"You really didn't have to do this."
Embarrassed, TK. looked at Carlos. Owen had tactfully withdrawn to his room so that the men could talk undisturbed.
"How are you doing, anyway?"; TK shrugged.
"It gets better."
"Do you remember what happened?"; Carlos reaped a steady head shake.
"No, I'm blacked out. All I remember is patting the dog, talking to my father at the station, and from then on, nothing.
"Maybe it's just as well."
"That's what my dad said."
Carlos cleared his throat.
"I just wanted to stop by and bring you a few things to distract you."
TK grinned. Just as Carlos was about to turn around and go to the door, TK grabbed his arm.
"Carlos?"; Irritated, the respondent looked at the fireman.
"Thanks for being there for me at the hospital.
"How did you know?"
TK grinned amused.
"I just know."
911-lone-star-911-lone-star
"Mr. Strand. I appreciate that you join us today"; the therapist looked at TK before her gaze slipped to Owen and then back to his son. Meanwhile two days had passed and since TK wasn't still back on duty, they used the time for the planned therapy appointment.
"Well, I'd like to talk to you about 9/11 and the following months,"; the young therapist, who had introduced herself as Mrs. Fried, started the session, making Tyler looking a little insecure to his father. TK wasn't comfortable with the words, because they awakened a number of unpleasant memories in him, but on the other hand he had not wanted to refuse his father this request.
"Mr. Strand? How did you experience 9/11 when it comes to your dad? How did that make you feel? Can you tell me about it?";, she asked TK, who looked up nervously and began to speak hesitantly after a long pause. He was ill at ease. Bringing back the old memories was anything but easy.
"Okay, I'll try. Well, I was about 7 years old and I was in school when my teacher said that planes flew into the Twin Towers. I immediately had to think of Dad, because his station was in Manhattan and therefore relatively close to the scene. After the 4th period, my mother came to pick me up. "
"How was her mood?"; the therapist wanted to know. Without looking at Owen, TK. was lost for words.
"She tried to hide but she was scared. We went home and Dad called again. I was just down the hall and my mom started crying. "
"What did he say?"
TK first looked at Owen, who had tears in his eyes, then he looked at the therapist.
"Take good care of TK. I love you. "
"What do you feel when you think about it?"
"I was just a kid then, but I quickly understood what this was all about. That he might not come back. " TK smiled sadly, then turned to his father.
"You promised me that we would go to Disneyland together. I just thought, "Who's gonna take care of me now?"
"Couldn't your mother have done this?" TK looked at the therapist with disgust.
"My mom? She was just physically present. Trips mostly included just dad and me. I can't remember a vacation we ever took together. "
"What happened next? Your father survived. How was the ensuing period for both of you?"; the therapist wanted to know. TK sighed.
"In the evening he came home. Totally messed up. I was already in bed, but suddenly the door opened and he came in. I don't know how long he sat on my bed side, but I knew he was crying. I pretended to be asleep. I didn't know how to handle it. " Also this time TK didn't dare to look at his father. The fear of exposing Owen was too great.
"The next morning he was just back. And just as quickly gone again. The next months you were hardly at home and you even forgot my birthday"; TK turned his head to his dad for the first time, whose look was now horrified.
"That's not true. "
"Yes, you did. Mom needed to remind you. You were busy day and night to search for your "brothers". And two months later you and mom got a divorce."
"Take me along a little longer at this time. How did you experience that, Mr. Strand?", she wanted to know from TK. Owen covered his face with his hands, then tiredly drove himself over his cheeks. For a moment, TK. thought he was crying.
"My mother came home in the evening and said we were moving to another apartment. I asked her if Dad was coming, but she said no.
"That sounds a bit like you experienced your parents as less present in your childhood and youth?"; TK's gaze wandered to his father again, then he nodded his head.
"The job was just more important than me. "
"That's not true,"; Owen disproved what TK. saw differently.
"You chose your job back then. Just like Mom. " Owen shook his head.
"Dad, we don't have to fight about this. You've been rarely been home. "
"Then who were you living with?"; the therapist asked TK. He raised and lowered his shoulders.
"Well, yeah, until I was 14 with my mom and then until I was 18 with Dad. But it was more like a shared apartment, more like we were room mates. I've just been alone a lot. "
"Mr. Strand, how do you feel about your son telling you this?"; she turned to Owen, who was now really struggling with tears. TK looked at him from a mixture of guilt and helplessness.
"Extremely bad. "
"Is there anything you wish you had said to your father at that time?"; she then turned back to TK. , who thought first and then nodded.
"That I need him and miss him. " At that moment, Owen could no longer hold back the tears.
He cried softly, which both the therapist and TK reflected with worried faces. After a few minutes of shock, Tyler freed himself from his rigidity and rose to the top, silently embracing his father.
"I'm so sorry,"; Owen whispered, why Tyler strengthened his grip.
"I know. " They held each other in their arms for a long time until they separated. The therapist looked at Owen compassionately.
"How do you feel now?" He nodded confidently.
"Better. But I guess I was a shitty father. "
"What do you think makes a bad father?"; Owen pushed around, ran his hair nervously.
"Well, how do you define it when your son is taking drugs?"; The therapist got wise.
"Can you be more specific?"; Owen sighed heavily.
"TK nearly died last year from an oxycodone overdose. He had drug problems since he was a teenager. If I had set limits for him in time, this might never have happened. " Her gaze wandered to Tyler.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because he had no boundaries. He would have needed someone with a clear set of rules. This is my fault. "
"Mr. Strand, having a child doesn't mean you can control everything. And therefore to speak of guilt? We're not in court. " Owen looked at TK, who gave him a correspondingly sad look back.
"The fact is, you can't turn back time. And even if your son is no longer small, you will have the opportunity to work together on the things that happened back then. " Owen nodded seriously. Then he looked at TK in a meaningful way.