Why Did You Believe Love Doesn't Exist?

The aquatic elf greeted Winski and Jelena kindly. His manner suggested that his personality was more serious and vulnerable than that of his treephobic lover. The group sat for a while on the coral structure, pondering their plans.

- "This is where we part ways," said Yaylan. "I don't go to the upper Arborea if I can help it... and I will spend some time with Mero before I have to go back to Elysium. I will bless your journey and think on you two. We elves are always big on talking about love... but yours is truly something."

Mero seemed saddened by his comment.

- "Would you not go to Hades for me? I know you always go away, leaving me here to miss you," he said.

- "I would. Even if there is a layer with a lot of trees," answered Yaylan with an inkling of humor. "As for staying... you know I'm not a mercreature, and I can't stay here forever. I need to breathe air and see open lands."

- "But you could live in the coral castle. Or perhaps lord Sashelas could turn you into an aquatic elf. There wouldn't even be any trees to worry about. I wonder if you love me after all."

- "You must believe that I do. But you don't understand how it frightens me. To give up my natural form for something unknown..." this seemed to be a discussion they had had before.

- "I apologize," said Mero, his dark eyes looking kindly into Winski's. "I got sidetracked by my own worries, when this is about saying goodbye to you."

- "You or us, it is about love," shrugged Winski. "To think that it isn't a terribly long time ago when I thought that there is no such thing. Of course, I have died, failed in a diabolical plan, been rescued by my mortal love whom I thought I would never see again and entered a mind-boggling afterlife in the meantime, all of which are experiences which tend to cause a person to question his core beliefs."

- "Yaylan tells me that you are traveling to Hades to atone for your sins. And that Jelena will come with you. Are you scared?" asked the aquatic elf. "I would be terrified if I had to go there... elves are all about beauty and light-heartedness, and that is almost all I have ever known, save the battle with the clerics of Umberlee."

- "I am," admitted Winski. "More scared than I care to think about. But having Jelena with me gives me focus and hope that in the end I will be better for it. And... I guess, without her I would have gone there anyway and perhaps never known better."

- "Ilmater says that sometimes the punishment for a sin is no more than the sin itself, that you continue to live it," said Jelena. "A life without loving others or compassion would be more horrible for me than pain or being scared, I think."

- "It seems that Ilmater is wiser than I have given him credit for," said Winski dryly. "I remember how it was when I was addicted to alcohol. I felt miserable both mentally and physically, hated myself and the alcohol and still I couldn't stop drinking. I would have gone to great lengths to get just one more bottle of brandy, even though the brandy was the reason for my misery."

- "Why did you think that love doesn't exist? You loved Jelena once, and you love her still. And her son, who turned into a monster?" asked Yaylan, frowning. Jelena looked miserable and her eyes welled with tears at the mention of Sarevok, but Yaylan didn't notice that.

- "I believed that because I wanted to believe that. Believing that earlier, when I was a younger man, had kept me safe. Abandoning that belief caused me greater pain than I thought was possible to experience when I lost Jelena. So I re-embraced the belief, and acted accordingly," Winski said.

- "And others paid the price," Yaylan stated a tad disapprovingly.

- "That they did," said Winski gravely. "Sarevok... and others. How do I know someone of the countless killed people was not a great person like you, or someone else we have already encountered, someone I didn't know existed? ... I deserve to go to Hades..." he started to feel the familiar depression crushing his chest.

- "Winski, Ilmater wouldn't make you go there if you didn't deserve it," said Jelena quietly, reaching for his hand. "He would never make you suffer just out of pleasure of doing so. But it is necessary. And I want you to remember it doesn't make you worthless or unloved. The feeling of guilt is all part of what you need to learn. In the end you will be much happier than you ever were in your life."

Winski nodded, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.

- "If you like, you can explore the ocean a bit and use the portal down there to enter the upper level," said Mero. "I recommend it. It's very beautiful."

- "I would like that," said Winski.

- "Go to Aqqtxil'dra, you know the routine," said Yaylan to Jelena. "So, this is goodbye then. You will both be in my prayers and my mind. And I hope we will meet again. And Winski... have courage. I know you can make it."

- "Perhaps... I feel not fit to give anyone advice about love, but I know my worst mistakes were caused by fearing love and the unknown. Perhaps you should think on that too," said Winski. All of them gathered into a group hug. Then the elves mounted the dolphin and rode away, waving as they did.

- "What is Aqqq... the consonant monster?" asked Winski.

Jelena laughed.

- "You'd better not call her that, even though she is a benevolent one. She is an ancient bronze dragon who lives in the coral castle, and will make us fit to travel underwater. She is also the high priestess of Deep Sashelas, and Mero's boss so to speak."