cracked voice, my words almost inaudible. Yet they both heard me and turned to look at me. I almost wished they hadn't.

"I'm so glad you're awake sweetie." Renee said with smile that said entirely too much. Not only was she sad, she looked at me as if I were broken. My father's expression matching hers.

"How long?" I croaked out, almost terrified of the answer.

"Two weeks." The doctor said from the door. We all looked over at him, and I felt my jaw almost drop. I had heard Doctor Cullen was gorgeous, but no description would've been good enough. He quickly moved to my side, looked over the vitals the nurse had written down and made small note on the form. She glanced at him that left no room for interpretation, she was more than smitten, yet he seemed utterly oblivious to her attraction.

"Thank you, Miss Mallory, I'll call you when I need you." Doctor Cullen looked at her briefly and smiled professionally, dismissing her easily. She nodded a bit too enthusiastically and left immediately. He glanced at my parents as if looking for permission. Charlie nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Bella. This will be difficult to hear, but you and your parents are going to be faced with challenges over the next several months and you need to be informed. I'm not usually prone to platitudes, but it must've been fate that pulled you through, or a miracle. I worked on you for twenty-nine hours and thirty-seven minutes. Well in total. I managed to mitigate the damage to your kidneys and liver. I also fixed your heart as best I could; however, there is a touch of irony there. You had a minor arrhythmia that could've become problematic later in life. In that respect I increased your life expectancy by a decade. However, the damage to your lower spine and legs was too severe. I'm sorry to say, you will never walk again."

I gasped and felt a weight on my chest as I struggled to breathe. Without even a touch of panic, he reached behind me and produced a small mask he fit over my nose and mouth, which began to force air into my lungs. I took in several mouthfuls and reached up with my left hand to remove it. He shook his head and removed it for me.

"There is more, the initial impact caused some crushing damage to your chest. This compromised your central nervous system, lungs, and upper gestural intestinal track. Damage that I couldn't fully repair. Perhaps with more surgery you could regain function to your right arm and regain bladder and bowel control. Unfortunately, you will never be able to eat normally, and you will be at risk for lung infections and possibly seizures. At the moment you're stable, and if I can fix those issues, I just mentioned you should have a decent quality of life. But I don't want to lie to you. You will likely have some pain; how much I can't be sure of. We will work together to try to manage your medications to suit your needs. Do you have any questions?" He was precise but compassionate. I could tell it was killing him to have to break this kind of news to me.

"I'll never walk again?" There was too much information to absorb. I had trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that I my life as I knew it was over.

"No, you will be in a wheelchair for the remainder of your life. For the time being, until we can restore your right arm, we will give you an automatic chair…" He continued, and I nodded at the things he said, but my mind was elsewhere. The second he told me I was bound to a chair for the rest of my life I knew I would never be worthy of Edward. It was a strange thing to be upset about when so many other things were more important. But living up to an unachievable standard, to be even remotely in Edward Cullen's league was a pathetic pipe dream, even before when I could walk and be his equal.

Time passed, days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. I had missed so much school that I knew I would have to take summer school to graduate on time. Of course, most days all I could think about was how I should've died that day. Living with a disability was frustrating, it made everything more difficult. The worst of it though, was I had to constantly ask others for help, which was something I loathed to do. Yet, even the frustration of depending on others would be tolerable, and I could adjust to it over time. No, the actual worst thing was the pain. Doctor Cullen warned me, but I had no idea. It was debilitating, piercing, and permanent. Drugs helped, a little, but they left me blank and foggy. Maybe if it was just the pain pills it wouldn't be so bad, but there were so many. A small pharmacy I had to tote around with me and take when a stupid alarm went off on my phone.

I tried not to be introspective too much, it made me depressed. I just couldn't get over one horrible truth, in a single moment of stupid fate I become a broken bird, pitiable and fragile and no longer able to fly. Or walk. I missed walking. Or at least the concept of walking, I had never been all that coordinated. I returned to classes a week into spring semester, and when I finally returned, and rolled into school the other students couldn't stop staring.

My small circle of friends dwindled after I came back, as Jessica and Lauren feigned friendship but kept their distance. Eric stopped looking at me, and a snide comment from Ben forced Angela to break up with him. At first Edward Cullen kept his distance. Then two weeks after I began to wheel around the grounds of Forks High, Edward started to take a bizarre interest in me. Almost as if he had decided to adopt me as his pet project. Externally I accepted his help and tried to be gracious about his interest in me. But inside I resented this perfect boy pushing me around the halls and waiting on me hand and foot. Every time I looked at him, I flashed to the day the van hit me.

Still there was something about him that I couldn't resist. Perhaps it was a phantom hope, like a vestigial limb that still retained feeling even after amputation. What made matters worse was his platonic insistence on insinuating himself in every facet of my life. With an utterly morbid level of irony his choice to be my nurse had the irritating side-effect of leaving me perpetually in a state of social isolation. Not that I was a social butterfly before, but since gaining his attention only a couple people would even talk to me for more than a couple of minutes. Edward was ever present, barely leaving my side when I was not in class. Nearly as constant was Alice who treated me like a sister. Then, of course, there's Angela my best friend.

From the first day of my return she was there, and never once did she look at me like a I was something broken or pitiable. In fact, she didn't change her attitude towards me at all. She simply supported me and challenged me out of the deep funk that I had fallen into. She helped to make me see that I wasn't disabled, just different which allowed me to think of my paralysis as just another aspect of my life, and not as the thing that defined me.

In a way I owed Angela more than anyone else in my life, except for Doctor Cullen. Charlie had been nothing but supportive, but in a very real way he treated me like I was made of glass. Renee over-reacted as usual and left Phil. Then she got an apartment in downtown Forks and insisted on picking me up every day from school. I couldn't be angry with her; she did it because she loved me more then she cared about herself. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had come to Forks originally so that she could have a life. So, I spent half my time at her place when not in school. The other half I spent with Charlie.

Tyler also joined my little group, and while he was sweet to me, he was also kind of a nuisance most of the time. So utterly racked by guilt, that he followed Edward and I around like a little lost puppy. There was a perpetual game of tug-o-war over who would carry my books most days, not that I wanted either of them to bother. The bizarre situation I had found myself in was frustrating, and painful because they weren't fighting over my affection.

My daily trips to the physical therapist had partially rehabilitated my right arm along with two more surgeries, but I still couldn't even wiggle my toes. As time marched on in this surreal state of limbo, I felt a great weight growing as my birthday approached like a grim reaper. Even summer carried with it weird and unusual situations, as I spent my time being shuttled between four houses. Mom, dad, Angela's house and the Cullen mansion. I felt like a time-share most days, split up between four distinct but important groups of people, but I enjoyed the distractions... most of the time. It was just two weeks before my eighteenth birthday, and I felt like I was standing at the threshold of adulthood. Deep in my soul I felt a desperate need to reconcile my hatred for a life that in most ways was taken from me, with the paradoxical feeling of hope I felt every time I was with Edward.

Then one rainy afternoon came the call from Dr. Cullen.

"Bella." His voice was beautiful as always, but there was a hint of nervousness and maybe even fear in his tone.

"Doctor Cullen!" I said perhaps a bit too enthusiastically, I had to admit to a small crush on the man, despite my feelings for Edward.

"I have some news. There is an experimental procedure I have been researching. I am confidant I could perform the surgery, but there are risks. Since you are about to turn eighteen, I wanted to present this to you first." Professional as usual, yet he seemed to be evading something. Holding back on some piece of information.

"What kind of surgery?" I asked feeling oddly hopeful.

"One that could restore your mobility." He said simply.

"Yes. I don't care about the risks." I said without really thinking. I didn't care if I could die on the table, I didn't even care if I got worse.

"Okay, let me schedule a meeting with you and your parents next week. We can go over the particulars then." Doctor Cullen offered quickly, effectively ending the conversation.

"I'll let them know and Charlie will give you a call. Thank you so much Carlisle." I didn't use his first name very often, but I felt it was appropriate this time. He had just offered me the world.

"Talk to you soon Bella." He sounded almost sad as he hung up, and I couldn't quite understand why. But I didn't dwell on it.

After the meeting with my parents and Doctor Cullen, Charlie dropped me off at school. As he unpacked my chair with a grunt, and I slid as gracefully into it as I could manage, he smiled at me. Then with a hug and a light kiss on the cheek he got quickly back into the van, and as he drove away, I could see his goofy grin return. It had been plastered on his face ever since he signed the consent forms. It took almost two hours of convincing to get him to sign; Dr. Cullen was very patient with his endless questions, but in the end he consented. I looked towards the school and took a deep breath, careful not to inhale too quickly for fear of another coughing spasm.

I was almost euphoric, because the surgery was scheduled. If it worked, I would technically be able to walk before I was an official adult. It felt like real hope, but somewhere buried under the elation and the growing excitement was a seed of irrational doubt deep in the pit of my stomach. It was a fear that couldn't be completely repressed, and I wasn't sure what that fear was.

The morning was cold and dreary, even more so then usual. It felt like an omen, so I closed my eyes and forced out the depression that was threatening to overwhelm me. A strange fear was growing in the pit of my stomach, and the frustrating unknown nature of it was driving me a little insane. Then I looked up and I saw Edward standing next to his car, he was positioned just like he was the day that his eyes were burned into my memory on the edge of searing pain. Suddenly the fear took shape; I wouldn't be able to hide from him anymore. I wouldn't be the cripple anymore. Then I would know once and for all if he liked me, or just felt sympathy for me. Maybe he blamed himself for distracting me that day.

It was almost too much to handle, but I managed to get a hold of my nerves. I turned away from him and went into the school, and for the first half of the day I ignored my impending life altering surgery. At lunch though, surrounded by my friends, I knew I had to say something.

"I have some news everyone." I said feeling confidant, despite my warring emotions.

"What's going on Bella?" Edward asked staring at me intently.

"I'm going in for another surgery, but this one is different. Doctor Cullen said it could restore my legs, and I might walk again." I tried to reign in my excitement, but I wasn't really successful, and my smile was practically ear to ear.

"That's amazing, I'm so happy for you!" Alice said first, her excitement almost matching my own.

"That's great Bella." Tyler said next, although there was something in his expression that made it seem like he was almost upset by the news.

"I can't believe you agreed to something so reckless!" Edward said after a moment, and immediately turned and walked away from the table. I turned to Angela who was glaring after him.

"I don't get him, if this is what you want, I am very happy for you." Angela said touching my shoulder in support. Yet her support didn't change the fact that Edward seemed to reject my hope, like he wanted me to stay the way I was. Almost immediately my world began to crumble around me. His reaction was exactly what I had always feared; he liked the situation as it was and never wanted me to be his equal.

The rest of the day flew by like a haze, I interacted with people but I was distracted. Dinner out with Charlie and Renee was just as strained, they both tried to seem excited by the prospect of me recovering, but Doctor Cullen's warning that I could die on the table seemed to be what the focus of conversation kept returning to.

The weekend came and went, and Monday was the day of my surgery. I arrived at the hospital and was not really shocked to find everyone waiting for me, including Edward's extended family. Alice and Angela both gave me a hug before the nurse rolled me into the prep room before surgery. Dr. Cullen came in after a few minutes and dismissed the nurse. Once we were alone, he sat down in a chair a few feet to my right and gave me a thoughtful look and comforting smile. He took a few deep breaths and then began to speak; his tone was soft and careful as if he were measuring his words with precision.

"I have a rather odd question for you, but it is of paramount importance." He seemed earnest, but cautious and his smile faded as he spoke.

"Okay, you can ask me anything." I tried to sound like I wasn't hanging on his every word, but I thought I sounded like a little girl trying to sound like an adult. He grinned a little, and then lowered his head.

"Edward is still devastated about the accident, his suffering is silent but heartbreaking. In truth there is nothing further I can do for you medically. You will be in that chair for the remainder of your life. A life that I predict will be short, and painful. I have kept you alive as best I can with modern medicine, but as you know several of your organs were damaged from the impact. They will sustain you for several more years, and while it is impossible to know how long that will be, it is but a fraction of the time I can justify as someone who can change your circumstances." I blinked at him; he had never been so pessimistic before.

"What does Edward feel guilty about, if he thinks he distracted me from the van I could never fault him for that? I mean there is nothing he could've done to prevent the accident." Carlisle studied my expression slowly and carefully before responding.

"I wish could explain everything, but it would sound fantastical. Without a proper explanation, all I can say is he chose not to save you that day. He made a practical choice to preserve our family secret. A choice he has regretted every second of every day since." He sighed slightly as he finished and wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Carlisle, I don't understand what you mean?" I felt like a truck had slammed into me again, because as bizarre as the words sounded they had a ring of truth in them. Carlisle shook his head.

"You can't understand, and I wish I could..." He paused as if he was debating about continuing the conversation, then resumed abruptly. "The choice is simple, if you say yes, I will put you into a coma like state, and at a specific moment I will make sure you seem dead. Afterwards you will be healthy and mobile. And you will never have to worry about being a burden on anyone ever again. If you say no you will stay as you are, and you will never see Edward or any of my family ever again."

"No." The thought of never seeing Edward or Alice or Carlisle punched me in the gut. "I mean please don't leave because of me. I won't go through with the surgery" Then his words sunk in and I had to force my brain to work again. "Wait, did you say I could walk again? I thought surgery wouldn't work, which means you lied to my parents. What's going on Carlisle?"

"I lied because I needed you here to make this choice. You would gain your life back, but it would have a price, a very high one in fact. You would have to give up your life here, and never look back." He looked at me thoughtfully again, and patiently waited for my reaction. But there was no choice. My responsibility to my family was too great to simply abandon them.

"Then I guess I'll have to say no." I felt heavy and stupid for saying no. I didn't have to wait long for his reply, but in that brief second my mind screamed at me for another chance.

"I thought you might say that, I've observed you are deeply selfless when it comes to the needs of others. But in this case, while the impact on your family is important, I need you to consider this for yourself and not for them." Carlisle leaned forward and locked eye contact with me. His topaz eyes practically identical to his son's. Eyes that suddenly struck me as deeply unnatural.

"I don't know if I can." I replied, trying to wrap my head around the request.

"Hmm, let me put it this way. Your death will hard for them, but in a way, it will be even harder if you say no. If they think you are dead, perhaps they could rationalize it. I know you have made an effort to hide your pain, but I can see them react every time you wince or close your eyes to focus. They know that you are in constant, intense pain. From a certain point of view, you would be releasing them from constant worry." I tried not to react; I thought I had been able to conceal the worst of it from everyone around me.

"It's not that bad, the drugs help." I tried to pad the truth with a white lie. The drugs hadn't been working as well for close to two months. But they already made me so foggy I couldn't imagine upping the dosage.

"I don't need lies, and I don't need padded truth. I need to know if you can live with this, for the few years of pain and misery it will bring to those around you… I'm sorry that may be a little harsh. You could live a decade, perhaps, but in the end, you will die young and they will miss you." His point was hard to hear, but very effective. The weight of his words struck home with me in a way I couldn't understand entirely.

"I'm a bit lost Carlisle. I can't tell if you want me to say yes or no. Honestly, I don't even know if I can make an informed decision here, because I know you are holding something back. Yet, I trust you. If you feel this is the right choice for me…" I paused and looked away before looking back and meeting his intense gaze. "Dr. Cullen, you saved my life. Even if what you say about Edward is true, your family has given me a lot. I don't know what you want from me or even what you want to do to me. But if you think it will be better than the fractured life I have now… then my answer is yes."

He looked at me long and hard, in his golden eyes I could see a fierce debate. I could tell he was torn and unsure of himself. The conflict raged for several long seconds, but then of that frustration simply melted away and he sighed with resolve.

"Okay, so be it. Welcome to the family Bella. I hope you will like your new life."