The next morning, the sun woke Kayia from her deep slumber. It had been a long time since she last slept in such a comfortable bed and she felt herself tempted to just stay in it a while longer. That was not an option however because Ty Lee could show up any minute for their trip to the city. She had to get ready. Yawning, Kayia stretched her limbs before she got up and turned to the vanity area. The servants had provided fresh water last night and she used her firebending to heat it up a few degrees, since she didn't really care for the cold in the morning.
After having washed her face and brushed her hair, the dancer slipped into one of her dresses and sat down in front of the mirror to braid her hair. She was nearly done when a short knock on her door announced Ty Lee. "Good morning sunshine, your personal tour guide is here!" If it hadn't been for her distinct voice, Kayia probably wouldn't have recognized the girl without her face paint and traditional Kyoshi warrior uniform. She quickly wrapped a hair tie around the end of her braid and then turned to face her guide: "Ready when you are!"
"Oh, no. No, nonononono! You are definitively not ready", Ty Lee insisted, closing the door behind her. "You cannot go out like that." Kayia eyed her appearance in the mirror. Sure, she was wearing the same dress as yesterday but she couldn't make out any wrinkles or dirt spots. There was no reason to change into something fresh. "Is there something wrong with my dress?", she finally asked, puzzled about Ty Lee's reaction. "Yes, you look like you're from the Earth Kingdom", the girl pointed out and Kayia shrugged her shoulders: "Well, that is not completely wrong…" She still didn't see, why this would be a problem but Ty Lee was quick to elaborate: "There are a lot of refugees in the city at the moment. People who had to leave their homes in the Colonies due to the Harmony Restoration Movement. Tensions are already high as it is. We don't want to unnecessarily remind them of what they had to give up. Do you own anything more Fire Nation style?"
Kayia shook her head. She could see now, that it would be more sensible to change into something more domestic. However, she had lived in the Earth Kingdom for most of her life. All her dresses – with the exception of her great-grandmothers uniform which she had vowed to never wear – were in the green, beige and brown tones of the Earth Kingdom. "Okay then, I'll lend you something", Ty Lee offered, taking her wrist and pulling her out of her room. "Come along, I am really hungry. How do you feel about getting mochi for breakfast?"
The Kyoshi warriors were staying in the guest wing as well, not too far from Kayia's room. They quickly reached their quarters and while Ty Lee searched for something more appropriate for her to wear, Kayia couldn't help but curiously eye the dojo across the hall. The door stood open but the room seemed to be empty. "Awesome, isn't it?" Kayia flinched as Ty Lee suddenly appeared next to her. "There is actually enough space to perform fourteen consecutive cartwheels, FOURTEEN!", she proceeded before offering her a bundle of dark red fabric. The dancer received them with a thankful smile and quickly changed out of her dress.
The clothes turned out to be a similar ensemble like the one Ty Lee was wearing, consisting out of trousers and a crop top with airy sleeves. "Do you think, I could borrow your access to the dojo to practice as well?", she asked as she neatly folded her dress and placed it on the small table next to the door. "Sure, I don't see why not", Ty Lee replied and gently shoved her out of the room. "But not now, I am starving for some watermelon mochi." Kayia laughed but agreed following the other girl down the hallway and out into the morning sun. "Right, let's go!"
They went straight to the mochi vendor and thus, soon after, the two girls were walking along the capital's streets together, eating the watermelon treat and enjoying the morning sun. The streets were still rather quiet as the city was only waking up. Ty Lee took her guide role pretty seriously, pointing out different buildings and statues, explaining their history and meaning. In between the sightseeing however, they quickly returned to their conversation of the previous day. "So, you are telling me that you performed for the Earth King once and he didn't realize you were Fire Nation?", Ty Lee asked, obviously amused by the story Kayia had just shared. "Yes, that's what happened", Kayia replied, finishing up her last mochi. "Well, that is one of the best stories I have ever heard", the other girl concluded just as they reached the end of the road, that opened up into a large square.
"So, this is the main square. As you can see, Zuko currently has them removing the statue of his father. And over there's the market", Ty Lee fell back into her guide role as they circled the main square. "Would you mind if I looked for some more Fire Nation clothing of my own?", Kayia asked as they passed the entrance to the market. "Shopping, are you kidding me? Of course!", Ty Lee answered, already steering towards a stall with different fabrics and started shuffling through the selection.
In the end, they found two dresses as well as a trousers and shirt combination, all in the traditional Fire Nation colours. Happy with the turnout, the girls were heading back to the palace, when Kayia suddenly froze. She recognized this street. "Ty Lee, where are we?", she asked, stepping closer to the building she had recognized. "This is the upper ring. Most of the high-ranking families have houses here for when they are invited to the palace. But not all of them live here permanently. My friend Mai's family house is just around the corner, and my family owns one just down the street", she explained and followed as Kayia turned into the street and took two left turns before she came to a stop. The house she had let them to was in a bad shape, the front door and windows nailed shut.
"What are we doing here exactly?", Ty Lee asked and stepped closer to examine the door. "This place doesn't really look inviting." – "I know this house… I was born here", Kayia explained, her thoughts far away. Before Ty Lee could say another word, the dancer had flung herself over the fence and circled around to the back of the property. The warrior sighed before following – it looked like breaking and entering was just added to their morning activities. The windows at the back weren't nailed shut and some of them had already been thrown in; probably by thieves who wanted whatever the residents had left behind. Ty Lee wasn't sure if that was a good idea, but she followed Kayia, who disappeared behind one of the damaged windows.
The dancer wandered around the ground floor. There was not much left of the place she remembered from her childhood. The stairs to the upper floor had been destroyed by what looked like a fire blast, and the only thing that proved her family's time in this building was a torn portrait in the entrance hall. She stepped closer and smoothed out the stripes of canvas, that were hanging down towards the ground, holding the picture together. "Is this your family?", Ty Lee suddenly asked, making her wince. She had completely forgotten, that she was not alone. "Yes. My mother, my father and me", she replied looking at her father's face. He was much younger in the portrait, his eyes less broken. The scar over his right eye was missing as well "Wait …", the Kyoshi warrior said, stepping closer to the portrait, "Your father is not just a deserter. Your father is Jeong Jeong THE deserter?"
Kayia nodded silently, letting go of the canvas she was holding. Immediately the picture fell apart again. It was a torn mess and somehow that suited her family's state. "Wow. Is he here as well? Your father is a myth, I would love to meet him!", Ty Lee enquired now putting the painting back together herself. "No, he isn't. Our paths have parted a long time ago", she replied, sitting down on the first step of the stairs. "I've heard he fought with Zuko's uncle in the battle of Ba Sing Se. I'm sure if you asked Zuko, he would help you find him", her new friend suggested but Kayia shook her head. "I have my own means of finding him, if I wanted to. But that wouldn't be wise, we don't see eye to eye at the moment."
"His past has changed him – he sees firebending as a curse now. As something that destroys whomever is burdened with it", she explained and let a small flame build in her hand. The warmth gently caressed her face while she stared into the fire. "And what do you believe?", Ty Lee asked, taking a seat on the floor in front of her. "Life and Energy", Kayia answered and let the flame die. "That's what it means to me." Now that the warmth of her fire was gone, the house suddenly felt cold and she had to get out of here. "I think I have seen enough. We should get back to the palace."
xxxx
Zuko tried to take Kayia's advice and get some sleep. However, he was shaken awake by a nightmare before midnight. And even though Suki and Ty Lee, who were posted as guards in front of his room, assured him that everything was in order, he still felt uneasy. Suki tried to get him back to bed but he refused, shaking his head: "No, I'm going to get a drink of water." He waved off the escort she offered and left – his feet carrying him without a clear target in mind. Only when the large structure appeared in front of him, he realised that he had been walking towards his father the whole time. And in some twisted way, this made sense: his father had been hated by thousands and yet Zuko had never even heard the slightest rumour of the old Fire Lord being plagued by restless nights. Maybe, after spending a year incarcerated, his father would be willing to offer some advice.
Just a few minutes later, Zuko placed two cups filled with steaming hot tea in front of him on the stone floor and looked at his father. Even in the darkness of the cell, he could make out the triumphant smile on the former Fire Lord's face and his courage disappeared. But who else could he ask? No one would understand. Thus, the young Fire Lord swallowed his pride and averted his gaze before finally admitting: "I need your advice, father." Ozai sat still for a moment, before sliding his hand through the bars, accepting one of the two cups. The sound of his voice was unexpectedly loud, and it took everything in Zuko not to wince. "You will learn respect and suffering will be your teacher."
No, that wasn't wat he had said. It was just his imagination playing a cruel trick on him. He shook his head slightly to clear his mind and caught the second part of what his father really said: "Do you remember those family vacations we used to take on Ember Island?" Why wouldn't Ozai bring this up? Zuko didn't know what this meant, but he nodded slightly as his fist closed around his teacup. "Once' at the beach – you couldn't have been older than three at the time, we saw a hawk attacking a turtle-crab by the water. You ran as fast as your little legs would carry you to rescue that turtle-crab. But when you had the turtle-crab safely in your arms, you hesitated as you realized, that you were condemning the hawk to starve. You didn't know whether to side with the hawk or the turtle-crab. Before you could reach a decision, a giant wave washed over you and carried you out into the ocean. I had to dive in myself to save you", his father told and then took a sip of the tea Zuko had prepared.
Confused by the unexpected family memory, Zuko raised his one good eyebrow. "I came here looking for advice! I want to know how you were able to sleep peacefully in spite of the pressure of the throne." - "And I told you", his father replied, a smug smile in his face. Angrily, Zuko pointed out that his story was nothing more than an old memory. He was the Fire Lord and he demanded advice. But his father refused to answer any more questions. Even now, that he was his prisoner, Zuko still had no power over the proud man. Thus he had to admit defeat and left the prison more confused than before.
The young Fire Lord spent the rest of the night thinking about the story his father had told him. What did it mean? Did he want to highlight his indecisiveness? Should he have sided with the strong hawk or the weak turtle-crab? What was the meaning of the big wave? He had no conclusive answers. However, in the early morning hours, as he was dressed and his hair put into the traditional Fire Nation top-knot, he decided that his father must have meant that he should have sided with the strong hawk. His father always chose power over compassion. But that didn't help! He had already sided with the strong side – his nation – by deciding to revoke his support for the Harmony Restoration Movement and protecting the Fire Nation citizens in Yu Dao from being removed by force. But his nights were still restless.
Not being any wiser than the night before, he returned to the prison before breakfast to explain to his father, that adhering to his people's need hadn't changed anything – he still couldn't sleep. However, the answer his father had for him was complete unsatisfactory. "You're only partially correct in your assessment. Your sleeplessness does indeed stem from your inability to distinguish what is right. But you are wrong about the hawk", the old Fire Lord simply replied to Zuko's assessment, leaving the young man puzzled. Did his father really suggest, that he should have sided with the weak turtle-crab?
"There is no right or wrong apart from what you decide Zuko. You are the Fire Lord, what you choose by definition is right", Ozai added and his son sighed. Of course, he should have expected something like this from his father. It had been stupid to believe, that the former Fire Lord would have any helpful advice. "No, you're wrong! Right and wrong are bigger than me, or you or even the Avatar!", he returned, explaining that the only way that they could even come close to what's right for Yu Dao was by working together with Aang and the Earth King. But this was a position, his father couldn't understand. Not now, not never. And Zuko knew it.
Ozai pointed out, that the Earth King would never be reasonable after what had happened and that it was his duty to defend the Fire Nation citizens of Yu Dao ferociously. In the ensuing back and forth, Zuko's father resorted to insulting Aang and his destiny to keep peace in the world. Enraged by how Ozai spoke of his friend, Zuko lashed out: "Avatar Aang is my friend! More often than not, he has been on the side of what's right. And I trust him!" This reaction finally seemed to move something in the old Fire Lord, as his blank expression faded and Ozai's golden eyes fixated on his son. "More than you trust yourself?"
The question came completely unexpected for Zuko and he had to avert his eyes. Did he trust himself? One of his first acts as Fire Lord had been to make Aang promise to end him, if he became his father. Wasn't this the ultimate expression of the fact, that he didn't trust the family legacy that was engraved within him? That he didn't trust himself? "You sicken me Zuko! Leave my presence", his father suddenly commanded, ripping Zuko from his thoughts. Ozai had risen and was now glaring down at him. For a moment, Zuko felt like the boy who knelt before his father begging for mercy again. But then he remembered, that this wasn't himself anymore. He was the Fire Lord and he needed to show strength. Thus, he rose to his feet as well and stepped closer to the cage: "Who are you to talk to me this way? Have you forgotten your current place?" Unfortunately, his resolution didn't last long as his father cut him off, now screaming for him to leave. And Zuko did, slamming the door as he went.
xxxx
Kayia had just changed into one of her new dresses and was about to return Ty Lee's clothes to her, when she came across Zuko in the corridor. The Fire Lord seemed even worse than the night before. The shadows beneath his eyes had darkened and his posture and empty gaze made the young man appear old. He was standing in front of a painting of his father, completely lost in his thoughts. Careful not to startle him, Kayia approached him from the side. "Would you like to have some tea with me? Your uncle gave me a few special blends as a parting gift", she proposed. Up close he looked even worse. Zuko flinched but relaxed again when he realised that it was just her. "Yes, tea sounds good", he agreed and followed her as she opened the door to her room for him.
A few minutes later, both of them were sitting on the floor of her room and she was heating up her tea pot using her firebending. Kayia noticed that Zuko was watching her and smiled slightly, before placing the three small pouches with tea leaves Iroh had gifted her in front of the Fire Lord. "Which one do you prefer?" Zuko considered each of the blends, taking the pouches into his hands and sniffing the ingredients. He finally settled for the second one and handed it to her. Kayia sprinkled a handful of herbs into the steaming pot and got a whiff of the blend herself: ginseng and lavender – tasty. While tea was brewing, she returned the other blends to her bag and then rearranged herself on the cushion, she was sitting on.
"Can I ask you something?", Zuko finally broke his silence, as she handed him his tea. "Of course, what would you like to know?", she replied, taking a sip of the tea but quickly realizing, that it was still too hot to drink. "Yesterday you said that you believe that each of us has a destiny to fulfil… What if we make a wrong decision and stray from that path?", he asked and Kayia could tell from the heaviness in his words, that this was important. "Well, that is the crux: I don't believe that there is such a thing as 'straying from the path'. At least not for long. I trust that the spirits guide us towards our destiny – even if at some point we might believe that we are wrong", she explained, placing the cup in front of her.
"But what about bad people?", he immediately asked and Kayia smiled gently. "I don't believe that doing something that might seem wrong or bad at the time, necessarily means that one has strayed from the path." Now Zuko seemed honestly confused: "So, you think it's some people's destiny to be bad?" Kayia shook her head and had to think for a moment on how she could best explain her beliefs to him in a way, that he would understand. "No, that's not what I meant. I was suggesting that maybe there is no such thing as "good" and "bad" or "right" and "wrong". It's all a matter of perspective. And sometimes, something that appears to be "bad" has to happen, for us all to end up wherever the path is leading us to. Look at the war, for example.
"Before the war, the world had lived in peace and prosperity for over a century thanks to Avatar Kyoshi. Generations didn't have to hunger, fight or fear for their lives. But this great time also had its consequences. Contrary to the spirits, dragons and other living beings, our lifespan is rather short and knowledge gets quickly lost through generations. The people that lived at the time of your great-grandfathers rule had forgotten, what it meant to be thankful. They took everything for granted and wanted even more. Most of them were completely out of tune with the spirit world. The world was completely out of balance and that time, the people didn't need saving. They had to realise, that their greed and hatred destroyed the world they were living in. And as brutal as it may sound, the 100-year war achieved just that", she explained and could see that Zuko was reflecting on she just had said.
"Are you saying that the war was a good thing?", Zuko finally asked and Kayia took a sip of her tea, before answering: "I am proposing, that maybe it was a necessary thing to restore balance. Just as your father needed to be cruel and banish you, so that you could eventually be the Avatar's firebending teacher and help him restore peace. I truly believe that there is a reason behind every action, and that the true reason might not always be obvious at the first glance." The sound of her voice perished in the air and for a moment it was silent in the room, as Zuko considered her story. Kayia let him reflect patiently and refilled their cups in the meantime.
"So, you believe that there is another reason for me being Fire Lord than just the fact that my sister is crazy and my father obsessed with power?", he finally asked and she smiled. He started to understand. "Yes, of course there is. I mean, look at how many things needed to fall in place for you to be where you are now: The Avatar had to disappear for a hundred years. Your cousin had to die. Your grandfather had to give the throne to his second born, even though tradition would have made Iroh the heir. Your mother had to disappear. You had to experience the pain fire could cause first-hand and be banished, only to return if you found the Avatar, who suddenly happened to turn up again… Do you see where I'm going? You sitting here is not just a coincidence. For some reason, our Nation and the world needs someone exactly like you to be our Fire Lord right now". Zuko's eyes were focused on his cup but he nodded slightly, a smile appearing on his face. "Thank you, Kayia. I think I needed to hear that."
She returned his smile and took another sip from her tea. But she couldn't help but notice, that he was staring at her. Like he wanted to say something more but wasn't sure he should. "Is there something else you wanted to know?", she gently nudged and Zuko nodded, but didn't look at her. Something was weighing heavily on his shoulders and it hadn't been lifted completely by their discussion on destiny, and the concepts of "good" and "bad". And thanks to her lengthy chat with Ty Lee this morning, she had a pretty good idea what was: "Is this about Yu Dao? Ty Lee told me what's going on, when we came across some refugees in the port." Zuko nodded, his golden eyes now meeting hers: "Yes. I don't know what to do... You say, that it is me the world needs on this throne at the moment. But what if I am not ready for it? What if I made a mistake pulling out of the Harmony Restoration movement? I don't want to wage another war like my father, grandfather and great-grandfather did!"
Zuko looked at the girl in front of him and again found him wondering, how someone his age could already be so wise and sure of everything she did. Kayia was the embodiment of what it meant to be at peace and harmony with oneself. Something, that he until this day had never achieved. Thus, he was eager to finally get some advice from her. Someone he knew didn't have her own agenda. Someone he could trust. Someone that had the best interests of the Fire Nation at heart. But Kayia's response was not what he expected: "What do you think, you should do?"
Zuko was taken aback by her question but it also made him smile. He could picture his uncle saying the exact same thing. "I don't know... At first I thought the Harmony Restoration Movement was the right thing to do. Occupying these territories was an act of war and a painful reminder of all the suffering we have caused. But some of the colonies, like Yu Dao, have been around for over a century. Generations of Fire Nation citizens have been born there and I am letting all of them down by forcing them to come back here. I mean the mayor's wife is an earth bender as is his daughter. What am I supposed to do? Tell them that they can either abandon their country and move with the mayor to the Fire Nation or their family will be torn apart?", he rambled. Once he started talking the words came easy to him, flowing out of his mouth like a waterfall. Speaking these things out loud, sharing them with someone he knew they would be safe with, made him feel so much better. This chat was worth it, even if Kayia didn't offer some good advice.
"Oh, forget your definitions of right and wrong for a moment", Kayia instructed, rolling her eyes. "Look within yourself. What do you think you should do?" Zuko looked up from his hands and directly into her warm brown eyes. "Nothing", he surprised himself by the word coming out of his mouth. "I think we should leave them to live like they have for the last 100 years. But we can't, can we? I mean we took the land by force from the Earth Kingdom. It is King Kuei's right to want it back…" Kayia sighed. She felt like for one moment, he truly saw what he was supposed to do. And then his mind started to turn again and his resolve got clouded by the pre-existing definitions of what was right and honourable to do. The dancer stretched out her hand and gently rested it on his arm, in order to stop his rambling. Zuko immediately fell silent, shifting his gaze from her hand to her face and back in confusion.
"Do you remember what I said before? How many things had to fall in place for you to be where you are now? Have you ever thought about how remarkable that group you are a part of, is? I don't believe that is a mere coincidence, that the Avatar - who also happens to be the Last Airbender -, the Prince of the Fire Nation, the children of one of the most respected warriors of the Water Tribes, and the daughter of basically the most influential family in the Earth Kingdom worked together to end this war. If there is a way for harmony, that no longer requires our four Nations to be strictly separated, I am sure you five can find it. You just need to trust yourself Zuko", Kayia gently suggested and smiled at the young ruler. He returned her smile, feeling hopeful like he hadn't in a long time.
Zuko lowered his gaze and watched, as she took back her hand. "Then you believe that sitting down and trying to find a peaceful solution is the right thing as well?", he asked after a while, still in desperate need of reassurance. So many people had accused him of doing the wrong thing in the last months. He needed to hear that for once, he had made the right decision by agreeing to meet the Earth King. "I believe that sitting down over a cup of tea and discussing matters in a civilized way is never a bad choice. And I think your uncle would agree." She replied and demonstratively filled up their cups again, her comment making them laugh.
From this point on, the conversation turned lighter. Kayia told him about the sights she and Ty Lee visited in the morning and Zuko instantly knew, that the two girls were getting along splendidly. "Actually, there was something I wanted to ask you as well", the finally said after concluding the tales of her morning adventure and placed her empty cup on the floor in front of her. "Ty Lee and I came across a group of refugees, that had been brought back from the colonies. I talked with some of them and most of them were pretty angry and scared. They didn't really know what was going to happen next... One woman explained to me, that they have been staying in some sort of shelter and, apparently, the officials are going to reallocate them soon. Is that true? What do you plan to do with all these people? Where are they going?"
Zuko sighed at her question. This was the other side of the Harmony Restoration Movement and even though he had spent hours with his advisors, trying to find a solution for the refugees, he had yet to come up with something that he could truly believe in. "Some of them move on by themselves. But most of them haven't been back here for a long time; they have nowhere to go. We have established refugee shelters, where they have a roof over their heads and are provided with food and water while the officials are trying to find and contact their extended families here in the Fire Nation. Some villages have also offered to take in a fixed number of colonials, but it hasn't been easy. The whole process is slow because the officials are seriously understaffed and messenger hawks take days or sometimes even weeks to return", Zuko said and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. Thinking about this gave him headaches. "I'm trying my best, I really am. But it has been hard", he finally admitted and looked back at the dancer who again gently rested her hand on his arm, offering her sympathies. The gesture was reassuring and Zuko found himself closing his eyes for a moment.
"I'm sure you are, and it sounds like you have managed to come up with a remarkable system, considering the circumstances", Kayia finally said and let go of his arm, leading the Fire Lord to open his eyes again. "Maybe I could help? It is obvious that you have more pressing concerns than my request at the moment and I don't hold it against you. But I need something to occupy me with as long as I am staying here and I would really love to help out in the shelters. I can understand where these people are coming from, I've spent most of my life in the Earth Kingdom as well. Perhaps I could help make them understand, that you are not punishing them but rather trying to help", the dancer proposed and Zuko could feel that she was passionate about this. She really wanted to help. And maybe that wasn't the worst idea. They could certainly use every pair of hands they got.
AN: Thank you all for sticking with me so far - I hope you like it! I really had a hard time writing down Kayia's perception of the world, as I picture it in my head and I rewrote that part of the chapter at least twelve times until I came up with the adequate words... I hope I was able to convey her understanding of the incredible world ATLA has provided us with. What do you think? I would love to hear your thought's on it, so please leave a review if you find some time :-)