Chapter Fourteen: Take My Hand and I'll Lead You
"Wouldn't it be nice if we could just take it easy?"
"That would be nice."
It wouldn't happen and both Hank and Connor knew it. Hank knew why Connor said such a thing, but it didn't exactly ease his mood. Connor probably knew it because he didn't say something like that again.
After their breakfast-lunch, Connor tried prying about what kind of cases Hank had been on prior to this one. Of course, Hank only gave vague answers and never gave anything important away. If anything, he just gave yes and no answers, much to Connor's disappointment. He didn't want to share his entire work history with the kid. Maybe when they got off the ship but not now.
At the moment, Connor was on his back because Hank saw the kid start losing his footing. So, he offered to give him a piggy-back ride until his dizziness went away. This was probably the most tired Hank had seen him, not counting the prior night of course. He could only imagine how sore Connor's body was. He, himself, had taken quite a few beatings in his lifetime. It came with being a cop.
Only a few minutes after that, Connor said something strange.
"I want to live," he said. His arms hung loosely over Hank's shoulders.
Hank didn't know what to say, so he remained silent. He kept walking to the candy store, the last place he knew Connor was expecting. He wanted to have the kid be a kid for at least one day without much stress.
But of course he had to drop a line like that. He made it seem like he was going to die soon. Hank supposed it might've been because of the murder. Maybe also the fact that Blondie-McAsshole tried to throw him overboard. He supposed it made sense to feel a sense of fear of possible death.
Hank would not let that happen. He wanted to find a way to get the topic off his mind. He didn't get a chance before Connor dropped another line.
"Do you want to live, Hank?"
Hank stopped temporarily. He stared at the floor as if it had the answers. Then he looked up and kept walking. He didn't know what to say, again.
"Hank?" Connor prodded. He gripped his shoulder. "Hank, do you want to live?"
Hank sighed. "Sure, yeah."
He wasn't sure how genuine that was. If he could find something to live for, then of course. Right now, he didn't have much. He had a job, which he barely managed to keep. He had his dog and he didn't want to leave him alone, but he had Jeffrey to look after him if he died. It was already an arranged plan.
Connor sighed. He loosened up again. "Promise me you'll keep living."
Hank didn't know why Connor assumed he had dangerous thoughts. He wasn't wrong, Hank did have dangerous thoughts. He did play Russian Roulette and would drink until no tomorrow. This trip had done a decent job at keeping all that at bay, though. With the exception of the drinking, but he didn't want to count that.
"I promise," Hank said.
Right now, on the ship, he had to. He was the only one to take care of Connor. Luther obviously couldn't, if the boy got beaten and then went straight to Hank. He thought for a moment. Maybe the boy could be his motivation.
Connor nodded. "Good..." he trailed off and sat up a bit. He tilted his head. "A candy store?"
Hank didn't even realize they got there until Connor spoke up. He smiled. "Yup. Figured you deserve a break."
Connor carefully slid off Hank's back. He rested a hand on his stomach for a moment before lowering it to his side. He blinked and looked around. "I haven't seen candy in a long time."
That was just downright sad.
"Go pick out some candies," Hank said, patting Connor's shoulder lightly. "I got more than enough money."
Connor rubbed his hands together and fidgeted. He took a couple steps before he took normal strides and started wandering through the store. It was a pretty decent sized shop. There were rows of candies. Candy jars lined the shelves, candy canes and other certain candies hung from racks, there were tables with even more candy. Treats were everywhere.
Hank followed Connor and soon found him juggling some gumdrops. He shook his head. "You're supposed to chew the gumdrops, not juggle them." He reached out and took them.
"Hank!"
"I also gotta pay for 'em first," Hank said.
Connor nodded and looked down. He rubbed his hands together again. Hank felt almost bad for him; if he kept doing that his skin would eventually rub off. But then Connor lowered his hands and walked to the counter. He pressed the little bell on the counter.
A woman came out from the back, smiling. "Hello, sweety! How can I help you?"
"May I have a random assortment of candies, please?" Connor requested. He pointed to Hank. "Including those three gumdrops."
"Sure thing!"
Connor turned away and looked to Hank. He held his hand out. Hank put the gumdrops in Connor's palm and the kid placed them on the counter. The woman put them in a paper bag along with a handful of other different candy. The last thing she put in was a candy cane.
"Thanks." Connor smiled and took the bag.
Hank walked over. He placed a ten dollar bill on the counter. "Keep the change, lady."
"Thank you!"
With that, the two of them exited the candy store. Connor pulled out the candy cane and started to nibble on it, like it was a carrot. Hank made sure to keep a watchful eye on the kid, ready to grab him in case he was about to fall forward. He seemed alright but anything could happen.
Connor hummed. "This is good."
The smile on Connor's face put Hank's mind at ease. If only the kid could smile more. This ship was much too stressful for him to be on. There was just too much going on. He shouldn't have had to go through all this shit.
So, the least Hank could do was try and make him smile from time to time.
Unfortunately, not all good things could last. This was something that Hank was more than familiar with.
XXX
"By the way, you don't have to worry about that blonde asshole anymore."
Hank and Connor were outside on the bow. Connor was flipping his coin up and down while pacing. Hank had to admit that it was pretty impressive he could move and flip at the same time.
"What blonde man?" Connor asked, stopping to face Hank. He kept flipping his coin.
"Right, you said you couldn't see him…" Hank said, trailing off. He waved his hand lazily. "The crazy man who threw you over the rails."
Connor caught his coin. "Why not?"
"He jumped the ship a couple days ago," Hank said.
Connor's eyes widened. His mouth twitched, like he was about to say something but nothing came out. He looked much more shocked than Hank expected him to. He thought, if anything, Connor would be grateful that he didn't have to worry about Blondie-McAsshole anymore.
Instead he seemed like this was one of the biggest surprises in his life. Maybe it was because it was sudden news. Or maybe because it was just the fact that Blondie-McAsshole jumped.
Connor looked away and put his free hand on his chin. He stared at the floor. It was like he was trying to figure out a math equation that was beyond his years. Then it was like a switch went off because he looked back up and nodded.
"Right, of course," he said. "You wouldn't lie about something like that."
Hank nodded slowly. "Yeah…Are you okay, Connor?"
Connor nodded and put his coin away. "Of course."
"You seemed really confused for a second there," Hank said, furrowing his brows. "What was that about?"
"I'm okay...I was just...I didn't expect that."
"I thought you should know. I'm sorry if that was a bit too shocking," Hank said, awkwardly.
Connor shrugged. Then the kid started pacing back and forth. Hank's eyes followed him closely. It looked like Connor's body began to shake and it wasn't because of the cool night breeze. It wasn't that cold outside, in the middle of the ocean or not.
"Connor?"
Connor bit his lip and Hank really wanted to call him out on it, knowing it would worsen his split lip. He started mumbling something, much too quiet for Hank to hear. Then he gripped at his head and leaned in on himself, as if he just got sucker-punched.
"Connor-" Hank stood.
"Fuck!" Connor shouted. He stopped pacing. His lip was bleeding again. "I can't do this anymore!"
Halfway through Connor's escape, Hank gripped his sleeve to stop him while not hurting him any further. "Connor-"
"Stay away from me!"
Connor shoved himself away from Hank and ran away as fast as he could. Hank sighed and watched Connor disappear. It had only been a day since they got together again. They had been doing good at reconciling. Either Hank did something wrong or Connor was having his own problems.
He wanted to follow him but felt like it was best to give him some space. Connor was probably going straight for his cabin anyway. It was the agreement they had. If Connor needed time alone, he could go to Hank's cabin. He gave the kid an extra key and he trusted Connor had common sense to go there and not somewhere he could be hurt.
Hank looked down when something shiny caught his eye.
Connor's coin slipped from his pocket.
XXX
It was around 10:20PM when Hank decided to head back to his cabin to see Connor. He felt three hours was enough time. During that time he gave Jerry a visit. He seemed to be doing a little better but was still exhausted. Hank didn't even bother with the security guards. If they wanted him, they could find him.
Hank was interrupted halfway to his cabin. Connor came to him. But this was not the Connor he knew. This was the 'dead' Connor. His eyes were blank, his posture had a slight slouch and Hank knew his voice was going to be flat and emotionless.
"Hank." Connor held his hand out. "Take my hand and I'll lead you."
Hank looked between Connor's hand and his eyes. He sighed and took the boy's hand. Connor turned and started walking and Hank followed dutifully. He remained silent as did Connor.
Hank knew exactly where they were going. There was only one time, one place, where Connor was like this. It was the PT hallway. The hallway the boy seemed scared of for whatever reason. Perhaps tonight was the night he would find out why. He was either going to see it or the boy was going to explain it.
During their walk, Connor spoke in his dead tone. "I'll show you the right way."
Hank hated that dead voice. This wasn't his Connor. He would be patient and wait for this dead state to run its course. It didn't seem to last long so by the time they got to the hallway, Connor would be back to reality. Hopefully.
The walk continued to be silent after that. To most, it would be eerie and disconcerting. Hank had grown used to this state and he was ready for anything. He hoped he was anyway. He still wanted his gun with him but he could do without it. He had no choice.
Hank picked up quiet and fast mumbles. "Connor, wait a sec.," he said. "Look at me."
Connor stopped much faster than Hank expected and he almost collided into the kid. He took a single step back. Connor looked over his shoulder. Hank frowned. To most, Connor's eyes would seem nothing but dead. Hank was seeing more than that. All Hank saw was:
SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME I'M SCARED SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME
Connor turned and started walking again. Hank followed. "I'll show you the right way."
Their walk lasted fifteen minutes with nothing but more silence. Connor hadn't even mumbled anything. He just kept going straight ahead. The walk probably wouldn't have been as long if Connor was in his normal state, but he was not. Hank was sure it would end soon.
When they reached the hallway, Hank expected Connor to stop and not go all in. He did. He went all the way to the back where the door was. The place the kid never wanted Hank to go in. Connor didn't verbally express fear but Hank saw the slight tremble the boy had. The boy also started the fast and quiet muttering again.
"If you're ill, Connor-"
"Follow me."
Connor's hand hovered over the door's handle, just like Hank's had the first night. He took one long deep breath. Then he opened the door and walked in. He led Hank down a short flight of stairs. This room was probably the darkest room Hank had seen. It almost seemed more like a boiler room than anything else. He could barely see what was in here.
Connor let go of Hank's hand after a moment and stopped near the middle of the room. Hank stood where he was.
"Connor." Hank's voice was strict but had some concern laced in it. "What's going on?"
He frowned when Luther stepped up in front of Connor. He didn't even know there was another door. Luther looked solemn, looking down at the boy. "Thank you, Connor."
Connor remained silent.
"Luther?" Hank said, tilting his head just slightly.
"Hello, Hank…"
Hank narrowed his eyes.
"...Lieutenant…"
Then another man came into view. He was another dark-skinned man and Hank, even in the dark, could make out the scars on his arms. This was the man Connor was seen with at the library, from what he remembered.
Hank's lips twitched up into a smirk. He nodded, looking around the room to see if anyone else would pop up. "I see what this is."
He should've expected an ambush eventually. He didn't expect it to go like this. He went back to frowning when Connor turned around and faced him.
"Hank, I'm sorry!" he cried. Tears brimmed in his eyes. "I-I didn't want this! Please, Hank! I'm- mmph!"
Luther reached forward and pulled Connor back, wrapping an arm around his waist and clamping a hand over his mouth. "Please be quiet, Connor."
There was no malice or cruelty in his eyes or voice but Hank still felt anger surge inside him. "Fucking let him go, Luther," he snarled.
He didn't get the chance to even move forward before something hard slammed against his back. He grunted as he collapsed on his hands and knees. He cursed loudly as the object hit his back again and pinned him to the floor.
"Shit, fuck! Get off!"
He tried to ignore Connor's muffled protesting and attempted to get up. His attacker assisted by grabbing the back of Hank's coat and forced him up. "Take your beating like a man!"
He was twisted around and a fist collided with his face. He didn't need to see to know who this was. He didn't get a chance to respond before he was tossed on the floor, the wind almost getting knocked out of him when his back hit the floor.
"Hey, motherfucker," Hank said, smirking. With all that was happening, he wasn't surprised to see Blondie-McAsshole.
Blondie-McAsshole planted his foot against Hank's chest, preventing him from getting up. "You should've seen this coming, old man."
Hank already came to some conclusions in this short confrontation. He thought back to Jerry 2's death and how Connor and Scars were near the library at the time. He thought about Connor's reaction when they entered the room and the ambush started. The ambush that he seemed forced to start.
"Did you force the kid to kill Jerry?" Hank asked, a feeling of disgust washing over him.
"The kid didn't kill Jerry," Blondie-McAsshole said.
He pulled out an all too familiar gun. His revolver. He aimed it between Hank's eyes.
"I did."
He undid the safety.
"That's enough."
Author's Note: Here it is! FINALLY!
I've been so excited to share this chapter. The reason for that is because the final scenes of this chapter are what made me want to write ETU in the first place, the scenes I first thought of. So it feels good to finally share it. xD
I also mentioned in the previous chapter that the title is a song ref. It's a lyric from the song "Candida" by Tony Orlando & Dawn. It was just too fitting.
That's all for now. I'll see ya'll in the next chapter.
Thanks for reading!
~Kurosaki
