A month had passed since Lex Luthor's arrest. Supergirl hadn't had a second's rest: public appearances, press conferences, capturing escaping DEO aliens, a meeting with the president and getting the DEO back to her sister's command, a masked man committing crimes in the name of Lex, asking for his release and spitting all kind of conspiracy theories. People were having a hard time wrapping their minds around everything that had gone down. They knew people had gotten hurt, and aliens, and Supergirl, and Lena Luthor. She hadn't made any public declarations or given any interviews, but many articles had been written about her and about L Corp. Story was repeating itself, the company's name had been tarnished and people were wondering if Lena was the same alien-hating madwoman as they discovered her brother to be. Of course in this Earth everything was happening for the first time, but Lena was reliving it, and it probably felt like a recurring nightmare by now.

It was always at night, once she wound down from her crazy eighteen hour work-day that Kara thought about her. She wanted to know how she was, if she was physically okay, if she was emotionally okay, although she doubted that. Kara wanted to give her friend some space; it was what they had agreed on, after all, but a month, four weeks, thirty days felt like a lot. She was concerned, she wondered if Lena had actually started going to therapy, if her mind was working like it used to, if she still felt like their friendship could be mended, if all the media was saying about her affected her. Sometimes she wondered if she should write and take the first step, if maybe her silence made her friend think she didn't care. It was frustrating. Then there were the dreams. Dreams where Lena died in her arms at the hands of Reign, sometimes it was a repetition of the screams from that night, Lena twisting and turning on the floor, except Kara couldn't move, she was rooted to the floor and her friend was screaming for help, for mercy, and Lex was laughing. But J'onn didn't show up in time and Lena's body became stiff, her screams died down and Kara couldn't hear her heartbeat anymore. Sometimes, her dreams were about Alex: her sister in that slowly-filling tank and Kara getting there a second too late. Those nights she woke up in cold sweat, heart hammering in her chest and tears in her eyes.

Life had to go on, because the world kept turning and every day people needed saving and news needed to be told. Kara felt like an automaton, like she was in auto-pilot, just going through the motions. She hadn't been able to face William after everything that happened with Lex; she had backed down from the story and didn't have a proper explanation to give. She couldn't possibly explain to him why it felt like a betrayal to Lena, her profiting from those events since the world had also put their eyes on her friend and questioned her real part in him kidnapping people and aliens and controlling their minds. Kara also didn't have the strength to let him down easy and instead she found herself running away every time he walked into the same room. It was ridiculous, really. She didn't understand why she had forced herself to go out with him, maybe it was because she felt guilty, he was after all a good person. Sure, he hadn't respected her when she first told him no, but at least he had recognized it and apologized. But just because he was a nice guy, it didn't mean she was attracted to him. When they had gone out, she hadn't felt entirely comfortable, not because he was bad company, they had had fun, but the implications of a date, physical contact and flirting, didn't feel like something she wanted. It was true that she felt lonely, that she needed someone in her life when she was home alone, when she went to bed after a long night, when she had good news to share, but she didn't picture him in those scenarios, it just felt –off. Maybe it was a combination of those things and the people in her life pushing her in his direction that had made her re-think her decision, and now she had to go from a no to a yes to a no once again and he would probably think she was crazy. Still, there was no point in forcing something that just wasn't there. There was no chemistry, no spark, nothing more than what she felt when she hung out with people like Nia, James, Winn or even Kelly. She liked him, she hoped they could remain friends, but she didn't feel with the emotional capacity for a relationship at the moment, and even if she did, he just wasn't right for her.

"Kara? Earth to Kara?" Nia was snapping her fingers in front of her eyes.

"Sorry, what?"

"I asked if you wanted to go to Alex's with me. I just finished my report and was leaving in a minute."

"Uh…" She looked around at the papers sprawled across her desk. She had no idea how long she had been lost in thought and staring into space. What had she been doing?

"You okay?" Nia cocked her head to the side, hand on her hip.

"Yeah… yes!" She perked up, rising suddenly from her chair and knocking it over. "I was just lost in thought." She walked around her desk, grabbing her purse from a nearby chair.

"Hard article?" Nia asked as they started walking towards the elevator. Kara shook her head. "Then what were you thinking about?"

"Um… William."

"Oh, I see." Her friend smirked. Kara felt herself blush.

"Not like that! I mean, yes it was about that, but…"

"You never did go on a second date." Nia realized with a frown.

"I know, it's just…"

"Kara, you need a personal life! You'll go crazy if all you do is think about others."

"That's just it!" She threw her hands up. It finally dawned on her. "I went out with him because I thought about everybody but myself! Alex was worried about me, I felt guilty for not having a good enough reason to say no to him, even Winn tried to convince me it was a good idea and I just…"

"Oh, that sucks." Nia pursed her lips. "Those are not valid reasons to go out with someone. All you actually need is just, well… wanting to spend time with that person, get to know them better."

"He's nice." She clarified. "We had a fun time, but… I just don't feel that way about him." She paused as they exited the elevator and walked out of the building. "At first I thought it was because I didn't want to start a relationship based on lies, after what happened with Lena." She felt a pang on her chest at the thought. "But then after our date, I thought about coming clean and… it just didn't feel right. I don't think I trust him enough for that anyway."

"I get it." Nia nodded. They walked into an alley and she held on to her friend, who took off and got them to Alex's block in five seconds flat. "You know, after you rejected him and he came up with your coffee order, it just felt weird." She scrunched up her nose.

"Yeah, he said he knew he was out of line and he apologized."

"Still, I don't like that he just couldn't take no for an answer. It's not right." They looked at each other as they waited for Alex to open the door since her buzzer was broken –again. "I'm sorry I didn't see that sooner."

"Hey, you don't have to apologize for anything. You did nothing wrong." Kara squeezed her shoulder.

"I feel like I was blind to it and kinda encouraged you to go on that date as well." She cringed. "I was distracted with what had happened to Yvette and with… you know…"

"Brainy?" Kara supplied tentatively.

"Yeah…" Nia looked down.

Just then the door opened and Alex ushered them in.

"Come in! Its movie night, what's up with your faces?!" She was indeed much jollier than them.

"Nothing, just…"

"Boy stuff." Nia supplied.

Kara grimaced, she really didn't want to talk about all of that.

"Oh." Alex scratched her neck.

"What's up?" Kelly was sitting on the couch scrolling through her phone.

"Guy problem, so…" Alex made hand gestured that indicated her girlfriend should take it from there.

Nia looked at Kara apologetically, noticing her discomfort and that she had probably screwed up in saying anything.

"Something happened with William?" Kelly encouraged.

"Nothing, really…" Kara shrugged, sitting on the couch next to her friend.

"Exactly!" Alex exclaimed, raising her snacked-filled arms in the air as she came into the living room. "They went on one date and then she ghosted him!"

Kara frowned.

"I didn't…"

"I bet you're actively avoiding him." Her sister looked at Nia for confirmation, whom in turn looked at Kara with another apologizing look.

"We just… didn't click." She shrugged. "He's nice and he's fun, but…"

"There's no spark?" Kelly provided and she nodded.

"And he can't take no for an answer." Nia trailed off almost to herself, rolling her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Kelly frowned.

"When he first asked me out, I said no. I mean, I was considering it but, then I thought I didn't want to start another relationship based on lies after what happened with Lena…" She felt another pang to her chest and wondered just when it would start hurting less. "So I said no. Then he showed up one day with my exact coffee order, and then he texted me…"

"That's…"

"Well, when you put it that way…" Alex frowned.

"Yeah, but he apologized. And then we talked," She looked at her sister. "…and I thought, it's just one date, right? He's nice and I thought… then Winn had also told me to just give it a chance…" She made a face.

"Oh, sweet Kara." Kelly reached over, stroking her arm. "Was it ever just you, feeling like you wanted to spend time with him?"

"I guess… not really." She frowned. "Everyone was so worried about me, and I… I guess I just wanted to take my mind off from everything that was happening with Lex and –and Lena." She looked away. Kelly's hand hadn't left her arm and she squeezed it gently. "But now he's become another burden."

"I'm sorry, Kara." Alex frowned. "I thought it would be good for you, had I known…"

"It's ok." She tried to smile but wasn't sure what her face was conveying at the moment.

"I'm sure he'll understand." Kelly nodded. "And it's yourself you've got to prioritize, honey. I know being the world's superhero can make you forget that sometimes, but how will you take care of others if you don't look out for yourself first?"

"I know, you're right." Kara squeezed her friend's hand on her arm. "Thank you, really."

"I noticed you were kind of distracted lately." Alex added. "Maybe you should take some days off…"

"Yeah, you know I got Supergirl's back." Nia added, trying to brighten the mood.

"I don't think being alone with my thoughts is such a great idea right now, my head's… kinda messed up." She didn't know how movie night had suddenly turned into a group therapy session, or even why she was oversharing, but it was like opening an overstuffed box and stuff just kept spilling out. "I don't even know why I'm saying this." She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"What's wrong?" Alex had stood up from the couch and crouched over in front of her, resting both hands on her knees.

Suddenly she felt overwhelmed; tears were starting to form and threatening to spill.

"I… after Lena almost… died, I –"She shook her head, looking up and wiping her eyes before the tears could come out. "I'm having these nightmares, and she's dying, and you're… drowning." She sobbed.

"Oh, Kara." Alex stretched up and hugged her. She could feel Nia and Kelly joining in on the hug after she couldn't stop her sobbing.

"I'm just so w-worried, and tired, and my mind's just –I feel like I can't stop thinking about everything, even when I go to bed, all these things just keep replaying themselves inside my head."

"What are you worried about, sweetie?" Kelly asked gently, stroking her hair behind her ear and away from her face. Alex's face was also stained with tears.

"Just… people I care about getting hurt because of who I am. And…" She looked up at them, unsure. "Lena." She whispered apprehensively. She knew Alex and Nia had mixed emotions about her, even if they tried to hide it.

"I thought you had made up that night?" Alex asked tentatively.

"We… sort of, I guess…" She shook her head. "We admitted we were both at fault and agreed that we both needed time, and maybe… we could rebuild our friendship, without lies this time."

"That's good." Kelly provided, with a smile that urged her to go on.

"It's just, she was hurt and I don't know how she is, or if she's recovered. She hasn't contacted me yet, and I don't know if I should write or give her space…"

"Look, I know it's hard, but friendship is a two-way street. Maybe she's asking herself the same thing. But, most importantly, you have to take care of yourself, and if you feel talking to her will help… well, there's no harm in trying, right?"

"Your girlfriend's so wise." Kara joked to her sister with a lopsided smile. "Really, Kelly, thank you." She turned her body so she could give her a proper hug. "You're right, I should try to talk to her."

The thought frightened her. What if Lena decided she couldn't start their friendship over? Or that it wasn't worth the effort? That night had been very emotional, maybe now she had changed her mind. Trying to kill someone could guilt you into saying things you don't actually mean, surely. But on the other hand, maybe Lena found herself in the same predicament, wanting to talk to her but waiting for her to make the first move. Kara felt exhausted, she had never had a friendship so complicated, or any kind of relationship, really. Then again, she hadn't had a best friend before. Her relationship with Lena was special, and even when she was scared of being rejected, she also missed her best friend, and there was no way they could mend things if they didn't talk.

It was almost two am. After she had stopped crying, her sister and her friends decided she needed the distraction and chose a very cheese movie for them to watch, they all sat around her and after a while, she actually felt better. It had been good to let it all out, to talk about her nightmares, her concerns, to share her thoughts about Lena that kept her up at night and even to cry with people who cared about her and surrounded her with affection. They had stuffed themselves with snacks, Chinese food and apple pie, and by the time she left flying out the window, it was with a smile on her face. But now that she was home alone, in her bed and with her mind made up, Kara felt a kind of anxiety that made her chest tickle and her fingers tingle. She grabbed her phone from her nightstand and scrolled through her contacts until she found her. She still had Lena's contact photo of their selfie, they were holding each other and smiling and Kara longed for those days. Taking a deep breath, she pressed for a new message.

"Hi Lena, sorry about the time. I know we said to give each other space but I just wanted to know how you are. I hope I'm not overstepping."

She hit send before she could overthink it and chicken out, hiding her phone under her pillow and throwing the covers over her head. It took her a long while to fall asleep.

After taking off her heels and changing her office clothes for something more comfortable, Lena opened the refrigerator to find the leftover salad from the night before. She sat at the barstool and looked first at her phone, lying on the kitchen island next to her, and then to her other side where she could see a whiskey bottle inside a kitchen cabinet. She sighed, running her palms alongside her face and resting her chin on her hands, elbows on the table. It felt like those scenes where there was a devil and an angel on each shoulder.

It had been two weeks since her last drink, no scotch, no wine, no beer, nothing. She was trying this thing where she didn't drown her feelings in alcohol until she forgot she even had them, trying to open those boxes inside boxes inside boxes, one by one, and facing one feeling at a time. There was a lot she had been hiding throughout the course of her life, ever since childhood, starting at age four, from the day she stood at that shore watching her mother die. She had been dragging a feeling of guilt since before she knew how to add and subtract, letting it dictate her life choices, her connection to other people and the way she valued herself. It was something that needed to change, she knew this even before her best friend's betrayal and her brother's manipulation, those things had led her to a breaking point, but building a tool that could have led to humanity's total mind control at the hands of a sociopathic lunatic had been her tipping point. Screw her for being a genius and having her breakdown be the possible doom of humanity; for some people it was a trip to the ICU, but for her it was this. She had a big responsibility on her hands, and at her own choice, but she needed to learn to identify and control her emotions before they could take over and dictate her actions, because they could affect much more people than a regular person's mistake. That was why she had started therapy, why she had distanced herself from the things that made her lose control, which she found were actually a lot, especially people, namely her friends and family. But it couldn't last forever; she couldn't live inside a bubble where nothing and no one could touch her. There was someone she missed, someone she needed even though it has hard to admit, but it happened to be the same someone that had hurt her the most. She expected it from her own brother; it had happened before and therefore it was no surprise, she could expect it even from her own mother, but she had been blindsided this time, and the blow was the biggest she had experienced since the first time her brother had tried to kill her. She tried to convince herself that not everything could be a lie, surely Kara cared about her to some extent, there was a reason she had let Lena get close to her sister and her friends, it couldn't all have been just to keep a close eye on her, but it was hard to believe. Why had she lied to her all this time? Why had she used her powers behind her back and let Lena believe she was this defenseless human she thought she had to protect? Why had she let Lena believe she could have been killed in that explosion or while they were aboard her jet?

Lena felt her hands shake, she pushed away her salad and walked into the living room before she could turn around and reach for that bottle of whiskey. She sat down on her couch, covering her face with her hands, taking deep breaths. Her therapist was right, she couldn't keep asking herself all those questions over and over again, she needed answers in order to start healing. She needed the truth, once and for all. With trembling fingers, she got up and went back to the kitchen in search for her phone, staring at Kara's text from three days before. She thought about asking her to come over right that instant, but what if Kara didn't trust her enough and thought it could be a trap? That thought felt like a dagger to her chest. Just a month ago, that possibility wasn't so far-fetched. She remembered all those simulations in which she hurt Kara and felt the tears spilling down her cheeks. She had to give herself a break, there was never any possibility that she could have done those things in real life, she had had those opportunities and it had never crossed her mind; she had actually defeated mind control and almost hurt her own brain so that she wouldn't hurt Kara. She wasn't evil, she was traumatized; she didn't excuse herself, but she had to be compassionate with her own soul.

"Could we meet up? I think we should talk face to face. You choose the place."

There, non-threatening, polite, but also non-apologetic. She needed time to process and didn't want to feel guilty for taking three days to respond.

She went back to the kitchen and resumed eating her salad, she was practicing taking care of herself and skipping a meal certainly wasn't it. However, she almost choked on kale when her phone vibrated with a text, she didn't expect a reply so soon.

"Can I come over now?"

Her heart jumped inside her chest, thumping hard. The response was unexpected, it had taken her two weeks to gather the courage to even think of facing Kara, and three days to respond to her when she initiated contact; she had just made up her mind and didn't think Kara would want to meet so soon. That had to mean something, it had to mean she cared, otherwise she wouldn't even bother to contact her, otherwise she wouldn't have cried on her shoulder in that hospital bed.

"Yes. I'm at home."

She took a deep, shaky breath. Now there was no way she could finish eating her salad. So Kara wasn't thinking their meeting could be a trap, that was good; she also seemed to be waiting for her response, it had taken her only three minutes to reply. Her doorbell rang almost a minute later. Right, superpowers.

"Miss Luthor." The security guard's voice sounded through the intercom. "Miss Danvers is here to see you"

"Yes, please let her up." She straightened her shirt, tucked her hair behind her ears and cleared her throat. She was nervous, and when she realized Kara could probably hear the mad thumping of her heart, she felt embarrassed.

There was a knock on the door and Lena took a deep breath as she turned the knob.

"Kara." She said breathlessly.

"Hey." Kara's head was ducked, her lips were pressed and she was wriggling her hands.

Lena felt a little at ease realizing she was probably nervous too. Stepping aside, she let Kara through and watched her stand awkwardly in the middle of her living room.

"Um, are you okay?"

"You could say that." Lena shrugged.

"How's your head?"

"Oh, it's fine. I had some headaches at first but now I'm good." God it was awkward. She didn't know what to say, all of her questions and reproaches had wiped away from her mind at the sight of her… friend? "I'm… glad you came."

"I'm glad you answered." She started to smile but her expression quickly changed. "Not that –I mean, I understand you need your time to –"

"Kara." She stopped her flying hands mid-air. "Thank you, for understanding. And for coming here, really; you had reasons to suspect after last time."

"That wasn't you." Kara took a step towards her, frowning. "I… I trust you."

"You do." Lena said flatly, feeling something twist inside her chest. She watched as Kara took a visible deep breath and dropped her arms to her sides, shoulders down.

"So…"

"Do you want something to drink?" She asked awkwardly. Keeping her emotions in check was a work in progress. Kara shook her head. "Let's sit down, then."

They moved towards the couch and sat with an extensive space in between them. Lena didn't remember them being so awkward even at the first stages of their friendship, but she supposed it was normal after everything that had transpired.

"Kara, I –I do have so many questions…" Lena took a deep breath. "But, first I want to apologize for what I did at –at the fortress. Leaving you there… everything, really, was so wrong. I think about it and sometimes don't even recognize myself. I was hurt and felt betrayed, but I was so deceiving that day, so cold and calculating…" She shook her head, frowning.

"I probably deserved that."

"No, that's not true. That place is so special to you, and you were so happy to bring me there…" She frowned. "I was just –I didn't think any of it was real."

"Lena, I know I should have told you the truth –"

"Then why didn't you?"

"I was afraid." Kara whispered. "I was selfish, I know, but… when we became so close, I thought about coming clean, many times. I was looking for the right moment, and then…" She looked down at her hands. "Everything with the kryptonite happened, and you were so angry with me, with supergirl… I told you before how kryptonite clouded my judgment, I couldn't think it was you, all I could think about was someone else getting their hands on it and… I made many mistakes, I know that, and I know it was wrong of me to have deceived you. It was wrong of me to ask James to spy on you." She shook her head. "I was selfish because I didn't want to admit to those things, and also because… I didn't want to lose you or have you hate me."

"I felt so stupid when Lex showed me –" Lena wrung her hands together, nervously trying not to fall apart. "All those times I was with you and you used your powers behind my back…" She watched as Kara grimaced and hung her head once more. "When I thought… you were inside that exploding building… And that hologram you used to hack me…" Now she was the one looking down, feeling sad, embarrassed, angry.

"Oh Lena, I didn't know about that." She sounded anguished and truthful. "I swear, all those things I said were true, and I feel awful about all the times I lied to you, even… when we were on your jet, but… I –I have no excuse, and I don't… I don't want to minimize that, I was a terrible friend and I want to take responsibility for that."

"You really meant that?" Lena looked at the through her dampened eyelashes.

"Yes! Please, you have to believe me!" Kara reached out for a second, letting her hand drop between them on the cushion. "Even after… those kryptonite canons… I still felt like I could save you, like… I could get through to you."

"I didn't know those canons were there, Kara… I stopped them. I thought I wanted to hurt you." She grimaced. "But there was never a chance that I would actually… I mean, physically, at least." They locked eyes. "But I know we actually did hurt each other."

"I once promised you I would always protect you." Kara whispered. "And I meant that. And I know I broke that promise by hurting you."

"I guess we both made mistakes." Lena gave her a lopsided, sad smile.

"Yeah…"

Lena could hear her intake of breath when she placed her hand atop of Kara's.

"I'm tired of being angry." She whispered. "I'm tired of staying away."

"I miss you." Kara confessed, turning her hand so she could hold onto Lena's. "Lena, I swear, if you give our friendship a chance, I promise I won't ever keep things from you."

"I promise that too." She squeezed. "And… if we don't like something, we should talk things through before assuming anything."

"I think that's reasonable." Kara smiled, even though there were stray tears on her cheeks.

"I miss you, too." She scooted forward and they met in the middle, wrapping their arms around each other. "I'm trying this new thing where I talk about my feelings…" She said into Kara's hair. "So we could implement that."

"So you did start seeing a therapist?" Kara asked once they pulled away, using her index fingers to wipe the tears under her eyes.

"I have. She's been helpful."

"I'm glad. I was worried… with everything they were saying on the news, I mean, on top of everything else." Kara ducked her head trying to meet Lena's eyes, trying to figure out her emotions.

"I'm used to it." Lena shrugged one shoulder. "I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it's not easy. Although trying once again to save L Corp after my brother's disaster is keeping me fairly busy." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Sometimes it feels like traveling through time."

"I'm really sorry." Kara placed one hand on her shoulder supportively. "I'm sorry you have to relive all that."

"Oh." Lena straightened her back, expression turning serious. "Kara, I'm sorry, I heard about your father."

"Oh, yeah." She grimaced, dropping her hand from Lena's shoulder.

"I heard it from Brainy just last week. Had I known…"

"It's ok, you couldn't have known." She shook her head, looking down.

"Still, I'm really sorry. How are you holding up?" Lena took Kara's hand in between both of her own. Kara smiled.

"I'm okay. It was harder on Alex, but we're healing."

"Well, I wish things had been different between us and that I could have been there for you, but I'm here now if… if you ever need to talk. I can't promise any sound advice." She chuckled. "But I'm a good listener." She almost lost her breath with the force of Kara's hug. It was easy to forget she had super-strength, she was hugging her so tightly but in no way hurting her.

"I'm glad I have you now." Kara whispered against her shoulder.

"Me too." Once again Lena found herself thinking of the audible thumping of her heart.