the title is an ironical quoting of french president Macron calling a certain category of workers as nothings, well, today, my warm thank you to the doctors first hand, but also the grocery stores workers, the factory workers, the poor farmers, the teachers, the street cleaners, the train drivers, the bakers, the energy workers and everyone else that are making our world run, these peeps, they're actually everything.

...

It started early in the week, on monday, these two unsettling symptoms she couldn't shake. First she had had headaches, which was pretty normal considering the crazy rythm of shifts she was on, doing 12 to 14 hours straight..

Then came the throatache, but that too, was a regular angine symptom she always got in winter, and whenever there was a temperature shift, after all they would pass to summer hours in a few days and the weather had changed noticably from grey cold rainy windy minus degrees days to blossoming spring sunny days. And such a weather change always triggered mild angines or allergies, it happened every year, Sara as a doctor, certainly knew that.

The first abnormal thing she noticed was panting, she was panting and at loss of breath for the first time after climbing a set of stairs while carrying groceries. But she thought maybe she had just taken them too quick or was really tired from the enormous effort work took her these days.

But it happened again, at night when she was laying down since a while and not doing any kind of effort, removing a sleeping Michael's arm from her because she simply felt like she hadn't got enough air. It happened all the times, while sitting, walking, working, driving, laying...

The second one was, chest pains. They were not intensely painful, the first few times, she barely noticed them. They werent dull lasting pains either. They were exactly like...contractions. The left side of her chest squeezing tightly for seconds or at maximum a minute and then letting go, and they came every few hours at a completely random intervalle pattern.

She knew inside, that the symptoms were perfectly corresponding to those of the covid-19. But she shook it off, thinking she might be overanalysing things, being paranoid, she didn't even felt that sick, she didn't see the need to worry Michael and Mike, to put more useless charge on the medical system and moreover, she was a doctor and there was no time she was more needed than now.

On the other side, she had that fear too, that if she was indeed positive, she could, admidt all the protections, infect patients.

But that couldn't be right ? Sara sat in the almost empty train and rested her head against the window, watching the sunset's orange glows on the blossoming flowers of spring trees.

She was exhausted, and moved, something was tender in her heart, and that had more to do with her emotional health than her mental one. She just needed to hug her children tight right now, they didn't knew how much of a reconfort they were to her, crush Mike against her chest, breath in Faith's adorable baby scent, she was the only oblivious member of their family, and Sara admired her innocence so much, god she saw herself in that little girl of theirs..and she would protect her forever.

Her phone buzzed and she opened up the notification, she had closed off all medias and news notifications, it got to her head, the notification came from her work group chat, a link had been sent to a virtual test for the coronavirus...Sara bit her lip, how many chances that test had to be actually accurate ? it wouldn't hurt to do it right ?

After anwsering the twenty questions of the test amongst which were questions such as are you overweight or pregnant, was she pregnant again ? she doubted for a second, pills had a certain failure rate, but then no...she had had her period a couple of weeks back, she waited for the results.

"You are possibly a case of covid-19, please contact your doctor and if your symptoms worsen, call 911."

Sara raised her eybrows, yeah, right, the government hadn't been able to send them a set of masks, how would they make a medically accurate test ? She closed off the window and put off her phone, putting it down on the empty seat beside her and closing her eyes, her head hurt and she still had five stops to go, enough to nap at least for ten minutes.

...

Sara walked in her alley till home right as the clock struck 8 pm. All the neighborhood seemed to have joined their windows and balconies right that instant and began clapping and cheering in honor of doctors, nurses and medical staff, she stilled for a moment, she was thankful ofcourse, but her cynical self knew better, these cheers had no use to a doctor who lost several lives a day.

And she felt the heavy weight of the paper note she had found in their mail box this morning, in her pocket.

This was just like the philanthropy trend some billionaires as Bill Gates had set, everyone supported, shared and raised awareness, made donation to the poor african kids that felt so miserable yet so far, but if in front of them, wouldn't even bother to look at.

Doctors felt the same, supported but with a certain layer of distance and haughtiness. They were empathy from them, as long as they stayed away in their misery.

She closed their entrance door behind her right when Michael shut the balcony sliding glass door, ushering the children inside.

She saw the pan and spoon in Mike's hand and raised her eybrows, chuckling. At least some souls, as her children were absolutely genuine and Sara knew and appreciated that.

"Hey." She greeted.

Michael looked up and smiled.

"You're home early." He noticed with a smile and Sara shrugged.

"Mom!" Mike ran up to her but Sara stopped him midway raising her hands up, she went to wash them and change her scrubs first thing.

By then, Michael had settled Mike in bed and was sitting on the bed, Faith in his arms playing with one of her brother's book.

Sara stepped in and made a beeline for Mike, hugging him tight and kissing the top of his head.

"I love you, you know that ?" she let out and Mike held her arms.

"Me too mom, I did an artwork gave me today, can I show it to you ?" Mike asked and Sara nodded, he left the bed to his desk and Sara took Faith in her lap.

"How is my baby girl ? enjoying dada huh ?" she asked and Faith babled something back showing her a winnie illustration on the book, Sara kissed her temple and held her as Mike showed her his painting work and she complimented it, in awe of how well he drew, she still remembered how clumsy her sketches of heart and other organs still were in medical school.

Once Mike was tucked in bed, they left his room and Michael reached to take Faith from her.

"Give her to me, I'll put her to sleep." Sara kept Faith in her arms.

"I can still take care of my daughter Michael." She almost snapped out of nowhere and Michael frowned..

Okay..she was tired and cranky lately, the work stress might be too much on her but this ?

Michael shook it off, in nature, more patient than her, he knew her straining routine and passed over it.

"Do you want me to heat some food ?" He asked and Sara sighed, no she did not want him to be at her service and could do things on her own, beside she wasn't feeling like eating.

"I am not hungry.." Sara shrugged and Michael let her alone, knowing not to push her for now, at least.

Sara took Faith inside her room and laid her on her changing table, pecking her nose she changed her, checking her nappy too but Michael must have just changed it as it was completely dry.

Sara buttoned her pajama jumper and gently stroked her chest as she tenderly ran her hand through her hair.

"Come here." she quipped lovingly carrying her back up against her chest and kissing her again, lovingly.

She rocked her softly, as Faith gladly snuggled against her, burrying her face in her shoulder and gripping onto her shirt, Sara heard her sigh softly..and almost held her closer, rubbing her back and pressing occasional kisses to the top of her carrot haired head.

Faith's breathing evened out as she quickly fell asleep but Sara held her a little longer, feeling the need to do so, she cradled her head in her hand..as her heart warmed up. She was so glad to have her, she couldn't imagine losing her in any circumstances.

Sara still remembered the scare she gave them at her birth, she wouldn't breath nor cry once she was born...they had to incubate her, a newborn baby so small compared to those wires and tubes, and it had broken her heart. The sight still flashing before her eyes.

She bent her tired eyes to look at Faith's beautiful and peaceful sleeping features and smiled a little, placing her in her crib and taking her time to cover her properly, once she was settled, Sara watched her sleeping for a minute then forced herself to leave her room.

...

Michael was waiting for her in their bedroom but she made a beeline for the bathroom without even looking at him, she brushed her teeth and her hair, getting ready for bed too.

She came back and saw Michael put a book down and point at her bedside table. "Made you some tea with honey." He gently said and Sara felt something break inside her, why was he like that, already ?

Tea with honey would actually sooth her throat. "Thank you." she murmured and made her way to her side of the bed, sitting squarely and grabbing the steamy mug, as she began to drink the tea and let it's scent sooth her head.

"You know I'm here, if you wanna talk." Michael started putting a hand on her knee.

Sara plainly ignored him. "I can see there's something wrong Sara." he added.

Sara sighed, putting the empty mug down to the bedside table. "Will you stop acting like my psychoanalyst and be my husband for once ?" She demanded, something fierce shining in her eyes.

Michael looked at her and...oh..

"Look at me like I'm your wife!" she snapped and Michael swore he felt like taking her her clothes off right there and making love to her.

But that would be the wrong move. And whether Sara liked it or not he always made calculated and rational decisions.

It wasn't like he didn't wanted her because god he did, with all the time home in quarentine, the familiarity of their home and her scent always close to him, the desire in him wanted to have her right whenever she stepped home. Her scrubs always had something more, something that made her look sinfully attractive to him. Afterall, he fell in love with her in a doctor attire, for the first few months.

It was true that it had been a while, but she was always tired and her muscles sore, he would never impose her sex after a day of hectic shifts like she had these days.

But he knew what she was doing, something was bothering her right now, and she wanted to burry it into hard frustrated sex. That wouldn't help.

She should know it wouldn't. Sara and her, they made love, and he would never make use of her body to satisfy himself knowing she wasn't mentally fine.

"I see you.." He locked eyes with her and clasped her hand. "I see you, and I see that you're beautiful and I want you...but I also see that you're not okay right now, that something is eating at you..." he began and she looked down, taking her hand back from his grasp.

Michael ignored her attempts and stroked her bare arm.

"Sara ? you remember that not telling me would be lying, and you never lie to me. I did, again and again, and see where it got us, it just create distance between us and separate us. So I want you to tell me the truth, not create the defense mecanism of fighting me or even escape sex.."

Sara's heart was touched by his words, god he was good. He knew her so well..

She sighed and got up, reaching for her pocket from where she slipped out the note she had found this morning and handed it to Michael.

"Mr. and ,
We know that is a doctor, and so, directly in contact with the coronavirus contamined patients. She is likely to be dangerous for our building and our community, by spreading the deadly disease between our children and sick elders. In regards of that, it is on a humble request that we ask you and your family to go live somewhere else during this crisis. Or else, there will be consequences..."

Michael frowned and looked up at Sara.

"I found it in the mail, this morning." She simply explained.

Michael gulped, he had heard it, on TV, that some nurses and doctors were sent treats and blackmialing notes, never would he have imagined it would be the case for Sara.

"Sara..you know that this is bluff, they aren't doing anything, they can't do anything." He assured.

Sara sighed looking ahead and he despied that cynical of an expression on her face.

"It doesn't matter Michael, whenever i am out in scrubs, everyone look at me like I'm some kind of ghost. I don't even know if this is worth it anymore.." She stated shaking her head.

Michael's heart constricted. No. She needed not to lose hope, she needed her passion to fight and save lives.

"Ofcourse its worth it, think about all the lives you save Sara, who know, tomorrow you're gonna be saving the same ones that sent this note. You matter sweetheart, you're the only ones that matter actually."

"We're useless Michael, we're just in the hands of the system. I can't be the change..I am nothing."

"Don't you dare say that, you're everything. What would all these people do without you, the dark circles under your eyes, the strain in your muscles, this mental state, it's all the symbol of how much of a fighter you are. Don't let them get to you, you save lives Sara, that's what matter." Michael pointed squeezing her hand.

She laid down, holding onto him, finally giving in and he followed her, holding onto her hands as he saw her swallow and prepare herself.

"You heard about that 15 years old girl who died ?" Sara asked, nervously playing with their entwined hands.

Michael nodded, of course he had, it had made the headlines all day. She had died because she hadn't got insurance and the hospital refused her.

Sara looked up with tired eyes. "I was the one, the doctor who couldn't admit her..it was three days ago.." Sara sighed, frowning.

Michael let out a low gasp realising, and Sara observed him, he must have had cursed that doctor when he heard the news.

"It wasn't your fault.." he began and Sara cut him.

"Her mother contacted me today, she broke my heart Michael, she said she would cry whenever she heard the news and she said she wasn't angry at me and just wished I never felt the pain she was feeling...but she asked me...what would I have done if it was my daughter ?" Sara breathed keeping the tears in.

"Sara..whatever she said, she is a mother, and she lost a child, she was grieving." Michael said rubbing her knuckles.

"No, no, no. She wasn't at all saying crazy things in grief Michael, whatever she said was all rational, she was right. It's our world that's not. How could I let her baby girl die ? I should have treated her, and to hell if I got fired." Sara finally snapped recalling the hospital policy speech she had given to the begging mom's tearful eyes.

She recalled her pleas, of how she'd work till breaking her bones to pay back the health loan, the woman was jobeless since the quarentine.

What kind of a world did they live in ?

That woman herself was an employee at a walmart, she was, without any protections, working for these same people, risking her live everyday so they could, for the dumbest make tons of stocks of means and for the others, have something to eat. She was essential, and this same society was denying any help to her daughter ? This same society was refusing to pay for the damage it had itself caused, because how many chances were that the mother herself transmitted the virus to her daughter from her workplace ?

She felt Michael held her against him. "She didn't knew you, I know you Sara, I know if it was your call you'd have saved that girl." Michael kissed her hair and she held onto him, feeling terrible for having gotten her anger out on him, but we only show our feelings to those we love the most right ?

"I feel like a murderer Michael, what's the use of being a doctor if your role isn't saving lives, but saving the lives with the fullest bank account ?" Sara chuckled.

She knew she saved a dozen of lives everyday, that she, medically always did her best. She had always anticipated things since the start of the covid crisis, even when things went crazy she did her best to keep calm and treat each patient with full attention.

Michael closed his eyes pained. He wanted to shake her own words back at her, tell her that she cared too much, that she needed some detachement right now, or else she wouldn't be able to keep going.

But wasn't he the hope speech one ? how could he even make it better ? The wheels in his head began turning and he...he suddenly had a plan...to make this better, but it'll have to wait, to wait for the world to be better.

In the meanwhile he simply held her, letting her rant her pain out.

Sara breathed in, what if it had actually been Faith ? Wouldn't she have broken the law to save her life ? Like she did with Lincoln ? Was her father right ? Did she only bent the law when it was in her interest ?

"I am selfish.." She let out after a while of calm.

"How so ?" Michael asked, stroking her hair.

"I am making this all about me, it's that mother who lost, it's her pain that matters and it's gonna haunt me all my life." Sara miserably ended, drying any eventual tears.

She even feared secretly, that karma would play a cruel game, and attack her little Faith...

What if Michael lost his job or that they lost the house and were actually poor, and that even if they managed to live with that, a world pandemic would happen and Faith fell sick ?

Sara blinked, it maybe wasn't the doctor in her that hurt the most. It was the mother's heart that ached.

"You're not selfish Sara, you care, you always have, and sometimes, that's what gets to you." Sara closed her tired eyelids. Maybe Michael was right, she was just tired and uncoherant and needed some sleep.

Yeah, sleep felt like a great idea right now.

"I love you, and I am proud of you." Michael said affectionally, holding her close to himself and rubbing her bare arms.

"I love you too Michael...and I am sorry for being a complaining cry baby these days." Sara mumbled eyes still closed and Michael smiled slightly, was she half asleep already ?

"Well you do give a tough competition to Faith.." He teased.

Sara opened her heavy eyelids and frowned at him, Michael smiled and laughed slightly, kissing her forehead, she was a bit too tired and out of it.

"You're not, you're not. Goodnight sweetheart." He whispered and felt her muffled "G'night." back.

...

Since I've added a chapter and decided to make this a multi-chapter story, the title has been changed to a more general one.