Zoro honestly didn't expect the crazy bastard to call him. He had seen the guy drinking with some curly haired long nosed guy and had assumed they were having some kind of competition when the long nose pointed at people and the blond seemed smug. Guy was probably a slut and was trying to get into as many pants as possible.
Zoro was probably his next target but he had shot the guy down almost immediately. That's why Zoro just didn't expect the guy to call him. When his phone rang and there was an unknown number flashing on the screen it didn't even cross his mind that someone he didn't want to talk to was on the other end.
"Roronoa speaking" Zoro grunted out as he answered the phone and hit the speaker button. He was currently lifting weights and he wasn't going to stop just because someone couldn't wait to call him.
"Roronoa huh? Nice last name" said an annoyingly familiar voice.
"Whatever it is you're selling I'm not buying" Zoro told him, getting a noise of annoyance from the blond.
"I'm not a shitty telemarketer you jackass, I'm just calling to set up the time for our date" the guy Zoro had oh so affectionately dubbed as captain annoying stated.
"Who said I was going on a date with you?" Zoro huffed, his eyebrow twitching.
"You did, last night" captain annoying helpfully reminded the forgetful marimo "it was either that or admit to being a wuss, great choice by the way".
"What's to stop me from hanging up on you and blocking your number?" Zoro growled.
"What's to stop me from using someone else's phone to call you?" captain annoying countered.
"What's to stop me from changing my number?" Zoro shot back.
"Then that just makes you a shitty coward scared to go on one date that you had promised you would go on" Sanji told him with such obvious smug satisfaction that it made all the hairs on Zoro's body stand on end.
"I should have just ditched you last night" Zoro growled in annoyance.
"Mm you were just too intrigued by my charismatic ways" Sanji said with a suave tone to his voice.
"I wanted you to quit stalking me actually" Zoro pointed out, causing Sanji to sputter out indignant curses at the moss head.
"I was not stalking you" Sanji refuted.
"Stalking, harassing, it's all the same" Zoro shrugged as he finished the last rep and set his weights down. That earned him a few more curses. Zoro wasn't going to say it out loud but he was kind of enjoying pissing off the blond, picturing the looks his ridiculous face was making wasn't half bad either.
There was a loud crash on the other end of the phone that Zoro would deny ever made him jump. A second later there was shouting and cursing of multiple different people that Zoro couldn't make heads nor tails of. More crashing happened then silence followed for a long minute where Zoro wondered if the blond had gotten jumped and knocked out.
"Stupid shitty bastards" Sanji finally grumbled over the phone, sounding rather annoyed at someone who wasn't Zoro "Sorry about that, I'm at work".
"I didn't ask" Zoro said dryly.
"So about that date, I was thinking tomorrow night at my place; I'll cook us a nice dinner and we can spend the evening getting to know each other" Sanji changed the subject.
"How do I know you aren't just going to drug or poison me?" Zoro huffed suspiciously.
"Because if I were to ever mistreat food in such a way I would kick my own ass" Sanji snapped and Zoro had a feeling he had hit a nerve that the blond didn't like being poked.
"Whatever, your food probably tastes like shit" Zoro grunted.
"My food is the best damn thing you will have ever tasted and you won't want to eat anything else after you have tasted it" Sanji boasted "You'll just have to see for yourself tomorrow night".
"And who said I was free tomorrow night?" Zoro huffed "I do have a life you know, you can't just decide I'm going to your place without finding out if I'm free".
"Well are you?" Sanji huffed in annoyance.
"I- yes but that isn't the point!" Zoro said, slightly flustered and annoyed that the blond was completely missing his point.
"Great! I will see you tomorrow then, just meet me outside the bar where we first met and I'll take you to my place" Sanji said cheerfully and it just made Zoro want to punch him.
"Fine, whatever" Zoro grunted then hung up on the guy before he broke his own phone out of sheer annoyance.
After that time seemed to pass far too quickly for the green haired man. Before he knew it the next day had come and it was time for him to get ready to go meet the blond. He was tempted to just skip this all together but he knew that if he didn't go the idiot would just blow up his phone with annoying messages crying about how Zoro stood him up.
Since they weren't going out anywhere and Zoro didn't particularly care how he looked, he dressed in his acid washed jeans and one of his band t-shirts. He pocketed his keys, wallet, and phone then walked out the door and tried to remember his way to the random bar he had picked. He started walking in what he felt was the right direction and tucked his hands in his pockets as he leisurely walked down the street.
What was only supposed to take an hour to walk turned into four hours as the buildings and signs kept moving. He eventually made it to the bar but it was starting to grow dark. He spotted the blond leaning against the bar with a cigarette between his lips.
"You're late" Sanji grunted in annoyance, not bothering to move from his position.
"How can I be late, you didn't specify a time" Zoro huffed at him.
"It's nearly dark, normal people show up at a decent time" Sanji shot at him "never mind, let's just get going so I have enough time to finish cooking, thankfully I prepped everything before coming here so it won't take long to finish".
The two started walking down the sidewalk, both with their hands stuffed in their pockets. Sanji cast a glance at Zoro as they walked and he eyed the clothing the other was wearing "Do you always dress like a delinquent?".
Zoro shot an annoyed glance at the blond, taking in the dress shirt and slacks he wore "Do you always dress like a douche?".
Sanji let out an offended noise "unlike you I have to represent an establishment of fine dining, if I were to wander around looking like a high school dropout it would bring shame on my old man and his restaurant".
"All I heard was 'why yes I do always dress like a douche, thank you for noticing', does your old man know how well you're representing his restaurant by harassing strangers at random in bars?" Zoro said as he shot a smirk at the other who's stupid swirlybrowed face was starting to flush from irritation.
"I do not harass random strangers" Sanji hissed as he kicked out at Zoro's ankle, the other man hopping to the side to dodge it "usually people are quite receptive to my flirtations, you're just the uncouth exception that prefers to pick fights than to flirt".
"Tch all I saw that night was a thirsty bastard who didn't know when to quit, do you realize how desperate you come off when someone tells you no?" Zoro said with a huff and again dodged a kick aimed at his ankles.
"People who go to a SINGLES bar aren't usually there to just get drunk and wallow in misery" Sanji snapped as he shot the green haired man the stink eye "you're the only sorry ass bastard who would go to drink at a bar full of people looking to get laid and expect them to not hit on you; then again people probably stay away from you because they think you're growing mold on your head".
"You realize you make a shitty date right?" Zoro commented with a bored expression.
"I'll show you shitty date" Sanji growled and picked up the pace slightly, marching his way back home "hurry your ass up so we can fucking eat".
Zoro followed after the blond and after some walking they ended up at Sanji's apartment building. They took the elevator up to the blond's flat and Sanji led the way into the relatively fancy looking apartment.
"Ritzy digs you got" Zoro commented with a bored tone as he looked around the spotless place.
"With how well the Baratie is doing I'm able to afford a slightly pricier living space than I normally would be able to, plus I have a small side business of my own that I'm hoping to one day make as big as the Baratie; I can't ride the old man's coat tails forever" Sanji explained as he went into the kitchen "Want something to drink?".
"Got anything strong?" Zoro asked as he followed after him.
"I have wine" Sanji told him as he opened a closet and showed the other his wine rack.
"Wine is so weak and fruity" Zoro groaned and scowled at the bottles.
"I don't do a lot of drinking moss head and anyone I bring home isn't looking to get sloshed, it's mainly just to have with our meal".
"I could drink your entire wine collection and not get a buzz" Zoro huffed in annoyance.
"You're not drinking all of my wine" Sanji told him as he took out a bottle that would go good with the meal he was preparing and setting it on the counter "Why don't you take a seat, we can talk while I finish preparing the food".
Zoro tsked but took a seat at the table and slouched in the chair with a grumpy look on his face, he should have brought his own booze.
"So you know what I do for a living, what do you do?" Sanji decided to break the ice as he moved about the kitchen.
"I'm a professional fighter" Zoro explained with a shrug.
Sanji paused and glanced back at him with a curious look "like those fake wrestling matches they show on tv?".
Zoro scowled in annoyance "No not like the fake wrestling they show on tv. I do several forms of martial arts, I sword fight, and I box".
"Huh" Sanji mused as he looked the man up and down "I guess I can see you doing something like that, do you enjoy it?".
Zoro paused at the blond's last question, not having expected it "mm I guess I do, my goal is to one day be the champion".
"That's a pretty big goal" Sanji whistled "How close are you at getting there?".
"Not close enough" Zoro huffed in annoyance, thinking back to his fight with Mihawk and how he had lost almost immediately.
"Mm you look determined enough, I'm sure you'll get there eventually" Sanji shrugged and turned back to his food. Zoro watched the man move, silently reaccessing him after that conversation… not much but enough that Zoro thought that maybe the guy wasn't completely all bad… only a little though, he was still an annoying pain in the ass.
Sanji asked a few more questions that Zoro answered and the blond told him information in return. Soon the food was done and Sanji was setting the last plate on the table. He grabbed the bottle of wine and popped the cork, filling both their glasses before sitting down.
Zoro had to silently admit, everything did smell and look great. He picked up his fork and took a bite. Unfortunately he couldn't keep a straight face as the flavor took him by surprise. Sanji was watching the man, a smug smile stretched across his unibanged face; he always enjoyed watching people who tasted his food for the first time, it was almost as satisfying as great sex.
Zoro noticed the look and smoothed his features into a bored expression as he continued to eat, he was not giving the bastard a stroke to his ego. "Tastes better than I expected it to" he said indifferently.
Sanji's satisfied face nearly slipped into one of indignation, he caught himself at the last second though because he knew the guy was just messing with him "It's the best damn thing you've ever eaten in your life".
"Well I wouldn't go that far" Zoro shrugged as he took another bite, no way was he going to give him the satisfaction of being right because god damn it the guy really did know how to cook… It wasn't fair.
This time Sanji's face fell into a scowl and he gave Zoro the stink eye "you're a dirty little liar and you'll burn in hell for it".
Zoro gave the blond an amused smirk "Am I a liar? How would you know? Do you stalk me when I go out to eat too?".
"For the last time I was not stalking you!" Sanji snapped, resisting the urge to throw his fork at the bastard's face.
"Then what do you call following someone who doesn't want to be followed?" Zoro asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Just shut up and eat your damn food" Sanji growled in annoyance, taking a bite of his own dish with a little more force than was necessary.
Zoro just grinned smugly and continued to eat his own food, okay so maybe this wasn't such a bad time but it still didn't prove to him that relationships were worth it.
Their meal went on like this as they ate; Sanji would ask a question, Zoro would answer, they would talk a bit and then someone would say something that would start a little bickering match between them then they would fall into silence and it would start all over again.
When the food was gone Sanji cleaned up their dishes and somehow managed to rope Zoro into helping him by drying them while Sanji washed. This task was done in silence, neither man feeling the need to fill the silence as they fell into a rhythm. When everything was clean and the dishes that needed to soak were doing so, the two men moved to the living room and had a seat on the blond's couch.
"So now what? We ate and talked" Zoro said as he slouched down into the probably very expensive couch.
"We could play a game" Sanji shrugged where he sat, sitting his glass of wine down on the coffee table and pulling out his phone "a friend of mine showed me this game not too long ago". Sanji opened the app and showed it to Zoro "it's kind of like charades, basically how you play is you hold the phone screen pointed out so you can't see it and the person you are playing with has to give you hints. It's timed so if you don't get it right you miss, miss too many and you lose; if you get it right you tip the phone so it moves onto the next".
"Sounds kind of dumb but I'll play" Zoro shrugged and Sanji set up the app. The blond held up the phone so that it faced Zoro first and he waited to start. The first prompt lit up the screen.
"What's something associated with spring?" Zoro prompted.
"Flowers" Sanji said immediately and Zoro nodded so Sanji tilted the phone to change the prompt.
"What do you do when you trip?" Zoro questioned.
"Fall" Sanji shot out and he got that one right too.
Zoro squinted at the next prompt, he honestly had no idea what that one was.
"Well what is it?" Sanji said in annoyance.
"I don't know, I've never heard of it before" Zoro griped.
The phone buzzed and Sanji huffed in annoyance that Zoro made him lose a point.
"Building in New York" Zoro told him.
"Empire state building" Sanji said and got it right so he flicked the phone and changed to the next prompt.
They kept going like this and Sanji got more annoyed when Zoro made him miss a prompt. They bickered for a bit which caused Sanji even more time and in the end the blond wasn't too happy with his score.
"Let's see you do better asshole" Zoro huffed as he snatched the phone and started the game.
"Tue es une grosse tête verte stupide" Sanji said with a grin.
Zoro scowled in annoyance "What the fuck are you saying?".
"Quelle? Tu ne connais pas le français?" Sanji asked with mock surprise.
The phone buzzed and Zoro scowled at the blond "What the fuck!".
"Not my fault you can't understand french" Sanji shrugged and read the next prompt "it's the longest structure in the world".
"I don't fucking know" Zoro hissed in annoyance.
"Oh come on everyone fucking knows what the longest structure in the world is!" Sanji exclaimed as the phone buzzed "The great wall of China you airhead!".
"Shut your fucking face, if anyone here is the airhead it's your blond ass" Zoro snapped then growled as the phone buzzed as they missed the prompt "Quite making me mess up you fuck".
"Oh a blond joke, real original" Sanji hissed, kicking out at Zoro's leg. Zoro managed to grab the long leg and he yanked Sanji off the couch. Sanji scrabbled for a hold on the couch but he went crashing with a curse. Zoro smirked down at the heep that was Sanji though it quickly turned to a look of surprise when the blond locked his ankles around Zoro's neck and yanked him off the couch to join Sanji on the floor.
Soon it devolved into another wrestling match, the two of them bumping into the furniture and nearly knocking things off as they went. The two eventually stopped when they were out of breath and they simply just laid side by side panting on the floor. "You're a cheating jackass" Zoro griped.
"Fuck you, it's your own fault you don't even know what the great wall of china is" Sanji huffed and sat up after a while. He cast a quick look at the time and hummed "it's getting kind of late, do you want to call it a night?".
"What? You tired of me already?" Zoro said dryly as he also sat up.
"Not that I don't enjoy you chaotically tearing up my home but I have to work in the morning, I didn't even expect it to go this late" Sanji said honestly as he pushed himself to his feet.
"I guess you're right, I did promise to help out a friend of mine tomorrow" Zoro said as he also stood and headed for the door. As he got there he paused and thought a moment then turned and called out "this wasn't half bad". After saying that he disappeared out the door before he could see the blond have any kind of smug self satisfied look that he knew the other would be making.