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CHAPTER 14
There was too much light around me. I was disoriented, but awake. I think? I couldn't tell what I was. It was different, though. I had never experienced this before. I was trying to open my eyes, but it was much harder than it usually was. It was only then that I realized I couldn't feel anything. This concerned me, and I tried focusing on my body. How it felt, what it was touching. Suddenly, I felt something. A dull, deep pain by the back of my head. I wanted to reach back to hold it, but I couldn't. Come on, pull yourself together. I kept trying to open my eyes, and after what felt like an eternity my efforts were rewarded. All that light that I had felt around me was blinding. My eyes blinked rapidly, trying to adjust. All I could see was light, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from. I was able to move my head then, and turned it around. Doing so made me realize another thing: I couldn't feel the ground.
I could feel my limbs start to move in response to my brain realizing this, and all they passed through was air. I almost felt like panicking, but something stopped me. There. Above me, in the sky, was the source of light. It was the moon, shining gloriously. All I could do was stare. I started feeling a presence, like it was more than just a glowing object suspended in sky; it was looking back at me.
"Hello," I suddenly found my voice calling out. I couldn't explain why I was doing this, but then again I couldn't explain why I didn't feel the ground beneath me and why the light from the moon was so bright it almost brought me to tears.
Hello. I couldn't tell if those were my own thoughts or something else's. These are your thoughts, but they are also his. I didn't know who 'he' was. You are looking at him. The moon? Yes. The moon is a person? No. Okay… then. I didn't know what to make of all this. Why was this happening? You have been re-born. Re-born in what regard, I had no idea. You do know.
I could feel my heart beating fast. The throbbing from the back of my head screamed at me, although as hard as I tried I couldn't remember exactly how it had gotten there, or why.
A lot of questions ran through my head, some of them making sense and others sounding like complete gibberish. All will be answered in time. Nothing like mysterious inner thoughts to placate an increasingly imminent panic attack. You are okay. I believed it even if I didn't want to. My body relaxed, and my heart rate slowed. I allowed myself to be comfortable. Your journey starts here.
I felt myself start to drift in what I could assume was downward, but nothing allowed me to pull my gaze away from the moon. I could feel my feet touch down on hard ground, and all around me the light that had blinded my surroundings was softly ebbing. After a long moment, I was simply standing on the ground in some woods. The pale moon was faintly imprinted in the sky, although it looked to be daytime.
I dropped my gaze, and took in some of my surroundings. There was nothing about them that I recognized, although there was something oddly familiar about them. Now having full control over my body, I brought a hand to the back of my head. It feels… fine. I was expecting to feel some sort of injury, but nothing was there. I looked down and to my left, and my eyes widened at a deep red stain in the snow. I knew it was mine; I knew something happened to me there. I just couldn't for the life of me remember what. What was I doing today?
I remembered walking into these woods. I didn't know why I did, though. I didn't know my way back home. I knew my home was in this area somewhere. Yeah, I live here. Why was I in an unfamiliar part of the woods? How could I get back home?
I thought about these questions, and wondered what the moon had meant when he told me I was re-born. I felt completely lost. I didn't know where I was, but I kinda did. I didn't know how I ended up here, but I kinda did. I felt uncertain about everything. I can't just stand around here and wait for something to happen. I knew I had to do something soon, or else I would drive myself crazy.
I looked around a bit more. There was a weird looking shack to my right, and something about it gave me goosebumps. Not gonna go in there. Then I noticed a figure to the left of the shack. I was surprised I hadn't noticed them before. They were kneeling on the ground with their hands holding their head. Looking at them brought some type of feeling; it was hard to describe. It felt like there was a physical gap in my chest; it felt empty, and it felt alone. I felt like I would be intruding if I went over to them, but at the same time something was pushing me to reach out to them.
I cautiously walked over, hoping not to freak them out by my sudden presence. As I neared them, I saw it was a boy. He looked about my age, but had the strangest, most striking shade of glistening white hair I had ever seen. Somehow, he was barefoot, even though the ground was covered in snow. Pushing aside my growing curiosity for the boy, I reached out to gently touch his shoulder, hoping to get his attention.
He shot up from where he had been, whipping around to face me. I started feeling guilty, as the most shocked expression was plastered on his features. I hadn't meant to freak him out so bad.
"Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, uh, startle you there. Could you tell me where I am?" I tried my best to sound friendly, to sound normal. He was the only person around I could ask directions from, and I was really hoping that he wasn't some sort of crazy person. The way he was looking at me was not helping me think otherwise.
"You…" He suddenly spoke, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish. He didn't. He kept staring at me, and I watched his eyes take me in. I started feeling uncomfortable with the way he was looking at me. It was like he was seeing a ghost. I also couldn't help but be taken aback by how blue his eyes were; they made it hard to look at him as I tried talking to him once more.
"Again, I'm really sorry if I startled you. I'm just a little lost, trying to find my way home. Is there a town near by?" I tried looking around, motioning to the woods, making this one-sided conversation more casual, hoping it would relax the guy.
"Autumn." That's… my name. How does he know my name?
I had to stop myself from yelping as he threw his arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace. My mouth fell open from shock, and words kept stopping in my throat as he rocked me gently back and forth.
"Autumn, I can't believe it… I thought you were gone," he said, burying his face in the crook of my neck. This whole thing felt weirdly personal, and too uncomfortable for me to not do anything about it. I started wriggling out of his grip, and I was glad to find him not resisting. He slowly let go, and he looked confused. Something in me felt bad for him, but I also wasn't a fan with dealing with an unstable person right now, especially when I felt unstable myself.
"I'm sorry, I don't know how you know my name, but if you would please just tell me where the nearest town is, I will leave you alone," I said, trying to sound as diplomatic as possible.
The boys facial expression almost left me speechless. There was an impressive amount of confusion, hurt and sadness. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt bad for rejecting him. Of course, I had no idea who he was, so I was completely in my right to be cautious and just get out of there. I still felt bad.
"Autumn, it's me. Jack," he said softly. Something about the way he said those words stirred something deep in my chest. It wasn't much, it was just enough to make me wonder. I tried thinking if I knew a Jack, but as much as I tried I couldn't come up with anything. Maybe he went to my school?
"Jack…" I mused out loud. He seemed to anticipate what I would say next. "I don't know a Jack. Do you go to Green Knolls High?" I asked, raising a brow. It was obvious that wasn't the answer he was looking for.
"Autumn, this is getting weird," he started again. "You know me. We," he paused. "We're best friends. We were going to hang out today, but something happened. I don't know what exactly, but Jamie found me and told me you were in trouble. I came here to find you." He sounded desperate now, using more animated expressions. I started to feel more uncomfortable until he mentioned the name Jamie. I know that person… I kept trying to picture them in my head, but something about it was fuzzy. Like I was staring at fogged glass, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't wipe it clear.
"Jamie, I think I know a Jamie," I said. Jack's eyes widened.
"Jamie, yes- you know Jamie. A boy, 14 years old. You've known him for 3 years now, he introduced us!" Jack looked at me expectantly. I kept trying to dig in my memory for a clear picture, but nothing was coming up. Come to think of it, my memory in general seemed to be working slow. This whole day seemed fuzzy.
"Yeah, I'm trying to think, it's just…" I unconsciously brought a hand up to the back of my head, rubbing a low, throbbing pressure there. "Something about it is a bit fuzzy." I looked at Jack sympathetically. He noticed my hand, and after a moment of thought looked past me towards the ground. His questioning gaze made me turn my head. Behind me, the striking spot of red in the snow gave me pause. That's where I… Wheels started turning in my mind, and a thought occurred to me.
"Autumn," Jack spoke. I turned back towards him, already guessing what he was going to say, and already feeling like he would unfortunately be onto something. "I saw you on the ground. Your head, it was bleeding really badly. Maybe you hit it so hard that you- you damaged something up there. That would explain this!" He spoke as if he had discovered a new species, holding onto my shoulders firmly yet gently. "You need to get to a hospital. We'll get you sorted out, and everything will go back to normal." Looking into his eyes, something about him made me want to trust him. This whole experience was really making me question reality, especially that part with the moon and the whole being "re-born" thing. The idea that I had taken a tumble and just needed medical attention was actually the most plausible explanation. Things started clicking together, and I felt grateful for Jack's help. If he was right, maybe I did know him. It must be weird for him to see me acting this way- I almost started laughing out loud thinking about my earlier illusion. I gave Jack a grateful smile.
"You know, I think you are on to something," I started. He mirrored my smile, squeezing my shoulders in a comforting way. "Thank you for helping me. I mean, I would have been totally in trouble if I woke up here alone." I chuckled morbidly at the thought. "You know, it was really weird when I woke up, I should have known something was wrong. I actually thought that I was hovering - in the air - and that the moon was talking to me!" I started laughing at my story, and continued with my hilarious experience. "Get this- I thought it told me that I was re-born, or something. Like I had died and come back!" At this, I bent over a bit, the thought of it all now sounding ridiculous as I said it out loud. I glanced up, wanting to see Jack's reaction, but was disappointed. My laughing subsided quickly as I straightened up, raising a brow at his expression. It was like I had slapped him in the face.
"Jack, hey, it was all just a weird illusion. I think you're right, something got messed up there when I hit my head. Which means, I should definitely be getting to a hospital," I said, nodding my head towards where I assumed town was. Jack seemed as if he hadn't heard me, and his face looked pale. Well, paler than it was before. Now that I was paying attention, his complexion was really unlike anything else I'd seen. Had he never stepped outside before?
"The moon said you were re-born," he suddenly spoke, bringing me out of my thoughts. I chuckled a bit nervously at his question.
"Yeah, but it doesn't matter, I just need to get to a hospital," I reminded him, stepping back to initiate us leaving. Jack tilted his head up, seeming to search the sky. His eyes landed on something, and he almost seemed to look on antagonizing. I looked up, following his gaze to the softly illuminated moon. I looked back down at him, starting to feel a bit annoyed. Why was he focusing on that? I needed to get to a hospital.
"Jack, come on, I should be going," I tried to draw his attention away from the moon, placing a hand on his which still rested on my left shoulder. This caused him to look at me finally, and I was surprised to see what looked like tears forming in his eyes.
"Autumn, I'm so sorry…" He spoke softly. I didn't understand what he meant, but the way he was talking sparked concern. Why was he sorry? Before I could ask him what he meant, I heard noises behind me. I turned around, my attention focusing on the sound of people approaching. Around a bend a little ways in front of me, a group of people came into view. There looked to be around 20 adults dressed in police uniform, making their way quickly towards the shack. Some of them were talking into radios, saying something about how they had to leave their cars after they got stuck in the snow. I heard some of them communicating that more officers were coming in cars better equipped to drive in the heavy snow. Suddenly, my attention slammed its focus on two smaller figures, walking behind some of the police, their heads turning this way and that in search of something. A young girl and boy. I know her… That's Katie! I know her! My thoughts shouted at me, excited to see a familiar face. The boy next to her seemed familiar as well, though I was having difficulty placing him in my memory. I started walking towards them as fast as I could, noticing strongly that my usual limp didn't feel exaggerated. It's always been harder for me to move in the cold. But now, there was no additional trouble besides the normal difficulty I experienced. I attributed it to the adrenaline I was feeling, as my heart started to race at the relief of seeing a familiar face. I started waving my hands in Katie's direction, feeling myself smile widely.
"Katie! Katie! Over here!" I was getting closer, but she didn't seem to notice me. I kept going, and soon police officers were walking past me, not paying any attention to me. I assumed they were focused on something more important. I slowed my walk to a stop. Katie was almost right in front of me, and she still hadn't noticed me. I almost laughed, feeling more lighthearted knowing I was with someone I knew.
"Katie, wow, look right in front of you! It's me- "
In a split second, it felt like the world around me had turned upside down and slammed it's weight onto myself. To my disbelief and horror, Katie had approached me without slowing down and walked right… through me. She walked through me. One of my hands slammed against my chest. I started sputtering, whipping myself around to look at her. She and the boy came to a stop, and I could see worry on their faces. I approached them from behind.
"Katie, how did you to that," I heard myself saying, although I felt like I wasn't even talking. I reached a hand out to grab her shoulder, only to recoil in shock as it passed right through her like smoke. "What the fuck!" I screamed, my breath quickly heaving out of control. My head started to feel dizzy, and I looked up. Jack was standing back where I was before, looking on in shock and sadness. I could feel my face contort in confusion and fear.
"Did you see that? Did you see that?!" I could tell I was shouting, but I couldn't regulate the volume of my voice. I saw him blink a few times, as if pulling himself from his thoughts. He nodded quickly, almost reassuringly, and began stepping towards me.
"Jack!" Suddenly, the boy that Katie was with sprinted towards him, followed quickly by Katie herself. My eyes widened. Katie could see him, and so could that boy. Why couldn't they see me? Why couldn't they see me?
"Hello?!" I called out around me, now suddenly paying attention to every face of every officer walking around me. None of them responded. I jerked my hand out in front of one about to pass me, and cried out as they walked through my arm. I shot my gaze back towards Jack, and saw Katie and the boy speaking hurriedly with him. He wasn't looking at them, though. He was holding my gaze, painfully. I felt tears welling up behind my eyes. I could see him mouthing 'I'm sorry'. I didn't understand what he meant by that. How could he understand what was happening to me? What was happening to me?
I was suddenly overwhelmed by confusion, fear and anger. I felt like I was going crazy. I just wanted to leave. I wanted to go somewhere else. I wanted to go home.
A quick and blunt pressure by my shoulder blades startled me greatly, and my jaw dropped as I felt something release itself from my back. I turned in confused circles as what looked to be two large white wings emerged in glorious splendor. I could feel them; they were mine. What the absolute fuck is going on? At this point, I felt like the threshold for insane things that could happen to me had broken, and I almost felt relieved from feeling shocked at anything that could happen from then on out. I realized that with these new extra appendages, I could - in theory - fly away. I could leave; I could go home.
I looked towards Jack, and took in his shocked expression. Feeling like this wasn't the last time I would be seeing the odd boy who supposedly knew me, and could see me when no one else could, I turned my gaze towards the sky. Well, here goes nothing. As if on some instinct I suddenly acquired, I pushed myself off the ground using my new wings, and I was soon soaring above the tree tops and into the clear cold sky.
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