A week had passed since the little incident at the Feast of Fools, and Quasi had agreed to try again, to take her for that walk to the Seine, where hopefully, this time, no one would comment on his monstrous appearance. There was no changing how he looked. It was just the way that it was.
Quasi felt like he was drowning with no hope of being saved. The blackness of his memories starts to spread through his mind, clouding his thoughts and taking him back to places and times he never wanted to revisit. His memories in his head only grew louder and louder. He just wanted them gone. Was that too much to ask for? It was. Just when he thought all hope was lost, he heard Renee's voice calling his name. Hearing her voice was like hearing a ray of sunshine in the darkness of his past. Renee's voice guided him back to reality. She was his anchor now; she gave him hope when his darkness began to creep in, threatening to take over. How quickly the young blonde had made an impression on him, and she'd been at Notre Dame only but a few months now.
He thought for certain he was dying. I have to be, he thought as he stared out into the evening sun at the top of the rose window balcony. He had a few minutes before he was to meet Renee at the cathedral's entrance. He needed a few minutes to try to clear his head. A tightness in his chest sent horrible pangs down into the pit of his stomach. Am I having a heart attack? What the hell is happening to me? Quasi wondered, pained. Laverne had laughed at the idea, stating it was love doing this to him, why he could think of nothing but her. No, I can't be having a heart attack. I'm only twenty-eight; I'm far too young and healthy for one. But what else could this be? He'd spent the entirety of his day following the incident in Adam's study in a daze, reliving the moment the two of them had almost kissed in the shadows before Alice had so rudely interrupted their moment alone. Scoffing, he sighed, running a hand through his red hair, which had been freshly trimmed by Jeanne earlier this evening. Quasi had thought for certain Renee would say no when he'd ventured downstairs this morning to ask her if she wanted to join him outside the cathedral for the evening. She'd surprised him though by saying yes, and the look in her eyes, he'd never forgotten it. How could I? Dare he believed that for a moment, she looked…hopeful?
As though she could think of nothing more exciting than the very idea of spending an evening with him. And then there was that moment in the corridor. She kissed me, he thought wildly, sighing. He could stall no longer. He began to scale the church walls the usual way for him, taking his time and relishing the evening breeze as it tousled his hair. To him, the climb was refreshing, one of the few ways he could relax. Renee had a look in her eyes, Quasi wondered, reflecting on the way she'd looked at him right when she'd been about to kiss him. I know that look. Esmeralda would get it whenever she looked at Phoebus. I used to pray she'd look at me that way, but now I…I can't stop thinking about Renee. What if—what if she tries to kiss me again? He cursed Alice for interrupting when she did. Alice, he thought and swore underneath his breath. You'll never change your ways, will you? What am I thinking, of course, you won't! If you wouldn't have shown up when you did, Renee kissed me, and…and…but what if I couldn't control myself, what would I have done to her? Quasi thought, anguished. It was no secret that spending all of his adult life alone in his tower with limited exposure to women close to his age caused the poor man to suffer an unhealthy dose of a certain kind of an unusual frustration, something he had no clue on how to fix it. He'd never bothered to go to Jeanne or Alice for advice, they'd simply tell him to visit a brothel, satisfy his urge, and be done with it. No. I'm not that kind of man. If I'm so fortunate enough to share that kind of connection someday, I want to experience it with someone I love...Someone like Renee? His conscience was taunting him. He hadn't even reached Notre Dame's entrance yet, and already, he was a nervous wreck. Quasi had spent most of his day willing his nerves to calm down. Tonight needed to go well. He had a sinking feeling he was falling in love with Renee and he hoped to tell her how he felt about her tonight, but what the hell would she say to him when he revealed his feelings?
Victor, Laverne, and Hugo had tried to reassure him that he had nothing to worry about, but he knew those three couldn't help him with this. You're ready.
Laverne's words of reassurance filled his mind as he leaped down, finally at the large oak doors of the prayer of Notre Dame. Easy for you to say, Laverne, he thought darkly, rolling his eyes and nervously pacing the platform, waiting for her to show. You're only made of stone. It's easy for you, you have an out. Me, if tonight fails, I don't know what I'll do. In so many ways, I feel like Renee is my last hope for salvation, my last chance to walk into heaven's light. The only part his guardians had been able to help him with was figuring out what to wear to make a good impression.
Not that you need to worry about that, kid. Hugo's voice inside his head rang, exuding confidence as he helped the young bell ringer find something suitable. Laverne and Victor had somehow managed to find him a respectable looking knee-length black tunic that fit him perfectly, as though it had been made for him. Black pants that fit him well and looked practically new, and his black boots he'd labored over for the better part of a half-hour, polishing them and trying to get the scuff marks out. The tunic's black color set off his fiery red hair, Hugo had complimented. The tunic had a long front slit with gold buttons; a half stand up collar. He was surprised they'd been able to find it for him. When asked, they simply said they had their ways and not to question their methods. Whoever it had used to belong to must have been of noble blood, Laverne had guessed. Either way, it was his now and Jeanne had cleaned it for him, so it was one less thing for him to fret over. Right now, his mind was preoccupied with not making a fool of himself tonight.
It's not too late to turn around, his mind advised. But he couldn't. His future was waiting for him at the entrance. Quasi nervously paced the steps of the cathedral. Cold sweat glistened on his furrowed brow. With his hands clasped tightly in front of his stomach, he constantly fiddled with his knuckles, weaving his fingers in and out of each other. Oh, God, he thought, suppressing a groan. What is she going to say? For that matter, what am I going to say? It's been so long since I've had another woman in my life to talk to like this, not since Esmeralda. A muscle twitched involuntarily at the corner of his right eye, his mouth formed a rigid grimace as he swatted his hand, waving away any thoughts of the Romani away for right now. Right now, he wanted to think of her. How is it someone like Renee can come into my life and it feels like I can't go another day without her? She's…she's perfect. I've never met someone like her. She's beautiful, kind, sweet, everything I could want in a potential partner, but I…oh God, listen to me. Alice was right! I—I want to court her, and I've no idea what she'll say. God help me if you're even there.
He tapped his foot restlessly and all the while stared at the door, wondering when she would show, briefly, his mind wandered to his dark place. What if she stood you up? After all, what woman in her right mind would ever want to pursue a romantic relationship with someone like you, a monster? Frollo was right. I'm a monster; I need to stop trying to pretend to be something that I'm not. I can't do this. No. Don't think like that. You saw the way she was looking at you earlier today, when she looks at you, she sees something entirely different. Tonight, you're going to find out.
This fitfully calm evening in the middle of January would either see the dawn of his new life or snap his dreams in two. Another winter breeze rustled his hair, and he could smell the distant heady scent of rain. The moonlight was a diffuse ocean above him, lessening the inky blackness of the night, but not so bright as to dull the stars that glittered in the heavens above. It was beautiful. His thoughts were interrupted as he finally saw her.
He felt guilty as he looked at her, his thoughts so preoccupied, lost in his thoughts, he hadn't even noticed her, standing there, waiting for him to notice her. When she moved into the light, the moonlight reflected her beauty, making her silhouette even more radiant and ethereal than he thought a possible. A goddess of light.
"Heaven's light," he whispered, hoping she couldn't hear him. The last thing he wanted was to explain himself.
Her pale skin was a creamy white as the moonlight shone down onto her, and he wondered briefly if he reached out to touch her, would he only graze the air, as if she were nothing more than a spirit, an angel. He could tell just by looking at her that Alice had helped trim her hair. Her bangs fell in stray wisps to her delicately shaped brows. Renee's blonde hair was the essence of summer, her hair a thousand myriad hues of gold. In some lights, her hair was white, in others; it was like the finest of golden corn silk. Every time she appeared, the day never ended. She was a siren leading everyone to sudden happiness, including him.
The beauty with the hauntingly tragic gray eyes. She'd donned a new dress for their evening out, one he hadn't seen her wear before, but he knew just by looking at it, it was now his favorite on her, it brought out her eyes. It's perfect for you, he thought, grinning. Renee had chosen to wear a beautiful elegant floor-length forest green dress made of light green linen, with braided purple embroidery on the neckline and sleeves. The dress's long sleeves were long and close fitting, her dress's neckline a wide scoop neck that showed off her collarbones and shoulders. The skirt of her dress was wide and flowed and breathed with her movements.
She sank low into a graceful curtsy as he approached her, a shy smile on her lips. Renee stood up and twirled once for him, a playful gleam in her eyes as she winked once at him. As she twirled for him, her skirts moved effortlessly, almost dancing with her movements, and he could see the back of her dress was laced tight enough to be form fitting and flattering to her figure, but not so tight it restricted her ability to breathe. Smart, he thought, admiring her. When he got a little closer, he could see tiny stud earrings in her lobes. A pleasant scent filled the air around them and he realized quickly that it was her hair. Her hair smelled of apples and the winter season in Paris. He grinned. Green was his favorite color, and it was a color that suited her well and he loved it on her.
She's waiting for you to say something, you idiot! Compliment her; tell her how beautiful she looks! It's not that hard, just open your mouth and say something! Renee looked at him, patiently waiting, a bemused smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Damn it. Shit. What the hell do I say? Oh, God… You can do this, a different voice spoke up. You weren't this bad when Esmeralda was still alive, were you? No, you weren't. Esmeralda had always been Phoebus's, right from the start. You knew that you always have. But tonight you have a chance to start over. With Renee, if she'll have you. See how she's looking at you, she wants you. You're a fool if you can't see it. Laverne and Victor's voices rang in his ears. You're blind; open your eyes before you miss what's right in front of you. Now Alice was taking over.
Flustered, he ran a hand through his red hair and took a deep breath. "You look…beautiful," he finally managed.
She dipped her head. "Thank you," she said quietly. Renee bit her lip playfully as she admired his new attire. "You clean up great!" she complimented, flashing a brilliant white smile his way that made his heart stop.
To his surprise, Renee didn't wait for Quasi to offer her his arm, even though he'd been fully intending to. She took initiative and intertwined her arm with his, beaming up at him, for the first time in a long time, giving him the feelings of hope. Hope, he thought. I haven't felt this way in such a long time. Something that he hadn't even known he missed in his life. "You do too," he said. "Green is a good color for you, Renee. It brings out your eyes."
"Please," she interjected, holding up a hand. "Call me Lena, if—if you want," she stammered, blushing slightly. "My family does, and you've certainly earned the right," she complimented, reddening at his beautiful smile he gave her. The beginnings of hope continued to swell in his chest.
"It works both ways," she added, giving him a quick once over as she assessed his form underneath his clothes. "Black is a good color for you. It sets off your red hair," she teased, reaching up a hand to playfully tousle his hair. He felt the chills erupt all over his skin.
The bell ringer smiled and thanked her with his eyes, thinking how wonderful it felt for her to be holding his arm. It was such a simple gesture, but to him, it meant the world. To him, it was everything he'd hoped for. He cleared his throat and tried to think of something to say. "I um…Paris is really beautiful." Like you. Damn it, don't blow this, you need tonight to go well. Keep cool.
"Yes?" she encouraged, barely fighting back her smile.
"Well, I—I just thought that you know, if you hadn't seen any of the city yet for yourself, then I could…show you," he finished, turning away sharply for a moment. What is WRONG with me? I can't even form a cohesive sentence when I'm around her, that's just what she does to me! Keep it together, don't lose your head.
Renee smiled, her eyes twinkling. "I'd like that." She hesitated as she looked out into the massive city before them, her brow furrowed slightly.
He noticed and frowned. "Did you have anything, in particular, you'd like to see?" he asked, wondering if he should have asked this first.
She craned her neck up to smile at him, feeling dwarfed in his company, but she'd never felt safer. Renee couldn't explain the feeling, but she knew as long as she was with the bell ringer, she would be safe, as long as she stayed near him and didn't stray too far. Not that she wanted to. "Whatever you'd like to show me, the night is ours. I've nothing but time on my hands, and nowhere to be in the morning, so, please…feel free to show me whatever you want!" she chirped happily, giving his arm a gentle squeeze. "Shall we?" she asked, a nervous laugh escaping her. The blonde coughed once to cover it, but there was no masking it.
Quasi quirked his brow at her. Is she nervous? He wondered incredulously, hardly daring to believe it. What does she have to be nervous for, she—she's not the one whose entire life hinges on tonight going well or not. She has nothing to lose by rejecting me, he thought sadly.
Renee surprised him by taking the first steps off Notre Dame. She turned and waited, sensing his hesitation. There was no turning back after this. But look at how she's smiling at you. How can you resist that smile? Go on. Just move off the ledge, you can do it. You did once for Esmeralda, you can do it again; only this time you have Renee by your side. You're not alone in this. And maybe, she's just as lonely as you are. But holy hell, this is your first time away from the sanctuary of Notre Dame, let alone with a beautiful woman. What if—Nope. Jeanne was speaking to him now. She's not giving you a chance to think it. Look, she's started walking away; she's going to leave you! Move; go after her, you idiot! Jeanne's voice was raging in his ears. You fool, don't let her slip away. Go after her! Go with her.
He didn't give himself a chance to second guess. Renee smiled knowingly as if she knew exactly what he was thinking. He could only watch, stunned, as she reached out her hand for him to take. "I don't bite," she teased, a shy smile on her lips. "Please don't make me go by myself. I've been looking forward to this."
Quasi grinned and took her hand, enjoying the smooth, warm feeling of her skin against his. Is this real? He was holding her hand. She hadn't flinched or turned away in disgust. Doing his best not to show how nervous he was, he muttered a silent prayer under his breath to God, if God was looking out for him. Quasi glanced at Renee out of the corner of his eye. He could see the bruise underneath her eye had faded to almost practically nothing, and the cut on her hand had healed.
Hopefully at some point tonight, she'll tell me the truth, he thought darkly. I have to hear it for myself. The thought of someone hurting her made his blood boil. He knew that as he looked at Renee, he would do whatever it took to protect her, as long as she stayed in Notre Dame, he would look after her if she'd allow it. Quasi shook his head to clear his mind and returned his attention to the beautiful woman currently holding his hand.
Hopefully, by the end of tonight, he'd learn what her intentions were. He'd hoped to ask her if he could court her, but he decided to let fate play out as it would first. "I thought I'd show you the Seine. Have you seen it yet?" he questioned. "How much of Paris have you seen?"
"I'd like that," she spoke up. "I—I haven't, I'm afraid. I saw it a little on my way to Notre Dame, but unfortunately due to the weather at the time, I couldn't stop to take it all in," she said, perking up as they finally reached the Seine. "My master, he never let me out, so I didn't get to see as much of Paris as I'd have liked," she explained, not looking at the bell ringer for a moment. She would not let thoughts of Jehan ruin her good mood tonight.
I've been looking forward to this all day, she thought, flashing a charming smile Quasi's way. Don't let him ruin it, her voice warned. Focus on Quasi. He's all that matters. Before the night is over, you'll tell the man how you feel, and your dream will either be made, or your heart broke again, but either way, I'm telling him the truth. I—I have to. I can't do this to Quasi. Not now. "I never thanked you earlier. From this morning, I mean," she clarified, noticing the confused look in his eyes.
"There's no need to thank me," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I did what I had to. Alice should never have asked you to get up on that ladder, you were lucky you weren't killed!" he growled darkly. "I don't know what she was thinking of when she asked you, I should be the one apologizing to you for putting you through all of that."
"I—still." Quasi noticed Renee was looking suddenly uncomfortable and flustered as if she were currently fighting back against something and losing.
"What is it?" he urged. "What's wrong?" Oh shit. What did I say to offend her? Look at the light dimming in her eyes, what the hell is going through her mind? I—this was a mistake; you never should have suggested this. It's not too late to turn around. Go on. As she looked at him, his heart practically shattered into a million fragments. Her eyes held such heartbreak. Who hurt you? Who broke your spirit, Renee?
"I..." she began, but her voice cracked and she blinked back the beginning of tears. "I—I have something I need to say," she managed to gasp out. "I don't quite know how to say it, but I—I need to, so just let me say this, please…"
He sighed, knowing where she was going with this. "I should have known," he muttered quietly. "Come, we should go back," he said softly, doing his best not to sound so dejected in front of her. "It's late, anyway."
She stared at him in disbelief. "I—what are you talking about?" she demanded, her voice trembling. "Tell me!"
Quasi turned, his turn to look at her. "We're going back to the cathedral. This was a mistake," he growled darkly. "I never should have suggested it, I—I was a fool to think that I had any hope of having someone beautiful like you in my life, I don't know what I was thinking, I never should have—"
But he didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as Renee's lips brushed against his. Not innocently, like a tease, but her kiss was fiery, hot, and demanding. The voices in his head were screaming at him to pull away, to break it off before his heart got broken again, but he can't. Her kiss was so unexpected, it caught him off guard. He wanted to pull away, to stop, to ask her what she was doing, but he couldn't. At the moment, his senses became seduced and he could no longer think straight. I think I…I think I love her, he thought wildly.
Alice's suggestive comments from earlier this morning when he'd asked her and Jeanne for advice filled his mind. That's the best you can do, kid? Shit, don't be afraid to you know, really get into it. Use your hands; show her you care about her. It's all about body language, you know. Quasi hardly had time to react as her kiss deepened and became more passionate. Inexperienced though he was, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to get lost in her kiss. She pulled away first, taking deep, shallow breaths and gasping for air as she caressed either side of his face with her hands, a shy, brilliant smile on her lips and a fire in her eyes that he hadn't seen before.
"I—I what was…? Oh, God," he moaned, swallowing hard. "What was that?" he gasped, hardly daring to believe it.
Renee smiled. "I believe they call that display of affection a kiss," she teased. "Do you get it now?" she demanded, a fire igniting in her eyes. "Or do I need to spell it out for you?" she asked.
"I—that felt…" Amazing. Wonderful. Right. True.
"Good?" she asked, quirking her brow at him. She blushed and let out a nervous laugh, reaching up a hand to brush back a stray wisp of blonde hair behind her ear. "It's supposed to. I—I hope that I didn't cross a line, I—I've wanted to do that all day. Ever since the moment in the corridor before we were…interrupted," she admitted. She reached up a hand to caress his cheek, her fingertips grazing the edges of his scar. He shuddered as a pleasant tremor went down his spine as he caught her hand mid-gesture and held it, thinking how nice it felt. "I like you," she said shyly, quietly. "A lot," she whispered. "And I never..." she paused as her voice trailed off, looking pained. "I never want to hurt you. I think I...never mind, it's stupid," she whispered, her voice breaking slightly as she swallowed hard.
"I…" there was so much he wanted to say to her, but he couldn't. What the hell just happened? He thought.
A knowing smile crept over her beautiful features as she came up to him, snaking her arms around his neck. Renee bit her lip playfully, her gray eyes twinkling.
"This is the part where you're supposed to kiss me again if you liked it," she joked. When she smiled at him, he lost it. Unable to fight back against his urge anymore, he held her close, holding her head in his hands and pulled her close for another passionate kiss. As he kissed Renee, his brain lit on fire and every touch of hers sent his mind reeling, sending warmth throughout his entire body. After her first kiss, he was addicted. I—I love her, he thought as he lost himself to their kiss. Quasi dedicated his life to Renee from the moment of their first kiss. She was now the new half that made him whole. He would live for her kiss and he'd die with the memory of it forever on his lips. Her kisses were his salvation and his torment both, helping and haunting him.
They broke apart at last, both gasping for air.
Renee laughed, her laughter delightful, the heaven to his ears. His heart swelled with so much affection and hope that the night would continue to go well, it was a wonder he hadn't keeled over dead yet. But this is what she does to me, he thought wondrously. I love her. I can only pray she feels the same way or else—shut the hell up! Alice's voice rang in his ears. You are an idiot! Alice was saying. Do you think she doesn't? If you do, you're an even bigger fool than I thought, but we still love for it. She wouldn't have kissed you if she wasn't interested, moron! Quit overthinking things before you ruin everything!
They broke apart, she rested her forehead against his, smiling shyly, enjoying the warmth he gave off. He smiled at her, thinking how wonderful it felt to be the recipient of her affections. Quasi reached up and brushed a stray wisp of her hair behind her hair, his eyes sparkling with a new intensity that Renee hadn't seen in him before, but she liked it. She blushed under the scrutiny of his gaze, but he didn't give her a chance to overthink it.
"There was something I—I wanted to ask you tonight. I never really got to ask the way I wanted at...at the Feast of Fools," he managed, growing nervous, but feeling justified in not relinquishing his hold on her. Holding her in his arms felt right, and he wouldn't trade this moment for anything. "I—I was going to wait until later tonight, but I…I don't think I can. All my life I've been afraid, Renee. Afraid of people rejecting me, and even if they didn't, still losing the few people in my life that I care about. I don't have many people in my life I can truly call my family. Just Adam, Alice, and Jeanne. But now that you're in Notre Dame, I feel… I've been afraid of everything I can't control. But when I—I was faced with the idea that you might not…that you might not want to be with me in a…in a romantic way, and it made me realize there's something that I would regret more than anything else, no matter how you feel about me, and that's not telling you the truth about how I feel about you. Because being honest with each other is the only way we could share a life together, you and I. I know the odds are stacked against us and we'd be risking so much. What I—what I'm about to ask you is not easy for me, and I don't know how you're going to react. If you stay with me, you'll be labeled, Renee. You'll become like me, an outcast, someone shunned by Paris, but if you…if you feel the same way for me that I do about you, then there's no one else I'd rather take that chance with. I was wondering if you wanted to …if I could…court you?" he finished. He bit his lip and fell silent. Oh, God. What if—what if she says no, then what? At least you told her how you felt; now you wait for her to respond and pray she says yes.
Renee's face remained impassive for a moment as she processed his declarations of his feelings for her. Then she broke into a wide grin and he felt practically bowled over as she flung her arms around his neck and covered his mouth with a passionate kiss that burned his lips. When she kissed him, his brain lit on fire. He liked the warmth she gave, how he felt at ease and comfortable whenever he was with her.
"What took you so long so long to ask me? I was wondering when you would ask!" she laughed, laughing at his dazed expression when she broke apart.
Quasi stared, hardly daring to believe what he was hearing, quirking his brow at her. "Does that mean…are you and I…? Does that mean yes?"
"Do you really have to ask me that? Yes!" she teased, reaching up to kiss him again. He felt himself grinning as he leaned into her kiss, resisting the urge to smile and instead lost himself in her kiss, yet again. He broke apart, laughing. He cupped her chin in his hand and leaned in to kiss her again, but an angry outburst startled them both, breaking them out of their intimate moment. Renee frowned, looking for the source.
She let out a tiny groan and sighed. "What now?" she moaned, burying her head in his shoulder, not wanting to look to see who it was.
"Hey, lovely!" the handsome dark-haired soldier from her first night in the cathedral was watching her with great interest and a wave of growing anger in his green eyes.
"Frederic," she growled through gritted teeth. "What do you want? I thought I made it clear I don't want to see you. I suggest you respect my request before you—what the hell?" she shouted, caught off guard as the young soldier grabbed her by her arm and pulled her away from the bell ringer. "LET GO OF ME!" she demanded.
"I told you, I never said I was a good soldier," he laughed, a suggestive look in his eyes. He nipped her ear and lowered his tone. When he spoke, it was seductive. "Why don't you ditch the devil's spawn and come spend time with a real man? I'll show you a good time," he grinned, pressing his lips to her neck for a chaste kiss.
"Why don't you go screw yourself!" she shouted, growing red in the face. "Get out of here, Frederic de Marten! I thought I told you don't talk to me ever again!"
Quasi startled, surprised at her vulgar outburst but quickly recovered. He winced but shook it off. Hearing her swear was an affront to his ears, but he knew by looking at Frederic, a lieutenant of Phoebus's that he'd never liked, the insult was warranted. "Listen to her, Frederic!" he warned. "She's with me. Leave now, and I'll forget this whole thing," he called out, doing his best to keep his voice steady. He balled his hands into fists and clenched them. "Get out of here. Don't harm her, and I won't tell Phoebus."
But Frederic wasn't listening. His gaze was solely focused on Renee, eyeing her figure underneath her green dress. One hand was wrapped around her neck, his fingers gently gliding over her skin. "No, I don't think so."
Quasi's gaze flitted to Renee and back to Frederic, and for a moment, he was startled at how uncontrollable his rage was becoming. All he felt was the desire to hate the young soldier. But then he looked into her eyes and felt the worst of his anger evaporate as their eyes met. There was sadness in her gray eyes mingled with the frustration of being held against her will by Frederic. Her pain suggested she was all too used to it. But Renee, she was now his hope, the small flicker of flame in a storm that should have wiped it out. The more time they spent together over the last several days, it became clear to him that Renee somehow separated her pain from herself, that was still there, but she became so good at masking it that she didn't even know it herself that she was experiencing it. But he knew.
"You know what I think?" the soldier crooned to Renee, finally relinquishing his hold on her. She stumbled away from him, glowering at the handsome soldier. She coughed, one hand on her neck as she winced at the marks left by the soldier from where he'd grabbed her. Renee darted behind Quasi, who worriedly held her in his arms, enveloping her in a protective embrace.
"What do you think, Frederic?" she spat, disgusted. She continued to cough and gasp for air as the color slowly returned to her face.
He scoffed, his eyes drawn to her breasts. "I think this whole…facade you've got going on where you can take care of yourself is just an act."
"You think?" she hissed through clenched teeth.
"I know so," he shot back defiantly. Quasi looked back and forth between Renee and Frederic, fuming but confused. He opened his mouth to say something but paused as Renee laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and shook her head silently, warning him not to lose it.
Renee took a deep breath. "What makes you so sure?"
"I think you're just a scared little girl with some serious issues about her parents abandoning her," he sneered.
"APOLOGIZE!" Quasi shouted, feeling his blood boil as he stepped forward, fully intending to put the soldier in his place and give him a beating he'd remember until his dying breath, but Renee beat him to it. She turned away, but her eyes betrayed her. She's furious, the bell ringer thought, shocked and not knowing what to do as the blonde swung back around and decked Frederic square in the nose, the bones in his nose crunching as his nose broke and crimson blood flowed from his nostrils.
"Bloody hell!" he bellowed, clutching his nose. "I think you broke my fucking nose!" he shouted, scrambling to his feet. "What the fuck?"
Quasi stepped in front of Renee, who was smirking triumphantly at the soldier groveling on his knees on the ground in front of the bell ringer, holding out his arm, preventing Frederic from getting near her.
"You're lucky that's all she did, Frederic!" he shouted, his body trembling as he fought back the worst of his temper, which was threatening to implode. "Get the hell out of here right now, before I lose my temper!"
Frederic scrambled to his feet, shooting a venomous look Renee and Quasi's way before finally retreating.
Renee scoffed and rolled her eyes, a wry smile on her lips. She turned back to Quasi and her expression softened. "I'm sorry," she apologized, flexing her hand and rubbing it gingerly. "I had to," she admitted sheepishly. "He's such a prick! If I didn't, there's no telling what he would have done."
"Don't apologize," he reassured her. He glanced sideways at her and grinned. "It was brilliant. You've got a mean right hook," he teased. "Remind me never to get you mad at me," he laughed. He held her steady by her shoulders and gave her a quick once-over for any injuries. "Are you hurt?" he demanded harshly. "Did he hurt you?"
"No," she said quietly, brushing away his concerns. "He didn't," she sighed, enveloping him in a tight hug.
"That…" But his voice trailed off and he dared not say what he really thought of Frederic in front of Renee. Instead, he let out a low warning growl from the back of his throat as he watched Frederic's silhouette fade from view, his fingers clutching the back of Renee's dress for support. He rested his chin on top of her hair, enjoying holding her in his arms. "I'll make sure Phoebus hears about this, first chance. When he hears one of his lieutenants tried to assault a woman during his off hours, he'll be livid. Put him in his place, I hope."
Renee smiled, instinctively reaching for his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. To distract herself, she turned her attention to the Seine and let out a gasp. There was nothing quite like it. The River Seine was quiet tonight, the water reflection as smooth as glass, laying across the land in smooth curves, cool and innocuous. A light winter breeze rustled the night air, the cool breeze lifting their spirits. Tonight, the Seine was eerily deserted.
Only a few villagers were out for an evening stroll. One or two curious onlookers glanced their direction, but they were left alone. Laverne was right, he thought, amused. No one's bothering us. A distant crack of thunder rumbled, and a brief flash of lightning split the sky. The air grew heavy with the scent of rain.
"It's looking like it might storm," Renee spoke up, her tone worried. She turned to Quasi, who hadn't taken his eyes off her all night. "What should we do?"
"Think we should head back?" he asked, feeling slightly crestfallen. He'd hoped to be able to truly show her the Seine, but internally, he was just ecstatic she'd said yes to his wanting to court her. Is she afraid of thunder? Renee nodded, giving his hand a small squeeze. "Come on, then," he urged kindly, shooting a small smile her way and hoped it was enough to soothe her nerves. "Let's head back. Alice will kill me if you—" His sentence was interrupted as a loud crack of thunder filled the sky, startling them both. Renee let out a scream and clung to him tightly, trembling. Quasi smiled, pulling her tight. "Renee," he urged, relishing how nice her name sounded on his tongue, "Are you afraid of thunder?" he asked, his tone serious. "Tell me the truth, I swear, I won't laugh if you are. You don't have to be afraid, as long as you're with me, I'll protect you."
"I'm sorry!" she wailed, burying her head in his shoulder as the downpour started. "I—I'm used to getting through stuff like this by myself!" she protested.
"You don't have to be afraid," he said soothingly, reaching up to caress her cheek, ignoring the cold rain. "I promise, as long as you're at Notre Dame, I'll protect you."
Quasi pulled her closer, not thinking twice. He glanced down and Renee and quickly had to divert his eyes from the fact that the rain had soaked her dress, causing it to cling tightly to her skin, emphasizing her slender figure and her breasts. Her hair clung to her forehead, becoming one with the rain, wetly clinging to her bone structure that drove him crazy, and it made him uncomfortable to be able to look away. You're staring, Victor's voice reminded him. I know, his conscious protested. But I can't help it! He placed a comforting hand on the small of her back, his fingers running up and down her spine, coaxing a tremor out of Renee, and not from the cold.
Despite the heaviness in her stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of her body pressed against his. She sunk into the warmth of his side, ignoring the fact they were both drenched, their clothes soaked through. His touch made the world warmer somehow, her future seeming a little less bleak as long as she was with him. In his embrace, the cold rain had felt like it stopped and the thunder silent. Quasi grabbed Renee's arm and they hastily ran back to the cathedral for shelter from the storm, the sky black above their heads, the torrential downpour showing no sign of stopping anytime soon, much to their distress. He was aware that he was sulking, but what else could he do? Leave it to winter season in Paris to put a damper on my plans to show her the Seine, he thought angrily. To his surprise, Renee burst out laughing. Is she…she's enjoying this! Quasi thought, bemused. He felt a huge weight lift from his heart as he listened to her laugh. Her laughter sounded like the tinkling of a million bells, beautiful and elegant, just like her. They reached the steps of Notre Dame, and he paused, weighing his options. She's afraid of heights, but it would be faster for me if I can scale the walls…He hesitated. "Do you trust me?" he asked, at last, turning to Renee, who was staring at him with admiration and love.
Renee didn't hesitate, not relinquishing her grip on his hand. "With my life," she responded warmly, and just her comment alone almost made his heart stop. "What are you thinking?" she asked, craning her neck up to stare at Notre Dame in awe.
"It's quicker for me to climb up," he exclaimed, feeling his face grow hot as he watched her eyes widen in shock. "But if you don't want to, we can always use the stairs."
"You want us to climb up there?" she croaked. "But…it's so high up!" she squeaked.
He laughed, unable to help himself. "You won't be climbing," he exclaimed, chuckling at her stunned expression. "I will be doing the climbing, you will be hanging onto me for dear life," he joked. "Here, like this," he urged softly, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Hang on tight," he warned, a soft smile on his lips as he felt the rush of a foreign feeling as she clung to him tightly.
"Don't drop me," she pleaded, only half-joking.
"Never," he responded gravely. "With me, you're safe. I promise," he swore, glancing down just in time for her to give him another passionate kiss. A moment in heaven that ended too soon. She broke away, her gray eyes twinkling.
"You promise?" she prodded, quirking her brow at him.
"I promise," he said softly, beginning to climb. She let out a low moan and squeezed her eyes shut, burying her face in the crook of his neck. "I won't drop you!" he laughed. "And even if I did, I'd catch you, and if I missed for any reason, I'd sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health," he promised solemnly, and she knew at that moment, he was serious. He meant every word of it.
She opened her eyes and stared at him, lost in his blue eyes. No one's ever spoken to me like that, she thought, dazed as she gazed into her new love's eyes. Their eyes met briefly and had a private conversation. You're quite an acrobat. But, please…watch yourself. Oh, don't drop me, please. Don't let me fall.
Never. Trust me. I know what I'm doing. And don't look down.
Renee knew she was staring, but she couldn't look away. Renee was mesmerized by every moment, every decision the bell ringer made. Every step he took was carefully executed and deliberate. He climbed the walls of Notre Dame as though it were the easiest thing in the world, and to him, she knew that it was. "I'm not—I'm not too heavy for you?" she asked, curious. "How in the world—you make it look so easy!"
"Because it is!" he laughed. "Renee, you weigh next to nothing. You're tiny. I've carried wine barrels and pew benches heavier than you. this is nothing," he joked. "Do I need to stop?"
"NO!" she bellowed. "If you stop, I'll look down!"
He laughed, his laughter reassuring to her frayed nerves. After what felt like an eternity, they reached the rose window balcony. Quasi stepped off gently, his hands gently wrapped around her waist as he helped her to her feet. "I hope I didn't scare you!" he apologized, looking pained, noticing how white her face was. She was trembling, but a part of her looked exhilarated, as though she had enjoyed the experience. "Are you all right?"
Her face had turned an interesting shade of green and she pitched out an arm and faltered in her footing, and would have fallen had Quasi not shot out an arm to catch her.
"I'll be fine," she moaned. "Just get me down before I ruin the upholstery," she joked. Renee nodded, flinging her arms around his neck and covering his mouth with a kiss. Hers was one steeped in a passion that ignited a flame deep within the pit of his stomach. Her kiss was the promise of realness, of the primal desire that lived in them all. Her love was her burning flame, burning bright deep in her soul, igniting his newfound love and lust for the woman he was now courting. He broke apart, panting and gasping for air, reaching up a trembling hand to brush away a lock of his red hair from his eyes.
"We should—we should go inside," he managed, short of breath. "We're both drenched as it is, it's late, and Alice will have my head if I allow you to get sick out here," he joked, taking her by the hand, although all he wanted to do was continue kissing her, to feel her perfect softness, her lips pressed against his for all eternity. From the moment their first kiss happened, he'd already made up his mind that Renee was the one, and he knew this about her. She was going to forever change his world. He knew as he gazed into the blonde's eyes that he wanted to marry her, that there was no one else he wanted to spend his life with, he wanted to make her his forever if time would allow for them to spend their lives together in heaven's light, but for now, he would take what he could get.
If that want made him selfish, then so be it.
Quasi led her inside, mulling over this new realization in his mind. Is it that surprising? His conscience offered. You've known you wanted her in your life from the first minute she entered your tower. You love her, and she loves you. She wouldn't have said yes, otherwise, right? No, she wouldn't do that to you. Just look at her. You can see it in her eyes that she loves you, and—
When they got to his tower loft on the mezzanine, he froze. Someone had entered his loft while they out and had created a fire for him and had set aside a pile of blankets so they could sit near the fire and talk. Normally, he'd balk at the idea of someone entering his loft unannounced or while he was out, but for now, he was grateful and let it go.
"Here," he offered, draping a thick wool blanket over her shoulders, noticing how badly her teeth were chattering. She was freezing. "You should get warm."
Renee nodded wordlessly, kicking off her shoes and gingerly rubbing her feet. He noticed how delicate her feet were. She took good care of them. Her feet had slight scarring, he noticed and frowned slightly. From what? Quasi took a seat next to her, smirking slightly and pulled her close, letting her sit in front of the fire's warmth while he sat behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder, enjoying it.
She closed her eyes, grateful for the warmth of the fireplace, and to be in the arms of the man she knew she loved. Renee had known a few nights ago that he was the one for her, the one who changed the way she looked at the world. She loved everything about him. She pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders for warmth, shivering. "All this room to yourself," she spoke up, at last, marveling at the huge loft that surrounded them. "You're lucky, to have your own space. I've never had much more than a prison cell with bars on my windows for a room," she said, unable to disguise the note of bitterness in her voice. "But you, you've made this tower your home."
It pained Quasi to hear her speak of his tower with such wonder. I can't imagine what kind of life you must have fled to come here, he wondered, swallowing hard.
"Tell me what happened to you," he urged quietly, his tone kind and soft. Adam's voice rang in his ears. It's important that no matter what, you stay calm. You cannot lose your temper, no matter what she tells you. He'd asked the priest for advice on how to coax the truth from Renee, to learn what happened to her. Adam had got such a dark look in his eyes, he'd wondered if he'd made a mistake by asking, but all his brother advised was to tread with caution, and if she didn't want to talk about it, don't pressure her.
"I miss home," she whispered, choosing to look at the fire's embers instead of at Quasi. "I fear sometimes that it might be lost, no one knows I'm here, I don't think. But…I've no choice but to stay within the cathedral and wait, and hopefully, I'll have a good life here. Find someone," she continued, noticing Quasi watching her out of the corner of her eye, interested. "Meet a good man. When I do marry, I want it to be for love," she whispered, glancing sideways at Quasi and noticing his face pale. "No. I have a new life now; one I hope to share with you if you'll have me. This is my home now," she whispered, craning her neck up to look at the parapets of stone and the endless ceiling that seemed to stretch to the heavens. Renee blushed as she realized what she said. "I—I mean, that isn't what I—oh no," she moaned, burying her face in her hands. "This isn't coming out the right way, I—I'm sorry," she sniffed, coughing. "What I'm trying to say, is that I...I feel like I'm home. I don't..."
"Don't apologize," he replied warmly. "You're right."
Renee looked up, turning slightly in his arms, adjusting herself so she could look at him while she spoke. "What do you mean?" Her voice was timid, flowing through his tower loft like a soft breeze in summer.
Quasi reached up a hand to brush her bangs out of her eyes tenderly, his eyes sparkling with a new intensity. "This tower, my tower, is…it's your home now. Renee, I wouldn't have…" he looked away, giving himself a minute to get his emotions under control. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I wouldn't have asked you if I could…if I could court you if I didn't…" Don't tell her your intentions, moron! Jeanne bellowed. He frowned slightly as he looked at Renee, who shot him a quizzical look, confused but patiently waiting. DO NOT tell her you that you want to marry her. Not yet. Keep it a surprise, kid. Women love men with a little mystery, a dash of intrigue. Besides, you want the moment to be perfect, don't you? Wait for the right moment. Alice, Laverne and Hugo's voices rang in his head.
But it was Adam who he chose to focus on at the moment. When the time is right, you'll know. Trust me. "You know what?" he growled darkly to no one in particular. Renee quirked her brow at him, wrapping the blanket around herself tighter for warmth. " I'm not listening to any of you right now."
She quirked her brow at him, her brow furrowed into a slight, confused frown. "Who are you talking to? There's nobody up here but us..."
But he didn't give her a chance to finish her thought. He caught her head in his hands and kissed her, startling Renee and nearly knocking all the wind from her lungs. Her hands worked their way around his body, feeling each crevasse of his perfect physique. At first, their kiss was delicate and gentle. To her, it felt like she was walking on air. It was magic, the way his lips connected with hers. Her heart was pounding. One hand was buried in her hair, pressing in softly, his other hand briefly skimmed her cheeks and down to her collarbones, leaving a trail of hot sparks in their wake. She shivered.
Renee gripped his shoulders as she accidentally bowled him over, laughing as she kissed him again as they fell, fighting her urge to break out into delighted laughter. In his surprise, he reached out for a chair to steady himself but wound up overturning it, the chair falling to the floor with a loud crash. As they fell, his thigh brushed against her leg through her dress, sending a jolt of ecstasy down her spine. She began to understand. It was turning into something she recognized but had never experienced for herself. "What if they heard that?" Renee whispered, erupting into a giggling fit, but she barely had time to react as he let out a low growl from the back of his throat, grabbing the back of her neck rather roughly, maybe a little harder than he would have liked, and deepened their kiss.
You need to stop this right now, before it's too late. Finally, the first smart thing her conscience had taught her. "Thanks, Jiminy Cricket, I'll call you if I need your advice," she whisper-hissed sarcastically through gritted teeth and pulled apart from his embrace. His eyes were half-lidded, and he looked dazed, like he couldn't figure out what had just happened.
"I..." he groaned, seeming to resist his basic urges that were not like him at all, and he fought against it until he had regained some measure of control over himself. He didn't know what was happening, but he kind of…liked it, and would have continued, but… he wanted to do this right, and that he needed to wait to spend a night in her embrace until after they were married, but God, this angel, this celestial-like being had caught him in a vice grip.
His body was hot and burned against hers as his hands wandered, feeling every crevice. His hands came up, gripping almost painfully tight on her waist. He kissed her hungrily, in that place of desire to move his hands underneath her skirts, to feel her smooth skin and its perfect softness. Drunk on her kiss, his only desire in the movement was to feel her, to love her. They had gone too far now, and he could see that Renee knew it. If they did not stop this now, it would lead to something much more dangerous and passionate, though he wanted nothing more than to be enveloped by the heat she gave off, to surrender completely to her.
Gingerly, she shoved him back, her face flushed. When they broke apart, he pulled back to study her face. Her face was pink, her cheeks high with color, her hair disheveled, and her blue eyes were seemingly on fire, burning hotter than a thousand suns.
"It's late," she whispered, her voice cracking. "I should…I should be going," Renee said hesitantly, looked pained. She stood, letting the blanket draped around her shoulders fall to the floor. "It's late, and I've kept us both up later than I should have," she stammered. "I need to go."
Quasi stood, running a hand through his red hair, his face flushed with desire, the burning desire to finish what he started, but he knew that as he looked at her, he wanted to wait. A soft smile crept onto his lips as he smiled at Renee. I know I want it more than anything, but… His conscience finished that thought for him. You want to be married to her first.
"Stay," he pleaded, encircling her with his arms and pulling her tight. "Please. It's not…" It's not safe for you to wander the cathedral alone.
"I can't," she replied, although her blue eyes begged for him. There was something within her that was telling her not to do this to him, that she should end things now before his heart would only get broken again. After all, she was not from this world, and she hoped that eventually, she would find a way to go home, even if she had to track down some kind of wise old sage or wizard in order to make that happen. She belonged in Chicago, not Paris, and as she looked at Quasi, at his soft smile, she knew that she could never be a part of his world.
Damn it, stop it with all your Disney references, Barreau! This isn't helping you to make a clear choice on what to do about your feelings for him! Her mind was screaming at her to turn around, to end it all before they took things entirely too far and she did something that she could not take back, an experience that she'd not shared since her days with John Newall. Renee smiled as he leaned down to kiss her again, his kiss gentle and passionate this time. "I promise I'll stay tomorrow," she laughed, pulling away at last, although if she had it her way, she'd stay in his arms the entire night. She craned her neck up to look at him, thrilled to be the recipient of his affections, relieved that she was able to show him how she felt about him and that he returned her feelings.
The night couldn't have gone any better, except for…no, don't think that! If you sleep with him, you won't leave, and neither of you will sleep, and you'll both never hear the end of it tomorrow if you're exhausted all day.
"I meant it, you know," he spoke up softly, caressing her cheek and tracing the outline of her lips in a tender way that sent a chill of pleasure down her spine.
"Meant what?" she asked, still in a daze.
"My—our tower," he corrected himself, "is your home now. Come up anytime you want, you never have to ask."
Renee grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down into her kiss. He laughed and reluctantly broke apart, even though he wanted her.
"You should sleep," he urged quietly, pressing his lips to her forehead for a gentle kiss. "Will I see you tomorrow?"
"Bright and early," she teased, winking at him. "Quasi…thank you," Renee whispered, holding his face in her hands, enjoying the feeling of his hands around her waist. "No one has ever done anything like this for me."
"You don't have to thank me," he responded quietly.
"I never…" she fell silent, thinking. An idea sparked in her brain and something in her eyes alight with a wildfire. "How would you like it if I brought you dinner tomorrow? After Mass, I could… you and I should sit and eat. I…there's something I have to tell you, and I—I need you to listen."
"I'd like that," he said, looking surprised at her admission, wondering it was. I wonder if she'll tell me the name of her master, he thought darkly. If he's after her…
"Is six too late for you? I—the sooner I talk about it, the safer we'll both be," she said suddenly, looking hurt.
"Renee, what's going on?" he asked, noticing how panicked she looked. "If you're in danger, tell me. I'll protect you. You know I will. Your home is here now. Your master, whoever he is, he won't be getting anywhere near you. I swear it," he promised thickly, anger in his voice.
She opened her mouth to speak but let out a startled scream as something brushed against her leg. "What, what IS that? Oh, it's furry!" She looked down and erupted into a huge grin. "Oh, he's beautiful!" she exclaimed, kneeling to pet an old cantankerous goat with a thick white coat, flecks of gray scattered throughout his coat. "What's your name?" she crooned, scratching the goat's ears affectionately. "What's your name, huh? You're a beautiful boy, oh yes, you are," she said kindly, scratching his ears.
Quasi groaned, rolling his eyes. "Djali," he muttered. He eyed the goat distrustfully with an apprehensive eye. "He likes you," he said at last, bemused. "The cranky old goat doesn't like most people. He hates me, and he—" The bell ringer let out a startled shout as the goat rammed him, sending him stumbling backward away from Renee. Djali turned back to Renee, who bit her knuckles to keep from laughing. The goat bleated once and nudged her hand with his nose, insisting she pet him.
"Where have you been hiding, huh?" she crooned. "Easy," she soothed. "That's it, just calm down," she commanded gently, noticing the goat shooting a hateful look Quasi's way. She laughed as the goat's nub of a tail wagged. "You're such a good boy! Yes, you are! Nobody appreciates you, do they? You're nothing but a big old sweetheart, Djali," Renee laughed, affectionately scratching his ear.
"Excuse me?" demanded Quasi, laughing at her compliments. "That is not true! He's a cranky old son of a—"
"Language," Renee teased playfully. "Don't forget, we're in a church." She turned back to Djali, and affectionately scratched his ear. "Just ignore the nasty man," she chirped, chuckling as she stood to leave. Renee smiled at Quasi and it practically made his heart stop. "I do need to go," she laughed, reaching a hand up and scratching at an itch behind her ear. "If I don't go now, neither of us will sleep."
Not that I'll be able to, anyway, he thought. Not after how well tonight went, he mused and grinned.
"I'll see you in the morning," she teased. "In a few hours. Goodnight," she whispered shyly, giving him one more kiss before she descended the bell tower steps.
Renee turned away from the bell ringer, erupting into a huge grin, a hand over her heart as she mulled over how the night went. I love him, she thought dreamily. With all my heart. And I never want to hurt him. How quickly he stole my heart before I even knew it was gone. I have to tell him the truth tomorrow. I'm not going to risk our lives anymore. Jehan needs to be stopped. I'll—I'll tell Adam too. They deserve to know the truth.
Quasi stared after her, her silhouette slowly fading before it finally disappeared as she went back to her quarters in one of the cloister cells. Stunned and in a daze, at a loss for words, he couldn't help grinning as he watched after the spot where she had stood only moments before.
Tonight had gone even better than he could have hoped. He needed air. He needed time to collect himself. If tonight was the only time I'll ever get to bask in heaven's light, then it was worth it just to be near her. I think I love her; I've never wanted or needed another but her. I love you, Renee.
He was falling in love with Renee Elizabeth Barreau. And there was nothing he could do about it.
It was well into the early hours of the morning, it had to be at least one in the morning, and Renee couldn't sleep. She'd spent the last hour restlessly pacing her cloister cell, and when that didn't work, she wandered the empty corridors of Notre Dame, still wearing her mother's green dress. She didn't want to change. The only thing she could focus on was Quasi, his beautiful eyes, his vibrant tuft of red how, how he had looked at her, the way his lips moved in a kiss, passionate but gentle. Her mind was reeling. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw his eyes, well his one good eye, rather. A rich blue the color of the Caribbean seas. His gaze was cool water on flames, the sky lightening after a storm, soft rain on petals. She was lost in his gaze, drowning happily. A low menacing chuckle reached her ears. She froze.
Oh, no, damn it, not now, she swore under her breath and whirled around, only to find herself face-to-face with Jehan. Why now? Why me? Just go away, Frollo...Just go...The younger Frollo brother was looking handsome this evening in a brown linen shirt and pants, his boots muddy but still showing signs of having been well cared for. His dark hair was disheveled slightly, and his eyes were blazing. He's angry with me, she thought fearfully. Oh, God.
"I take it by the look in your eyes, girl, you have him right where I want him," he commended, a satisfied smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. The handsome Frollo gave her figure an appreciative glance in her green dress. "I've not seen this one on you, pet, is it new? I know you've been avoiding me during the church's Mass and Vesper appointments," he growled.
"Like you give a damn! I thought I told you not to bother us anymore, what do you want?" she spat venomously, doing her best to keep her voice low so as to not wake the other caretakers.
"As a matter of fact, I do, dear," Jehan purred, coming up behind and snaking his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. "Has he taken you for himself yet?"
Renee felt her temper swell to the surface and she bit her tongue hard enough to bleed. Fuming, feeling her jaw become rooted as her teeth locked, she slapped hands away and wrenched violently out of the esteemed lord's touch.
"Oh, but it is my business, sweet little dove, when you make it mine," he growled, losing any semblance of warmth in his eyes. "His—and your life depends on him falling in love with you. If he doesn't, well…it won't end well for you."
Renee groaned. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she shouted, momentarily forgetting to keep her voice down. She cringed and looked behind her, hoping nobody had heard it. "Why do you—"
"You're mine, Renee. You have proven yourself quite useful in my little plan, whether you know it or not, sweet thing," he growled, forcefully pressing his lips against hers for a demanding kiss. She stiffened immediately, her facial muscles tense, not returning his kiss. "I'll have plenty of time for you, my love," he hissed into her ear, kissing her neck. "Don't worry."
A muscle in her jaw twitched as she refused to look at him. "What do you want, Jehan?" she snapped, moving away from him, but he grabbed her by her shoulders and shoved her back against the wall. "And what plan? You have no plan!" There was no mistaking the fear in her voice that was evident, and she swallowed down the lump forming there, and Renee knew in that moment that Lord Jehan Frollo had seen it for himself, and he had her apparently right wherever he wanted her, which was not good.
"You're not going to bore me, are you, Renee?" he asked, biting her earlobe, feeling his voice go dangerously soft and quiet. "Hmm? Surely, by now, you've heard the stories from others in town of what happens to women who bore me, don't you, pet? Of course, you do, I see it in your eyes." She glowered at him, a wildfire igniting in her eyes.
Renee flinched as Jehan buried his face in her hair, inhaling the intoxicating scent of the winter season. "Get off of me!" she hissed through clenched teeth, violently shoving him backward. "You're sick, Jehan! I want nothing more to do with you, I WILL NEVER GO WITH YOU!" she shouted, not caring who heard anymore. "I want nothing more to do with your thefts, your murders, your damn schemes! I am done!" Let them come, she thought wildly. Let me make a scene here; get Jehan out of my life forever. Please, someone, Adam, anyone, get out here now. Hurry out here and kill this man, I don't care if it's on Holy Ground or not. This man is a monster, and he needs to be killed!
"I'm not here to take you. Yet," he growled darkly, one hand groping her breast and enjoying it immensely as he watched the briefest flickers of fear pass through Renee's gray eyes. "Although you're mine, girl, don't forget that. I'm here to see you to make sure you follow through with my plan. You and I, my dear, we're going to do such wonderful things together. We already are, pet."
"What makes you think I will? I hardly even know you, and if you think this is a way for me to suddenly grow to like you and if you think that for one second, I would return your affections, you're dead wrong, Jehan," she whisper-hissed, letting out a startled cry of pain as he wrenched her arm behind her back and gripped it tight, threatening to break it. She struggled against his hold, but his grip only tightened.
Jehan leaned in close and whispered into her ear. "Because if you don't do this for me, I will destroy your pretty little face and make you one ugly whore, and top it off, after that, I'm going to kill you if you refuse to marry me. I'll burn you, sorceress, just like my brother did to that Romani woman that tormented his mind and drove him mad. What I am offering you is the chance of a lifetime, pet, and you're rejecting it. You must be touched in the head. You're just like her, you know, girl. You tempt me with your beauty, and yet you refuse my advances. What is wrong with you? I can give you a much better life than he can. He certainly can't satisfy you as I can," he laughed cruelly. "You refuse me, and then I'll make sure no one will have you. I'm killing your gallant love, anyways, so why are you putting up such a fuss?" Jehan studied Renee's face, and then it hit him. A wicked grin crept over his features and he laughed. "Oh, this is—this is precious! Don't tell me you've actually fallen in love with the man, have you? If this is true, this makes it all that much sweeter for me," he crooned.
"Jehan, do whatever you want with me, but don't hurt him!" she pleaded, biting her lip and cursing herself for showing her weakness. "Please. I—I'm begging you, don't hurt him, please. Do whatever you want with me but leave the bell ringer alone! What's he done to you?"
Lord Jehan Frollo drew back his hand and slapped her, and immediately Renee began to feel blood pool in her mouth. She turned away sharply and spat, disgusted. "He took everything from me!" he shouted, his eye twitching involuntarily. "He killed my brother. Claude didn't deserve to die that way! Only death may pay for life, and that monster must give his life for my brother's. It's only fair," he growled darkly, his dark eyes flashing dangerously.
Wincing, she turned back to Jehan, rubbing her cheek. "Hit me all you want," she snarled, her tone ice. "It won't change the fact that I will never go with you, Jehan."
"I beg to differ," he responded coldly, glowering at her. He held out an envelope. "I'm sure as you know, I've inherited my father's estate. One way or another, you'll be mine. And, to celebrate this little, ah…momentous occasion, I've decided to host a party. All of Paris's noblemen and women will be there. Huge lavish affair, I expect to see you both there."
Renee stared, waiting for him to elaborate.
When he didn't, she grew angered. "And?" she demanded. "What does that have to do with me?"
"You're going to invite that—that monster to the event. A big lavish affair, huge crowd, you two will blend right in."
"He's not the monster here, Jehan, you are!" she shouted. "He'll never agree to go," she growled, crossing her arms and glowering at Jehan. "He hates crowds. He's not...he doesn't like people," she spat, although her eyes clouded over with just the briefest hints of affection that made Jehan want to fly into a rage.
Not now, he thought to himself. Our time is coming soon, brother, I promise you. This boy of yours will pay. Jehan scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Something tells me he'll do it for you. I saw the look in his eyes earlier tonight."
The dawning realization hit Renee like ice water in her veins. "Oh, God," she moaned, running a hand through her blonde tresses. "You've been—you were spying on us?"
"Yes," he answered patiently, relishing in the blonde's growing discomfort. "I told you, I'd be keeping an eye on you. He seemed quite taken with you by the river Seine," he chuckled darkly, absentmindedly picking at his nails.
"You foul, loathsome evil son of a b—"
"Mind your tongue!" Jehan mocked. "You're in a church, after all, Renee. Mustn't offend God with your language, besides, to hear such foul words coming from your sweet mouth is an affront to the ears. Most unladylike of you," he teased. "No, you'll be inviting him to my party, and if I don't see him there, or you, I'll be coming after you, and you don't want that, do you?" he threatened, cupping her chin in his hand, tilting her head to the side.
When she found her voice, it was trembling. "No," she whispered furiously. "No, I don't," she spoke up, her voice coming out in a hoarse. "Jehan…"
Scoffing, he let go of Renee and violently shoved her to her knees. "You'll do this for me."
Renee raised her head to look at him, beams of the moonlight streaming through one of the stained-glass windows, illuminating half of her face. "No."
He stared; certain he'd misheard her. "What?"
"I SAID NO! Are you deaf now, Jehan? I'm not going to have any part of this! I won't do it!" she shouted, rising to her feet and standing straight to her full height, her eyes blazing as she glared at Jehan, her facial muscles tensing as she braced herself for whatever punishment he decided to inflict. "Get out of here, Jehan!" she roared. "I never want to see you again!"
He didn't know what possessed her to grow a backbone during her time here in Notre Dame, but he liked it. This witch, he thought wildly. She's testing me. Don't let her get the upper hand. Without a word, Jehan grabbed her wrist in his hand and Renee bit her tongue hard enough that she drew blood as he broke her forefinger and she stifled a scream, tears streaming down her face as he popped the bone back into place. "Don't test me," he warned darkly. "You're doing this, pet. If you don't, I'll kill you both. Slowly. Do I have your attention? Meet me in the marketplace tomorrow morning," he growled. "I have something for you. A—a gift, you might say, for this party," he crooned, his voice smooth and silky.
Renee nodded, silently crying from the pain in her finger. Satisfied, Jehan smirked and released her. The last of her strength gave out and she collapsed to her knees in front of the statue of the Virgin Mary. She's judging me. I deserve to go to Hell after all of this. I'll burn for what I've done.
Unable to resist one last taunt before he left her alone, Jehan leaned down and kissed Renee gently, his teeth gently biting her bottom lip, reminding her who was in charge. Laughing at her broken expression, his haunting laughter echoed in her ears long after he'd left.
Her shoulders shook with silent sobs as she cradled her hand, biting her lip as she fought back the urge to scream. The pain had unpleasant warmth to it, eating her up from the inside. Renee reached for the back of a nearby chair to steady herself, her knuckles white with the effort as she stood. A wave of nausea washed over, and she fought back the urge to vomit.
I can't do this anymore. She prided herself on her ability to ignore her pain most of the time, but it wasn't possible now. The pain she felt owned her, dominated her every thought, controlled her every move until she lost herself. Notre Dame's nave around her went black as Renee lost consciousness, falling out of her chair with a hard thud, already out of it as her head hit the floor, the wound in her hand reopening and soaking through the bandages, leaving a small puddle of blood by her limp hand. The last thing she remembered before she blacked out was swarming visions in her head of Jehan, and of Quasi. A woman was screaming, pleading for someone to stop. Is it me? Renee thought wildly, desperately trying to open her mouth to scream, but nothing came out when she tried. She was alone. God couldn't save her from Jehan. No help was coming for her. I have to do this on my own. Or die. God help me. If I have no way out, I'll kill myself. God forgive me, but I don't see any other way. Help me… Her eyesight blurred, but not because tears were welling up.
Everything became fuzzy; then she saw nothing at all. Her consciousness was floating through an empty space filled with a thick static. Throughout the inky space my heartbeats pounded loudly, echoing in her ears, alongside fading pleas for help. Feeling in her body drained away until finally all was black. She was not aware of a shadow looming over her as she lost consciousness, nor was she aware of being lifted in a pair of very strong, but very familiar arms, as the figure silently carried her back up the stairwell to the north tower.
Hours later, Renee blearily awoke to the frigid cold of an unfamiliar cloister cell. She woke up before Jehan could kill her. But she could still feel the presence of the chilling knife around her throat, digging deeper into her. Its sharp edges running around her smooth skin, ready to pierce her unblemished flesh. She could hear her heavy breathing and the sweat from her brow formed in beads. It was only a nightmare, but she had never quite recalled her dreams being this…this vivid.
The young woman woke as if it were an emergency, as if sleeping had become a dangerous thing. Her heat beat fast and there was a strange buzzing in her brain and a ringing in her ears. She knew without even having to look at the mirror's reflection hanging across the other side of the room that the day would pass as if she were hungover, not from drink, but from her nightmares that demanded a solution. The young woman let out a low whimper and moaned. "Jehan…" Her nightmare had ended so abruptly, as she was shaken back into the horrible reality of her situation. Her gray eyes opened, her eyelashes faintly batting against her lids when she blinked. She was laying on a hard, unfamiliar cot, debating whether it would be wise of her to try to sit up. Her muscles felt weak and the muscles and bones in her fingers where Jehan had so cruelly broken her finger and then snapped the bones back into place screamed and begged for relief from this pain. Renee let out a tiny groan as she struggled to sit up, a half-choked sob of anguish escaping her lips, whimpering as she struggled to sit up and against the pillows behind her. What time was it? How long had she been asleep? Did she have clothes on? A quick glance down confirmed she was still in her green dress from the other night. All these confusion questions swirled around in her exhausted mind, demanding answers. Slowly and reluctantly, she opened her eyes further. She blinked, closed her eyes, blinked again, rubbing the sleep from the corners of her eyelids. Streaks of sunlight penetrated the dismal little barred window of the cloister cell and blinded her.
Jehan's threats of what he would do to her today if she failed to meet him in the marketplace this afternoon flitted through her mind, and Renee bolted upright, perhaps faster than she ought to have, and as she did so, she knew she had made a grave mistake indeed. Her stomach churned violently, and the nausea clawed at her throat. She tried to force down the bile, but it was too late. Renee was hardly aware of someone shoving a blue basin underneath her, and for that, she was grateful. Her stomach kept on contracting violently, forcing everything up and out. Her face was white as the pungent stench invaded her nostrils and she heaved again.
"Easy, just get it out. That's it," someone was saying to her—was it Alice? Renee gave a tiny nod, wanting to speak, but couldn't. She retched loud and hard into the basin until it was only clear liquid that was coming up. Her throat felt sore from the stomach acid that was layering it and her mouth tasted of bile. The stomach acid stench of vomit filled her nostrils as she surveyed the mess in the basin with watery, red-rimmed eyes.
Her stomach dry-heaved again but she fought it back, collapsing back against the pillows, feeling the sheen of sweat form along her brow, and her skin began to feel hot, feverish.
"Finally," breathed the other woman's voice. Renee blearily tried to focus her vision a few feet in front of herself. She quickly realized it was Sister Alice, and she felt a little guilty as the pretty nun was looking at her rather expectantly.
Renee swallowed back the acidic bile in her throat and hesitantly reached for the goblet of water perched on the bedside table that looked like it needed two of its legs needing repairing soon. She cringed as the taste of vomit was washed from her mouth as she drank. Setting down the goblet back in its place, she winced as she looked towards the nun. "It's you. Alice...When…when did you get here?" she whispered hoarsely.
The nun had discarded her coif and habit and had opted instead of a pair of simple brown robes with a braided rope belt tied at the waist, her gray locks flowing loose and free in gentle layered waves to her shoulders. She snorted and regarded the young blonde over the rim of her wine goblet. Sister Alice crossed her legs and folded her arms across her chest.
"Not very long ago. About an hour or two, I would guess," she clarified, chuckling a little at the young woman's dazed expression. Noticing Renee's brow furrow into a frown and the sheen of cold sweat developing there, she instinctively reached for the basin again. "How are you feeling? Are you still feeling sick?" she questioned cautiously.
Renee shook her head no, clutching the thick woolen blanket tighter around herself. Now that her stomach had stopped lurching, she merely felt bruised inside, and empty.
Sister Alice gave a curt nod, setting the basin back down by her feet, crinkling her nose in disgust at the smell, but she would dispose of that later. Right now, however, she wanted answers. Her and Sisters Jeanne and Maria had found the poor child passed out at the front of the nave early this morning, and one of her fingers looked as though it had been broken and then lazily and carelessly snapped back into place, and the girl would have quite the welt on the back of her head from her fall.
Renee, with the help of Sister Jeanne, who had joined them silently, looking immensely relieved to see their young charge awake, sat up gingerly, propped up against her pillows. She could see her reflection in the mirror on the opposite side of the room that she looked a right mess. Battered, they called it. Such a simple word for a simple idea. But this wasn't simple. Her sense of self, once a high and proud feeling of one destined for good things, now felt as bruised as her abdomen and as broken as the mirror she was glancing into across the way. She wiped the dried blood from her pallid skin, and when she reached down to study both her hands, she could see that they had been heavily bandaged and were trembling violently. Renee barely recognized herself. Who was that in there now and why did she stay? By agreeing to go along with Jehan's plan, she was putting not only herself in danger, but Quasi as well, and that was something she just could not do.
She gazed around the spare cloister cell at the broken and strewn possessions. Did I do this? She wondered. If so, when? And were they any different to herself? She stifled a sob with the scuffed palm of her hand and collapsed against the pillows. The sound of Sister Alice coughing to clear her throat jolted poor Renee out of her thoughts.
"Well?" she demanded hotly, keeping her arms folded across her chest as she sank into her set of robes for warmth as best she could. "Am I talking to myself or are you going to tell Jeanne and I what happened last night, girl? We found you passed out dead to the world on the nave floor, with two bones in your forefinger on your right hand broken. And it was bleeding something awful. We thought you were dead, so imagine our surprise when you started talking in your sleep. Easy now," the well-known nun cautioned, her tone softening slightly as she helped her sit up.
"Thank you," Renee managed to croak out hoarsely, gingerly rubbing her bandaged hand. "For everything."
"Are you going to tell us what happened?" demanded Sister Jeanne, folding her arms across her chest. "We know you could not have done such a thing to yourself. Who did this to you?"
Renee visibly winced, hating that it had come to this.
"I—I can't," she whispered, turning her head away sharply.
"We can help you," Alice offered. "This place is your sanctuary, but only if you allow it. We can protect you here, but we must know who did this to you. What's his name?"
Renee cringed, taking a deep breath to steel her nerves. He was going to kill her anyways, most likely, so she might as well tell them. "His name is… Jehan," she managed at last, her voice barely above a whisper. "Jehan Frollo." Here it comes.
"WHAT?" bellowed Alice, in a fit of anger accidentally overturning the table. Renee quickly shielded herself with the thick woolen blanket as the red wine in the wine skin the nun had been holding splashed over the floor and towards her.
"You didn't think that information would be worth divulging?" asked Jeanne, looking incredibly hurt and offended. "Why not? I didn't even know Claude had a brother!"
"Did he do this to you?" asked Alice, reaching out a tender hand and turning over Renee's palm in her own, inspecting the bandages with a trained eye. "Answer us."
Renee let out a weary sigh. There's no point in lying.
"Yes." A thought suddenly crossed her mind and she bolted upright, her posture rigid. "Oh, God," she moaned. "Does Father Adam or Quasi know what happened to me last night?"
Alice and Jeanne shared a dark look. "No," they said in unison. "Neither of them knows a thing of what transpired."
Thank God, she inwardly thought. "Neither of them can know," she pleaded desperately. "Not yet. I need to tell them both. Privately. On my terms. I beg of you, say nothing."
"You're kidding, right? This is a joke?" Jeanne asked in disbelief, staring at the young blonde as though she had carrots growing out of her ears. "We cannot keep something like this a secret from those two. They deserve to know the truth, girl!"
"Especially not the boy," added Alice moodily. "I know you don't know of the history of what happened between him and Claude, but you need to understand that it's quite difficult—"
"I know enough," Renee interjected quickly. She could not go into details how she knew, but thankfully, neither sister pressed her for an answer, for which she was grateful.
"I'm sorry, child, but we have to tell them," Alice said somberly. Noticing the young blonde's crestfallen expression, she was quick to add, "But if you'd like our support, we'll be right behind you while you tell them both, every minute."
Renee breathed an audible sigh of relief. "Thank you. I will, I swear it," she reassured the pair of them, fumbling with her glass of water as she raised it to her lips. The cool water was refreshing, soothing her burning, aching throat as it went down. "You know, it's funny, but I never thought that I'd—"
The nun looked towards Alice for confirmation, who was looking equally just as stunned, but given no time to react as the sound of someone making a small noise to clear their throat interrupted whatever the pair of cousins had been about to say next. Both women swiveled their heads towards the door of Renee's cloister cell and gulped nervously to see Quasimodo there. "Quasi," breathed Renee. "You—you need to calm down," she whispered. "Right now." His arms were folded across his chest, and he was absently picking at a loose strand on one of his brown leather gloves he wore on his hands to protect his palms from the bells' ropes and from the bitter Paris winter chill breezes that tended to waft through his open, airy loft upstairs.
One leg was folded across the other as he leaned against the doorway for support, and that one stubborn lock of coarse fiery red hair had fallen into his good eye, that tended to act like a shield, a curtain between himself and whatever he did not wish to see, and Renee could just tell by the curt, sharp flick of his wrist as he irritably brushed it out of his eye, that he was royally ticked at her, but why, Renee did not know his reasons, and whenever he stood up straight like he was doing now at his full height of five foot eight, he tended to tower over the women, and especially Renee. He looked, perhaps for the first time since she had ever known him, truly frightening, and when he lifted his chin to meet Renee's gaze, there was an icy coldness there that did not belong to Quasi's eyes, an unfamiliar hardness.
Renee swallowed back the lump forming in her throat. She'd never seen him look like this. He was…yes, there was no doubt about it, he was angry. She had seen him annoyed, upset, yes, but never angry. And she knew just by looking at him, that she was the cause of it. His head snapped up so fast that Renee had to move her head back to avoid connecting with it. He almost gave himself whiplash, he moved so quickly. "How can you be so calm about this! Someone attacked you in the middle of the night on Holy Ground," he snarled. Quasi did not shout, but he seemed so shocked, and there was pain and anger all laced throughout his voice, and it was in his eyes. He was confused by her response. "You could have been killed this evening, and yet you are more concerned with my well-being. Why?" he yelled.
Alice, sensing the two needed a moment alone, proceeded to yank her cousin violently out of her seat and drag her out of the cloister cell by the sleeve of her robes, and gingerly shut the door behind them. Renee stared after the closed door for a moment, before returning her attention back to Quasi. He was definitely growing angry.
Nope. There it was. That strange fire-seed of anger that came out. Because I think I like you. I like you a lot. And I never want to hurt you, her mind answered, but she dared not voice this thought. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, she closed her eyes and tried again. "Because you are my friend, Quasi," she insisted again, trying to make him see her side of the situation. She just had to make him see this!
"But…" His voice was pained and staggered as he looked upon her.
"Because," she continued, raising her voice an octave higher so he could hear her. She could tell he was growing incredibly upset and angry. The laughter and kindness had evaporated from his eyes. His customary warmth gone faster than summer rain in the heat of August. Indeed, even his focus was somewhere at a spot on the wall behind her, as if Renee had become invisible to him or he could not bear to see her at all.
She had crossed some invisible line, offended his sensibilities by not coming to him when Jehan was threatening her. Renee had seen him do this to mostly Alice whenever the older woman was greatly annoying him, but she'd thought their growing bond immune to this behavior. Now, her blood drained and heart hammered erratically inside her chest, pounding.
She was never afraid of his anger when it came as fire, for that burnt hot and fast, but she was deathly afraid of his ice, for it coated him like a protective sort of permafrost. This sort of behavior, a shield if you will, had saved him from the torments of his youth, but now that same method could isolate him from his family, from his friend. And even…from her. It was pointless to try to reach him now, her well-meant words would bounce off him as good as hard rain. But she would still have to see him, thaw his anger, so it was up to her to return the loving spark to his eyes.
Still, she tried again, and she would continue to try to reach Quasi.
"I meant what I said to you earlier. There is no one I trust more than you. And I have never had a friend like you before, my friend. I mean it."
"I do not deserve your friendship," he stated coldly, turning his head away from her. "Nor do I deserve your trust. I have done nothing but cause you hardship and strife. I found you passed out in the nave, with two of your fingers broken. Someone did this to you, probably because they saw us together at the Seine tonight, and they thought you needed to be taught some kind of lesson. I don't know who it is that could have done this to you, Renee, but…your life would be much better off…w…" Without me, his mind finished, but he could not speak the words. "I think you should leave," he answered coldly, when he'd finally found his voice again. As he turned back to face Renee, the look on her face was too much. She looked as though he slapped her. "Being around me is too dangerous, and I will not—I cannot—have your life in danger, Renee."
"Where would I stay? I can't go to the inns! I have no money!" she demanded hotly.
"There are plenty of rooms downstairs in the available cloisters," he said airily, turning away from her. He did not want her to see him like this, so upset. Anger rose within her, but she stomped it down, refusing to let him see it. Why did he place the blame on himself? Why did he feel like he was the one responsible? What had happened, it was her fault.
She had insisted to stay and had made matters worse by refusing to tell him the truth about Jehan and what he was planning. Unable to stop herself, she felt herself stomp her foot, a moment of frustration, and turned to firmly grip both of his shoulders and forced him to meet her gaze. "Don't you dare!" she snarled angrily. "Don't you think for one second, one minute, that this was your fault! The blame is with me! I should have come to you with this, I should have…come up to your tower and gotten if you if I'd wanted to go for a walk, but…"
Quasi's eyes widened at her seriousness and agitation. He had rarely seen her like this.
"Renee," he murmured softly, surprised at her insistence.
"No, Quasi!" she interrupted, violently shaking her head and staring at the floor beneath her bare feet, which were freezing and she desperately wished she had a pair of slippers, but quickly shoved that thought aside, as it was not important in the moment, but Quasimodo was. "I am the one who has not been entirely truthful with you, about who I really am, where I've come from, and…you're right in that someone did do this to me," she began cautiously, glancing down at her bandaged hand and flinching. She had to tell him the truth.
But that small twinge of caution that she harbored still towards Jehan told her not to.
And for that, Quasimodo had every right to be incredibly angry with her. She deserved whatever he was about to say to her. "Renee." His tenor-like voice was gentle, yet there was a firmness there that told her to look up. But she couldn't. After all she had done to him, she didn't deserve to look upon him ever again. How could she after it?
"Renee, I…" His voice trailed off as he lifted his hand to touch her shoulder, but Renee quickly stepped away, refusing to meet his gaze.
"So…you wish me to leave your tower," she began slowly, her voice present again, but the woman refused to look at him. "Because I had no right to get so close to you. I overstepped the boundaries. Because you do not think yourself worthy of my affections, given how you look. But don't you know there's more to love than just physical attraction?"
Quasi's eyes widened as he heard the resignation in her voice. She started nodding her head, almost erratically so, and he recognized, perhaps a second too late, just what it was that he had done. He had ostracized this young girl and made Renee Barreau just like him. An outcast, another freak in Paris. What had he done to her? He had ruined her, and any prospects she might have had for a good life here. What had happened to her tonight, someone had broken her fingers. Because of him. He was dangerous to her.
"No," he said without thinking. "No, Renee, that is simply the reality that you and I live in, but it's—" But he did not get a chance to finish speaking.
"No. I understand," Renee retorted, lifting her eyes at last and giving him a look of someone who had just woken up, realizing they had been in a dream. "I understand completely what it is that you wish of me. I'll go now."
"Renee, no, that's not what I—"
But she was walking away from him. "If this is what you wish, then who am I to argue?" she continued flatly, still averting her gaze. "This is, after all, your tower, not mine. My apologies." She gave a curt little curtsy and abruptly turned away, preparing to leave.
Before she could take so much as a few steps, however, Quasi grabbed her by the shoulders roughly, not wishing to have to resort to such drastic lengths, but she was giving him very little choice in this regard. As he turned her towards him, he noticed the sheen of glistening tears welling in her gray eyes. "Renee, you are misunderstanding me. I care for you, more than you can…possibly imagine," he said, his voice soft, desperate. Desperation. Truly?
He had never heard anything like that come out of his mouth before. "But as you have just said, this cannot continue," said Renee, looking up at him with her brows furrowed. She was much calmer now, which was strange. "It is unacceptable. I—I am no longer acceptable up here, with you. I can see that now. I overstepped a line when I dared to get close to you. You are afraid to love back, because you're afraid your heart will be broken in the process, but guess what, Quasi? That is love, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's painful and…and…"
"NO, Renee!" he roared, finally losing the last vestiges of his patience. Quasi, despite knowing that he really ought not to, took hold of her cheek, tilting it upward and forced her to look at him. Her skin was soft, just as he knew it to be, and this only made his heart ache and things much worse for it. "You are better, have you not been listening to a single word I've said?" he demanded incredulously anyways, but knowing it was unlikely that she would ever understand him. How could she? She was born perfect, and he like this. "You can do better than me, and you should," he snapped, feeling the fire-seeds of jealousy well deep within the pits of his stomach at the thought of envisioning this creature before him with another man.
"I have," she snapped, her gray eyes flashing angrily. "Let go of me!"
He ignored this last request. "You deserve better, which is will I will—"
"No, you won't!" Renee shouted. "You don't want me here anymore!" Words flew from her mouth that she never thought she'd even think, let alone say out loud, and it was on the person she perhaps cared for the most. She knew instantly from the look in his eyes that they'd hit their mark. In that instant, their friendship shattered into glassy shards.
Nothing would ever be the same again, and they both knew this. They were both panting, Quasi still cupping her cheek. Renee's voice was cold, hollow, and he wondered why she was as upset as she was. He figured maybe it was because she had grown used to her life in the cathedral, and the people here, that she had no home, a place she could call that anymore. Maybe she did not trust him, did not think that he would simply support her without wishing anything of her in return. Quasi knew she had her morals, much stronger than his. But still, he needed her to understand why.
But this was also perhaps the last time he could ever look upon her beautiful face ever again. Never again, at least, not in this manner. Quasi could not stop himself from letting his thumb drift across her cheek, wishing he could make her tears disappear. "Your future is not here. You as good as said it yourself, your parents are waiting for you," he said stiffly, and then, realizing he sounded too harsh, softened his tone, once they had recovered somewhat. "I will help you, Renee. I—I don't know how that is, but I promise to repay you for all the good that you have done for me, to apologize for the hardships you have suffered while living here. I care about your future, just as much as you do, and… if you stay here, with me, you will be labelled. I'm a monster, nothing more, nothing more. My father was right," he growled darkly. "I'll never be anything but, and I was foolish to think otherwise. "I cannot be your friend." There's nothing for you here, is what he wanted to say, but couldn't speak. The tears betrayed them both, falling from her gray eyes and landing on the back of his hand. What was the secret behind them? Quasi shook his head as he thought on this. He voiced his own thoughts as they came to him. "Why would you even want to stay here?" he said, smiling at Renee as she looked sharply away, biting her bottom lip hard enough to cause it to bleed if she weren't careful. "What possible reason could you have, when the whole world is waiting for you out there?" Here, he gestured to the balcony. "I know it is a dangerous one, one not particularly kind to women, I know that, but I believe there is something better waiting for you out there despite this." Quasi had expected her to reply immediately, but he saw her wince, as if Renee was only just coming to terms with something deep within herself.
She almost looked guilty, though God only knew why. When she finally rose to confront him, the bell ringer saw a clarity in her haunting eyes, as well as confusion buried there. Her gaze trailed across his face, and he flinched as it finally rested on his eyes, just as he had looked at her many times over. It was as if she no longer cared that he knew that she was looking at him. He had thought of it. Of course, he joked to himself, knew she felt something, but… if it was to the degree he now saw clearly in her eyes, then something had only just now become apparent to her in that moment, like she had woken up from a long sleep or some horrible witch's curse at last. "When you found me down in the nave a—and saved me, I…" she began, but her voice quickly faded as Quasi let go of her cheek, letting his hand fall to his side. "I didn't know. I hadn't thought that I could…that I could…" she was struggling badly.
It was Quasi's turn to look incredulous now, as he stepped away. Renee looked scared, scared of his reaction, but she took a step forward. "I do not want to deny how I feel anymore," she whispered. Her voice was resilient, but also on the brink.
Quasi could hardly believe that he had actually placed her there. Placed her there because of own monstrous stupidity. Why couldn't he have just left her be, left her alone, admired her from afar! Notre Dame's bell ringer shook his head, turning away from Renee. His voice was hard as he looked down at his boots, wishing he could turn back time.
"You only feel this way because you are confused," he said coldly. He dared not look back, for if he had, he would have seen her white face. Renee was far too pale, her knuckles white with suppressed rage, her shoulders shaking from the effort to restrain herself from lashing out.
"How dare you speak to me like that? Take that back, right now! So, I am confused but you are not?" Renee retorted, frustration rising again. "I am not some idiot peasant girl with no understanding as to her own feelings! It's clear this had nothing to do with me or my future here in the church," she snarled. "You simply don't wish to confront the fact that something is there, something is happening between us, something you cannot even begin to contemplate because of who you are, what I am. Because you were born like that, and I like this," she snarled, gesturing to herself and then to his wild red eye and contusion over his eye. "Your deformities, Quasi, are not as bad as you make them out to be. Why can you not see that you are a handsome man with a beautiful smile, and you've caught my attention? Are you blind?" When he did not answer, she scoffed and rolled her eyes. "No, not blind. Just stupid."
This was what she thought of him, really thought of him. Quasi closed his eyes, letting a ragged breath escape from his mouth, exposing his feelings to Renee at long last. Quasi heard her timid footsteps as she approached him from behind, and he could feel the heat radiating off her body, reaching out to him, trying again. Renee was looking at him as though she had just had some sort of epiphany, for her blue eyes were growing wide and round with shock as she realized something.
"I see it now. You're ashamed," she said, her voice as hard now as his. "You are ashamed of me. That is what this is, though you don't wish to admit this." Quasi felt his eyes fly open and he pulled himself towards her and cleared his throat before turning to look at Renee again.
He took a moment to collect his thoughts before replying to her one-time true statement. It was true. Though she had one crucial part wrong. He was not ashamed of her, but of himself. He had foolishly allowed this to happen, to think that for an instant, that he might have…that he could have had a future with this young beautiful woman.
But Frollo, in the end, had been right. There was no denying what he was. He was a monster, and he would always be one, and he could not—would not—subject Renee to that same fate, which is what she would become if she stayed with him. The villagers would label her a freak, an outcast, a witch for daring to live with this monster. He could not allow this.
"You're wrong, Renee," he said quietly, as he felt himself smile sadly, though he did not turn to look at her. "The creature you met in this tower the night of the thunderstorm, the one who only saw an angelic girl in front of him, he might have thought that, once. But I'm not doing this to you because of what I think. I don't even blame you for thinking such thoughts of me."
"Why?" she asked, and the heartbreak in her voice was entirely too much.
"Renee, if you stay here with me, then I…" Quasi let his sentence drop, lifting his gloved hand again as he winced and flexed his fingers, touching her face again, despite the anger displayed here, and he was surprised in that she did not turn away from him like he expected her to do. He took a chance and stepped forward so he hoped she would understand, see what he was sure was displayed so clearly on his face now. "I know what will happen if you stay," Quasi whispered as he grimaced, hating how desperate his voice sounded. "You and I both know you could never truly…I could never be with you as a…"
Husband, his conscience finished. By God, he couldn't say it. It did not need saying, yet Renee's eyes lifted abruptly, brightly shining with shock. Clearly, she had not expected him to think that far. But he had. Oh, gods, he had. A million times over, but it couldn't be. Taking hold of her face now with both hands, Quasi took the last few moments he had in her company to try and memorize every little detail of her face, the slight of her mouth, that little wisp of blonde hair which never failed to fall on her forehead.
If ever there was a time where he wanted to kiss her, this was it. He almost laughed, a bitter, cold laugh at himself. As if he had not wanted to this entire time, during their entire friendship and acquaintance. "I will not do that to you," Quasi continued. "You deserve so much better. You deserve more than to be stuck here, and that is what will happen if you stay. I am disgraced, nothing more than a monster. I am no man. I will not drag you through the mud as well, my friend. I won't do it, Renee. I won't." Even if you hate me for it, he thought, though he dared not speak of it.
Renee looked as if she wanted to protest, but then she closed her mouth, realizing, Quasi hoped, just as he had to, that he was right in this regard, as much as he did not want to be. Quasi had to fight very hard to relinquish his grip of her, to let go of this otherworldly creature, but he did. He let his hands slip from her cheeks, landing helplessly at his sides. There was a horrible smothering sense of inevitability in the air, the only conclusion possible, really, and Quasimodo took a deep breath, readying himself to turn away. But then Renee spoke, shattering the silence. "It is clear to me that you do not understand, and I don't know if you ever will, Quasimodo." Her tone was clipped and hard, and her voice had seemed to come out of nowhere, and when Quasi lifted his head to look up at her, he saw that her tears were now gone, and she looked almost like she had done when she'd entered his tower.
"Tell me what it is I don't understand then," he snapped flatly.
"You do not understand at all. It's clear. My feelings on the matter hold no bearing to you. You have made up your mind, Quasi, and I cannot deter you from your decision. Not only do you not understand me, but you don't understand yourself." Her words were strange, they sounded foreign to him, and she was talking now from some other place, some place where he could not find her. "You are wrong, Quasi, when it comes to what you think is of value in this life. It is time that you started seeing yourself as a man. You are no monster, Frollo was wrong, whatever he said to you when you were growing up, he was wrong," Renee spoke up quietly. "I deserve to decide my own fate, as you have said throughout this conversation. You wish me to leave from this tower. You do not respect me, not truly. I see it now." He did not see Renee leave. He turned away once she said her piece.
It was all he would have of her. Her words. But just before the curtain to his tower's entryway closed, Quasi heard her speak to him again. It was her final closing statement, which left him unable to find any sort of closure, only leaving him with further torment and anguish in his weak heart. "You are the kindest man I have met in all my life," she said, though there was no warmth left in her voice. "I do not wish to see you hurt like everyone else I have known. Would you allow me to, I can help protect you, be a friend to you, and maybe…"
Here Renee hesitated and bit her lip, fighting back her urge to break down and blinking back briny tears. "Maybe I could have even loved you if you would have allowed it, but I can see now that you do not want that. You wish me to leave your tower, so I will go. Don't try to help me. You owe me nothing." It had taken him a good minute or two to realize what she had said, for she had spoken so softly and without any kind of feeling in her voice at all.
As he blinked, her words finally registering, he bounded towards the foot of his tower's stairwell, only to find Sister Alice waiting for him at the top step. "Where is she?" he shouted, not caring what the nun must think of him.
"Who?" Alice retorted, looking quite surprised at his little outburst.
"Renee!" he yelled, and silently fumed as he turned away from her.
"Oh," said Alice, appearing alarmingly calm. "Yes, well, she left, son. Oh, don't worry," she added, noticing the look of dread creeping onto his face. "The girl didn't go very far. She's stationed in the downstairs cloister, just…"
"In the…downstairs…" So, she hadn't left his tower after all, then. Sneaky. Quasi turned away from Alice, mumbling a thank you under his breath as she gingerly set down a steaming mug of herbal tea and bread for him, murmuring to herself and occasionally, shooting Quasi a look.
"I could hear the whole thing from downstairs," she snapped, and Quasi was surprised at the coldness in the nun's usually bright, jovial tone.
"Say something," Quasi urged, suddenly feeling desperate, and he felt his breath hitch in his throat as Alice raised a finger, effectively shushing him.
Her blue eyes were glacier cold as she glowered at him, making him feel incredibly uncomfortable. "You only feel this way because you are confused." Her words were poisonous, and felt very much like a stab to his heart as she reflected his own statement and threw it back in his face, feeling as though he'd been doused in ice water.
Quasi's heart sank to the pit of his stomach as he wordlessly pulled up a chair and forced Alice to sit down. If there was anyone that could help him out of this, it was her. "Now—now that was a misunderstanding," he fumbled.
"This is me being kind, boy," she admonished, tossing her gray hair over her shoulders and putting her feet up on his table as she leaned back in her chair, much to the bell ringer's disgust at seeing her feet on his work table. But, thankfully, he chose to ignore it. "You made yourself look bad, Quasi," Sister Alice sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. "Here, give me, that," she snapped, pointing towards the bowl of nuts on the table. "Pass me a nut."
He did so and waited for her to get settled as she took a handful of nuts and cracked them open. "Had I known you were that bad with women, I would have changed our entire strategy to something where you didn't talk," she snorted, rolling her eyes at the incredulous look of disbelief in his eyes.
"Alice—" he started to say, but she held up a hand and cut him off.
"I'm not going to lie to you. This is a tragedy. You said you had a connection!" she protested, slamming the bowl of nuts down on the table.
"We—we did, we—I—I do," he stammered.
"No! No more talking. You've said quite enough for today, Romeo. You've got one more chance. Tomorrow, when she's had time to cool off."
"What good is that going to do?" Quasi snarled, not in the mood for this.
"I need you to go…sit in that corner and marinate over what you've done to that poor child downstairs. And I'm just going to lay here, rest my eyes and…try to shake off this afternoon," Alice grumbled darkly, leaning back against her chair, folding her hands across her stomach, closing her eyes. Quasi fell silent as Alice prattled on something about manners, and he knew as he looked out at the balcony of the Rose Window balcony, that Renee would never return to his tower. He would make sure of that. Today had spelled the end of everything. This was simply how it was meant to go, and that was that, then.
Her beautiful features invaded his mind as he sat in the chair across from Alice, but unlike many times before, Quasimodo didn't fight it this time, letting her tease as she smiled, but this time, it was a heartbroken smile. Renee did not say it in so many words. She thought he didn't know. Of course, he knew, he could see it in her eyes.
He would be damned if he did not at least try to help her financially in some small way, after everything...She had pawned the last of her rings to buy him bread, after all.
He would get his way, at least concerning that.
He wouldn't take her refusal for an answer. All this time, he'd been wondering how he felt about her, but he had not stopped to seriously consider the notion that… That. Quasimodo shook his head violently to rid himself of these unhelpful thoughts following Alice's departure, once she'd realized he wasn't going to listen to her. Maybe Renee had thought she cared for him. But she only knew him as he was mostly after everything that had happened. If she knew what he was truly like, back before she came to the cathedral, then…then…She could not love that monster, and yes, he had discovered he wasn't all he thought he was, but he was still very much that creature in the shadows. Looking back at his past conduct, he could see no reason for why she would care about a dolt like him. Regardless, it didn't matter anymore. The young woman deserved better than him, even if she didn't know it yet, she would soon, of this Quasi was certain. It was simply another reason to toss on the already ominous mountain of reasons for why she was better off. By severing all acquaintance with him, she could at least have some semblance of a normal life, and settle down with a man who was handsome, one who could provide for her, give her a normal life in the sunlight she craved. Someone who was not him, for what could a monster like him offer? A soft thumping sound reached his eardrums and he stifled a low groan, as the noise betrayed the presence of another person in the north bell tower loft. Opening his bleary eyes,
Quasi turned his head lazily to see Victor, Hugo, and Laverne, approaching him gingerly with as much caution as possible. "Why do you look so disheveled, Quasi?" Laverne asked, her voice tired, taking in his ginger hair, which he'd developed the bad habit of repeatedly running his fingers through it in anguish, and she could tell it bothered him.
The dark circles too under his eyes should have been obvious to them. "I…had a little incident, guys," Quasi said, giving them all a slight smile.
"Uh-huh," murmured Hugo, not bothering to ask what had really happened. It was obvious. "You wanna talk about it, kid? We heard it."
Damn. He gritted his teeth and locked his jaw. "No, not really," he snapped, feeling that unfamiliar coldness return to his normally kind voice. He almost did not recognize himself when he spoke like this. He hated it. Quasi was starting to regret this, choosing to confide in the gargoyles like this, but currently, what other choice did he have? Esmeralda wasn't back yet. He motioned with a wave of his arm for the three to follow him out onto the balcony, and he waited patiently for the three stone gargoyles to get settled. He sat perched high atop one of the ledges, at a safe distance from them, and he soon became painfully aware of the silence between them. Their silhouettes as the sun began to set cast ghastly shadows onto the stone floor of the balcony terrace. They fell silent, waiting for Quasi to speak. "I…I've come to a conclusion now that…Renee and I…talked," he finished lamely, visibly cringing as he refused to meet their gazes, though the looks of immense disappointment on their stone grotesque faces should have been more than enough for him to know that they too were displeased. "This issue has been toying away in my mind for quite some time now, and it has to be resolved and the sooner the better so we all can move on with our lives."
The gargoyles said nothing, which the bell ringer found more than a little disconcerting, but nevertheless, he continued with his announcement to them. "I have decided it is best for Renee to leave the tower," he said stiffly. What proceeded to happen then, Quasi could not have possibly foreseen. The balcony literally erupted as the three gargoyles started to exclaim all at once in protest. Hugo was suddenly up on his claws, pacing as best he could, as Victor began to counter-act him, seemingly trying to get him to shut up, while Laverne had started shouting right at poor Quasi but came across as entirely incoherent due to all of the noise that was going on right now. He could take no more of this, and the word was out before he could stop himself. "QUIET!" he bellowed as he curled his gloved hand into a fist and punched the stone wall behind him. He hissed in pain as he had now no doubt sprained some muscle, but he powered through the worst of the throbbing pain and did his best to ignore it. "What has gotten into you? You're behaving like a pack of animals!" he shouted, glaring at all three. The three must have begun to feel something resembling remorse or a sense of embarrassment, for Victor, Hugo, and Laverne quieted down fast.
"Now, as I was saying before you all went off like a pack of hyenas," he continued darkly but with an incredulous look on his face, "I have decided it best that she leave. She cannot stay here in the tower with me any longer."
"Quasi, I'm sorry this happened to you," Laverne warbled uncertainly, hopping up on the ledge beside him to give him a ginger pat on his shoulder.
"Thanks," he grumbled darkly, irritably pushing her arm away. He let out a haggard sigh and a cynical chuckle escaped his lips. "I—I was such a fool to imagine believing…I'm not mad anymore. Just hurt, I guess. She can't…I…"
Victor furrowed his stone brows into a frown, or as close as he could come to when he was alive and sentient. "Don't pity yourself. Pick yourself back up and get back out there! The little Barreau girl is a good woman, boy, and we taught you better than this," he admonished, feeling his own temper swell.
"And if she means anything to you, well, she looked awful lonely…" Hugo added slyly, a coy little grin on his features despite the boy's grim declaration.
"Besides," interjected Laverne, immediately sensing danger as Quasi's eyes darkened to an almost cerulean hue the longer he dwelled in his anger.
"What?" snapped Quasi harshly, turning to look at the female statue.
"Is the girl not better off here in the cathedral? I know of Paris, and it is full of the most narrow-minded people imaginable. The child has no money, where on earth would you have her stay then, if not in the cathedral walls?"
Victor could not resist adding in his two cents. "She will have no prospects in the city, given what she is, and her potential will be squandered. She's a wi—" But the scholarly gargoyle's voice trailed off and he swallowed nervously as he met the bell ringer's gaze. Victor mumbled something incoherent and fidgeted with his claw's nails, pretending not to notice his piercing hard stare.
"You know something about her, Vic, don't you? And you, Hugo?"
"I…it's not our business to tell!" Victor blurted out, gritting his teeth and flexing his wings. "I—I swear, we overheard Alice and Maria talking to her!"
Quasi sighed, closing his eyes and resting his chin in his hands. He was getting a splitting headache and the revelation that his guardians knew something about Renee that he did not, and this troubled him greatly. Quasi knew he would have to be open with his companions, in order for them to understand the decisions he had made or was thinking of making. Not waiting around to hear what his guardians thought, he bid them a gruff farewell and decided instead to seek out the two people who he knew could help him. Phoebus and Esmeralda. Surely, they would know how to help. The sun was making its way across the sky and turning a gentler, warmer yellow as it began its descent. Walking through the twisted path that led to the middle, the bell ringer remained deep in thought as he kept going, not caring where his feet led him, as long as he went somewhere, away from the church. And then, he knew it.
There had been hope for him before. Just a tiny flicker against the wind.
With the open eyes of a child almost, Quasi had reached out to Renee, fingers extended. In that moment she had a choice of kindness or cruelty; it took no time at all for Renee Barreau to decide. She had seen that dying ember and brought the winds to a cold howl. How was her thinking so different from Quasi's own, so alien?
How was it that she saw the suffering and choose to make it all the worse? He didn't know. But it did not matter, because they could never truly be together in that way.
Not in the way that he wanted. As he walked, thinking about where he wanted to go, he paused. He could take a left and head towards the Seine, or he could go right and go all the way to the edge of the city, whereabouts he would come across the old graveyard of the Court of Miracles. At that last thought, a bitter sneer formed on his lips before Quasi could stop it. He would need a miracle if he ever hoped to improve the mess of his life and apologize to Renee.
And then. He knew. He knew where he wanted to go.
