"Without me, you're weak, Jeremy. You won't be able to make it without me. You can get me back, though. You and I can be together once more. I'll make you stronger. I can get you everything you've ever wanted. I can get you-"
For the second night in a row, Jeremy plays video games instead of sleeping.
"You sure you're doing okay, bud? You're looking even worse than yesterday." His dad slides a plate of pancakes in front of him. In his attempt to decorate them with smiley faces, something his mom used to do when he was in elementary school, his dad has left them on the pan too long, but they're covered in maple syrup and with crispy bacon on top. That's a combo not even Jeremy's lead-filled stomach can refuse.
"I'm fine, dad. I think it's just, like, a phase or something. I'm going to try not looking at my phone for a while before bed," he lies, because just like with Michael, Jeremy doesn't want his dad worrying over him anymore.
"Good idea, son. You kids are too attached to your phones and your video games. Back in my day-"
"You're not that old dad," Jeremy cuts in before his dad can go off on a tangent about all the things he definitely didn't do as a kid, but thinks will impress Jeremy or something.
"Wow, could you make that sound like any less like a compliment? Anyways, you sure you don't want me to drive you to school today?"
"Nah, I'm good.I'm gonna walk with Michael." He'd ended up texting Michael, asking, when his alarm should have gone off. He'd been feeling pretty stupid at how jealous he'd got over Michael hanging out with Rich, and figured that that walking into school together, just the two of them, would help sort that out. Thankfully, he'd managed to get in before Michael'd agreed to pick up Rich again
"Good. I've missed seeing you two hang out. He's a real good kid."
"Yeah, I know." Jeremy looks down at his plate and uses his fork to draw lines in the leftover syrup. He then abruptly jumps up from the table and haphazardly places his plate in the sink. "I'd better go if I want to meet him on time. Uh, have a good day."
"You too, kiddo. I'll see you this evening. And remember…"
Jeremy sighs loudly. "I'm grounded, I know. See you."
"Bye, Jeremy. I love you."
"Um, you too."
This new thing with his dad is weird, but Jeremy has to admit, it's a good kind of weird.
"Wow, dude, you look like ass," Michael says in greeting, closing the gate to his house behind him. "What's up?"
"Uh, just ended up playing video games for too long." Despite the fact it's not really a lie, Jeremy wants to change the subject. Thankfully, he knows just what to change it to. "So, me and Christine, we're going to go on a date. Sort of?"
Michael skids to a halt, holding Jeremy back with him with a hand on his shoulder. "A sort of date! Jeremy, that's amazing! Aw, my boy's growing up." He sniffs dramatically and wipes a fake tear away from his eye. "I knew this day would come...but not this soon…," he takes a shuddering breath. "Tell. Me. Everything."
"We're gonna bring food and have a picnic in the Rehearsal Room. Tomorrow." Jeremy can't help the smile on his face.
"Tomorrow? Dude, you slid in there quick! My boy really is becoming a man! Soooo…what are you going to bring to this picnic?" Michael slings an arm around Jeremy's shoulder and Jeremy leans down a little to accommodate.
"Uh," his mind goes temporarily blank. "I haven't thought about it yet."
Once again, Michael stops in his tracks, flinging his arms upwards in exasperation and almost knocking Jeremy over in the process. "Jeremy! What do you mean you haven't thought about it!"
"I don't know!" Jeremy replies, flustered. "I mean, I guess I'll just pick up something from the store on my way in...or see what's in the kitchen…"
Michael shakes his head in disappointment. "I thought I taught you better than this."
"You haven't taught me anything. And keep walking, or we're gonna be late."
"Fine, fine. But c'mon bro, everyone knows the first rule of dating is to make it a good date."
"Okay, one, that rule is really vague and totally made up and two, this is rich coming from the guy who's own experience is limited to a middle school summer camp kiss."
"And what a kiss it was," Michael says dreamily and Jeremy rolls his eyes. He suddenly realises he has a way to ask a question that had been preying on his mind all night.
"Speaking of Rich...how'd you two get so close anyways."
"I see what you're doing," Michael says, waggling a finger, "But I'll allow it. If you really wanna know, we just ended up talking a bunch while you were having your beauty sleep."
"About what?" Jeremy asks, trying for nonchalant and failing miserably.
"I dunno. Video games. Movies. All kinds of stuff, really. Like I said, he's cool now he doesn't have a Squip. Which is pretty ironic when you think about it. Also, his home life's not great and ma's a nurse so she can check up on him."
"So, he's just going over yours so your mum can look at his arms?"
Michael directs a sly grin his way. "Awww, you getting jealous, Jeremy? That's so cute!" Jeremy swats Michael's hand away before he can pinch his cheek. He bites the inside of his mouth to avoid saying yes, he is jealous, and he hates himself for it. He also hates Michael a little bit because of it, which makes him hate himself even more.
Maybe because he wants to prove to himself he's okay with it, or maybe because he just wants to drive the knife in his chest a little further, Jeremy says, "In the hospital, he asked if you were my boyfriend. Then if you were single."
Michael stumbles and then pretends it was intentional by doing a little hip-hop move he probably saw on Youtube. "He did?"
"Yeah," Jeremy says lamely. "I said that you were single," he adds, for no real reason because it's not as if he would have lied. Even though a small part of him now wishes he had. Because then Rich might not have taken the chance, might not have started to take him away from Jeremy.
"Huh." Michael's eyes cross a little in thought. "Never would've pegged Rich as, what, bi?"
"Yeah, bi. Said the Squip suppressed it or something."
"Figures," Michael snorts. His cheeks then start to pinken and Jeremy realises that maybe, just maybe, it's not as unrequited as he'd hoped.
Ugh, why did he have to say anything? Then again, did he not want Michael to be happy? And if Rich made Michael happy, why would he want to come between that? Apart from being a selfish jerk. Looked like the Squip had that right about him. He just wanted what was best for himself, and would use any means to get there…
"Jeremy? Jeremy!"
"Huh?"
Jeremy startles, and Michael comes into focus in front of him. His mouth is turned down in an anxious frown.
"You totally zoned out on me there, man. You okay?"
"Uh, I think so." Jeremy takes stock of himself. He had been lost in thought...but he never saw Michael move. There's getting distracted, and there's losing time, and this is feeling worryingly more like the second.
"You weren't like...talking to anyone, were you?" Michael's voice is low, his eyes searching Jeremy's face for...something, something inside.
"No, no, I wasn't. I swear. It's not, it's not back. I guess I just got really deep in thought or, or something. I'm good, really."
Michael doesn't look entirely convinced and this, if anything, is all the proof he needs to know that not telling him about the dreams is the right thing to do. They'd only stress him out and so far, they were just dreams, nightmares, so they weren't anything to worry about. Right?
"I promise. If it was the Squip, I would tell you," Jeremy says seriously, not technically lying, and while Michael's shoulders relax, the worried expression doesn't completely leave his face.
"Yeah, well, we both know you're hopeless without me, so."
Jeremy snorts, his concern over what just happened beginning to dissipate as Michael's smile grows. "Uhuh, whatever you need to tell yourself to get to sleep."
"It's true," Michael says, singing the last note. "Hey, did you see the trailer for Endgame? Gotta say, I'm with Tumblr. Ant-man's gotta go up Thanos' ass."
They end up discussing the trailer for the remainder of the walk, and for once, Jeremy just enjoys the company of his best friend, all thoughts of the Squip gone from his mind.
On Tuesdays, he and Michael share a few more classes, and it doesn't escape Jeremy's notice the way Michael keeps him in the corner of his eye, checking over him when he thinks Jeremy won't realise. The attention would feel pretty nice if it weren't for the cause, and for the fact that he often does it with Rich glued to his side.
They'd ended up meeting Rich as soon as they got to school, the other boy hanging outside the entrance because he literally can do next to nothing without help, and now that he's lost his fear-inspiring demeanor, he can't even get a wet-nosed freshman to open a door for him.
"Hey, Michael! Jeremy," he'd added, as an afterthought. Because that's all he was now, wasn't he? Jeremy was the third wheel, and now that Jeremy had told Michael what Rich had said, it was obvious to all of them.
And it sucked.
Jeremy's on his way to lunch when something shoots out in front of his legs, nearly sending him sprawling on the ground. It's only the wall that saves him, but his juice carton goes flying. He hops about to regain his balance, looks down to see that the offending item is a crutch, then looks back up to find Jake standing opposite him, looking entirely unapologetic.
"Yo, dude. I just wanted to ask, how're things going with you and Christine?"
"And you couldn't have, I dunno, just called my name?"
Jake shrugs. "Got your attention, didn't it? So?"
Jeremy ends up flattening himself against the wall as a crowd of kids comes storming past. One of them stomps on his juice carton, swears, and he sighs.
"Why do you wanna know about me and Christine? You're not, you know…," The last thing he needs is to end up in a contest with Jake.
"What, into her? Nah, man. I mean, Christine's a cool girl. Super nice, but me and her...we just don't vibe that well, you know? But she's special, and you're a special dude, so I just figured I should ask if you wanted some help. One bro to another."
"Oh." That was actually sort of sweet? Maybe he was starting to see what had made Christine crush on him in the first place, the real guy behind the jock persona. "Thanks, but I think I'm okay. I'll, uh, let you know if that changes?"
"Sure man, sure. But I will give you this advice. If she mentions stuff about a prince, she's not talking about the singer."
Jeremy laughs. "Thanks, I'll remember that."
"No problem. Let's head in. I am hella starving."
Bemused, Jeremy follows Jake to what must now be his new table.
This time, Jeremy finds himself sitting between Chloe and Brooke, Jenna and Jake opposite, leaving him no room to get involved in the conversation about Red Dawn 2 that's happening on the other end of the table. Instead, he finds himself learning things about kids in their year he'd only barely known the names of. For example, Emily Picker is already starting her Prom Queen campaign and is trying to get the boy's votes by promising a ton of them that if she wins, she'll make him her King and they can go to her parent's summer house by the lake. And Roland Bark has a concussion because Oliver Dinnon dared him to go down a skating ramp in an old shopping cart with no safety gear on. He claims he flew 10 feet in the air.
A lot of the gossip comes from Jenna, it's the stuff she says she's not allowed to print in the school newspaper. Jeremy never used to pay this sort of gossip much mind, had thought he didn't care about it, but he can't deny that there's a part of him that likes being included in this sort of conversation, likes to know the information despite the fact he isn't going to do anything with it.
"Also, I heard there's been some shady business going on around the back of school," Jenna says, leaning in conspiratorially. Even Michael, Christine and Rich lean in to hear what she's going to say. Jenna pauses for a moment, basking in the attention.
"Well, tell us already!" Chloe demands when the silence gets to be too much.
"Okay, so, I saw Kelly Ramer outside talking to this guy, and you know Kelly's into some weird, obscure shit, and this guy is like, 5 years older than us? Scruffy hair and wearing some massive scarf covering his face. I see him give her something. And then? Next day I see her hanging out with Brent Woods. Brent Woods."
Brooke gasps, a hand covering her mouth. "Oh my God. Kelly and Brent? He'd normally never be caught dead talking to her!"
"Yeah, that's what I was thinking! It's super weird. Almost as weird as Jeremy coming to hang with us! Oh, but don't worry boo, we like you. And you guys," Jenna adds to the others. Jeremy would feel flattered if he weren't on the verge of a panic attack.
A weird girl suddenly hanging out with one of the popular guys, after talking to someone shady? There's only one explanation for it, isn't there? Which means it isn't over. Which means it could happen again. The Squip could come back. Maybe it was never even gone at all…"
"I need the bathroom!" Jeremy yelps, nearly getting tangled in Brooke's weird cardigan, blanket thing as he violently leaps up from his seat. He runs out of the cafeteria, ignoring the looks he receives from the other students. Even though he'd initially been aiming for the toilets, he comes across a closet with a slightly ajar door and takes the opportunity. He practically dives inside, his heart jackrabbiting against his chest, his brain feeling like it's going to implode from fear.
"Just say something if you're there!" Jeremy cries, his hands gripping his hair tightly. "I don't even care anymore. Just, I need to know. Talk! Talk, damn it!"
It doesn't. It never does. Only when he's asleep, when he's at his most vulnerable. Because it knows where weakness is, it knows how to manipulate. It probably knows exactly what it's doing and is playing some sick game with him.
"Jeremy?"
"Christine?" Her name leaps in a high pitched, high strung voice.
"Yeah, can I come in?"
The room is barely big enough for him and his long, gangly limbs, let alone the two of them, but Jeremy opens the door anyway. Jeremy never ended up turning the light on, so Christine does it for them as she shuffles inside.
"It's not the Squip," is the first thing she says and though Jeremy tries to let out a relieved breath, wants to believe her, it gets caught in his throat.
"How do you know?" He asks, barely louder than a whisper.
"Kelly's in my art class. I know she can be eccentric, but she's not the kind of person who would take a Squip. That shady guy? It's her cousin. He was giving her antidepressants. Her parents aren't into modern medicine, so he offered to get it for her. It is technically kinda illegal, which is why he covers his face. And Brent? He has an anxiety disorder. They ended up talking more after Kelly did a presentation in their Psych class about mental health and are friends now. So, yeah, not the Squip. I promise."
"How do you know all that?" Jeremy asks in wonder. "Did she tell you?"
Christine's cheeks colour. "Not exactly. When I'm quiet, people don't tend to notice me much. I was in the library, sitting at the table behind her, when I overheard her talking about it. I know it's rude but I was never going to tell anyone! Well, not unless I had to."
"Wow." Jeremy's pulse is starting to slow, but he still feels a bit light-headed from it all so leans against the cleaning supplies. "You could give Jenna a run for her money."
"That's not my kinda thing. And anyway, with great power comes great responsibility," Christine says solemnly, before bursting out laughing. Jeremy quickly joins in.
"Thanks for coming after me," he says, before feeling a sudden pang that it was Christine, not Michael, who came after him, even after he'd been looking out for Jeremy all day. He can't deny that she was probably the better person to come, since she had just the right thing to say to him, but...still.
"I saw that look on your face," she says, bumping his arm with hers. "I couldn't just let you suffer. I'm just glad you didn't go to the boy's bathroom. I went in there once by accident and wow, does it really stink in there!"
"You'd have come into the boy's bathroom for me?" Jeremy asks, a small smile on his face, and Christine bites her bottom lip and shrugs.
"Like I said, with great power comes great responsibility. I just don't have the luxury of a super suit with a ventilator or whatever."
"I'm pretty sure that was just Tom Holland's Spider-Man though. I don't think Andrew Garfield or Toby Maguire got ventilators, or any super fancy stuff."
Christine stares at him blankly. "Who?"
"...Have you ever seen a Spider-Man film? Or read the comics?"
"No," Christine replies cheerfully. "I just like the quote."
And that's how Christine finds herself getting a brief history of the Spider-Man films, and a detailed account of the comics, in the cleaning supply closet.