Logan sat in his room tapping his foot in frustration. He had been waiting for Virgil for 20 minutes now, which was unprecedented. Virgil would rarely run late, often siting being distracted by his thoughts when he would show up. But 20 minutes seemed excessive for Virgil. his raised awareness often made it so he would never forget appointments completely. It followed that something might have been amiss. Logan decided to go check on him. He transferred over for a brief stop into Anxiety's room. Much to Logan's chagrin, though, nothing was wrong. Virgil was humming on the stairs, doodling in his notebook. He didn't appear to have acknowledged Logan's sudden presence, even though Logan made no effort to conceal himself. Logan cleared his throat to get his attention. Virgil jumped slightly.
"Virgil. It has been 21 minutes since the time we agreed to me to help allay some of your fears this week, as we had scheduled previously and discussed this morning." Logan said. Virgil stared at him blankly for a moment and took off his headphones.
"Oh, shit, sorry Logan. I totally lost track of time, fuck. Okay," He said, mumbling, dropping his notebook and headphones where he sat in his room. Virgil blinked out and Logan followed suit back to his room. Virgil settled back to where he was in his room, and Logan stood to face him. Logan was past arguing to get Virgil to move at this point in their sessions.
"Shall we proceed?" Virgil nodded in response. "Have you any new anxieties you want to first discuss before we move to more directed subjects?"
Virgil looked contemplative for a moment, which was anomalous. But Virgil soon launched into a short rant about if how while Thomas is out at dinner tonight and if he laughs at one of his friend's jokes he could choke on his pasta. He then worried about how said pasta may make him sleepy on the drive home and he could crash from his impaired faculties. Then Virgil launched in about possible bad things he could say to anger his friends.
Logan worked through each item and discussed either the realism of the event or how to prevent other more realistic ones. For one, Thomas could just not eat pasta. He didn't like that Virgil would just rant until he was breathless and Logan would have to work from the beginning and forward. But Virgil was very hard to stop once he got going, and Logan tried to consider it like a less structured Lincoln-Douglas debate. Though what he wouldn't give to make it the properly researched and timed format. Logan discussed the possible ways to avoid the turns of events he was worried about and addressed his more ridiculous concerns for a short while until he had solved each point in Virgil's rant.
"Now that we've considered those possibilities, could we move on to more focused questions?" Virgil nodded. "You did the reading for the intelligence expansion activity I proposed, I assume,"
"Yeah, well, kind of," Virgil responded more half-heartedly than despondently, unlike how Virgil usually reacted to having to give a negative response during these interviews.
"Please describe how you only 'kind of' did the reading," Logan said, relatively used to this dodging, half-speak Virgil would employ when he was uncomfortable by now.
"I, uh, got past the intro and after I read the first bullet point I kind of freaked out," Virgil said, burying himself slightly in his hoodie.
"It is acceptable if you had not finished the assigned reading yet-" Logan started to console Virgil, but was cut off. Logan was rightfully upset, but let Virgil explain himself.
"No, I… well, Roman finished it for me. See, I thought you were trying to call me out-" Logan lifted the corresponding vocabulary card to clarify Virgil's meaning, and Virgil nodded before continuing. "And I was scared I was doing something I didn't know I was. Like the intro suggested could happen. So… I asked him to tell me." Virgil finished. Logan nodded to express comprehension.
"So, did Roman, as you say, 'call you out' for unhealthy coping behaviors?" Logan asked carefully. This was a much more interesting line of inquiry than a short discussion of the research. Virgil shifted uncomfortably but continued relatively nonplussed for discussing what should be a hard subject for Virgil.
"He said I do two out of six. And that it was silly to include impulse buying," Virgil said, picking at his hands and looking down at the carpet.
"That was so you could be aware of what to watch out for in Thomas and other people so Thomas could be alerted to future issues. It was not intended to be a 'call-out', but that is off-topic." Logan cut him off before he could continue.
"Oh, ha, that makes more sense now. He said I did self-isolation and, um, that one about not getting all the information before reacting?" Virgil finished and paused, watching Logan carefully and looking concerned.
"Do you think Roman's assessment is correct?" Logan questioned Virgil, who was looking more uncomfortable by the moment. If Virgil could recognize these behaviors, it would be beneficial for all parties.
"Well, I kind of proved him right before, y'know the one…" Virgil trailed off and had a faraway look, wringing his hands slightly.
"Virgil, continue." Logan verbally prodded. If he let Virgil drift too far from the topic at hand then he would not be able to continue the conversation.
"Oh, um, and then isolation one in the middle of telling me about which I, uh, exhibited. He talked me down from freaking out too badly." Virgil said, looking a little less distressed. Logan was surprised at both Virgil's willingness to be forthcoming and Roman's capacity to help him. Logan must have expressed the surprise on his face because Virgil continued.
"Right, isn't it weird that Roman's ridiculous chivalry is useful for something other than fighting imaginary dragons?" Virgil chuckled. It was obvious he trying to belay discomfort with humor.
"Yes, it is nice that Roman can be practical and helpful in the midst of all the fantasies," Logan said perhaps slightly sardonically. But Roman was off-topic. "Do you remember anything else from the first panic attack you mentioned?" Logan inquired. Logan had anticipated more of Virgil's new, relatively forthcoming attitude and hoped they could get to the root of what caused that particular panic attack to be so traumatic for Virgil. But Virgil just looked stricken. He went sheet white and dug his nails into his palms. While this reaction to the question was new, it was clear it wouldn't go anywhere again this week.
"Virgil, count down from ten with me. We will take a deep breath between each number." Logan firmly said. Virgil quietly followed him through the exercise. He was still breathing deeply enough and less shaken, but he hadn't regained any color. "Virgil, look at me and tell me three things you notice about me," Virgil's eyes shot around the room for a moment until they settled on Logan's face.
"Um, glasses..." Virgil swallowed hard. "Stiff tie," Virgil added and followed it with a deep breath. "Insufferably smug attitude," He finished with a mild laugh and a weak smirk. Logan didn't think that was an accurate countenance, but the point was to ground Virgil, and insults generally seemed to indicate he was feeling better.
"We will move on. How was your rest last night?" Logan began breach at the subject. Virgil shrugged. That was his same response this morning instead of a straight answer like Logan had asked for. "Were you aware you were acting erratically this morning?" Virgil nodded slowly. "Do you have a reason for acting so boisterously?" Logan continued. Virgil looked down and rubbed his forearm through his sleeve.
"It just… kind of happened." Virgil said dismissively after a pause. Logan stared Virgil down.
"Virgil, honesty is important for these sessions. Was that a lie of omission?" Virgil paused for a moment, panic shining in his eyes for a moment, but then suffered a sort of hiccup followed by a quick cough and he seemed to settle again.
"No," Virgil said confidently and smoothly, sitting up straighter as it was uttered. He coughed again, looking around for a moment before continuing. "I just wanted to try something different…" He said, trailing off and sinking back into his regular slouch, returning to rubbing his arm. Logan didn't believe Virgil's excuse was the complete story, but the certainty in which he rejected Logan's supposition was sufficient. Virgil was not a good liar, as much as he tried to look disinterested. He had many indicia in his voice and body language when he tried to dance around the truth.
"What made you want to try to be different?" Logan continued with the inquisition since Virgil was still responsive and not showing any signs of an impending anxiety attack.
"I… I want to be better for Thomas," Virgil stated plainly and resolutely, his posture slightly rising.
"Ah, yes, a noble pursuit. But Thomas does not require another side who is lackadaisical, so please do not deviate far from your established vigilance just to continue lallygagging around with Roman." Logan rebuked him slightly for his oafishness with Roman earlier.
Virgil shot straight and flushed. "I didn't do it just to goof off with Princey!" Virgil blurted out very emotionally. He balled himself up and buried himself in his hood again, groaning. Virgil was not a good liar. No matter how aloof, how angry, or how bitter, Virgil wore his colloquial 'heart on his sleeve' just like Patton. Even being otiose with Roman that wasn't his original purpose, it was clearly something he considered a positive effect. After a pause, Virgil was looking away and rubbing his arm again.
"Are we done, doc?" Virgil asked, his tone slightly mocking, but looking what seemed to be more and more exhausted by the moment. "I really want to go lie down."
"Once again, I am not a licensed professional, but If you feel sufficiently relieved, feel free to leave," Logan said, but Virgil disappeared from the spot before Logan finished his sentence. Virgil's body language, which Logan studied for the specific purpose of talking with Virgil, was not consistent. One could not call Virgil a champion of good posture or eye contact. But there was a clear indication that something was peculiar about him and what he tried not to communicate.
— * * * —
Patton was working on his crochet on the living room couch, humming to himself. Roman was at the kitchen table, writing something slightly nervously. He was probably waiting for some kind of news from Logan. Patton trusted Logan to have it handed, though, and focused on his blanket project. He knew Logan would let them know right away if there was a problem. It was a pretty quiet afternoon so far and nothing had felt off. Patton generally trusted his gut.
Virgil suddenly appeared on the couch right next to Patton, which startled him. Patton jumped at Virgil's sudden arrival and Virgil jumped at Patton's reaction. Virgil and Patton both clutched their chest for a long moment and chuckled humorously at each other. Virgil squatted on the couch next to Patton. Patton was pleased that Virgil didn't move away from him as he would have before. Perhaps his darkling was feeling a little lonely.
"You wanna watch a movie, Pop?" Virgil offered and passed Patton the remote. Patton's eyes lit up. His son wanted to spend time with him! It really was a good day!
"Of course kiddo! Do ya got any preference?" Patton asked his dark and sleepy son, but he was pretty sure he knew the answer when Virgil handed over the remote.
"Not really," Virgil said, trailing off slightly. He put his hands in his pockets and looked to Patton for his choice. There was an exhausted look in his eyes. His poor son needed a break from something.
"Light-hearted and sweet it is! Let's watch Winnie the Pooh!" Patton announced and queued it up on the television in the common room. Virgil groaned half-heartedly and leaned back, summoning a blanket. Patton could see he was fine with Patton's choice, despite his objections with the way he settled in to enjoy the movie.
"Oh! Impromptu Movie night!" Roman must have been distracted if he only just realized they were starting a movie. Roman jumped onto the couch, which caused the other two to bob slightly. "Let's watch Tangled!" He declared while miming long, flowing hair.
"We already picked Winnie the Pooh, Kiddo. We can watch Tangled next, okay?" Patton said calmly and picked back up his crochet. Roman sighed dramatically and yawned, probably a little over the top to be a real yawn.
"Fine. It's almost like you hate bops," Roman pouted and folded his arms as he settled into the couch.
"There's still a bop or two in the Pooh Movie. Classic Disney animation has it's own charm to enjoy outside the catchy songs, right?" Patton suggested, throwing a meaningful glance from Roman to Virgil. Virgil looked absolutely worn down. His eyes were more sunken than usual and his hair limp. Roman's face softened from dramatic indignation into an understanding smile, and he nodded in acknowledgment.
Roman summoned himself a bucket of theater popcorn and threw his feet up on the coffee table as the intro played. He pulled out his phone and seemed to start scrolling social media. Patton was a little offended that Roman was that disinterested in the Pooh Movie, but he kept it to himself. Virgil didn't look like he needed any bickering right now, and it was more important to take care of him at the moment. Patton was partially focused on his crochet project himself, and probably should let it go.
They watched the movie in comfortable silence for a while, and Patton made good progress on his crochet. Virgil had started drifting about 20 minutes later. The Pooh movie was soothing. Patton caught his eyes fluttering when he glanced over to check on him. Virgil's balance on the couch was slipping further down. Patton felt a shake and looked over to see Virgil's head bob, and he shook himself awake and pulled his legs under him to a more reclined position. It wasn't long until he fully slipped into sleep and his head landed on Patton's shoulder with a light snore. Patton had to keep himself calm because this was the first time Virgil ever initiated contact, even if it was accidental. Oh, he wanted a way to memorialize this! He couldn't wake up Virgil, though. He was just so sleepy and there was a good chance he'd no longer want to sleep next to Patton. That would be awful, indeed!
Patton set down his crochet next to the free space on the couch and carefully shifted Virgil down from his hard shoulder to his lap so Virgil wouldn't fall any further and wake himself up. Virgil smelled like a frozen winter night deep in the woods. It was an unnerving situation, but unmistakably a beautiful scene. Patton blissfully watched Virgil sleep in his lap peacefully. His hair looked so fuzzy. Patton couldn't resist and started stroking his hair gently. He was extra careful to make sure the motion wouldn't wake him up. Virgil's hair was soft and Patton was soothed so deeply by the gentle interaction with him. He'd always wanted this with another side. Roman would cuddle him on movie nights, but never Virgil or Logan. This was new and amazing, and he wasn't letting anything interrupt it.
Patton held his finger up to his mouth and faced Roman, who was still half watching the movie and half on his phone when Virgil passed out. Roman noticed him and nodded. He looked almost sulky for a moment. Patton was about to ask, but Roman's eyes lit up and he gently stood up and aimed his phone at Patton and Virgil.
"This would make such great blackmail material," He whispered to Patton.
"You stop this right now, young man, you know it would upset him," Patton chided Roman quietly, attempting to shift as little as possible.
"That's what blackmail is, grandpa," Roman rolled his eyes and tapped at his screen. He was clearly determined to get the photo with or without Patton's approval.
"At least make sure the flash is off, bud. If you wake him, I will come for you," Patton quietly threatened and stroked Virgil's hair again. Roman turned off flash and succeed at not waking Virgil, thank goodness. The slightly evil smile on Roman's face was a little unsettling, but maybe that's just Virgil and Roman's dynamic when they're not with the group. Patton returned to gently petting Virgil's head while watching the film in peace as Roman sat back down. Roman tapped around on the screen more and showed Patton the resulting photo.
"Okay, kiddo, you're right, that is a pretty great photo. Could you send it to me?" Patton whispered back. Patton would get the cuddle memorialized after all. And maybe Roman won't use it against Virgil viciously. Roman nodded and sent it over, resulting in a soft buzzing sound on the coffee table. They both sat motionlessly, scared they woke Virgil, and listened for a sign of him stirring. But all they were met with nothing but heffalumps and woozles to the cadence of Virgil's soft breathing. Patton mouthed 'that will be my new phone background' at Roman. Roman huffed, but settled back into the couch and continued watching the movie with them.
Logan had appeared later and both Patton and Roman had signaled him to be quiet as he rose into the living room. Logan nodded and sat down and joined them watching the Pooh movie, though he kept stealing glances at the sleeping Virgil. Logan looked slightly disconcerted when he glanced at Virgil but said nothing.
"Is he okay, nerd theorem?" Roman whispered and shot a look at Virgil. Logan nodded back at him.
"I cannot discuss what we talked about or my judgments therein. But Virgil's apparent identity crisis is nothing to be disquieted about at this time," Logan whispered back, and Patton and Roman both sighed in relief.
"Let me know if I can help?" Roman whispered back. Logan nodded in response. Patton inwardly giggled at how protective Roman has gotten over Virgil. Roman must have noticed Patton's big grin because his eyes quickly shot away and there was a slight blush on his cheeks. Patton fought the urge to be too expressive of his excitement over Roman's response. He loved it that his sons finally got along. They returned to the comfortable silence as the Pooh Movie played on the TV. Roman eventually slipped back to messing around on his phone and didn't even notice when another Pooh movie auto-played after the first for half the intro.
"Hey, Pop, you said we could watch Tangled next," Roman angrily whispered when he finally looked up and saw the new movie.
"I promise we'll watch it together another time, champ. It may be too lively for our dead tired friend," Patton whispered back consolingly. "It's got a lot of bops, remember? It would be hard not to sing along," he said, looking gently down at the quietly resting Virgil.
"Fine, whatever," Roman said and crossed his arms as if he was angry, but Patton didn't miss his soft expression as he also glanced at Virgil. He loved it when everybody got along and felt a warm feeling in his chest as they all enjoyed the rest of the movie in silence.
When Thomas started getting ready for bed, they decided to finish up the impromptu movie night. Roman helped Patton very carefully slide out from under Virgil and replaced Patton's lap with a pillow. Roman looked like Indiana Jones trying to swap a treasure with how hard he was concentrating. Patton giggled silently as Roman slowly backed away, and then looked at Patton triumphantly. Roman turned off the TV and sent away the empty popcorn bucket while Patton gently made sure Virgil was tucked in warmly. Patton stroked his hair one final time. Roman also gently pat his shoulder before heading to bed. Virgil never even shifted all night they were with him. Patton smiled gently at his sleepy strangeling as he sunk out to his bedroom.
