Greetings
It has been an eternity.
I have not abandoned this story, I've just had a lot of things to handle, and the only break I've had is because of this widespread COVID-19 outbreak.
In these hard times, I'm hoping everyone is staying safe and healthy! Wash your hands, be careful, and please be mindful when buying things int bulk! A lot of people will be deprived of the things they need if people buy everything in exaggerated amounts. I understand stocking up, but buying out a store and reselling for 15 times the original price is just distasteful and selfish.
Anyway, sorry this took so long. Enjoy!
Taichi was anything but a pushover. Stubborn and opinionated, it was hard to change her mind on something and even harder to say no to her.
This is why Midorima Shintaro found himself in the Kagami apartment that afternoon, enjoying homemade dumplings and some tea. Originally, he'd only gone there to drop some documents, as his mother had asked him to. He'd patiently waited for thirty minutes, and it was as he was about to leave that Taichi and Taiga arrived, drenched in sweat and laughing like children.
Feeling bad for having him stand there for so long, Taichi invited him in (despite Taiga's vehement protests) and offered him some food. Midorima had attempted to say no, however by revealing that he knew Taiga, he'd sealed his fate and had no choice but to comply.
Of all things, Midorima hadn't expected Kagami Taiga to be living alone with a pregnant woman. He never came off as the type to have to take up such a responsibility. Then again, he'd only known him on the court and he couldn't say that he knew Taiga well at all.
"I-Ignore him. He's a grouch. I-I'm Taichi." She bowed politely to him, although belatedly. (Perhaps a foreigner like Taiga?) "W-We have some tea, juice, water, and s-soda. I-Is there anything in p-particular you'd l-like?"
"Water is fine," Midorima assured. He could feel Taiga's burning gaze on his back as he walked further into the apartment, taking a seat on the couch. It didn't leave him; not when Taichi set a cold bottle of water before him, not when she quickly excused herself, and not when Midorima turned to look at him.
"…I'll leave, there's no need for the glaring, Kagami."
"If you do that, she'll be upset and blame herself," Taiga says drily. "So I'll deal with it. I'll only give you one warning."
Midorima raises a curious brow. Typically, Kagami wasn't very intimidating (to him), but something about his demeanor was different this time. He didn't stand defensively as he did on court—he stood protectively. His eyes held something fierce, somewhat dangerous behind them that Midorima couldn't identify.
"Stay in your lane. Don't ask her questions. If you say one wrong thing—anything out of line, just once—I can promise you those bandages on your hands will be there for a very different reason, Midorima."
That, if anything, only increased Midorima's desire to leave and never return to the apartment. He wasn't unused to receiving threats and was no stranger to dishing them out either (having a younger sister who was often teased by her peers made it a somewhat regular occurrence, sadly). He could tell that Taiga meant business, and wouldn't hesitate to put his words into action the moment Midorima made a misstep. It unnerved Midorima to no end, seeing this side of Taiga.
On one hand, he wondered why he wasn't like this on-court (basketball heads only think of one thing). On the other, such an extreme reaction that was unprovoked was uncharacteristic of him. Taiga may be brash and impulsive, but he wasn't so crude as to threaten without reason.
"Why do you assume I have any questions? Your life has nothing to do with me, I could care less." Midorima retorted.
"…Good. And don't go blabbing about her. The last thing I need is more of you Generation of Assholes knowing."
At this, Midorima paused. Disregarding the insult (that he'll admit, took a jab at his pride), he was a little surprised to know that he wasn't the only miracle to know of Taichi.
Midorima would be lying if he said he wasn't curious as to what the relationship between the two was, and who else knew of her.
A few more minutes of silence passed before Taichi came back to the room
"S-Sorry for leaving like that..." She takes a deep breath and sits facing Midorima.
He notices the way she shook, and her eyes shifted nervously. Her knuckles were white from the tight grip she had on the hem of her shirt.
"If my presence is making you uncomfortable, it'd be best if I left."
Taichi flinched. "I'm s-sorry, it isn't l-like th—"
"Then answer this." Midorima could feel the threat Kagami's eyes were sending him and ignored it. "Why do you insist on my stay?"
Her gaze fell to the floor. Her fidgeting was incessant as she glanced over to her brother. "Ah… I-I…" She stammered a bit, unsure of how to answer.
Taiga was just about ready to make Midorima eat his words when the bespectacled teenager rose to his feet.
"I've overstayed my welcome. Thank you for the food, and congratulations on your child." With that, he left, leaving the documents on the coffee table, with the leftover dumplings and his untouched water bottle.
"…Taiga."
"…Yes…?"
"…I'm sorry."
That evening was a quiet one at the Kagami apartment. Taiga had made it clear and repeated that he was glad that Midorima left, that she did well in handling his presence. Despite this, Taichi couldn't help but feel rather bad about herself, for being so obvious in her discomfort. She used to be able to keep a poker face, rivaling that of Tatsuya's and now…
Taichi knew that she changed a lot, that she wasn't ever going to be the same person she was less than a year ago. She accepted that not only what had happened transformed her, but she would continue to transform, even after having her baby. Yet it was moments like this that really made her wish nothing had changed within her. That she could've moved on and pretended nothing had happened.
She wanted to be normal again.
This idea placated her mind, giving her yet another sleepless night. Those seemed to be more and more frequent as the days passed. Nights spent contemplating, remembering, imagining, thinking. They were always followed by absurdly long days and deep but restless sleep.
She let out another sigh from her bed, staring at the ceiling with an empty gaze.
It was the eighth time she'd done this since they'd gone to bed—and he'd been counting. He noticed how the bags under her eyes seemed to get darker, her smiles dimmer and her demeanor less cheerful, by the day. She told him that it was just the hormones, and he believed it to an extent, but it was obvious something else was bothering her—and it was all rooted back to the same problem that did nothing but plague his family.
He didn't know what to do to help her, not when he'd been doing everything he could since they reached Japan. Since he found out, even.
Taichi shuffled in her bed, trying to find a comfortable position to lay in. She tossed and turned for a while. Then Taiga had enough. He got out of his bed, bringing his pillow with him. "Scoot over."
She turned and looked at him curiously. "…Why?"
He ignores her questions and motions for her to move. This time, she complies, and Taiga lays next to her. Perhaps it's because she was used to it from childhood, or because he seemed to radiate the comfort she yearned, but she snuggled up against him almost on instinct.
With a gentle touch, not many knew he had, Taiga untangled her hair, helping her relax. He could feel her become less and less tense.
The chill from the air conditioner was its own type of comforting, and the warm, flower-scented sheets seemed more fragrant now that Taichi had settled a bit.
"We're too big for this," Taichi mutters quietly.
"Yeah." He nods. "But you need this."
Taichi sighs. "I need this… you always worry more about what I need than yourself."
"Don't start."
The twins stared at each other silently, Taichi's guilt visible on her face, and Taiga's distaste for it, in his eyes.
He clicks his tongue, "I told you I'm doing it because I want to. You really shouldn't be looking too deep into it."
"I can't help it, Tai. You could be out, having fun with your friends, you wouldn't have to argue with your coach about me. You could give you 100% to your team at all times… but you take care of me instead."
"I always give my 100% in everything. Of all people, you know that. And you're saying it like you don't want me to take care of you."
"Not if it's at your expense, Taiga." She frowns. "You keep missing out on so many things because of me. I don't want that for you."
"…" He sighs. "That's really selfish of you."
Confusion passes over her face. "Selfish? I'm thinking of your happiness, genius."
"Not that part. You keep trying to take responsibility for my decisions." He gives her a deadpanned look. "And I'm happy around you too. You're my twin; if anything I have the most fun with you."
"You are happy, until I have an attack, or want to leave because I'm too weak to handle other people's presence—"
"I told you to forget about Midorima, it's not a big deal."
"That point is," she says firmly. "I'm dragging you down."
Taiga sighs. She's just as stubborn as he is, and in this case, it wasn't so admirable.
He can practically see the steam coming out of her ears from overthinking everything. "…Geez. You sound pretty sure of yourself."
"I've had a lot of time to think about it." She shrugs.
"Because you stay up all night to do that."
"It's really not as bad as you make it sound."
"It's a lot worse than you make it seem."
She chose not to respond to that statement. She let out another of her countless sighs and turned to face the ceiling. "Sleep."
"No, you."
She groans. "What are you, twelve?"
"I don't know, am I?" Taiga snickers. "I don't want to sleep if you're awake."
"You have school."
"You have a job though."
"You're an athlete training for national-level basketball comps."
"You're going to be a mother."
"My baby doesn't need me to sleep to be healthy. And I get in my eight hours."
"Every other day?" he deadpans. "Taichi. I know you can see why I'm so against this and you know you're wrong."
She's silent.
Of course, she knows he's right. If the tables were turned, she'd be doing the same thing he is. She realizes this is detrimental to her health, both physically and mentally, but she can't help it. She can't help her insomnia. And she isn't sure she wants to. Sometimes she gets up in a better mood than the day before. It wasn't all bad. She was handling herself pretty well, all things considered.
"I might be wrong..." She says slowly. "But I'll be fine. It's not as if I'm overworking or exerting myself too much-"
"That's bullshit and you know it."
She pinches his nose. "Watch your language. This baby can hear and I don't want him to come out with a sailor's tongue."
"Ow." He pulls her hand off his face. "I don't even curse that much. And you're changing the subject."
"Yeah well... It's not like I don't want to sleep. I literally can't help it."
"Then maybe we should see a doctor about it."
Taichi looked at him incredulously. "...a doctor."
"Yeah. A therapist, or something."
"Because you think I can't move on by myself? That I need a goddamn-"
"It's not like that." He frowns. "You've come a long way, on your own. I just think that for things like this, it's good to have help."
"Things like what?" she says defensively.
"Your issues. Your sleeping problems. That's what this entire discussion is about." he sighs. "Taichi..."
"I don't need a therapist. I have you, and I've gotten this far without the help of some guy who gets paid to pick at my flaws."
Taiga couldn't argue. He didn't feel comfortable sharing information about himself in general, much less to a stranger. He could see how she would dislike the idea, but such it's something she probably can't do without. With how she was now, and the up and downs, the progress, and stepping back, she was just... unstable.
"Taichi... please. Just... think about it."
She chooses to not respond. She turns to face away from him.
"It's just therapy."
"Good night."
He wasn't wrong.
He was asleep. She could tell, he was snoring quite loudly. Not his exaggerated fake one—his genuine snoring, reminiscent of a choking hyena. He only snored like that when he was exceptionally tired.
He was right. He is right.
Taichi felt bad, keeping him up till 2 am on a school night. She couldn't help it. He refused to sleep until she did. He had managed to pass out after an hour and a half of her ignoring him, but she felt bad that he'd been staying up in the first place.
I need help.
She'd make it up to him in the morning. She'd wake up early and make him a good breakfast. Now she could be in the kitchen alone without freaking out. As long as she played music loud enough to forget that she's alone. She worked that out alone. He was wrong. She can get through it alone. She just had to keep pushing forward.
I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help. I need help.
"I don't need help." she muttered to herself silently. "I don't need help."
What was he thinking, suggesting something like that? She'd seen a therapist after reporting... the incident. It hadn't helped in the slightest. He sat down with her for one unfruitful session (during which she glared at him and sobbed the entire time) before she was sent off to group therapy with rape survivors. That, perhaps, would have helped a little if it weren't for a reporter sneaking in and attempting to gather information (Isn't that illegal?).
She wouldn't make any progress with a shrink. She tried it before.
She could do it on her own.
I can't keep doing this. I can't do this. It hurts.
She didn't have time for therapy anyway. She had a job, and a baby on the way. Taiga's practices were starting to run later as they'd begun preparing for the Winter-Cup with prelims coming up too. She wouldn't make him leave and cost him something she knew mattered so much to him. She couldn't be that burden.
She also had to set up a baby room before she got too big to do it. Her baby was going to be there soon, and she wanted to have everything ready for it.
A thought crossed her mind, a thought that made her physically nauseous.
What if I don't love my baby?
She lay still for a minute, suppressing the strong urge to vomit. She couldn't comprehend where that thought came from. She knew that some people couldn't stand the idea of carrying their assailant's child. She knew thinking of the child could be a reminder of what happened. She'd be lying if she said it wasn't, occasionally. But she always focused on the good, and how this baby would be hers and only hers. She thought of the happiness this child would bring her-
Will I be happy if it looks like him?
She sat up. She felt like she'd suffocate if she stayed laying down. Where were these thoughts coming from? She couldn't let something like this could her mind. She already had enough troubling thoughts keeping her up at night. The last thing she needed was another, one that could ruin all the progress she'd made.
She worked so hard to get better for her baby. Out of love, for her baby.
I'll hate it. I'll hate it. I love him now but I'll hate it because it'll look like him and I can't look at those eyes again I'll hate it I'll hate it I hate it I-
She quickly stumbled out of bed and reached for the trashcan under the desk. She retched painfully into the small bin, tears pricking her eyes. She couldn't tell if it was from the painful feeling of bile scratching her throat or the thought of hating her own child.
I need help, I need help.
"I don't need help.." she told herself, clutching the bin to her side. "I don't need help."
