Chapter 14: Every Tragedy Divides Before Our Very Eyes


Memories.

That was all he dreamed of was memories.

Leia taking him for a walk through the park. Her warm hand in his. Han meeting up with them with Chewie not far behind.

When Ben Solo picked up a pen full of ink and found he could write his name in various ways. The joy, the sense of freedom he had for just one moment when he painted his name in stark black ink against white. Thin lines. Thick lines. Curved. Straight. A swoop of a stroke. The first time he wrote the name he preferred to go by out of a strong desire to shed his legacy. Pure. Clean. Simple.

Kylo.

No voice in his head. None.

There was no pull between light and dark whenever he performed letters across a page. It was just him, Ben Solo.

The memory of Han taking him on a joyride in the Millennium Falcon. Of Chewie who would pick him up with one hand and swing him around. Of Chewie who hugged him and told him stories while Ben avoided the bickering and arguing of his parents.

On one particularly fateful day at the age of ten—which meant so much more to him now—he felt something awaken within, power flowing at his fingertips. He lifted something up with just a wave of his hand with ease, his power over the force growing exponentially. Leia's ever-growing fear crept upon him through her force signature. Fear, which drove her away.

The dream he had of a girl with three buns screaming "no" that same night he discovered just how strong his power over the force was. The shift in tension in the force overwhelmed him to the point he was crying and the dark side came whispering to him.

Snoke's voice was always there for as long as he lived, but the force awakening something within Ben Solo's soul amplified the voice he heard. The awakening also gave him a sense of longing for something he didn't quite understand until nearly 20 years later.

The empty feeling when Leia told him he was being sent to live with Uncle Luke—the legendary Jedi Skywalker.

The memory of discovering he was Darth Vader's grandchild. Heir. Legacy child. A lightsaber that belonged to Anakin Skywalker himself.

How he got his name, Ben. Named after Leia's one hope left during a war.

Everything was all about legacies.

The flowing memories of bitterness—loneliness. Neglect. He recognized it so well in Rey. He felt it too. He felt it in their bond that fateful day when he interrogated her. He didn't want to interrogate her, not at all, not with the loneliness and the bond-forming, making him stall completely. Her force signature was so strong…

Every memory dug up something he buried for years and years in his conquest to become the most feared in the galaxy. To be the monster he was expected to be. A dark sider who killed without mercy, who ruled with an iron fist, ceasing useless governments from ruling, controlling his own empire.

Then something changed, shifted, transformed in his dreams.

It was of Leia holding him in her arms, warm. Comforting. Telling him that Rey wasn't gone, that she still can be turned. Her apology. Her forgiveness. Her love.

Somehow that brought up a memory he never had.

Of Han Solo, holding a small infant in his arms with wisps of dark hair. Relief of the child falling asleep at last for more than a few hours evident on Han's face.

"Don't worry kiddo," he whispered. "It's going to be fine."

"Ben, it's time to wake up," Leia's soothing voice spoke to Kylo. "Please wake up."

His eyes opened. The harsh light of the medbay made it hard to adjust his blurry vision. Kylo was wearing a bacta patch over his chest—the lingering sensation of his lightsaber burn mixed with saltwater creeping up on him as he gained awareness.

"Ben," Leia's soothing voice spoke next to him. "You're alright."

He sat up, running his hands over his face and taking a deep breath. "Where am I?"

"On the Finalizer. I sensed you in the force… You were dying Ben. I sent Lando and Chewie to get you."

"Uncle Lando is here?" he asked, voice hoarse from the saltwater and lack of use.

"Yes—he found us when we sent out aid calls to our allies in other systems." Leia reached forward and placed her warm hand on his. "Ben, why did you go alone to a planet to get Rey? Especially a place such as the ruins of the Death Star?"

He didn't expect to get scolded like a child. "I had no time. No choice."

"There's always a choice, Ben."

Of course, he knew that. But his heart was desperate to see Rey. Desperate to save her from what she had become. Foolishly, he was overcome by the dark side again and only made things worse. That was what he was good at after all, especially when it came to Rey.

You're nothing. But not to me.

The only way you're getting to Exegol is with me.

"What happened?" Leia asked. "Don't bother hiding your feelings from me, Ben Solo."

He looked his mother in the eyes, speaking his words with a tight throat. "Rey is convinced that she needs to get to a Sith-planet called Exegol. I was there once, mere days ago in fact."

Leia nodded. "Luke once mentioned it to me but since it was speculation and rumors…"

"She's with my rogue Knights of Ren, heading there now," he choked out. "She's completely brainwashed."

Leia said nothing, for everything she needed to say was already spoken. She sat up from her spot on the bed and hugged her son, pressing a kiss to his hair. "I'm sorry Ben."

Kylo clung to his mother a second time, trying to process everything that happened in the last day. "I'm losing her."

The moment was still until the door opened.

"General Leia." It was Rose Tico.

Leia stepped back from her son. "Yes, Rose?"

"We received word from our allies about reinforcements. They wish to speak with you."

"Of course. I'll be back, Ben."

Rose glanced at Kylo with relief before being followed out by Leia, leaving him alone to his thoughts.

Running his hands through his hair, he breathed in and out, chest heaving with pain.

He attacked Rey. She attacked first. He was fully in his element on the Death Star, as Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, and heir to Darth Vader's legacy. He wondered if he hadn't come to his senses, would he have killed Rey by accident? It hurt to think about the mere possibility.

Hadn't Darth Vader only become Darth Vader because of suppression of love? Yoda himself said that was the Jedi's greatest mistake. He remembered Luke saying it during his padawan training too.

Love. That was what it all came down to.

A semblance of hopelessness came down on his shoulders. Vader failed to save Padme, even with the dark side of the force, even with love. If Kylo couldn't shake away the darkness before, how could he save Rey now?

He glanced at the table next to his bed. Pushing his aching body to sit up, he reached for the two lightsabers resting side by side.

He knew what he had to do.


When the discussion of reinforcements ended, General Leia sat back in her chair. Everyone save for Finn was there, witness to the discussion.

"Where is Captain Finn?" Leia asked.

"With Jannah discussing strategy with the stormtroopers," Rose answered.

Leia should return to her son, but she knew he needed time to think about what just happened on Kef Bir. His darkness was at war with his light again, and Leia knew that she had to treat the situation with gentle caution. Her fears returned, of him slipping away again after everything. The attempts to mend their broken relationship, Han's sacrifice, Rey's light guiding him home… Leia couldn't bear to have it all rendered meaningless. Once he was up to talking again, she would reassure herself that Kylo Ren's darkness wouldn't consume her son again.

"We need to plan," Poe said. "We have limited time after our reinforcements get here and it would be good to have something in place once they get here."

"Good to note, Commander," Leia said. "However, we will have to wait until Ben recovers from his injury."

"Of course..." Poe said, a hint of irritation at Kylo's sudden display of impulsive nature regarding Rey nearly getting himself killed. They needed a plan sooner rather than later.

"I know my son seems like his priorities are split, but I assure you, his loyalties lie to the cause he said he wanted to help. He is a complicated man but he is here at our disposal for a reason."

"Yes General Leia."


In Kylo Ren's old personal private quarters, his shrine to his grandfather remained intact. This hasn't been touched in so long, in so many months.

Kylo held two lightsabers in his hands. One that he forged and one Anakin Skywalker forged. Both were heavy, both were burdens that tore him apart for so long.

Time to let old things die.

Time to kill the past.

It was the only way he had to save Rey. To destroy the darkness within.

Lifting his own lightsaber up into the air using the force, he concentrated on keeping it there.

With resolve fully set in his mind, he stepped back and activated the blue legacy saber, raising it up at his own lightsaber, ready to finally kill Kylo Ren.

"Will that accomplish what you want?" a voice, old, wise, unfamiliar spoke to his side.

Turning around, Kylo lowered his blade and wanted to roll his eyes in annoyance. "Who are you?"

An old man with a white beard and wearing ancient Jedi robes stood, enveloped in a blue glow. Of course, the force just had to send another Jedi ghost to spout words of wisdom at him.

"I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, or for the longest time, Ben Kenobi."

Oh now this was just taunting him at this point. "And why," Kylo spat. "Are you here to stop me?"

"Well, I am just merely curious."

"Of?"

"Why are you desperate to kill who you are?"

Was he seriously trying to convince him to not kill the darkness within? Are all the old Jedi masters just suddenly turning on their own teachings now? "The past needs to die in order for her to live. She doesn't deserve this—"

"And neither do you. A man who held himself back, finally unleashing every bit of dark within, did that diminish the light too? Or was the light merely sealed away? And what does the nature of one's light and darkness say about a man?"

It was as Luke implied. The light and dark within him were no longer pulling at each other.

But that darkness he kept within, it was tugged at in Exegol, only prevented his fall to it because of his memories of Rey. Rey herself now was corrupted, her light no longer an anchor to cling to. The Sith were using his own memories and thoughts of her against him as some sick joke of a weapon.

And it was amplified on the Death Star, pushing him, making him forget who he was, a mere terrified boy who feared his own powers. Fearing his own capabilities and what they could do.

He dropped both lightsabers to the floor, leaning his back against the wall.

"It is a burden, a name," Obi-Wan continued, taking a leisurely stroll around the room, glancing several times at the ruined remains of Darth Vader's helmet. "It carries many connotations. It represents us as who we are. An identity that cannot be easily washed away. But so is the burden of family, of trying to decide what your name represents, of forging your own path beyond a legacy, whether that is a lightsaber, the force, becoming a Sith, a Jedi."

Kylo crossed his arms, trying to avoid the watchful and calm gaze of Obi-Wan. "Why do you think I am trying to rid myself of this fool-hardy legacy chaser?" His sarcasm was biting.

"To kill your past is to kill half the man in the present. Tell me, where did the name Kylo come from?"

He swallowed. "I was a mere child…"

"You were Ben Solo as a child, weren't you?"

"Yes…"

Obi-Wan nodded, contentment on his face. "I've made many mistakes in my life. My greatest was assuming that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader killed each other."

Kylo felt the room spin. He slumped down to the floor, unsure how to take that.

"Ahh, I sense your confusion."

Kylo glared at the ghost of Obi-Wan. "Just what are you trying to say?"

"Is it not obvious? Everyone, even Rey, even you, has darkness. The question of life is how to learn to live with it."

Obi-Wan Kenobi disappeared, leaving a man alone in the room with not but two lightsabers and the remains of a dark symbol. He leaned his head against the wall, breathing in and out deeply, head still spinning.

For years he wanted to kill his light, and now he was attempting to kill his dark.

When would the cycle of killing stop? When would the cycle of Skywalkers falling, killing over and over, ever halt?

To kill the past was to kill himself, to kill who he was. Perhaps he could no longer be bound by the chains of legacy, but the past still happened, and maybe… He could learn from it, instill a new legacy.

One made of a duality. Light. Dark. Meeting into grey.

A dyad in the force.

He stood up, collecting both his lightsabers. Glancing at the old, burned mask that belonged to Darth Vader, he ignited both sabers and with an arcing swipe, the shrine was in pieces. Breathing heavily, a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

For the first time in his life, Ben Solo was truly, finally, free.


"You have got to be kidding me!" Poe exclaimed as he walked down the hallway with Mitaka and Finn towards the bridge.

It was absurd. First Kylo Ren ordered the ship to be put on lockdown, then put Poe in charge and fled, coming back unconscious with a lightsaber burn to the chest. Now Poe was getting the most unfortunate news: the entire ship preferred to follow Kylo's command, not the Resistance itself.

Even the stormtroopers were talking about how they agreed with Kylo Ren's leadership. They looked to Finn no doubt, but as someone large and in charge, Kylo was the clear winner.

Finn nodded. "Makes you wonder doesn't it?"

Poe was incredulous. Kylo Ren as Supreme Leader of the First Order was the less painful choice, but still, he was witness to his intimidation, his rage on Crait, he once wanted to obliterate the entire Resistance. Poe wasn't going to forget that.

But did this mess have to be so damn complicated? Kylo Ren showed up willingly to the Resistance, gave them all his intelligence of the First Order, and even indirectly sowed the seeds of doubt the common stormtrooper had in the regime. And now they had a star destroyer and a willing army.

Can said army change their priorities though? His begrudging respect for Kylo was one thing, but the army respected Kylo to a much deeper level.

The Resistance was trapped in a position where Kylo Ren of all people was needed to take major leadership.

"Solo is in the medbay recovering from… Quite honestly I don't know what he was up to on the ruins of the Death Star," Poe explained to the two of them. "If they want him as a leader then he better not be dying in the next few hours."

"He went to get Rey," Finn explained. "Rey is literally the only reason why he came to the Resistance in the first place."

"Is Kylo in love with her or something?" Poe declared in his frustration. "To the point he was willing to give over chain of command to go chase after her?"

That gave Finn pause in his footsteps. The former stormtrooper had to register that statement.

It made horrible sense to Finn with how Ap'lek's biting snark about Rey and Kylo mocked them being a couple, but Finn never gave it that much thought. Ap'lek was a Knight of Ren and was willing to cut him and Rose down at a whim. Even Kylo himself was annoyed with how Ap'lek referred to Rey as Kylo's girlfriend.

Still, Finn found it hard to actually swallow that Kylo and Rey's relationship wasn't just something bitter and mutual hatred. Kylo's own actions on Pasaana said as much. Rey certainly showed no love towards Kylo, but she wasn't acting in her right mind either. Finn wondered if saving Kylo's life was an act of the force, or if it was because of his conscience. To stop Rey before she killed her sworn enemy because he wasn't actually trying to hurt her.

Something had happened since Crait. Something definitely happened to Rey. Why else would she have been quiet and withdrawn in the following months? It was almost as if she had a broken heart trying to be mended. Finn wished he had recognized what it was sooner, but Rey spoke nothing about it to anyone.

Finn's gut sank, thinking about just how someone like Kylo Ren, a man who murdered his own father and countless others, could have some sort of capacity for love towards Rey. By all principles, Kylo should hate Rey for being a Jedi and her hatred. The evidence was scarred on Kylo's face. It was twisted to think about for Finn. A little disturbing. His skin crawled at this revelation. This was just a joke, surely. Poe was making a jab at most.

Yet, in spite of all this, Kylo knew what was wrong with Rey. He wanted to save her from herself.

"Finn?" Poe waved a hand in front of his face. "You okay? It's just a joke."

Finn snapped out of his thoughts. "Oh, right. Yeah. Why would the Jedi Killer be in love with the Last Jedi? He knows what's wrong with Rey but I highly doubt he ran off after her because she's pretty. If we got her back it would help us in taking over the First Order."

"Right. It would help immensely if she were to come back," Poe declared.

Something potent in the force approached Finn. His hair stood on the back of his neck. "I need to check on something. I'll be a bit."

Poe and Mitaka continued walking, Poe nodding in understanding. "Right. We'll be on the bridge."

Finn breathed a sigh of relief, still feeling his skin crawling but at least he was now alone in his thoughts.

Or so he thought.

"Rey is pretty," the voice of Kylo Ren—nicknamed Solo by both Finn and Poe to annoy him more than anything—spoke in the empty hallway.

Finn turned around and stared at the tall man in black leaning against the wall. His tunic had a big tear right in the chest, but it did nothing but make him look more imposing with his long cape and the two lightsabers clipped to his belt.

"We need to have a chat," Kylo spoke once again. "About your force capabilities."

Oh. Right. That. Finn swallowed. "How did you know?"

Kylo stared at him incredulously. "I'm not sure if I should take that question as a joke or not."

Finn simply felt dumb at that moment. Kylo himself was a force-user, the strongest in the galaxy, only matched by Rey. "Right, I forgot."

"It took so long for your sensitivity to surface. I've had little time to consider why. My only conclusion is the isolation you've had up in these barracks all your life suppressed your sensitivity. Training, brainwashing…"

Finn didn't need to be a strong force user to detect the flaring anger radiating off of Kylo. Normally Finn would be on the defensive, but he knew Kylo wasn't going to lash out. He was upset at something Finn hadn't given much thought to except on the rare nights when it was quiet on Ajan Kloss. The constant distraction of Rose, Poe, the Resistance, First Order, even Rey, all that occupied his thoughts enough. "So what does this even mean?" Finn blurted out. "Now that I'm force-sensitive? Do I become a Jedi or…"

Kylo raised his knuckles to his mouth in thought. "You're not as strong with the force as Rey and I, or even Luke Skywalker. But you will need training. Rey will be your teacher of course."

Finn raised his eyebrow. He was ecstatic that Rey could help him, his best friend. However, Finn couldn't help but wonder why Kylo went straight for Rey as a teacher first. "But she's…"

"Not for one more second," Kylo declared with a rigid disposition. "If I have anything to say about it."

Now Finn was feeling a bit bold in his next question. "Do you love her?"

Kylo's expression remained neutral, though Finn couldn't help but notice the slight flinch in his posture. "That is inconsequential to the matters at hand. It will not matter in the long term once everything is said and done."

"A simple yes or no will do," Finn said, trying to contain a smirk forming on his mouth at Kylo's super robotic answer. "I'm going to assume it's a yes."

"Assume what you want, Finn, it doesn't matter." The blush on Kylo's—no—on Ben's face was very evident. "We have plans to form and the First Order to prioritize."

"Whatever you say, Solo," Finn said, walking away. He was laughing in his head, rather loudly.

Loud enough for Kylo to hear.


Damn that Finn. Damn Poe for even putting the idea into Finn's head in the first place as a joke.

To say Ben was thoroughly annoyed was an understatement. He hadn't even had one moment to even consider the consequences of being in love with Rey. And it was true, he loved her. He would never admit it yet though. Rey deserved to hear it first.

What will happen when he brings her back from the dark side? Ben returned to the medbay, exhausted from walking as much as he did. The medical droids patched up his chest with a new bacta patch to ease the pain and lingering burning. Medical personnel told him he can return to his quarters; his quarters from when he was Supreme Leader on this ship.

The aching and burning in his chest dulled with each step he made towards his room. Opening it, he noticed right away it wasn't touched at all. Some of his reports were scattered on a desk, but otherwise, nothing was touched from what he could sense. No one had entered this room except for his Knights searching for any remaining intelligence. Ben knew he was lucky that no one suspected Mitaka.

Removing his boots and shirt, Ben flopped down on his black bed, face hot thinking about Rey. Her corrupted image would not go away. Her wearing darkened robes and using a red lightsaber was a haunting, living nightmare.

What would he do, when this was all over? He would tell her how he felt, with no hesitation. No conditions. He would offer her everything.

But would she want to reciprocate? Even at all? Would she even feel the same way? She was his other half, but that didn't mean much in terms of how she truly felt. After everything he had done, she still rejected him. And oddly, he was content to watch her go if she didn't feel the same way.

For a moment, he entertained the thoughts of a life without Rey at his side. Ben would leave and allow her to be free for her own choices. She deserved the galaxy, he would give it to her in any way he could, and if she wanted something else, someone else, then so be it. Her happiness was above his own, in every way. He would go off and restore true peace and order to the galaxy, pay for his crimes in any way he could, and move on. It hurt to think about, but love was pain. It was relentless. It was overwhelming. It tore at one's soul.

Love was worth fighting for.


A/N: We interrupt the KH references in the chapter titles to instead reference Somnus by Yoko Shimomura XD.

Ben please take a hint you're killing me here.

See you next time!