Breathing space...
PSA Two: Respecting Animalz
Begin Tape
Wilfred the pig screeched in terror as he hung chained by his back feet to a tree in Rolf's backyard, a straight-jacket wrapped around his body to bind his front legs to his underbelly. It was the early morning in the cul-de-sac, and Rolf had finished preparing the pig to suffer for attempting to watch television without him. Over by the chicken coop, Rolf latched the door closed before lifting a steel wok level to the back of the coop.
"A shameful day when the poultry of this farm force Rolf's hand, but the punishment shall commence for pecking the turnip seeds from Rolf's plate before he could enjoy his midnight snack!" Rolf declared before whacking the wok across the backboards, causing the chickens inside to fly into a panic. The feathered fowls could not escape their prison and Rolf chuckled at their newfound misery.
"What are you up to over there, Rolf? Getting those chickens tenderized for the oven?" Eddy asked as he entered the scene by hopping over Rolf's wood rail fence. The suburban farmer gave another good smacking to the coop before turning to face his short yet cheeky visitor.
"Greetings on this overcast day to you, register-goes-kaching Ed-boy, but the tenderizing does not begin until the cold wind blows and supplies must be stockpiled!" Rolf answered before suddenly throwing the wok into Eddy's confused hands.
"Is this a gift for being so darn good at looking good?" Eddy questioned as he studied the sturdy cooking instrument by turning it over in his palms. Rolf grabbed him by the shirt sleeve and led him over to the back of the coop. "And why the heck is Wilfred chained up to that tree over there? Are you tenderizing him for pork chops?"
"A hearty no to both, but a yes to the wok smashing Rolf's coop until the caged chickens within understand that not a living soul may deny Rolf's stomach of its fill!" Rolf ordered, Eddy lifting the wok with an eager grin.
"I've been waiting since season one to get revenge on you jerks for attacking me when I lost my voice!" Eddy revealed disdainfully before showing the coop his steel fury with three rapid blows from the underside of the wok.
"Rolf's rooster has the day off, Ed-boy," Rolf stated simply before grabbing the wok and pulling it away from Eddy.
"Rooster, chicken, emu - I don't care! Anything with wings that doesn't fly is gonna pay!" Eddy shouted back as Rolf lifted the wok for another assault. The two arguing lads turned away from their underappreciated work at the sounds of a tiny motor sputtering toward them.
"Release the wok from your hands now by order of Double D!" Edd demanded before skidding to a halt on his electric scooter next to Rolf and Eddy. The tall boy let the wok fall from his hands and the chickens threw a party in the coop now that they were safe.
"Good call, Double D - a frying pan would be way better for this!" Eddy interjected as the do gooder climbed off of his short-distance transportation vehicle.
"Neither a wok nor a frying pan work very well for showing proper respect to other living things!" Edd lectured to the smiling boys. He cleared his throat and both of them changed their expressions to shameful frowns.
"But Rolf knows nothing else but to take the crushing feeling of culture shock out on his livestock," Rolf explained as Edd reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder.
"Whenever the desire to crack pots and pans over the heads of your animals comes over you, remind yourself that it is 'Not Good'! Attempt positive reinforcement by sharing stories from your old country to remind the proud fauna of your farm of the good old days so they will be too overtaken by home sickness to cause trouble!"
"I'm digging the indirect approach to the problem!" Eddy stated as Edd moved between them and threw his arms around their shoulders.
"As do all the kids at home, Eddy! Remember to tell your own parents that it is 'Not Good' to abuse animals, and that it is always necessary to show them the respect they deserve as fellow inhabitants of this green Earth we share!" Edd recommended as he, Rolf, and Eddy looked right into the eyes of you, the reader.
As the PSA ended and began to fade to black, the chickens started to sing karaoke from inside Rolf's chicken coop and the three boys couldn't help but tap their toes to their amazing vocal range.
End of PSA Tape Two