Chapter 4 Nightmare
They walked back into the Tardis and up the stairs. As they came to his room he offered an apology. "I'm sorry it's such a mess." he laughed, "I wasn't expecting to be bringing a wife in here when I left it last." He opened the door to a most amazing space. The two story high ceiling was glass, like at the swimming pool. The whole universe was above their heads. There was a large bed that looked like it was never slept in, with two bed stands with lamps that turned on when they walked in. At the far end of the room was an old brass telescope with books piled up under it. A table, full of some kind of electronics, with a chair. There were small odd piles of clothes and towels on the dresser. A curio cabinet with some very strange items indeed. A bookcase full of books and papers stacked in different directions, and a comfy chair to read them in, with a floor lamp next to it.
The walls were covered in pictures of a dozen different worlds and twice as many people, one of which was Rose. She didn't ask any questions. She knew they must be pictures of his companions from over the years. She made a mental note to study them later. Right now she was so tired she could hardly stand. "Give me a moment to tidy up the bathroom before you go in there" He slipped behind the desk and through a door with a bundle of clothes. A few moments later he came out empty handed. "All set," he said. Rose was not where she had stood a moment ago.
He looked about, she was already in bed half asleep. Her clothes piled up on the floor next to her. Her arm and bare shoulder above the covers as usual. Only this time he didn't have to wait in the doorway. The impulse took him as he went to her and gently kissed her bare shoulder. She dreamily mumbled a good night. There would be no more long nights of wishing he could hold her in his arms and kiss her goodnight. The thought of her naked body in his bed was almost more than he could handle. For her sake he got a book down and began to read next to her. Soon the effects of such a busy day took their toll and he drifted off curled up behind her. For the first time in ages, he actually slept there.
Rose was crying in her sleep. She was in a nightmare. It was a scene out of hell. The sky was red and black, and the moon was on fire. Screaming masses of panicked people were trying to escape the bombing and the ruins of a shattered city. She was terrified, being pulled along by a crowd all knowing there was no escape.
There was fire and smoke everywhere, along with the smell of burning flesh and clothing. Shattered buildings were falling into the streets of the once great city, covering the mutilated bodies of the dead and dying, now silent. A great glass dome had splintered and fallen on the people below. There were pools of blood and body parts where they had been cut to pieces.
The Daleks behind them were rounding up those unfortunates that couldn't run, men, women and children. Mercilessly slaughtering them with precision. Capturing some of the children to experiment on. The adults left alive would be sent to Dalek labor camps or tortured for information. Seeing the lifeless eyes of the bodies discarded in piles as their usefulness ended.
An explosion went off very close to Rose and everything went dark. Then, suddenly it was day and she was in a quiet barn with an old man who kept saying "No More." There was a small ornate box with Gallifreyan writing on the sides. The old man pushed a button on the top of the box. There was a terrible whirlwind and a blinding light, and then it felt as if every nerve of her body was being torn apart and burned to ashes. Hearing a billion screams suddenly silenced, then, emptiness as she fell through the void.
She was still asleep, screaming. He held her flailing arms, shaking her, trying to wake her. "Rose! Rose wake up! Rose, please wake up." She awoke panic stricken, trembling, not knowing where she was. Her heart was racing, and she started to cry, trying to pull away. He held her tight in his arms, speaking soothing words to her. Rocking her gently back and forth. "It's alright Rose, it's alright, they've gone, you're safe. You're with me." She drew back, eyes wide, remembering his room. Looking around to confirm where she was and started to calm down. He took it as a sign of rejection and let her go. At last she saw his face, still trembling and in shock. "It was you!, Wasn't it? You were the old man with the box in the barn."
He closed his eyes tight and turned away so she could not see the pain in his eyes. He was going to lose her. He knew that she had seen his nightmare. Had witnessed the horror firsthand and knew what the end was like. The last day of the time war. "Yes", he said "It was me. I thought I could protect you from it, but I couldn't. I'm so sorry Rose. Please forgive me."
He knew it was a useless request. Rose would run away and out of his life any moment. She would not want to love him now. Being told the story was one thing, but to be forced to live through it was quite another. Too much to ask of anyone. He felt guilty and ashamed and repulsive to any living creature with a conscience. He couldn't face her and see the coldness come into those beautiful eyes. To see the one thing that he loved most in the universe walk away.
He was also very wrong.
From his reaction she understood what she had seen. A small part of the torment he kept inside and hidden. It was frightening while she was experiencing it. But now that it was over, she had a kind of perspective that helped her cope with the carnage. Not that she was unmoved by what she saw. She just had a distance to it that he lacked.
Rose softly put her hand on his back and waited for him. In disbelief he felt the warmth of her hand and had the courage to turn around. It was hard for him to look at her. "How can you still be here!?" he asked. "How can you not hate me for making you see the horrors of that day?
Please, let me take it from your mind. I can't bear the thought of you having to remember that day." He looked up and went to reach for her temples. She caught them, taking them down to his lap. Looking into his tortured eyes she said, "Thank you, for letting me share your burden. I felt what you felt. I saw what you saw. I understand what you knew then. It wasn't your fault. You had no choice."
He laid his head in her lap and wept like a child. No one had ever granted him forgiveness for that day, until that moment. She stroked his hair and let 300 years of pain wash out of him. He recovered himself, embarrassed by his behavior. Trying to cope with emotions he'd never know before Rose's mind had touched his. The nightmare had lost its power over both of them and would not return. She coaxed him back into bed and they lay down to sleep. Wrapped in each other's arms for comfort and protection.
They spent several weeks exploring the planet and enjoying each other's company. Never mentioning that terrible night. Totally free from care. Rose's control of their connection was second nature now and becoming mastery. It came naturally. Humans have a similar connection to the one they love, but this was much deeper and richer than any simple human connection. Not only did they finish each other's sentences, but often not having to speak at all. Open, raw emotions swirled around them with a glance or a grin.
They shared a new room on the Tardis now. Rose understood his need for past privacy, and he needed to leave his old life behind in a more tangible way. Time Lords do not need as much sleep as humans. He would watch over her protectively for at least part of the night to be sure the nightmare did not come back. Memorizing every inch of her. Holding back the urge to stroke her soft skin. True to his vow on that first night, cherishing every second, counting his blessings and angry with himself for wasting all those months when they could have been together. He was so unbelievably happy.
To be honest, he thought it would be much more difficult to stay in one place. Or miss the rush of dodging Daleks or Cybermen all the time. But he just didn't want to anymore. Exploring this world with Rose, seeing it through her eyes, when everything they saw was so beautiful and interesting, was more thrilling than any chase he'd ever been in.
They had covered most of the planet by now. Weeks, effortlessly becoming months as they whiled the summer away. The Tardis had taken them to the tops of the mountains to play in the snow, the bottom of the sea and it's ghostly quiet, the great western desert and its spectacular sunsets and rock formations, caves and waterfalls and lagoons and glaciers. They had gone forward in time to test the turn of the seasons, changeable, but temperate. The orbit of this world was much like that of earth, only slightly shorter. He even asked Rose if she wanted to go to their moon one day. She said, "No, I want it to be one place we can wonder about."
The planet felt more like home now. Even the sadness in the air seemed to have gone, as if this place were happy they had come to relieve its loneliness.
One morning Rose woke, and he was not there. She dressed and headed for the control room. He was staring very intently at the viewing screen. When he saw her come, he took off his glasses and turned it off. "What are you up to?" Rose asked, sensing deception.
TBC
