Robot Ninja's are Cool
Disclaimer: Metalocalypse and Dethklok belong to people who are not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic; it is written purely because this idea wouldn't leave me alone.
Rating: PG-13
Part: Two of Three
Set: Post The Metalocalypse has begun, but before Season two, aka between seasons one and two.
Authoress note: How would the Nathan react to finding out his 'Robot' manager is secretly a badass.
For all my reviewers, who without I would have surely given up a long time ago.
Chapter Two
When Nathan woke up things seemed relatively normal. No one was talking about the concert. Skwisgaar was lounging in one of the oversized chairs with his guitar, Murderface was babbling nonsense to someone on the phone, Pickles and Toki were missing. Not being concerned Nathan hauled himself to his feet, wincing at the ache pretty much everywhere on his body and headed to his rooms for a much-needed shower.
He emerged an hour later, clean and once again hungry.
The kitchen smelled of burning plastic again. Toki and Pickles sat at the table to engaged in their debate to notice Nathan heading in and grabbing a deluxe-sized bag of chips.
"So, what do you suggest?" Pickles said as Toki shot down his last comment.
"I thinks we should follows him around the Haus," Toki said.
"That's boring," Pickles said. "He lives in his office and does paperwork."
"I'm not finished," Toki said. "We test him."
"Test how?" Pickles said.
"With treats," Toki said.
"You mean traps?" Pickles said. Toki nodded.
"So, your plan is to try and trap him?" Pickles did not sound convinced.
"Yes," Toki said grinning. "We force him to do ninja stuff again and you'll see I'm right and you'll owe me …" Toki hesitated for a moment. "Six new models."
"You mean supermodels, sluts?" Pickles said pinching the bridge of his nose.
"No, I mean models, I finished my last one."
Nathan who had been shovelling chips into his face like it was going out of style couldn't help a small smile, which was instantly stopped as soon as he noticed his face moving. Toki was a sweet goofball sometimes.
"You guys made a bet?" Nathan asked. They finally turned to acknowledge him and nodded.
"Yeah," Toki said. "I'm gonna prove Ofdensen is a ninja, Pickles says he's not. If I lose, I have to give Pickles my pudding for six weeks and if I win then Pickles is going to buy me a new model."
"I don't want your damn pudding," Pickles muttered. "If I win you pay me like any respectable bet."
"How much?" Nathan asked.
"I don't know, fifty bucks?" Pickles said.
"I'm in," Nathan said.
"On whose side?" Toki said. Nathan quickly crushed the tiny spark of empathy that rose at the hopeful expression on Toki's face.
"Pickles," he said. Toki had a moment of looking crestfallen before determination took its place.
"Fine," he huffed. "But I want two models from each of you when I wins."
And so, operation stalking Charles began.
Initially, the operation was a complete failure. Pickles was right, all Ofdensen seemed to do was sit around in his office. The entire morning had been them waiting outside of his office door for him to leave.
"This is really boring," Toki said.
"We gotta spice it up a bit," Pickles said standing up from the crouched position he was in behind one of the suits of armour lining the hallway. "Come on," Pickles marched with purpose towards the office door and kicked it. The door was sturdy and didn't give under the frankly pathetic kick, but it did result in them getting a tired sounding "enter," from the other side.
Ofdensen's office was big and comfortable. It had the faint hint of cigar smoke and the swords on the wall were pretty brutal. Nathan stood behind pickles and Toki as they fell into the two chairs in front of the desk and made themselves comfortable.
"Is there a problem boys?" Ofdensen said.
"No," Pickles said. "We just wanted to check and see how things were going after yesterday." Ofdensen's expression said he didn't believe that for a moment. Pickles leaned forward and picked up one of the brandy glasses on the desk before making a show of fumbling with the glass. It dropped on its side and slowly rolled towards Ofdensen. They watched it roll very slowly in silence until it reached the edge and was rescued.
"Everything is fine," Ofdensen set the glass to rights. "Turns out that the concert went better than expected. We'll need to replace a lot of the rank and file but nothing out of budget."
"That's good," Toki said. "So …uh what yous doing today?"
"Same thing I do every day, Toki," Ofdensen said. "Damage control and trying to encourage you to start working on a new album."
They beat a hasty retreat after work was mentioned.
"Well that proved nothing," Pickles said as they made their way down the hall.
"He caught the glass," Toki said.
"It was rolling slower than Murderface's granddad," Pickles muttered.
"What if we do something more," Toki paused struggling for the word. "You know bigger, showier,"
"You mean set something up?" Pickles said. Toki nodded. "How do we get him to go to it though, dude lives in his office."
"He gotta pee sometime," Toki said.
The bathroom prank, Nathan had to admit, was pretty good. They set it up in Ofdensen's personal bathroom and it involved one of the yard wolves. The wolf killed a klokateer by the time they got it in there but that was fine. The other two klokateers cleaned it up before Ofdensen arrived.
It was only after Ofdensen had gone inside that Nathan realised this was a terrible idea. If they lost Ofdensen who would do the paperwork? Not only that, Ofdensen had always been there, if he got mauled by a damn wolf then …
"I don'ts hear anything?" Toki said.
"Me neither," Pickles said.
"Guys this is a bad idea," Nathan stood up from where the three of them were hiding behind yet another suit of armour. He ran forwards and kicked the door. His kick was far more successful than Pickles' had been and the door flew open.
Inside stood a completely unharmed and rather peeved looking Ofdensen and a wolf that looked like it had just received the worst scolding of its life. Ofdensen had somehow put a lead on the damn thing and once the door was open, he handed the lead to a klokateer.
"Put that back outside," he commanded, then turned to Nathan. "Should I ask why you felt the need to kick down my door?"
"Uhh, no," Nathan said before beating the second hasty retreat of the day.
The next prank involved butter in the kitchen. Nathan liked this prank better than the last one as this one, if it worked, would only wound the manager, he could still take care of them wounded. Toki spread butter all over the kitchen floor and the three of them sat at the table and waited for Ofdensen to take his lunch break.
"I'm telling you; he's not going to come in here," Pickles said after half an hour. "Dudes a fucking robot, he doesn't eat."
"He ate the cookies I made," Toki said. "Said they were great, but that it was sugar in cookies, not salt."
"You put salt in cookies?" Nathan winced.
"Yup, misread the package," Toki muttered. "Ofdensen said they were nice though; he ate three of them." The look of pride on the Norwegian's face was painful.
"See dudes a robot, no human would eat three salt cookies," Pickles said.
"Except maybe Murderface," Nathan muttered.
"You guysh talking about me!" Murderface crowed as he entered the kitchen.
"Murderface wait!" Pickles shouted, getting up as Murderface stepped forward onto the butter. Nathan put his head in his arms, ready for the thump and the inevitable pity party Murderface would throw himself after learning he'd been the victim of a prank.
But neither came.
Nathan looked up and noticed Murderface had slipped, but he'd not hit the ground. He'd been caught, Ofdensen had come in behind Murderface, carrying a stack of papers and somehow managed to catch him without dropping the papers. However, Pickles still ran forward's right into the butter, his feet going out from under him. Nathan groaned as Pickles faceplanted onto the ground.
"Why is there butter all over the floor?" Ofdensen said.
"Toki dropped it," Pickles said, his voice muffled against the floor.
The final prank involved crossbows and string. They had the klokateers set up three crossbows all set to fire when the string was pulled. That way they could control the prank and it couldn't be triggered by anyone but them. Nathan was embarrassed to admit that it was Murderface's idea and it was good. After the butter incident, they'd explained to Murderface what they were doing and he'd insisted on becoming involved. His hoard of weapons, however, proved useful for the prank.
"You shee, when Ofdensen comes passed then you pull the shtring and boom, crossbows." Murderface sounded utterly gleeful. "I'm a geniush."
"He won't die, will he?" Toki said.
"Thought you said he was a ninja?" Pickles said.
"Yeah but …he won't, right?" Toki muttered.
"You're the one who put a yard wolf in his bathroom," Nathan pointed out.
"Yeah, but he was fine, the wolf was just embarrassed."
"Wait, Ofdensen fought a yard wolf?" Murderface said.
"No," Nathan mutter. "He just told it off or something, the damn thing looked pathetic."
"Metal," Murderface admitted.
"Still didn't prove anything," Pickles said. "It's not ninja to tell wolves off, you gotta kick their asses."
"Better than your idea to roll a glass gently towards him!" Toki snapped.
"That would have worked if the glass was faster," Pickles snapped
"Boys?" Ofdensen said suddenly behind them. The sudden arrival of their manager made all the boys jump and Nathan, who was holding the string, all but flew upwards pulling the string so hard that not only did all the bolts release but the crossbows all got pulled to face them.
They were fucked.
One bolt landed an inch from Pickles' shoe causing the drummer to squeal, one went through Murderface's hair and the third was heading right for Toki's head. But it never connected. Nathan opened his eyes, not realising he'd closed them, expecting to see a dead Toki, instead the bolt had been stopped by Ofdensen's hand. He hadn't caught the bolt, but he'd got his hand between it and Toki. The bolt had gone through and was stuck his palm.
"Brutal," Nathan said.
"You saves me!" Toki wrapped his arms around Ofdensen's shoulders, the manager looking awkward almost patted Toki with his injured hand.
"Um, yes," Ofdensen said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think a trip to the medical ward is needed." His voice was perfectly level, his normal conversational tone, just listening to him you'd never know he'd just received a rather brutal looking injury.
"Uh, you want us to take…" Nathan started. Ofdensen held up his good hand.
"No, that's quite alright, but maybe you should be putting your energy into a new record rather than whatever today has been." And with that, he walked off in the direction of the elevator.
"Ok that was badass," Pickles said.
"How many models was it Toki?" Nathan sighed. Toki's face lit up.
The matter was settled.
End Chapter Two
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