Chapter Fifteen: New Dispatch
Kakazu was reading in his study while he counted down the minutes.
If he left right now, he'd end up in the meeting room early. Ordinarily, he'd be counting his money, but it didn't give him as much pleasure as it used to. When Pain had put him in charge of finances, Kakazu had been ecstatic, but now the gold had lost its luster.
Now he didn't know what to do.
Kakazu had put his faith in money, it was the only thing you really could put faith in. And it hadn't let him down. At first, he'd pursued money to pay the bills, and after the Senju were wiped out, he focused on getting more of it. Now he had so much money he couldn't possibly spend it. Not without indulging in excesses, a ninja should avoid anyway.
It was odd.
And then that idiot Hidan entered the room, carrying his scythe into the library. "Hey, Kakazu, you've been cooped up in here for days. You really gonna spend your leave doing paperwork?"
Kakazu snarled as he shut the book. "This is not paperwork. I am reading."
"Well, what's so interesting?" asked Hidan, sitting down across from him and setting down his scythe. He still hadn't changed out of his robes.
"Just some old ledgers I found under the desk," said Kakazu, setting the book onto the stack. "Back from before I joined Pain. There isn't much to say. Just a series of failures." Failures? How were those failures? He'd achieved his mission and gotten paid, why would he think of them as failures?
Hidan grabbed one of the books and read through it, raising an eyebrow. "Broke a Senju girl's skull while she was taking shelter at an altar. Ripped out and Uchiha's eyes to sell for 200$. Shot Madara in the back for free. How many times did you do that?"
"Somewhere between several and too many times," said Kakazu. "For all the hype, Madara was an idiot. Because he was so powerful, he assumed he was invincible and was easy to ambush. Kind of like you, actually.
"And his heavy-handed arrogance alienated all the other clans in the Leaf. He played right into Tobirama's hands. The minute Hashirama left the stage, Madara lost most of his power.
"It was a hobby." Kakazu realized he was smiling for the first time in a very long time. When had he gotten casual with this moron?
Hidan kept reading. "Wiped out a stronghold for 1000$, piled their heads in piles.
"Roasted an entire village for 500$.
"Dueled Hashirama inconclusively, spent 1200$ regaining lost power."
"I would have won that if one of his girlfriends hadn't begged him not to get hurt," muttered Kakazu. He hadn't had a chance to kill that one.
"Butchered a Lord and his entire family. Hung their rotting carcasses from the walls of their keep for 50$-" Hidan spluttered. "They paid you fifty bucks for regicide? That's way below your paygrade, Kakazu! I mean... not that I care about money or anything."
"The war ended," said Kakazu with a sigh. "Working freelance in a time of peace means you can't pick and choose. Even I have to eat. I once nearly starved to death, after I burned down my village. After that day, I vowed with money as my witness. I'd never go hungry again.
"In the ninja world, it's not how about how you live. It's about how much you get paid for making other people stop living." Kakazu leaned back in his seat and looked at one of his hands. A layer of skin surrounding black tendrils, the remnants of humanity cast aside. Sooner or later, getting more hearts wouldn't be enough, and he would die. "Looking back, I've been living hand to mouth my entire life. I've only just managed to start saving up for a retirement I'll never see.
"In the grand scheme of things, my profits have been insignificant."
Hidan smiled. "No way, Kakazu. These hits are a thing of beauty. Every kill you've made here is made with a devotion not even a follower of Jashin could equal. Ever consider converting?"
Kakazu blinked. "Killing for its own sake?"
"Oh come on, you look me in the eye and tell me you've never enjoyed a kill," said Hidan. "You don't have to join the priesthood, Jashin doesn't mind his followers having their vices.
"You kill people all the time, Kakazu. Might as well do it for God and make it official."
"...Hypothetically," said Kakazu after a moment. "If a massive Church of Jashin were to spring up, you might have donations. And you'd need someone to handle all the money."
"Well, monks are supposed to live lives unchained by worldly burdens," said Hidan. "But I guess the priesthood would need someone to take care of finances. Why do you ask?"
"No reason," said Kakazu. "I suppose there's no home in getting some insurance."
"Great," said Hidan, reaching into his robe and drawing out a golden symbol, like the one he wore. "Catch!"
Kakazu caught the symbol as it hurtled toward him and looked at it oddly. How much was this thing worth anyway? If he melted it down, he could probably make a lot of coins out of it. "What's this?"
"Emblem of Jashin. Made from real gold," said Hidan. "My village used to worship them, back in the day, but they sold out their faith for peace and plenty. I had a devil of a time finding the symbol, and when I did, well, my village and I disagreed.
"Anyway, I had this one made for you just now. I use a steel one, but I figured gold was more your thing."
"Idiot," said Kakazu, but he realized he didn't mean it.
He wasn't going to melt this down. Gold was still valuable, even if it was in necklace form. And Kakazu didn't want to listen to Hidan complain. Their partnership was... valuable, worth its weight in gold.
"Alright, I'll see myself out," said Hidan.
As they turned, however, they saw Konan standing before them, flanked by ninja. Judging by their eyes, these ninja had serious protection on their minds. You could tell when someone had been really worked over by Konan's mental precautions. They looked just a bit dead inside.
"Hidan, Kakazu, Pain is calling a meeting of the Akatsuki," said Konan.
"Great," said Hidan.
Konan led Hidan and Kakazu through the halls of their headquarters in the Land of Rain. Outside, Kakazu could see the rain pouring as strong as ever, but it had changed tempo just slightly. It was a code from Pain, which ninja were trained to recognize.
'Ninja intruder has infiltrated palace, remain calm. Search, make no sign of alarm.' Roughly translated.
Pain was planning something overcomplicated, wasn't he?
Following Konan, Kakazu heard scuttling and saw a mouse walking through the halls. Only it seemed on a closer glance to be like something drawn on paper. As if it were a picture come to life. Stepping back he raised a foot to crush it-
Konan caught him by the shoulder. "Leave the creature to the cats. Hanzo's representative awaits."
Wonderful, so now they were pretending Hanzo was still alive. Which meant Konan was using the guards like marionettes to ensure they played the part. Why was she even bothering? All you'd need to do to prove that wrong was talking to a few people in the streets.
They had probably gone straight to the palace.
At last, they got into the room, and the mouse followed behind. It was spartan, with a round table at the front. Itachi and Kisame were already there, the Uchiha and Shark-faced ninja standing together. Opposite from them were the images of Sasori and Deidara. Both holding tickets in their illusionary hands. And across from Kakazu stood Pain.
The orange-haired man was as pale as ever and hadn't changed any of the metal piercings within his face. His eyes gaze Kakazu the chills, as usual, and he was without expression. Konan quickly took her place by him, while Kakazu and Hidan stepped forward.
"Greetings, all of you," said Pain, his voice dark and deep. "Some of you may already be aware that Tobi has been captured by the Leaf."
"What?" said Kisame, usual smile fading. "Shouldn't we go rescue him?"
"The circumstances of his capture are somewhat different from normal, Kisame," said Pain. "It has also led to some revelations about who Tobi truly is.
"Take this." And he drew out a number of tickets, seven in number. Six of them were passed around.
"A ticket?" asked Kisame.
"Yes," said Pain. "The Leaf Village dispatched one here to Hanzo."
"Isn't he that guy you killed," said Hidan. "Alongside his family, his servants, and his subordinates."
"Also, that one guy he tipped at a ramen stand," said Deidara.
Konan put her head in both her hands as a groan went throughout the group. Trust Hidan to forget the codes to the rain and completely miss the subtext.
"To become a god, one cannot be a known quantity," replied Pain simply. "Hanzo and his associates needed to be wholly eradicated for a new age to dawn." Well, he was taking this in stride.
"Nobody is judging Pain, we admire your work," said Hidan.
"I don't," snapped Kakazu.
"Are you still pissed off about losing your investments, Kakazu?" asked Deidara.
"Yes," said Kakazu, who'd invested most of his savings into Hanzo's regime.
"Alright, everyone except Kakazu admires Pain's work," said Deidara.
"This is getting away from the point," said Konan.
"Right, yeah, Pain's right," said Deidara. "Tobi is as good as dead. We all now owe Sasori fifty bucks. On the bright side, this means our plan is going perfectly."
"I don't owe Sasori anything. Gambling is a sin," muttered Hidan.
"Fine, everyone except Hidan owes Sasori fifty bucks," said Deidara.
Everyone looked to Pain, who held their gaze. "You have a question?"
"Aren't you going to pay up, Pain?" asked Kisame.
"As a god, I transcend such meaningless concepts as money," said Pain. "Konan, deal with this."
Konan quickly took out her wallet and put a hundred bills on the table in front of Deidara as the other did the same. Itachi was looking just a bit out of touch and impassive.
"Getting your girl to pay for you?" asked Deidara. "Not very classy."
"The point, Deidara, is that Tobi is still alive," said Konan. "And is presenting fighting in bloodsports for the amusement of thousands of citizens. Tickets like these have been sold to numerous households."
"Are you... sure that it was the Leaf who captured him?" asked Hidan.
"Quite," said Pain. "These tickets should provide context."
So they watched the fight. It was... enlightening, to say the least. Tobi demonstrated powers far beyond what he should have been capable. And that girl should not have been able to defend against them. Somehow the fight was being rigged.
Kisame looked a bit confused and betrayed. "...Pain, did you know about this?"
"Yes," said Pain.
"And you didn't tell us?" asked Kisame.
"Tobi and I have been, up until now, equal partners," said Pain. "I act as the face of the organization, gathering the various members of the Akatsuki. Konan manages the day to day affairs in the Land of the Rain, while Tobi deals with less... savory elements.'
"You mean in case any of us betrayed you?" guessed Sasori. Why had he been so silent?
"Yes," said Pain. "So long as Tobi was playing the part of a buffoon, he would be overlooked. And so he could be used to head off any conflict within the Akatsuki. In addition, Zetsu was brought to this organization by him. That alone is a significant asset."
"I don't appreciate being lied to, Pain," said Kisame.
"At what point have I told you anything about Tobi's nature?" asked Pain. "Each of you are free to make your own judgments in pursuit of our mutual goals. Whatever they may be. Konan."
Konan nodded and drew out a folder. "In any case, this requires us to adjust our strategy. If Tobi were to be captured, it would present serious problems. He's already compromised information we'd have preferred to keep hidden.
"As such, as Kisame suggested, a rescue seems to be in order."
"Why bother?" asked Hidan. "They're in a tournament. If he wins, he'll go free."
"Until Orochimaru, Tsunade and Jiraiya launch an attack and wipe him out while he's weak," said Konan. "We can expect the Leaf to be moving their strongest hitters into position while he is occupied."
"We are in no position to launch an invasion of the Leaf," said Konan. "While our combined might would likely yield us a victory, we've detected whispers.
"My contacts indicate that Sarutobi has been speaking with the other villages. He's trying to set up a coalition against us."
"Itachi, perhaps you could be of use to us here," said Pain. "You are the Leaf's double agent, after all."
"Itachi's a double agent?" asked Hidan.
"Idiot," said Kakazu. "Haven't you been paying attention?"
"Not really, to be honest," said Hidan. "Faith doesn't require intellect."
"I can see that," said Kakazu, reconsidering the emblem in his pocket.
"Look, nobody said Itachi was sending information to the Leaf!" said Hidan.
"Suffice to say that it benefits us for Itachi to have some contact with his old home," said Pain. "He provides information to the Leaf about our operations. And he ensures that they think of us what we want them to think of us."
"So what did he say?" asked Hidan.
"I told them that the Akatsuki consisted of nine members, two of whom were myself were Kisame," said Itachi.
Dead silence ensued.
"Also, I mentioned that Orochimaru used to be a member," said Itachi.
"You are the worst informant I've ever seen!" said Hidan incredulously.
"That's a little harsh. None of that was wrong, Hidan," said Deidara.
"But it completely misrepresents our threat!" said Hidan. "Sure, we're nine ninja, but we're all S ranked! Any one of us could take out an army or two by ourselves! And Pain is the God-King of an entire nation which they THINK is working for them!"
"Which is precisely the point," said Pain. "The Leaf believed that Yahiko's death was the end of us. When news came of the Akatsuki rising again, there was some concern. Itachi providing some concrete information to them was enough to satisfy them. Thus causing them to focus on other, apparently more important matters for years.
"Since we were apparently only working as mercenaries and not expanding our numbers. The Sound Village was the main threat. In fact, that was why I supported Orochimaru, creating it in the first place. It was my hope that he would destroy the Leaf and neutralize the Great Nations' ability to act against us.
"With his apparent full defection, Sasori has engineered his own plan."
"And what plan is that?" asked Hidan.
"The Shipping Magnet Gato is an employer of many rogue ninja. He has been operating for years as a subordinate to the Root Organization," said Sasori. "He hires rogue ninja to take care of jobs that the Leaf cannot be seen performing directly. However, he was aware that he'd be removed as soon as he outlived his usefulness. So Gato has been working to establish his own power base.
"In so doing, he has run afoul of the Root Foundation.
"Now, Kakashi Hatake has been dispatched to assassinate him."
"So why do we care?" asked Hidan.
"Gato has been working for Root for years," said Sasori. "To get that far in the black market, Gato would have to know his business partners. He has access to an immense amount of knowledge. If brought to light, it could utterly discredit the Leaf Village.
"If Gato were to reveal everything he has been doing on behalf of Root, it could bring down the Leaf Government. Murder, bribery, extortion, all the things that Sarutobi doesn't want to come to light.
"We need only pull the right strings, and he'll confess everything."
"Yeah, great," said Hidan. "But even if Gato did surrender, Kakashi would eighty-six him anyway. He's there to kill the guy."
"No," said Pain. "He's there to 'liberate' the Land of Waves. To solve a problem that the Leaf created and be hailed a hero.
"The Leaf Village has been living two lives.
"The product of one is Tenten, cheerful, heroic, and believing in the power of friendship and hard work. In that life, the Leaf Village defends. They never attack and try to work through problems diplomatically. One generation passes the torch to the other.
"The other life strips away the mask. What you have instead is a genocidal, power-hungry regime. On that will stop at nothing to preserve its own existence. However, people like Kakashi and Team Guy do not know they are a mask.
"They think they are what the Leaf really is.
"So if faced with the prospect of an evil drug lord reforming and handing over information on an even more evil conspiracy...
"They will simply accept it."
Hidan blinked. "...Huh, that's actually pretty poetic. Destroyed by the thing they are pretending to be.
"So are we gonna kill this ANBU black ops guy or what?"
"I've just located him," said Konan.
Then she threw a dagger to cut the mouse in half and disappeared into many fragments of paper. Hidan blinked. "So, uh, why are we saying all this in front of the ANBU black ops?"
"A revelation of this scale will unnerve the Leaf," said Pain. "When wicked men become panicked, they do foolish things. And we were sure to come out into the open soon enough.
"Konan will kill the ANBU squad and let the spy get away."
And he turned to walk away. As he did, he reached down and drew up another ink mouse. Looking directly into its eyes, he spoke. "Machines will never compare to men.
"Wait a minute," said Hidan. "If they reveal your plans, won't they kill Gato before he makes a statement?"
"My will cannot be thwarted," said Pain. "The Leaf will destroy itself before we ever need set foot in it." Just as men will never compare to gods." And he crushed the mouse and turned away. "I will have orders for each of you. For now, make what preparations you must."
And he walked out the opposite door.
"So, are we going to do something about this?" asked Hidan.
"...I could go for some seafood, down in the city," said Kisame after a moment.
"Great, we'll get fish and chips," said Hidan. "Itachi, you coming?"
"I am," said Itachi.
"Shouldn't we do something about Tobi pulling the wool over our eyes for years?" asked Kakazu.
"Who cares?" asked Hidan. "Deal with the moment, without concern for the future."
Kakazu was sure there was some elaborate conspiracy behind all this he could uncover, but he... really, really didn't care. Fish and chips sounded nice, though. Pity about having to spend money on it.
