OKAY, UM.
So I started writing this, then had a chat with Jojo - and realized he pretty much has a scene exactly like this... so.
uh. Yeah, I guess it's a paraody of that scene, with my chars.
Go read his Kumite fic.
Leona Heidern was terribly excited.
The IKARI forces had just finished a skirmish with a dictatorship's forces in Cambodia, and Leona - instead of sneaking behind enemy lines - was part of the main force. Normally she would have been consigned to stealth duty for a mission like this - but the despot was holed up in a heavily guarded bunker, and wasn't moving anytime soon. It seemed like he had gotten his hands on some dangerous weaponry as well, so IKARI had called on Iori Yagami for support.
And Iori Yagami had taken a face full of shrapnel after incapacitating one of the enemy's electromagnetic railguns. He had received treatment in the field hospital, and was currently stuck in the medical ward down the hall. Leona had just gotten off her guard shift, and was racing down to see him.
I wonder if… perhaps he'll give me an autograph.
Leona was a bit of a superfan. The whole thing started when Iori effortlessly cut her down during the quarterfinals of a KOF tournament several years back. Ever since then, she had gone from being enamored with his strength, to enjoying his antics far too much… and before she knew it, she was the (secret) moderator of the infamous 'Yagami's shitty outfits' blog.
Of course, Iori neither knew of nor cared for his fans' antics. The only time he had actually addressed them as a group was after they set Boston on fire for the second time - and that was only because the police had forced him to. He was also famously rude to his followers, and if Leona had been a mere follower, she might have been too fearful to approach Iori at all.
Luckily, Leona Heidern was no normal woman. She was a highly trained military operative, and arguably one of the deadliest people on earth. In all of their brief interactions, (especially after the ST-1 incident) Iori treated her with a certain level of respect. She expected to receive that - rather distant - regard from him, so she felt no apprehension when she followed the heat in her blood to his hospital door. Without a moment of hesitation, she walked boldly into his room.
"Ohh, Who's that?"
"Who ar'e you? Bitch get out!"
She shouldn't have walked so boldly into that room.
Iori was laying on the bed all but unconscious. There was something serious in his IV, and whenever his eyelids fell open, his pupils began pointing in different directions. Perhaps his injuries were more severe than Leona had thought, because from the looks of it, he had just come out from surgery.
Even so, that was the least shocking thing about this scene.
Because there was a blonde woman wearing nothing but panties snuggled up against him. She raised her head from the crook of his neck and Leona immediately recognized her by the ghastly hole where her right eye should have been. Iori had torn it out himself many years ago… the Hakkeshu, Mature.
Her partner in crime, Vice, was busy reading Iori's medical chart and practicing her suture skills on some exposed flesh on his leg. She had apparently been a doctor in her past life and (according to IKARI surveillance) spent much of her time on earth reading medical journals and brutally dissecting things.
Leona froze, not quite knowing the appropriate response to this sort of situation. She hadn't heard any news that Vice and Mature were here. In fact, IKARI would have never let them on base. They must have materialized here shortly after Iori was left alone to recover.
Why… what are they here f-
"His spleen exploded, and they sta'uck a new one right in… Hah, I sw'ear that Kagura woman's got an infinite supply of spare parts fah' our boy… you reckon she has an extra brain in a jar?"
Nobody answered her. It seemed Vice didn't expect one anyways. She was holding the chart in one hand, and suturing with the other. The other Hakkeshu seemed to understand there was something going on between Leona and Iori. Obviously, she decided her life wasn't too valuable, because she had begun to harass one of the best assassins on the face of the planet.
"You… You're the one Baby Riot calls 'Blue', aren't you? Is it nice that Yaggo boy only sees your uniform? You might want to wear something more…" Mature looked her up and down, "less-manly if you want anyone to look at you."
Leona just blinked at her in silence. There was a stirring deep in her blood. Mature gauged her reaction and continued pushing. She seemed to be having fun.
"I mean, take a look at me." Mature smeared herself ever more lasciviously across Iori's torso. She fluttered her eyelids and planted a kiss on the unconscious man's throat. "You'd just love to be right here, wouldn't you?"
Leona narrowed her eyes. She glared at the one-eyed woman and fingered the hilt of her knife. Mature didn't seem to realize the danger she was in and continued. Unbeknownst to her, she'd soon be the no-eyed woman.
"What do you think he does when he's not on one of your stupid missions, huh? Did you imagine he's pining for you? Ha! Your darling Iori Yagami keeps me warm every night… and I'm dead."
Her blood began buzzing, and Leona narrowed her focus. Every muscle in her body tensed. Ready for action.
"The bar isn't terribly high, Mr. Blue. You just don't measure up… Sorr-Aaah!"
"..."
Gaaugh! FAUUCK!
Iori was quite happily languishing in a drug induced sleep when someone violently stomped him in the balls. The pain was so bad, he almost passed out immediately after the rude awakening. He hollered, convulsed and split the stitches in his gut before he curled up to cry a couple of tears into his pillow.
Ughh…
After what felt like an eternity (of pain), he twisted his neck in search of the offender who dared damage him in such a lowball manner. He found Leona Heidern standing over him. She was holding a knife in one hand, and Mature by the throat in the other. Both of them staring at him - Leona looked significantly more apologetic. She was the guilty one. She was also wearing steel toed boots.
… Heidern… fuck, shit...
Iori opened his mouth to yell at her (he honestly didn't know how his voice was going to sound after this), but was interrupted by Vice - who hadn't stopped stabbing him in the ankle with her needle set. She spoke in a scientific matter-of-fact monotone. Iori looked at her wearily.
"Mornin' Yaggo, you reckon Kagura's got a spare set of testicles for ya?"
Mature laughed (Leona hadn't yet let go of her neck) and patted her attacker on the hand.
"I suppose this is one way to fix the gender issue. I pronounced you man and wife!
Chiz deffo has a spare set of balls for her Gammy boi :smiley_face_with_three_hearts:
K.
Im pretty sure Jojo's fic doesn't have Iori getting kicked in the nuts tho... hm.
Vice is super brutal but is actually pretty chill.
Poor baby
