Despite Robbie's protestations over Laura making tea, she refused to do anything until she'd convinced him that he needed at least a drink to keep his fluids up for his recovery.
Eventually, he relented. Robbie had slept well all things considered but looking at Laura he could see she was tired and that was down to her caring for him all night. Five more minutes and a comforting cup of tea wasn't going to stop her telling him things and, in the end, it was Robbie who got out of bed and stretched his legs and made them some tea.
Robbie felt much better for walking about despite his bruises and aches. In the kitchen he made some tea and took it back into the bedroom, handing Laura a mug before getting back into bed with her. She had arranged the pillows for them both and they sat up against them and for a few minutes they drank their tea in silence in the pale early morning light. The storm had passed and the dawn broke peacefully in a sky that was full of a soft white mist.
As Laura sipped at her tea she could feel Robbie looking at her and she turned to see him smiling at her. It was an encouraging, patient smile and she found herself simply nodding at him. She took a deep breath and sighed, and then finally, she spoke.
"After I finished my A levels, before I went to Oxford, I took a gap year off and for some of it I went travelling round Europe."
Despite knowing she was going possibly tell him something difficult, Robbie smiled as she started her story. Just like Laura to strike out on her own and travel alone at that age he thought.
"I went to France first, I took the ferry to Calais and then made my way down the country by train. I loved it, being free after all the hard work getting a place at Oxford, it was good to travel alone too, although I met lots of people my own age along the way, all doing the same thing. It was exciting, going from one place to another, just deciding on my own where I could go next, with no commitments. I headed down into the south of France and then onto Spain and Portugal. While I was in Spain, I met a chap called Raul. He was handsome, intelligent, a complete charmer and I fell head over absolute heels for him."
Robbie smiled at her disclosure. Just as she enjoyed listening to the stories of his youth, he loved it when she told him about hers, giving him an often detailed and intimate picture of her life as a very young woman.
Laura continued, with a very slight smile on her lips that had appeared with her reminiscence.
"Raul was Spanish, well, half Spanish, his mother was from Barcelona, his father was British, an investment banker from London; they were ridiculously well off. Raul was very public school and incredibly charming. I think he was in love with me, for a while anyway."
She took a sip of her tea before she continued "We were engaged."
She wasn't looking at Robbie when she said this but from the corner of her eye she saw his eyebrows rise in surprise as she knew they would. His mouth opened slightly in conjunction with his surprise. She laughed slightly.
"I bet you weren't expecting that were you?" She shot him a sideways look from under her lids. "Neither was I. I was young and despite wanting to be an independent feminist not only did I fall in love with him I fell for the whole notion of romance too. I'd had boyfriends before but this was the first time I'd been in love. In the excitement of being in another country, meeting new people and having new experiences the thought of spending the rest of our lives together was incredibly enchanting. I suppose I had it all mapped out in my head, like you do sometimes when you're that age." She looked at Robbie again, he was still a little stunned at her revelation, his eyes as bright with intent to hear more of her story as she continued to talk.
"Anyway, Raul was Cambridge educated and he'd just finished his degree in mathematics. We got on so well." She smiled again at the recollection, shaking her head slightly at the memories she was bringing forward. "It felt like I'd found the perfect match, my soulmate. We travelled together around Spain for a bit and then went to Greece and Italy and the alps before I had to go back home. It was absolutely wonderful, we slept out under the stars, and did all the things that you only really do at that age when you're in love." Robbie smiled at her again as she continued to unfold the story, and her heart, to him.
"It was quite a fairy tale, He bought me a huge engagement ring when we were in Rome." She laughed, a soft wistful laugh and Robbie could see it was with an affection at the memory. She gazed into space, recalling the events with a clarity that sometimes comes when relaying long ago half-forgotten events.
"Such new experiences can be so exhilarating when you're young." She looked at Robbie. He was still thinking about her being engaged and wondered what was going to come next.
"That feeling, when you realise you want to tell someone you love them, and it's the very first time you've felt like that ever. It can feel so special, you think you've invented it." Now she smiled self-consciously at Robbie, suddenly aware of how she was sounding as she disclosed these things to him. As Robbie listened to her story, he felt a deep feeling of tenderness for her, for her younger more innocent self and for her sharing it with him now. He smiled back at her, reassuring her it was ok to continue and Laura was reminded of what a good listener he was, not just because of years of doing it in his line of work but because it was one of his inherent virtues, to listen and not judge. She'd always loved that about him. She returned the smile but he could see it was now laced with a sadness that became more apparent as she continued talking.
"Of course, it was all nonsense, I knew it wouldn't work; I was off to medical school, for goodness sake, and that was my true passion. The vague starry-eyed plan was that Raul would come to Oxford and do a post grad. To cut a long teenage and very angst-ridden story short, he never came over. Not long after I got back home, he sent me a letter telling me that he was sorry but it had been a mistake getting engaged but that I could keep the ring. I was absolutely heartbroken. I was so in love with him. But I think when I got back to England in the rain and in the midst of a cool damp summer, long before I got his letter, I knew in my heart it wouldn't have worked. Not in a million years." She laughed softly and with a little bit of sadness, as if in fondness of her younger self.
"Anyway, despite that, the bottom line was that I assumed it was something about me who wasn't up to par. That sudden lack of feeling of self-belief was something I needed to fight, it was a new feeling for me" Robbie raised his eyebrows in a silent questioning of what she meant. He had never known Laura as a person who doubted herself. The very notion would have made her chosen career almost impossible.
She saw the question on his face and continued "I went to a private girls' school where we were taught confidence, and how to act and how to respond, how to get the upper hand. I'd always excelled at school and in my studies. To suddenly feel like I hadn't come up to someone else's expectations really pulled the rug out from under me." She took another sip of tea and Robbie noticed her rubbing the rim of the cup distractedly. There was a lot more to come to this story, that much was obvious. He frowned to himself and with a sigh she continued.
"Back at home I tried to focus on going to Oxford. My parents were away, travelling in India, the housekeeper was on holiday and my brothers had left home by then so I had the house to myself for a few months before they returned and before I went up. I had free reign to smoke and drink and do what I wanted. Not that I needed to rebel, my parents were quite liberal but I suppose I had time to myself, to heal and get stuff out of my system, without having to explain anything to anyone. I needed to lick my wounds and take stock. I played a lot of loud music and smoked a lot." She took a deep breath. "And that's when I started seeing Rex."
"Rex is. . .?" they were the first words Robbie had spoken since she had started talking.
"Yes" she nodded. "He was from my village and was a lot older than me, he'd been to Oxford, read medicine, had a substantial career behind him and was due to start a consultant position in one of the big London hospitals."
She frowned as the weight of the memory started to press onto her emotions.
"I suppose I was in awe of him. He seemed so clever, there was nothing he didn't know. At first, we went for a few drinks at the local pub and I asked him about Oxford, he was obviously a good source of information. He was very, very charming. Said all the right things, did all the right things. Before I knew it, I was sleeping with him."
Robbie frowned to himself. Already he didn't like how Laura's story was heading. He thought of his daughter at that age and how he would have hated the thought of her being in what seemed, from the little he'd heard, a far from healthy relationship. At only 18 despite her confidence, Laura would have been barely just out of childhood. He knew Laura at that age was mature, travelling around Europe at such a young age on her own in a time before mobile phones and instant communication spoke volumes about her confidence and maturity, but nonetheless Laura was describing a time when she was young and vulnerable, whether she felt it or not. He was worried about what she was going to tell him.
"I didn't tell Rex about Raul, my pride was too badly damaged. Rex though he was my first one" She laughed sardonically. "He seemed to get some sort of thrill thinking that. I didn't put him right, and I realised afterwards that it was an odd thing, that I had kept it from him. That alone should have been a red flag. Looking back there were so many warning bells that I was deaf to until after the event. It's rather like remembering things from a dream." She sighed and finished her tea, setting the cup down on the bedside table. Her hands returned to her lap and she wrung her fingers together in a tight twist of stress.
"He practically moved in. He'd been staying at his parents' house while it was in the process of being sold. They'd emigrated to Canada, I think. Anyway, we drank a lot, smoked, spent days and days in bed. I was completely under his spell." Robbie saw her hands tighten again in a tangled grip on each other, turning her knuckles white, fingernails digging into the flesh on her fingers and the back of her hands.
"And I realise now, that's when things started to change. I started to do things when he told me to, I began to question myself, he would say things and I suddenly lost confidence. I was so besotted by him I hung on his every word. I started to doubt myself. Who I was, how I got my place at Oxford. Which was ridiculous, I knew how hard I'd worked and how much I wanted it. But the doubts crept in. Stupid things like he'd say who had I flirted with when I'd gone to my interview, or that they always gave plenty of places to girls like me because my parents were well off. It was small things but I felt undermined. I think, also, I was a little afraid of him, at least I felt he had some authority because he was older and therefore knew more." She took a deep breath and then sighed, she was frowning, a crease forming between her eyes that Robbie knew appeared when she was worried or upset.
"This went on for a month or so and I even started to wonder if I should be going to Oxford, whether I really deserved my place there. I realised that I hadn't really seen my close friends since returning from Europe. I suppose I didn't want to go through all the business with Raul with them, my pride was a bit battered and I felt stupid about how it had all turned out. I remember, a friend called round to the house one day and Rex told her I wasn't there. That was another odd thing I should have flagged up. Anyway, one morning I went to out to get some bread from the village shop and I bumped into another friend. She was having a party that night and I jumped at the thought of going. It was getting a bit claustrophobic in the house with just the two of us. Rex didn't want us to go, we argued but I went and he came along afterwards. I remember it so clearly. I'd been chatting to a friend's brother who was going into pathology. I realised I came alive again with passion for it and dawned on me that since being with him, Rex had squashed my passion for what I wanted to do. I Saw Rex come into the room, there were loads of people there, but I ignored him. I started to realise I'd not been myself for a while. He came up and just stood in a rather threatening and belligerent way next to me while I was talking to my friend's brother who was intimidated, I think, and he made an excuse and went, leaving me with Rex. I made some comment about how he had cut short the conversation I'd been having, I was quite angry, and told him that maybe we should cool things for a bit. I'd had a drink and I shouted at him, people were looking, wondering what was going on I suppose and seeing me shout at him. He was suddenly very charming, said sorry and could he talk to me, somewhere quiet. I agreed and he took me into one of the bedrooms. Once the door was closed he suddenly turned on me, shouted aggressively to me, told me to never speak to him like that ever again, he pushed me against the wall and almost spat in my face with anger."
Robbie frowned, his lip twisted in an attempt to stem a rising anger , he felt upset and enraged over what he was hearing, but he kept quiet as Laura continued to talk, her hands white again, gripping and writhing within each other.
"I fought back, shouted at him to leave me alone but he pushed me harder against the wall; so I slapped him. I thought he'd got the message at first, because for a few seconds he just looked at me, stunned, I think. But then he lunged at me, he grabbed my wrists with one hand and then the other hand he got around my throat. I thought he was going to strangle me."
She took a deep breath and glanced at Robbie, He was glaring, looking away from her, an obvious look of upset and anger on his face at what she was disclosing. Still he let her talk.
"Someone came in the room, a girl and a boy, looking for somewhere quiet I think. Who knows they may have saved my life because after they disturbed him he stopped. Maybe he realised how close he'd come to doing something that would have had too many consequences. They apologised for disturbing us and I should have said something then, told them what he had just done; but I was embarrassed, ashamed almost. They went and we were alone again and I was terrified." She closed her eyes as if trying to staunch the image of the memory that was now very vivid and real, as if talking about it had projected it in front of her for her to watch again and for Robbie to witness.
"He told me I meant nothing to him, that I was and always would be a bitch, and that if I said anything to anyone about what had happened he'd either kill me or ruin me, so I'd better watch myself. I was terrified. Just physically I was shaking, but the fear of what he'd done and what he had threatened stayed with me for weeks, months even."
Robbie took hold of Laura's hands and gently got her to release them from the grip they had on each other. She realised she'd been clawing her hands together and grabbed onto Robbie's hand and he held it in a reassuring grip. He gently squeezed her hand and she looked at him, her eyes glistening at the corners with the beginnings of tears.
"So he did hurt you" Robbie said softly, but with enough clarity to show Laura that she shouldn't play the events down. "When I asked you last night, if he had hurt you, you said that he hadn't, but you've just described an assault"
"I suppose so."
"There no suppose about it."
She nodded and Robbie squeezed her hand again, gently and she continued talking, her voice quiet but clear in the misty dawn light that was slowly but increasingly illuminating the bedroom.
"After he'd gone, I ran home and locked myself into the house. I was terrified he'd come back. The worse thing was I was worried that I would let him back in, that he'd persuade me to let him come in. He could be very persuasive." She looked up at the skylight, the sky through the glass was a misty calm blue.
"Thank god he didn't come back. I think he even made a move on some other girl at the party. Anyway I bagged up his stuff that he'd left at the house and I was going to burn it all but I worried about the repercussions so I just dumped it one night at his parents' house when I knew he was out. I spent what was left of the summer trying to avoid him. He spread rumours about me around the village, telling people in the pub that I had cheated on him, that sort of thing, accused me of sleeping around. I hadn't done. But I thought, so what if I did? It's a different set of rules if a woman wants to have some fun. Men do it all the time and they are rewarded for it. If a man sleeps around, he's a stud, a jack the lad; but if a woman does it, she's branded loose or a slag." She sighed again, looking up at the skylight, tears making her eyes shine.
"He was furious that I'd rejected him, I think. And that I'd fought back, I'm not sure he was or is used to that. After the incident at the party he started going out with an even younger girl, from my school. I wish to this day I'd spoken to her, warned her. I don't know if she would have believed me, not with all the lies he'd been spreading. Even when I escaped to Oxford he turned up and stalked me for a while. Luckily I had already made some good friends and they looked out for me and eventually I suppose he lost interest. He tried to muddy my name by spreading more rumours, but by then I really could hold my own and I just brushed them off. Then I heard he'd moved to Edinburgh after the job in London fell through so, mercifully I forgot about him and was happy to let it all sink down and away from the present. I got on with things and I felt I was back to my true self" She looked thoughtful for a moment before she continued
"You know, it's odd but I always felt I can fight my own corner, my job would be difficult if I couldn't. I'm the first to admit that I don't take any nonsense from anyone but for a short while I was vulnerable and Rex seized on the opportunity. Seeing him the other day give me a clarity of the situation that I hadn't really been aware of until now. It was when I realised his wife was clearly being affected that I thought deeply about what he had done to me and what a lucky escape I'd had. I felt so guilty, Robbie, for not calling him out back then, or at least warning other girls about him." She sighed. That's why I knew I had to speak to her.
"Chrissy?"
"Yes"
"How do you know her, I mean, if you'd not seen him for so long?" Robbie gently questioned. There were lots of unanswered questions. He stretched his legs under the duvet, feeling the ache in them but knowing he'd had benefit from a good sleep. Despite what Laura was telling him he felt much better than he had done when they'd got back to the cottage after the day before. Laura, however, still looked pale and troubled, even more so as she recounted to Robbie the chance meeting in the street and then the incident at the restaurant involving Rex and his wife.
"I lied to you, Robbie. It wasn't the lab that troubled me that night, it was seeing him again. I'm sorry. . ."
Suddenly things made sense and Robbie's heart ached for Laura and what she'd held back from telling him "You mustn't be sorry" he said softly. "You should have told me love; you didn't need to keep all this to yourself."
"I thought it was best left sleeping." She sighed, looking down at their hands clasped together. "I didn't want to drag you into something that had just briefly surfaced. It all happened so long ago, I've hardly thought about any of it for a very long time. I thought it would sink down again and although I felt wretched about the whole thing, that he hadn't changed, I wasn't sure what else to do other than to just try and forget about it all again. There wasn't much I could do about the situation, for his wife. But then by chance, I saw her in the street in Whitby. I was about to go for the massage but suddenly there she was. I couldn't let the chance pass. So I followed her and finally I managed to speak to her about Rex. It wasn't an easy conversation at first but by the end I had managed to convey that she wasn't on her own in knowing the true person Rex is."
Laura took a deep breath and Robbie saw sadness and resignation on her face. She levelled her fingers below her eyelids in an effort to stem the tears that were still collecting there.
"I had hoped that when I spoke to her she would look at me as if I was some mad person, that I was talking nonsense about her husband, that somehow he had changed and that it wasn't bad for her. But as soon as I spoke to her it immediately became clear he hadn't changed at all. She was very hostile at first but the more I told her the more she listened and eventually she broke down and told me everything. It was a familiar story much much worse than my experience but it bore Rex's hallmark."
"What did she tell you?" Robbie asked softly, giving her a few moments after she had spoken.
"They married after a whirlwind romance, and all was wonderful for a while. Her parents were concerned about the age gap but they thought he was wonderful too. Then she fell pregnant with Henry and it all began to change for her. The abuse behind closed doors, the intimidation, the taking over of her finances. He stopped her seeing her friends - it all sounded too familiar. If that wasn't enough for her to cope with, things got worse when he lost his job as a consultant. He'd assaulted a porter and a patient and although it never came to court apparently he's not been able to find work since. He's been living off Chrissy and her parent's money. They're quite wealthy and when he lost his job that's when things really started to get unbearable for her. He spent her money from her trust funds, her savings, told her to tell her parents she needed it for others things when they got suspicious and asked her questions. He's taken out credit cards and spent excessively. It's a mess for her, Robbie. She told me that he also has quite a drug problem and that she's contracted an STD, despite him being her only partner since they were married so he's clearly having other relationships."
Robbie told Laura about Rose, and how he knew now that her abuser and dealer was Rex. Despite knowing that Rex was in custody this new revelation seemed to upset Laura even more as it became apparent that Rose was yet another victim.
"I feel so guilty Robbie. I was able to walk away and forget but I did nothing for the women who became much worse victims of him than I was. I should have told them, warned them, the ones I knew about, maybe it would have stopped him" The tears that had been threatening since she had started talking to Robbie and they now welled up and over, flooding her face and turning her eyes red.
"No, love. You mustn't feel guilty. You were young and he took advantage. He threatened you with violence. And regardless, you're not to blame for what he did, to you or to anyone else. What would you tell me? All the times I've felt responsible for things at work and you've been there to tell me none of it was my fault? Well, none of this is your fault either." Eventually she nodded in agreement at what Robbie had said.
"Anyway" she sighed, catching her breath in a slight sob. "My Experience with Rex was a long, long time ago, I've not thought of it for, well I don't know when it last came into my thoughts. It was very intense over a short period of time and what I went through was nothing compared to what Chrissy and Rose have undergone. I'm probably making it out to sound worse than it was."
"No, Laura, don't play this down." Robbie said, firmly. He knew she was good at dismissing things with a stiff upper lip and just getting on with business as usual. It was a public-school attitude and stoicism that he also saw in Hathaway. But with Laura at least she did address her issues, she faced them - work issues, issues with colleagues, she usually dealt with things head on but he could see her sidestepping this issue and it scared and alarmed him to see it happen in front of him. He squeezed her hand and she looked at him.
Something was bothering him about it all, something that he had been worried about as her story had unfolded. She saw he was frowning. He spoke softly, still holding her hand
"Laura, did he. . . did he ever force you?" Robbie looked at her, tears were gathering again in her eyes. She looked down at their hands, clasped together. She paused go for a second, taking a breath.
"Into having sex? No. But there were times when I didn't want to sleep with him, and do things, but I convinced myself that I did, or it was just easier to go along with it because of his attitude."
As soon as she'd said the words, they both knew. Things had changed so much over the years regarding what was and what wasn't consent. Robbie frowned. He felt angrier by the second but he knew it wasn't helpful for Laura if he let the anger rise. She needed his support not his own reaction to how he felt about it all. He looked at her, and continued to hold her hand, his thumb gently caressing it.
"You need to tell DS Cox all of this when he comes round later." Robbie's voice was firm but calming "Do you remember the names of the girls and women he went out with? Even if it's just a first name they might be able to trace them. It will all help to get a conviction. I've a suspicion that Sergeant Cox won't come alone, my guess is he'll come with his DI. I have a feeling that there's a whole raft of crimes this Rex is sitting on."
Robbie looked at her. She looked exhausted but she nodded at his words. He put his arm around her and pulled her close, not caring about his ribs pinching at him with an aching sharp pain as he held her to him kissing her temple. He realised she was crying again. He felt there wasn't much he could say, so he just held her while the pressure of the past 24 hours finally took effect and despite Laura's ability to function at a high level under similar stress, the personal toll had inevitably collected its debt from her.
Robbie felt awful for her. It was one thing for him to be tossed through the waves but another for her to watch him being rescued lifeless by the coastguards. And then to have to recall all these things from the past. He held her close, not caring about his bruised ribs, just wanting to make sure he could show how much he knew she'd been affected by it all, and that he was there for her.
In his arms, Laura felt the conviction of Robbie's embrace but after a minute she pulled away, concern on her face and in her voice.
"Your ribs, Robbie, don't put pressure on them"
He smiled at her, wincing. She was right again and yet again was thinking of him instead of herself.
Suddenly she managed to take control of herself. The tears and intense outpouring of emotion had been enough of a release to pull herself together and focus on his wellbeing again.
"I've got some arnica cream in my sponge bag, Robbie, you should have some on your bruises, let me get it."
Robbie wasn't sure what arnica was but he felt it would be good to just let Laura fuss over him for a bit, for her benefit.
Laura returned and administered the cream onto his bruising from a little blue glass jar. The initial midnight blacks of his bruises had started to turn deep crimson and damson with a greenish yellowish tinge at the edges. The skin was still sore and tender but the cream did soothe him, although he suspected it was the feel of Laura's touch that was at the heart of how much better it made him feel.
He watched as she carefully smoothed his skin with a delicate touch that felt as light as a feather.
She smiled at him
"it's healing already" she said eyebrows rising in surprise and in her eyes the familiar look of affection she often held for him, it was a familiar sight but one he'd not seen for a few days. She was going to be ok. There was more to talk about, after what she had told him, but right now she looked tired and drawn. She needed rest
"If it's looking better that's down to you" he said. "You look done in, love, you've looked after me all night, why don't you try and get forty winks eh?"
"I am a bit tired. Are you ok, are you feeling ok? No nausea or anything?"
"I'm fine love. Come here" and he pulled her close to him again and she lay next to him as he put his arm round her and smoothed her hair to try and soothe her.
After a while he felt her body soften into a more relaxed state and she had closed her eyes. He looked up to the skylight in the cottage bedroom. The sky was clearing from a soft misty blue to reveal a cloudless and perfect sky. Robbie looked down at Laura, she was sleeping soundly. Finally the storm had passed.
AN: Thanks for your patience in waiting for this chapter after all the carrot dangling I've done. It was a tough one to write – not only because of the subject matter but it was quite heavy on the monologue so it took a while for me to get it how I wanted it. As regards to the subject matter, I didn't want to lay it on too heavy for Laura. She is portrayed as a strong woman in the Lewis series and I didn't want to deviate from that but I did want to explore how attitudes have changed over the years regarding sex crimes of all natures and severity including coercive control. I think many women have some sort of story about how they have been taken advantage of, sexually or in a social context by a man purely because of their gender. It might only be a small incident – just a comment or a gesture for example, sadly for some women it is much much worse. Some of these incidents were deemed not criminal in the past but now things are changing they are being talked about much more and it is becoming apparent that a lot of things that may have happened in the past would now be classified as crimes. I think Laura experienced plenty of sexism in her career but I wanted to explore the possibility of her having a #metoo moment. I didn't want her experience to be unbearable, but I wanted to explore what might have or could have happened to not just her, but any woman in the past. Having said that, this narrative isn't just about those issues, my main other concern with this story is of FLUFF so now most of the heavy stuff is done with, I can concentrate on that – Let's see, we've had the Peril, we've had a bit of mystery ( there's still a few loose ends to tie up ) which leaves us with more romance and of course, the hot tub. Anyway, thanks all for reading if you've got this far. It is much appreciated and I do hope you are still enjoying the story, there's a bit more to come before this tale is done.
Love to you all
ML
PS this is a long chapter but for various reasons it felt right to put it all in one place instead of breaking it in to shorter ones
