Saying goodbye to the kids was going to be hard on Raina, but she was determined to enjoy her last few days with them. Dukat had told the children that Raina was about to turn 26 and they convinced their father to take her to the cliffs overlooking the town of Urdassa. She had no idea where they were going until they got there. The view took her breath away. It was the kind of birthday she liked. Just having her family around her to play games and eat. She spoke to her father and had messages from her brothers, aunt, uncle and three cousins. She also got an unexpected birthday by way of a promotion to Lieutenant Commander. She had no idea Starfleet Command had even considered her for promotion, but she wasn't about to question it.
She left the others asleep in the tents to paint the town with the sunrise rising above it. She didn't paint often but when she did, it soothed her soul. She felt at home on Cardassia, like she was meant to be there. She missed being on Earth but Cardassia had her heart. She wasn't sure if it was it was the planet itself or the fact the loves of her life were on it.
The rustling of the tent pulled her out her musings and she turned to see mussy looking Dukat emerging from the tent they shared. "You look so sexy with your hair like that."
"My hair wouldn't look like this if someone wasn't pulling it so much last night." He grumbled, trying to smooth his hair back.
"Come here and kiss me." He immediately gifted her a teasing kiss. "I think I might build a house and retire here."
"I own this land…" He started. "And I drive a hard bargain." He held his hand out to help her up.
She grinned, taking his hand, gasping as she was pulled roughly into his arms. "I've been on the end of that hard bargain many times."
Instead of a lust filled comeback, he wrapped his arms around her tightly. "I want to steal you away."
"One day, I'll let you. Let me at least make Captain first."
"If they take too long, I'll torture them."
Raina laughed with her face buried into his neck scales. Their romantic interlude was interrupted by Talyn unceremoniously climbing out of the other tent. "Well good morning, Birdie." Raina greeted her, cheerfully.
"Morning." Talyn groaned. "Raina can you do my hair?"
"Of course." Raina and Talyn picked a spot to sit while Dukat went to wake the boys. Talyn sat patiently as Raina plaited her back in a similar way she wore her own. The boys appeared immediately sitting around her, Jacen resting his head against her back.
It was Jacen who noticed the mark on Raina's wrist. "Raina, what is that on your wrist?"
She looked at her wrist and sadness tugged at her. Despite it being hard to talk about, she was glad in a way that they asked. Ellie was her daughter and very real to her. She didn't want to hide Ellie's brief existence just because it hurt. "They are my daughters footprints."
"Where is she?" Talyn asked, innocently.
"She died while was still growing inside me." When a tear fell down her cheek, Mekor wiped it away. "Her name is Eleanor, after my mother. She was part Cardassian and her eye ridges looked smooth. She didn't have a forehead chest though."
"How old would she be now?" Mekor asked.
"Her sixth birthday would have been tomorrow. She was due 3 days after my twentieth birthday." She let out a shaky sigh, but when the kids hugged her in unison, the hurt spilled out. "I love you three." She whispered.
Dukat watched his children comfort his partner while she expressed her pain at losing her daughter. He too lost a daughter so knew what the pain felt like. How much guilt she was carried with her. He hadn't told her about the daughter he had with his Bajoran mistress, mainly because he wasn't ready to confront the guilt he felt. Raina would understand why he kept it a secret and why he wasn't ready to open that wound. "Come everyone, let's get some breakfast."
"If it's alright with you guys, I'm gonna stay here." Raina said, smiling sadly.
Dukat frowned. "Mekor, take your brother and sister to get breakfast." He waited until the children left then he sat down beside his love, pulling her into his arms. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I don't really talk about her much." She sniffed, melting in his loving embrace.
"I had another daughter." He surprised himself at how easy it spilled from his thoughts.
"What happened to her?" Raina asked, sitting up to look at him. She could feel his guilt.
"When I was Prefect of Bajor, I had a mistress, well several. Her name was Tora Naprem and we had a daughter could Ziyal. With the occupation coming to an end and knowing that Ziyal would never be accepted on Bajor or Cardassia, I sent them on a ship to Lissepia where they could live in peace. From the Intelligence I could gather, the ship was attacked and never seen again."
"Did you ever try to find them?"
"Many times over the years, but nothing was ever found." He let out a long mournful sigh. "I should have had the decency to escort them there myself."
"Hindsight is a pointless thing. I forever go over things I could have done differently."
"Perhaps."
An uncomfortable feeling settled in her stomach. Just how many mistresses did he have? "So how many mistresses did you have?"
Dukat felt something that he'd never felt before; terrified. "About 20 or so." The look of disgust on Raina's face physically hurt. "When Major Kira said you were obsessed with Bajorans, she wasn't kidding. Did you at least give those women an option whether they wanted to sleep with you or not?"
"How can you even ask me that?" He yelled; his face contorted with anger. She had effectively asked if he coerced those women into having sex with him.
Raina froze, like a dear caught in the headlights. He looked so furious with what she said but she needed to know. She swore she would never use her abilities for her gain, but she broke into his unguarded mind to search his memories. She found the answers she sought. Those women fell for him just like she did. But she suspected that they fell for him because he treated them well and took care of them. A pain spread through her chest, taking her breath away. It was his pain she was feeling, and she felt truly awful for it. "I'm sorry. I should never have asked you that." She looked away, burning with shame. "Both of us have so many issues and insecurities, I worry we may hurt each other unforgivably one day."
His anger faded, replaced with sadness. "I cared for those women, even loved some of them. They gave me what I felt I lacked." He stopped to look at her, running his fingers in her hair. "Then I met a stubborn, arrogant, demanding, beautiful, intelligent, loving Human and I…" He stopped, unable to verbalise what he was feeling. "I was never very good at this romantic stuff."
Raina laughed, throwing herself against him. "You're doing a fine job."
"What is it that you need from me? I'll give it to you."
"I just need your love, respect and loyalty and I'll more than give it back in return."
"Blow jobs?" He asked with a salacious tone. In a flash, he found himself flat on his back with a mischievous looking Raina on top of him.
"You are such pervert." She kissed him eagerly. "But you're my pervert. No one else's." She kissed him again, all the more eagerly, then a chorus of disgusted noises disrupted them.
"If you wanted us out of the way, you could have just asked." Mekor said, embarrassed but smiling.
Raina got up and lightly kicked Dukat's leg. "Just telling your father off. He forgets himself sometimes."
"Raina, we got this for you."
Jacen handed her a strange plant, pink in colour but she could tell it was still young. "What is it?"
"It's a cherella tree, we thought we could plant it tomorrow for Eleanor."
Raina felt the tears pool in her eyes as she looked down at the plant. A tear and then another fell into the pot. She wrapped her arms around all three children, holding them close. "She would have loved you."
The next day on Eleanor's sixth birthday, they planted the tree and the children made a sign for the tree. When Raina read the sign, it brought on more tears. It read, "A precious daughter and a special little sister. Eleanor Rose Cavendish." Among the roots, Raina laid to rest her daughters ashes, surrounded by her spiritual sons and daughter, for that's what she felt them to be and her partner.
"Are you ok?" Dukat asked as he kissed her forehead.
"She's at peace now." A gentle wind breezed through her hair and took away some of the pain that she felt burden by. There was the pain of knowing that she may never have the opportunity to carry her own children again, but in some ways she had made peace with that. There were ways she could have children if she wanted them at some point in the future. Whether that would be with Dukat she couldn't be sure, although there was the hope. They still had issues they had to navigate before any firm future could be established.
