Rating: M
Pairings: Kurama/?, Naruto/?
Notes: Okayyy, so this chapter was kinda hard to write. Btw, for a release schedule, I'll just release when I can, so please forgive me if I go on hiatus for a long time without notice. ;~; Go to the end for more information. Now without further ado, please enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not, in any shape, thought or form, own Naruto!
CHAPTER ONE: UNDERSTAND
When Kurama regained consciousness, seeing a white blur and the very strong smell of blood and medicine not what he expected.
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
Nor being in a box with a crying thing.
The first thought that crossed his mind was to gut this thing and seal it's miserable body in the core of the earth cuz he'd rather mourn in silence, excuse you, so when he realized that he cannot move his arms, heck, they didn't feel right. He didn't take that information pleasantly.
'WHAT THE FU-'
He accidentally released a small wave of his chakra –was his chakra always this weak and hard to access?- causing him to bounce slightly, changing his head's possible of staring straight up at the ceiling to looking at his side where a blob of yellow and darker beige was situated.
The blob seemed to move slightly if the barely felt touch to his fore arm was any indication. When he tried to identify whatever the fuck this thing that dared disturb him did he notice how horrible his eyesight was. He's the Kyuubi no Kitsune, damn it, he should be able to see past mountains with just a glance, yet here he is. Barely able to discern this wailing thing from wherever this place is's walls.
His face scrunched up in aggravation. 'Did I literally cry my eyesight away or what?'
Then he suddenly remembered why he cried in the first place –Kushina.
Her smile. Her apology. Her death.
He could feel his eyes stinging with tears again, yet he couldn't bare to stop them from falling. He killed Kushina. He destroyed her future, one where she could've been the happy wife and mother she kept dreaming to be. Where she could've continued serving Konoha till she dies in a mission for her country, or, preferably, of age, surrounded by her children, husband, and grandchildren. She could've been there for them, but now she can't. She couldn't be there for her sons –son, he belatedly corrected himself –he killed the other one, another betrayal to Kushina-
Because he killed her. He killed them.
His eyesight blurred more than plausible and he started crying before he could stop himself, though it more silent than first with just the occasional hiccup or sob.
Kurama is the Kyuubi no Kitsune. He was killed more people than the entire Konoha population without remorse or a second thought. He killed for fun, as a sport honestly, when he was bored. He was the embodiment of hatred. Yet he couldn't feel any filthier after killing those two. A friend –his first friend- that always went to him for love advice he didn't have, came for reassurance when she had her first kill, gave him the honor of her son being named after him.
He didn't notice it when the blob next to him stopped crying. He didn't notice when he was picked awake and rocked around. He didn't notice when he finally succumbed into a dreamless slumber.
When Kurama awakened once more, he was feeling better. Not good -oh not good at all- but more rational to finally take in his situation. Would be a good distraction to his own thoughts, and might as well finally use his brain for something that isn't reverting his thoughts to that sad smile-
Well first observation, he can't see. To specify, he can barely see anything other than weird dull blobs of color that don't even move. Though Kurama is not one to be mainly governed by what his eyes see, as there's something called Genjitsu and Henge, but being stripped of almost all his eyesight is still quite unnerving.
Second observation, he can't move his neck, which is pretty concerning in itself. If his neck was broken, it would've started healing by now –and be more painful honestly- and have a more crick to it, though in his case, it feels more like his muscles don't want to listen as though they were too weak, 'possibly paralysis?'.
Third observation: Every single muscle in his body refused to work. He couldn't move at all. Okay, maybe this makes him panic a bit ,not from the possibility of getting hurt while weak (excuse you he's the legendary Kyuubi no Kitsune) more like cuz he'd rather take in his current environment through any means possible and identify the issue itself. He needs to adapt so bad right now.
His thoughts halted when he felt a gnawing pain in his abdominal region causing him to cry out.
'The fuck is this?!' he thought, trying to grit his teeth his teeth to muffle and sounds of weakness he may release (he absently noted that he didn't feel the clash of teeth when he tried). It felt like someone had let loose a sentient bijuu-dama in his stomach and let in barrel roll around. Simply said, it's painful and he wants it to stop.
Suddenly, wailing filled the room once more, though he's uncertain whether the blob awakened again and wants to make him more miserable or if it's him (since when was pain so intense?!)
Just then, he heard the muffled bang of a door opening –did his hearing deteriorate as well?- followed by swift footsteps of two- no, three people. 'At least my senses are still fairly sharp.' He muses absently.
He suddenly feels gravity lessen on his as he is picked up- wait picked up!?
Just as he was about to question how in the world he can be carried -cuz damn, he is HUGE!- something is shoved ,a little too forcefully to his liking, into his mouth and he automatically started sucking.
Whatever that filled his mouth felt good. He doesn't know how to describe it, but it just makes his mouth feel good as well as eases the pain in his abdomen till it's gone. When the thing was removed from his mouth, he whined (Kurama will vehemently deny that such a pitiful noise escaped him till the say he dies), trying to grab the thing back to his mouth to feel that good feeling he never felt before.
Kurama felt a ton of things in his quite lengthy existence, yet didn't experience a ton as well, remembering all the times Kushi- SHE talked about experiencing love and other sappy things he didn't bother paying attention to. One thing he can and will remember like the back of his own paw, is her ranting about how absolutely GODLY ramen is. Bijuu don't really need taste buds as they don't need to eat and sustain themselves by the natural chakra surrounding them in heaps, so he only knows of said 'tastes' through Ku- HER descriptions.
But saying that would make him a bad hypocrite cuz if that feeling was what food tastes like, then damn, he doesn't know how to describe it either.
Whoever is 'feeding' him though decided that he didn't deserve more of that tasty (never has Kurama thought he would use that word) luxury and laid him back down on the box he was previously situated on.
All thoughts about 'food' where kicked out of his brain as the previous more important one took its place; 'HOW THE FUCK CAN SOMEONE CARRY ME?!'
Mind you, Kurama isn't fat, but he isn't exactly small either. Actually he's huge. Like REALLY HUGE. And remembering the position he was held up in, the person was pretty much cradling him which means they are bigger than him, which really is quite impossible.
As his confusion peaked, his brain decided to forcefully shut him the f up and turned itself off, making sluggish and sleepy with the flip of a switch. Before he could even question his sudden grogginess, the world went black.
Kakashi walks into the room as the two matrons leave it.
His eyes immediately jump towards the crib the third matron is standing near. When the matron noticed his presence, she turned to face him with a bland stare.
"They are both asleep right now." She informed with what she probably thought was an emotionless tone. Why do citizens never learn that shinobi can read people however hard they try to hide them?
From the slight tremor going through her hands as she clenches them, the gritting of her teeth, to the slight twitch of her lips, as though trying to hide a snarl, Kakashi can easily see that she's revolted from being mere fact that they let them live.
Them.
Sensei's children.
Before he could say anything –he probably wouldn't have either way- the matron excuses herself, closing the door a little harder than necessary. If Kakashi jumped from the sound, it was because he was filled to the brim with nerves that seem to think he's not nervous enough.
He awkwardly told in the middle of the room, unsure whether he should walk up to Mina- HIS sons and probably become guilty due to his inability to save or even protect their parents, or leave immediately and go do any available mission (a ton are available due to fix Konoha after the Kyuubi's attack) and numb himself from the pain only to feel guilty later.
So it's a game of 'feel guilty now or feel guiltier later'. A game he can't win.
As he took his precious time trying to decide, seeming to decide to walk up to the crib only to falter and step back to his previous spot, a sound he might've missed if he wasn't a shinobi resonated in the otherwise quiet room; gurgling.
He raised his head to look at one of the infants trying to open its eyes with obvious difficulty.
His mind strangely blank for the first time since Obito left, he walks up to the crib with his non-existent courage and peers into the crib.
Kakashi is probably a masochist or something. Inside the crib are two babies. One is sleeping peacefully, as though not taunting Kakashi for his failure by his mere existence, the other looking at him whilst making the previous gurgling noises.
Kakashi is definitely a masochist. On the sleeping babe's head are a meager tufts of flaming red hair standing in all directions as though someone rubbed a balloon on his head.
Kushina, his mind pointlessly provided.
Kakashi is honestly the biggest masochist in the world. The other infant is still staring at him with his bright cerulean eyes, reminding him of the deadly yet calm ocean; the same eyes he saw in his Sensei. The hair tuffets, once more, standing in all directions, yet its bright yellow seeing to taunt him mercilessly.
(you failure)
This child is definitely Sensei's.
(You failure)
He can remember carrying this child with his Sensei, not knowing he would be helping his Sensei in his own death.
(You failure!)
Maybe if he stopped and thought as to why Sensei was taking a new born child to a danger fight, he would have stopped him.
(Excuses!)
Maybe if he wasn't so battle daze, he would have stopped him.
(EXCUSES!)
Maybe he could've stopped him.
(COWARD!)
Maybe….
COWARD!
FLASHBACK!
"Naruto."
Kakashi was eating ramen with Minato and Kushina, since she suddenly craved ramen with orange -why in the world did that even cross her mind?-, when Minato suddenly blurted that out.
"We can name one of them Naruto." Minato was staring at the fishcake in his bowl as though it held all the secrets of Fuinjitsu.
Kakashi looked at the Fourth Hokage questioningly. "Fishcake?" he deadpanned, wondering if his Sensei has finally gone insane. Well, more insane (no one in the shinobi business is exactly sane).
"Maelstorm." Minato corrected, finally looking at Kakashi as though he had solved the most infuriating puzzle in existence.
As though finally understanding some inside joke, Kushina lightened up. "Tales of a Gutsy Ninja? Wow, even Minato can choose good names when it calls for it!" she exclaimed, grinning blindingly.
Minato's smile could very much rival Kushina's. Kakashi honestly feels like covering his non-sharingan eye from the sheer brightness of their smiles. "Yeah! Our little maelstrom, stirring trouble all the time like his hot-headed mother!"
"Our little maelstrom, pulling all of us to him one way or another." Kushina added, batting away the slight tease.
Kakashi chuckled. From who his parents are, he can definitely say that Naruto will indeed cause a maelstrom.
As they both started ranting about which one will be name after Minato's best name so far, Kushina seemed to have an epiphany, then smiled mischievously.
"Minato~," she called in a sing-song tune, and any ninja worth his salt would know that that tune is not good news. At all. Kakashi almost wanted to edge away like Minato is doing right now. Almost.
"You named one, so I get to name the other~!" she continued in a more cheery voice, making Kakashi cringe a little.
Finally understanding her implication, Minato paled a little. "Kushina, dear, you can't name our son ramen." He rushed out.
Kushina looked scandalized. "Why not?! You named one of 'em after an ingredient!"
"I mean 'Naruto' as in 'Maelstrom' not 'fishcake'!"
"But it can still be considered a fishcake!"
"Maa," he quickly tried to end this before it turned into a 'kick Minato's ass' situation. "How about naming him after someone instead? Like honoring someone you held dear." That's what he would do in the off chance he stopped wallowing in pity and pulled his head out of his ass, though the chances of him doing so is probably close to nil.
Kushina seemed to calm down and think about it. Just when she brightened with the clear indication that she got an idea, Minato blurted out from behind his stool (when did he get down there?) "No Jr. names."
Instead of taking offense as she usually does, she laughed it off. She seems to be in a good mood today, possibly a good mood swing? "Don't worry; I'm not as bad as you at naming."
Ignoring his pouting and indignant 'Hey! I'm not that bad!', she continued. "I know the perfect name."
Her face softened drastically, losing all the mischief and cunning that was in her face, into a smile. Her expression was almost motherly. She whispered, as though sharing a secret.
"Kurama." Her smile widened a little as her hands moved to caress her bloated abdomen. "His name will be Kurama."
FLASHBACK END!
When he finally came to, Kakashi found himself on the floor, panting as though he trained with Maito Gai for the whole week.
His mind barely registered his clenched fingers piercing his skin and drawing blood. He barely registered the gurgling noise becoming louder. He barely registered anything other than the pain.
Guilt.
Loss.
Pain.
PAIN.
Hatake Kakashi is, with no doubt, the worst masochist in existence.
NOTES: Soooooo...It seems you have read the first chapter and uh... I honestly knew what I wanted to write, just that I didn't know how to type out my ideas and I don't think I have the best grammar, vocabulary, or creativity. I ask for criticism and tips for me to give out mya story in a satisfactory manner. Once more, thank you very much for reading and please come back for the next chapter!