Chapter 9

EPOV

It was time for our last show in Seattle.

After we wrapped everything up, we'd board our tour bus and head out, but before that happened there was something I needed to discuss with Bella. I was scared I would break her heart, or at the very least disappoint her, but the logical side of my brain told me the discussion was necessary, that it made sense.

There were only two times in my life so far that I'd been nervous to talk to her. The first was when I asked her to come home with me the night we met, and the second was the day I asked her to marry me. Both of those reasons had been pleasant ones. This one sat there like a lead weight in my stomach instead of causing butterflies.

I'd grown up in a loving, encouraging household, so I'd never feared commitment. I'd always known that one day I'd get married and have children. It wasn't even a question. My dad was amazing while I was growing up and still was. I'd learned the kind of man, husband, and father I wanted to be from example. It was a no brainer that Bella would approach me about having children after we'd been married four years. At that point in time, we both had steady jobs, and with music as a side gig, we'd built up nice savings. We were still young; I was almost 25, and she was only 23. I'd given up on the band ever being discovered and I was content with my life, so a baby seemed like the next obvious step.

But now, I wasn't so sure I was ready.

It'd been in the back of my mind ever since I'd signed the contract with Masen Media. Getting a real taste of what I would be doing for the next five months and not knowing where everything was headed after this made me even more unsure.

Would we record another album? Would we have a tour of our own next year? Everything in our lives was up in the air now. I didn't see how we could bring a baby into all of this with the future so uncertain.

—BtMO—

I leaned against the doorjamb to the spare bedroom, watching as she typed away on the computer. As much as she loved watching me perform, I loved watching her immerse herself in the worlds she created. "Bella?"

"Hm?" she answered without looking at me.

I felt my palms begin to sweat. "Do you have a few minutes to talk?"

That caught her attention, and she turned in her chair to face me. "Sure... what's going on?"

"Let's, um, can we go sit in the living room?"

She narrowed her eyes at me momentarily. "Yeah, okay."

As we sat down on the couch, she tucked her legs underneath her, her eyes full of concern. "Want to tell me what this is about?"

I ran my fingers through my hair, huffing out a sigh. "I don't know where to start."

"The beginning is usually a good place."

I looked down at my hands before I spoke. "Right. You know I love you with all my heart and soul?" She nodded, so I continued. "I just—I think we need to put the baby thing off for a while. Not forever—" As I heard her gasp, I looked up. "Bella, I—"

"Just give me a minute. I need to wrap my head around this." She shook her head, but I could see tears already forming in her eyes, waiting to spill over.

She sat there quietly, the minutes ticking by before she wiped at her eyes and took a deep breath before speaking. "Why have you changed your mind?"

"I haven't changed my mind about wanting a baby. Just the timing. I'll be gone for five months. You'll be with me for one of them, but that doesn't leave a lot of room for trying. I don't know what our future looks like anymore, Bella. I don't know where I'll be this time next year—how can I take care of you and a baby if I'm not here?" I gripped my hair with my fingers, resting my elbows on my knees as I listened to her soft cries. "Bella—"

"It's okay, Edward," she choked out. "It's okay. I'll be okay. I understand what you're saying, I just feel disappointed. I haven't gotten pregnant yet, anyway. Who's to say I ever will? Maybe it's just not meant to be."

My heart broke to pieces as her cries turned into sobs. I moved closer to her, wrapping her tightly in my arms. I kissed the top of her head, rocking her slowly in an attempt to soothe her. "No, it'll happen. We just need to give it time. It'll happen. This isn't forever, I promise."

—BtMO—

We walked into the theater hand in hand, my parents trailing behind us next to Jane. Mom and Dad had followed us here because I knew I couldn't let Bella travel home alone tonight.

She was better than she had been that afternoon, but the combination of our talk and the fact that these were our last moments together for the next month meant no, she didn't need to be alone.

"Jane? Make sure my parents get to their seats and have whatever they need, please."

"Of course, Edward." She smiled at me. "Just follow me, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen."

"Good luck, sweetheart." My mom kissed me on the cheek before hugging me.

My dad slapped me on the back. "Have a good show, Edward."

"Thanks." I hugged them both before turning to Bella. I sighed, watching as she glared at the back of Jane's head as she and my parents walked down the hallway.

I pulled her toward the dressing room. "You know, even if Jane was some sort of conniving bitch, you've got nothing to worry about." I pushed the door open, walking in.

She followed behind me. "I don't understand how you don't see how she looks at you."

"Okay, then, tell me; exactly how does she look at me, Bella?"

She crossed her arms over her chest. "I won't argue with you, Edward, but she looks at you like she's ready to drop to her knees for you at a moment's notice."

"Bella."

"Look, it's fine." She waved her hand in dismissal. "I trust you."

I stalked over to her, tilting her chin up. "You know it doesn't matter, right? I don't care how she looks at me. You're the only woman I ever want to see on her knees for me."

She rolled her eyes, but there was a small smile on her lips. "You're such a pervert."

"Yeah, but I'm your pervert." I took her face between my hands, kissing her deeply. "I need to get dressed."

—BtMO—

The show went great. We played our hearts out, wanting to give our hometown an awesome send off, but then it was the moment I'd been dreaming of and dreading simultaneously.

I glanced around at all the people—our families, roadies, a few groupies who had passes or were invited back by one of the guys—who stood outside by the bus. I turned to the band. "Just... give me a few minutes?" I asked as I grabbed Bella's hand.

"Take your time," Jasper told us as he wandered over to a group of women. Jake and Emmett followed behind him with grins on their faces.

I'd already said goodbye to my parents, who were waiting patiently in their car for me and Bella to have our own goodbye.

"Look at me, darlin'." I brushed my thumb across her cheek and her eyes met mine. "I'm gonna miss you so fucking much, but it's just a few weeks and then I'll have you with me for a whole month." I leaned down, kissing her lips.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and I gripped her by the waist, lifting her off the ground. She wrapped her legs around me as she increased the pressure of our kiss, her tongue slipping past my lips. I felt her tears warm and wet against my face. "I love you, Edward," she breathed as we broke apart. "It's okay that you're excited about this, you know that, right? I'm sad that you're leaving, and I know I've told you that more than I've told you how proud I am. But I'm so fucking proud of you."

I pressed my forehead to hers. "That means everything to me. I love you, Bella. Call me as soon as you get home, okay?" I set her back down, hugging her one last time.

"I will. You better get going."

I nodded, releasing her from my arms. As I headed toward the bus, a mixture of feelings floated around in my head. I was sad to leave my heart behind, but so excited about what the future held.