Chapter 9: Part of me
The one where Lucy doesn't remove her tattoo.
"You sure you don't want us to come in?" John asked as he and Jackson turned to look at Lucy, in the back seat of his car.
Lucy had been waiting for this moment for almost 2 months, ever since the day Caleb tattooed her DOD on the side of her torso, Lucy imagined removing it. But right now, standing in front of the Tattoo removal clinic, she wasn't as eager as she expected.
"No, I got this." Lucy opened the car door. "Will you wait here?"
"Of course." Reassured Jackson and Lucy gave the two male officers a smile and stepped outside. She walked inside the Clinic, but it felt more like she was being dragged, Tim's words weighing heavily on her conscience.
"Hello, can I help you?" Asked the perfectly put together lady in the front desk
"Oh, yes." Lucy snapped out of her daydream and walked closer to the front desk. "I have an appointment. Lucy Chen."
"I see, please wait a little in the waiting room. Dr. Sanders will be with you shortly." Lucy nodded and sat down in front of a young woman.
"First session?" Asked the girl, pointing at Lucy's bouncing leg.
"Yeah." She answered, resting her hand on top of her leg, keeping it from moving.
"After a couple sessions is like it never existed. Don't worry." She reassured Lucy with a soft smile, but it had the complete opposite effect. It didn't make her feel better, it didn't reassure her, it simply made her wonder if she would feel better after the removal. And what would happen if she didn't? how would she manage all the pain, now that she didn't have anything to associate it with? Removing the tattoo, wouldn't really help her heal internally.
"I'm sorry, but I have an emergency, so I really need to go."
"Oh, should we reschedule?"
"I'll call. I'm really sorry." Lucy says apologetically as she pushes the door open and breathes in the fresh air. The fresh in makes her regain a sense of herself and rushes back into Johns Car.
"uhhm." Jackson and John share a look of confusion between them and turn to look at Lucy. "well that was quick." Jackson said lightly.
"I didn't do it." She admitted, looking down at her hands.
"What?" The two asked shocked. "They forgot your appointment. We can go in there…" John added.
"I didn't want to do it." Lucy admits, glancing slightly at her friends. "I don't know if I can do it."
"Of course, you can Lucy." Jackson reassured her. "You'll see that once you do it, you'll feel better."
"What if I don't? What if I don't feel better?" She asked almost screaming trying to hold her tears in.
"Once you get rid of that reminder…"
"He'll always be in my mind Jackson." Lucy said angrily, wiping a tear away. "Tattoo or no tattoo, that's not going away."
"You need to get rid of that brand Lucy." John said in his fatherly order-like tone.
"Brand?" Lucy asked. "Is that how you guys see it?"
"Isn't it how you see it?" John asked. "That he branded you with your own death, to remind you…"
"How powerless I really am." Lucy confirmed. "Yes, he did but If that's what you think … I can tell you that he branded much more than just my body." Lucy opened the car door and stepped outside, closing it with some violence.
"Lucy, get in the car. It's ok, we can figure this out." Tried Jackson to reason with her.
"I need to be alone. I can get home on my own." Snapped Lucy.
"Luc..." Tried to intervene John.
"Look. I don't want to talk." Lucy responded angrily. "This isn't your problem and I don't want to fight either you. I need to think."
"Call me if you need anything." Pleaded Jackson.
"I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself." Lucy answered turning and walking away from the car, without a much of another word. She needed to collect her thought. Once, John and Jackson were the people who knew her best but that was not the case anymore.
Tim had taken his day off to assemble the grill he had ordered at Amazon. It was taking him more than he expected, turns out that assembling a grill is very different than assembling garden stools or a riffle. Cujo was looking at him, expecting Tim to give up suddently and come play with him. "Not a chance." Tim assured his new house mate and turning to look back at the instruction's manual. As he was starting to understand the instructions, his phone rang and distracted him from the task. He frowned when he saw Lucy's name on his phone. His boot had told him that she was having the first session of her laser appointment today.
"Bradford."
"H-Hey." Lucy slightly trembling voice sounded on the other side of the line. "What's up?
"You were the one who called me…" Tim answered in the voice he used when he wanted serious answers but not actually to scare anyone. "Lucy!" He added when he heard her sigh on the other side. Cujo had now trotted towards him and was resting his paws on his knees.
"Can you come pick me up? From the clinic?" she pleaded.
"Weren't you with West and Nolan?" He remembered because deep down he had gotten kind of offended at the fact that Lucy had preferred the other two officers' company… not that he would ever say anything about it.
"Well… I was…" She admitted, taking a deep breath. "I send them away."
"And why did you do that." Tim asked sitting straighter on the floor, something was off.
"I…I…" Lucy's voice trembled, and Tim could tell that his Rookie was having a rough day. "I don't know what I'm doing, I freaked and now I don't have a car, and I don't know what to do…"
"I'll come get you. "Tim stood up and walked back into his house, Cujo following close behind. "Where are you?"
"1125 S Beverly Dr. I have just been walking around for a while…" She informed as Tim grabbed hold of his keys, wallet and Cujo's leash.
"I'll be there soon." Tim assured her and Lucy sighed with relieve. "You are okay."
"I'm okay." Lucy assured him as he hangs up. He opened his car, opening the back door for Cujo and taking his place on the driver's seat. It was traffic hour in LA, like it was for most of the time, but Tim drove like he hadn't before. He felt is heart almost coming out of his chest, something in Lucy's voice told him that she wasn't okay. Had they allowed her back into this job too quickly? Expected more of her than she had to give? Then she should give? She had been doing great, he knew that. But perhaps this appointment, remembered her of the things she had been trying to hide under her tough girl look.
Tim was so focused on his thoughts and the driving that he didn't even realize the time it took him to get to the clinic. Soon, he could see Lucy leaning against a tree. Her light-pink bomber stood out from the rest of the crowd. Lucy was looking from side to side and immediately stood upright when she saw his car park next to her. Tim observed her face through the car window and could tell that even though she wasn't crying, her gaze was glassy, like she was miles away.
Lucy opened the door to his car and entered without looking at Tim, even though she felt his gaze on her. She lets out a soft, frail laugh as Cujo's tongs connected with the side of her face. "Hello beautiful boy." She says softly as she ruffles his short brown fur. "Apparently you are not so well behaved as Officer Bradford wants everyone to think."
"I beg to differ; he just behaves badly when you are around." Lucy ignored his light jab and Tim looked at her seriously. "Do you wanna tell me what happened?"
"Not really." Admitted Lucy. "I'm not really sure I know."
"And I'm not really sure that's true." Confronted Tim.
"Can you drop me home and we can talk tomorrow?" Pleaded Lucy.
"I'm not really sure I can." Answered Tim as he pulled the car out of park. "We need to make a stop first."
"Tim ... I" Protested Lucy.
"Don't bother Boot." Tim cut her shortly in his best Officer Bradford tone.
Lucy looked up at Tim, like he was crazy when he parked his car on the bottom of Baldwin Hills. If he though a hiking a trail was the same as a little stop, he had completely lost his last screw. She crossed her arms and looked at Tim like he was crazy, when he opened his door and the arid and warm Californian air hit them.
"You cannot be serious?"
"Completely. Come on out boy." He said to Cujo as he opened the back door. The young dog was the thrilled one, his tail wavering side to side with excitement.
"I'm not going."
"Not an option." Tim pulled out a small backpack he had on the back seat and stood looking at Lucy. "Considering you don't want to talk the minimum you can do, considering that you distracted me from my very important assembling Job."
"Oh, you were really loving it if you rather do a walk than go back to it."
"Or I really just enjoy annoying you Boot." He admitted with his Famous, I'm full on Mocking you, Tim Bradford Smile. "You can stay if you rather stay in a close car with no AC as the thermometer reaches the mid 80's."
Lucy hoofed but still followed Tim. She hit her door a little too roughly, which earned her a glare form Tim. At least Cujo's excitement made up for her lack off.
"This is one of my favourite hikes." Tim admitted, after at least 10 minutes of complete silence. He knew Lucy had a hard time talking about what had happened to her, she wanted so much to move forward that her strategy was get all of this behind her back, but clearly it wasn't working. Tim had plenty of problems with unresolved issues and he didn't want Lucy to fall down the same hole that had once swallowed Isabel. It wasn't so much that he didn't want her to fall, he simply couldn't have her falling in the same hole or… he couldn't even think of what would happen. When he felt Lucy turn her gaze towards him, he continued. "When I moved to LA after I told my dad to shove it and decided to live my life, I didn't have much to do as I waited for my Army application to be answered…so…"
"You came here?" Asked Lucy like she already knew the answer
"yes, I was crashing at my friend's dorm room and It's not like you have much to do there so I needed somewhere to clear my head and where I could listen to my own thoughts." Tim explained as he observed his Boot's facial expression. "Did a lot of soul searching like you kids say…"
"Stop with the old crap… even though I do see some grey hairs." Lucy joked as she leaned on her tip toes and tried to reach for a strand of his hair. Tim simply swatted her away with a dry laugh.
"Very funny but well I mean I figured out who I was, and I think I turned out okay."
"I'll say so." Agreed Lucy with a soft smile as she walked a little faster to keep up with Tim's longs steps "I…"
"You don't need to talk to me Lucy." Interrupted Tim stepping slightly away from her to allow a runner to pass in their middle. "I just want you to know that you need to look at yourself, regain your senses and then move forward… you can't really skip the steps, kind of like rehab."
"It is a rehab just not from a dependency." Admitted Lucy as Tim came closer to her again. "I know I need to talk about it, but I think I'm afraid to admit it…"
"That you are scared?"
"That I haven't healed yet." She nodded her head in consent with his statement. "I didn't remove it." Lucy raised her t-shirt to show Tim the dark bulky tattoo that was permanently engraved on her side. "The thought of it not going away after I remove it scares me more than anything. Like you said a lot of our wounds are internal, emotional and a laser won't ever remove them …"
"I didn't mean to get into your head, I'm so..."
"No, you were right." She admitted looking up at him, offering him a soft smile. "As I prepared for today all I could think about was that if I removed this tattoo, the physical link to my pain would be gone but the real pain would still be there. I will always remember that date even if I don't see it, it's never going away."
"No, it isn't, but you'll get better." Assured Tim, squeezing her shoulder. Cujo, that had been running several steps ahead of them, had returned to them and was now strutting closely to Lucy.
"I know. But what I need is not Laser removal, is to learn to handle that day and hopefully turn it a little more positive than negative."
"The first day of the rest of your life." Remembered her Tim, the same thing he had said on her first week back on the job.
"Thanks… for pushing me to speak." Admitted Lucy.
"Well remember that when someone tells you that I torture you." Tim informed her in is T.O. tone.
"No one actually says that. "Laughed Lucy, knowing full well that other people saw how much he truly cared about his job and that's where all his rules came from. If anything, people were shyer to talk to him rather than afraid.
"I'm pretty sure West and Nolan think that."
"Shit." Muttered Lucy as she took out her phone out of her small purse.
"What's wrong?" Asked Tim surprised at hearing her curse.
"I kinda snapped at them today." Lucy admitted looking at her TO shamefully. "They wanted me to remove the tattoo, didn't understand why I would not do it."
"Yeah, I've heard Nolan's perspective. "Admitted Tim but Lucy looked up at him with a curious look. "We talked about that when we rode together."
"Were you asking about me?" Lucy asked all proudly, looking smugly at Tim.
"What can I say, I have a crush. "Mocked Tim and Lucy punched him lightly on the arm, even though her hear made a small restart at his joke
"Yeah yeah, Mr. Lady Marmalade." Tim made a serious frown and Lucy laughed even harder.
"That was not what it sounded like." Lucy nodded her head playfully and he sighed. "Dou you want me to take you home?"
"No, I think I would like to finish the hike. I've never been here." Tim nodded and continued walking. "Besides I don't want you to be eaten by the instruction manual."
"Funny. Unfortunately, it didn't come with an audio book." Tim answered sacristy.
"Good for you. I know someone with some experience recording audiobooks and she owns you a favour."
"A favour, more like 20 by now." Lucy pushed him slightly and Tim smiled openly at her. He might be helping her get over her trauma and find the real Lucy Chen, but Lucy had done some changes in Tim that no one during his 41 years had been able to do. Lucy Chen was a full-on Hurricane of fresh air and Tim wasn't sure how to handle the storm she caused but he sure as hell wasn't going to miss it.
Hey guys here it is Chapter 9. I don't know if they will touch this subject later in the show but here is my take.
Chapter 10 is called Double Trouble and it focus on Tim and his family. Probably not likely to be anywhere like what we'll probably see in the show but an Idea I had.
Loved 2x14, love the fact that Lucy is the person who remembers Tim how good he is and how much he truly cares for others.
Because of this episode, I am a chapter down because Chapter 15 was called Parental Rights and was: The one where Lucy and Tim share custody of a dog. I don't know if I should be worried, I have some sort of magic ability or am simply a little crazy. But well I'm a chapter down… If anyone got any ideas, please tell me.
Till Wednesday.
-XO
