"I don't want to live to waste another day,
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made."

Breaking Inside – Shinedown

Chapter 1: Shadow of Mistakes I Made

Barry was late and Maybelle cursed him for that. She looked at the clock. Scratch that, Barry was very late. Okay, he was like forty minutes late. Maybelle crossed her arms and she tapped her foot as she leaned against the wall of the bus station. She figured that she must've been quite a sight to behold.

Maybelle wore short-shorts with blue-and-white polka-dot leggings. She wore a black We Came as Romans shirt under a black jacket with gray sleeves. She wore Steve Madden Alley white platform sneakers. She wore a pink beanie and had a black cross-body messenger bag with a nebula print on the front. A red backpack was at her feet.

She wore a necklace with a rectangular pendant that had: 5·19·15 on it and there was a shape of a diamond in a circle underneath the number. There was a circular pendant next to that, which said: From This Day Forward.

Maybelle considered calling Matt to come and get her, since he had a car, but she didn't want to disturb him if he was working or if he was with his girlfriend, Phoebe. She decided that she would wait a few minutes longer before she called Barry to see where he was at or what was taking so long.

It was five minutes later when Barry stumbled in through the door of the bus station. He walked over to Maybelle.

"Hey, Belle," greeted Barry with a smile. "Sorry I'm late."

Maybelle looked at him, smiled, and said, "You're always late, Barry." She frowned as she took in Barry's appearance. He looked tired, had bags under his eyes, and had stubble on his face, as if he hadn't shaved for a week. "Are you okay?"

Barry nodded, "Yeah, everything's good, Belle."

The teen suspected that was a lie, judging from how worn-out he looked. She shrugged, "Okay."

"Let's go," said Barry. He reached down and grabbed Maybelle's backpack. He picked it and they started walking. He put his arm around Maybell's shoulders.

"Are you sure everything's okay?" asked Maybelle. "I mean…" She wasn't sure where she was going with that.

"Everything's fine, Belle," said Barry. "Just let me worry about you, and you worry about yourself. Don't worry about me, okay?"

Maybelle frowned once more. She was sure that was code for: Focus on staying clean and don't worry about me. She shook her head, "No can do, Barry. I will worry about you."

She could've sworn that Barry got a little teary.

"Okay, Belle," said Barry as he flagged down a taxi.

They got in the taxi and took off.

"How's your business going?" asked Maybelle. At least she knew that was code for: How's being the Flash treating you?

"It's going fine," said Barry offhandedly.

Maybelle was sure that was code for: Everything is going to hell. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not here," said Barry.

Maybelle nodded, "Right."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you," said Barry.

Maybelle wondered where all this was coming from. "It's fine. You can't be there twenty-four seven. We all make mistakes, Barry."

"Some make big ones," muttered Barry.

Maybelle nodded, "That maybe true, but you can't go blame yourself for it."

"I'll explain it to you, when we get back to my apartment," said Barry.

"Okay," said Maybelle.

"Here we are," said Barry as they walked in the apartment. "Sorry about how messy it is." He took off his jacket and tossed it in the nearest chair.

Maybelle looked at some items that were strewn about, but otherwise, the apartment was clean.

"If this is messy, I'll hate to know what you'll call my former room back with my foster mothers," said Maybelle.

"Foster mothers?" questioned Barry.

"Married women," said Maybelle. "They were lovely people. They were the ones that had put me through rehab. And my room was a mess because I was too busy abusing OxyContin."

Barry side-eyed her as he gently placed Maybelle's back in the chair. "We'll go buy you some more clothes later. I'm just too tired to do it right now."

Maybelle looked at Barry and set her messenger on the coffee table. "It's fine right now. I'm not worried about clothes. I'm worried about you."

"Belle, I told you not to worry about me," said Barry. "I'm fine. You're not supposed to worry about me. I'm supposed to worry about you."

Maybelle felt agitated over that. "I get it. I do. You're the goddamn Flash. You're invincible. You may have powers, but you're only human who feel emotions. I've known you for my entire life, so let me worry about you. That's because I'm human." She took a deep breath. "What happened, Barry? Why are you upset?"

Barry looked like he was going to explain but changed his mind. "Do you want something to eat?"

Maybelle was taken aback by the question. She wondered why he was avoiding arched an eyebrow at that and slowly said, "Sure."

Barry nodded and used his speed to run out of the apartment.

Maybelle blinked and rolled her eyes. It was just like Barry to wiggle out of a very important conversation that he didn't want to have.

Barry returned with takeout. "Here, I'll explain everything to you."

"So you went back in time? Again?" replied Maybelle confused as they ate lunch.

Barry nodded, "Yeah."

"And you've lived in it for three months?" asked Maybelle.

Barry nodded, "Yeah, I did."

"And you fixed the timeline?" asked Maybelle.

Barry nodded, "Didn't fix it, but I came back to the present."

"So what are they pissed off at you for?" questioned Maybelle.

Barry explained the situation to her about how he had caused major changes by changing the timeline.

Maybelle nodded, slowly, and said, "I see." She had to think about it. "One, I would love to see my parents again, so I don't blame you for wanting to be with them. Two, Dante had passed in this timeline, which really had nothing to do with you going back in time and changing the timeline. It's just a freak coincidence."

"He's mad at me because I went back in time and tried to save my mother, but my alternate timeline self refused to try to save Dante," explained Barry.

Maybelle rubbed her forehead. "This is all confusing. It's not like you intentionally screwed them over. It'll be like saying that in some alternate timeline, I have two older sisters instead of two older brothers, and you accidentally change that, erasing them, effectively putting me in my position now. Why should I be pissed off at you for me not having something that I never really had in the first place? It'll be more like a what-if situation to me."

"No, they're pissed at me for effectively ruining their lives," said Barry.

Maybelle sighed and leaned back in her chair. "There is no guarantee that you caused Dante's death. He could've died earlier; he could've died a lot sooner. And yeah, you accidentally caused Sara to vanish and had a male changeling take her place, but they never really had Sara in the first place so there's no need for them to be mad at you for not having something in the first place."

"Emotions override logic," said Barry. "They're pissed because I took away one child and replaced her with a boy."

"Let's change the subject slightly," replied Maybelle. "Have you tried talking to them since you created Flashpoint?"

"Every day, but they ignore me," said Barry.

"They're that pissed, huh?" muttered Maybelle.

"I get that you feel differently, but you really shouldn't be trying to tell other people how to feel," responded Barry. "People emote differently than you. I think you'll understand when you get older."

Maybelle rolled her eyes at the 'once you're older' line but she frowned. "I'm just explaining why they shouldn't be mad."

"Yeah, I get that, but they're emotions override logic," said Barry. "With Cisco, it's different. What if I had told you that I had accidentally caused your parents to die in that car crash because I created Flashpoint?"

"I'll still be pissed at the guy who ran that stop sign and t-boned us, because it was his own damn fault for running it. You didn't tell that man to run it so really it's not your fault," replied Maybelle.

"Thanks for believing in me, Belle," said Barry with a hint of a smile.

Maybelle nodded, "I'm not going to lose faith in you over a stupid mistake."

"And I won't lose faith in you over your addiction, either," said Barry.

Maybelle smiled at him, "Thank you."

"I want to try out for roller derby," said Maybelle when they got to the mall. There was a notice on a board that was holding try-outs for junior roller derby at a nearby roller rink in a few days.

"Why?" Barry asked confused.

"I've been told that I need a hobby," Maybelle said. "You know, to keep me occupied and keep my mind off of OxyContin."

Barry nodded in understanding, even though Maybelle knows that Barry will never understand what it was like being addicted to something.

The only thing that she was sure that came close was Barry losing his speed twice, but then at least Barry wasn't throwing up from withdrawals or abdominal cramps, or anything else unpleasant, like diarrhea.

"Okay, sure, I'll take you there to try-out," said Barry.

Maybelle smiled at him, "Thank you."

"No problem," said Barry sounding a little distracted as he looked off to the side.

"What are you looking at?" asked Maybelle as she looked over to where Barry is looking.

Barry shook his head, "Never mind. I thought I saw…never mind."

Maybelle frowned, wondering what Barry thought he saw. "What did you see?"

"It was nothing, Belle." Barry said, "Just…nothing. Don't worry about it."

"That was nothing, Barry," said Maybelle.

"I said don't worry about it, Maybelle," Barry snapped.

Maybelle nodded. He used her full name, which meant that he was being serious and really wanted her to back off. "Okay. Sorry."

"It's not your fault, Belle," said Barry, as they started walking again. "I'm just…"

"On edge?" finished Maybelle.

"Yeah," said Barry. "How did you know?"

"I was on edge after getting over OxyContin," Maybelle admitted.

Barry nodded in understanding, except that Maybelle was sure he didn't really know how she felt. She never talked about her feelings on it, mostly because she was to embarrassed to talk about it. She still felt embarrassed over it.

They walked in silence.

"Do you think that registering for junior roller derby requires me to talk about my addiction?" asked Maybelle worried.

"If it's for kids under eighteen, I doubt they'll ask if you had past addictions," said Barry. "Anyway, if they did, just tell the truth about it. The most they'll probably ask for is that you're not drunk or on drugs while at a meeting or on the rink."

"That's true," said Maybelle. She still didn't like telling strangers about her addiction. It felt like they were judging her. Even with people at rehab, it seemed like they were judging because she was thirteen-years-old when she went in. The only people who knew were: people in rehab with her, Matt, Matt's parents, Barry, and her former foster mothers.

Later that evening, they went to the Italian restaurant that Matt's parents owned. When they walked, Matt smiled when he turned to look.

"Hey, look, it's my sister from another set of parents," Matt said. He walked over and hugged Maybelle. "Hey, May."

Maybelle rolled her eyes but hugged her childhood friend back briefly, "Hi, Matt."

"How does it feel to be back home?" asked Matt as he let go of Maybelle.

"It'll take some time getting used too," said

"Have a seat and we'll get you two some menus," said Matt.

"Actually it's to go," said Barry.

Matt nodded and went to the cash register so he can take their order. Barry and Maybelle walked up to the cash register. Maybelle told Matt her order.

"How does it feel to be back in Central City?" asked Matt.

"It'll…take some getting used to," replied Maybelle. She wasn't exactly sure how to feel about being back to be honest. She was excited to see Barry and Matt again, but she wasn't sure about the town yet.

On the drive back to Barry's apartment, Maybelle noticed the street where she and her parents had gotten T-Boned on. There were some flowers on a streetlamp that the car had skidded into because of the impact of the semi-truck had sent the car skidding into the streetlamp.

Maybelle felt tears come to her and blinked them back as memories of the car accident washed over her. She had a sudden craving for OxyContin to force back the memories, but she told herself that she had to deal with the grief, not abuse narcotics to deal with it.

She was sure that street was going to be a constant reminder of her mistake of falling for OxyContin.

Later on in the evening, Maybelle walked in the living room, brushing her hair after taking a shower. "Hey, Barry." She was wearing a short-sleeved blue-and-white polka dotted button-up pajama shirt with matching sleeping shorts.

"What is it, Belle?" asked Barry.

"I did some thinking in the shower," said Maybelle.

"About what?" asked Barry.

"About the timeline and about that Thong guy," said Maybelle.

Barry frowned and looked at Maybelle, "Thong guy?"

Maybelle nodded, "Yeah, that bad speedster guy from the future."

"You mean Thawne?" asked Barry smiling.

"Yeah, him," said Maybelle waving her hair brush around. "You told me that he had to kill Nora again. What if he was the one that did the slight changes to get your friends pissed off at you just as a way to kick you while you're down. Or like an emotional gut punch. He sounds like a dick, so I wouldn't be surprised if he did something that douchey."

Barry shrugged, "It would make sense. But I think this is my mistake that I had made, not his. I had gone back in time before, making little changes, but this time I ignored all the warnings and went back in time. It's all me, not Thawne."

"Okay, it was just a thought," said Maybelle. "I also got to thinking, maybe Baby Sara wasn't erased from existence. Maybe Baby Sara and John Jr. just swapped places in these timelines. Maybe Baby Sara took John Jr's place while John Jr. took Baby Sara's place. It's sort like a swap."

"I get what you're doing," said Barry. "You're trying to get me not to blame myself. It's not going to be that easy."

Maybelle shrugged, "I tried. Maybe we should we start living instead of wallowing in our mistakes."

"Yeah, you could start living when you get to school on Monday," said Barry.

Maybelle groaned at that.

"Yeah, yeah," said Barry. "School sucks. You just have to get through four years of it, Belle."