My dear readers,
first things first: I hope you're all well despite the weirdness of this past week. I sometimes feel as if I had accidentally stumbled into a movie. Please stay safe and try to do your part by staying home as much as you can. Sending love and hugs to all of you ❤ .
So far, I've been busy organizing things and communicating with family and friends. This update comes a little late because of that. I just didn't have the time and focus to sit down and edit the chapter. I can't promise that there will be a chapter next week, but I promise I'll try.
Sending more love and more hugs to all of you ❤ . And a new chapter.
"Is it still far?" Christina gasped after having walked the whole day.
"Not anymore," Beatrice assured her, feeling the exhaustion deep in her bones, too. "Maybe another hour, then we should be there."
"Another hour, that sounds like an eternity."
"I know it's a long hike, but we can't stop now. Compared to how far we've already come today, it's really not much that's missing."
"But my feet hurt. How can you do this without complaining? You've even had extra training with Marlene. Why don't your feet hurt?"
"Oh, I assure you, they do. I'm just used to suppress lamenting over personal issues. It isn't helpful for anyone."
"So what you are saying is that in Abnegation you're not allowed to speak out about your problems?"
"You are allowed, it's just not common. We hold back our own concerns for the sake of other people. There is no need to burden them, especially with something they cannot change."
"I don't understand. I always thought Abnegation people were all about helping each other. But how do you do that without saying how to?"
"By observing, just like you do in Candor. The focus is more on situations and circumstances than body language though, since we try not to give away our emotions. There is always something you can do for someone, you don't necessarily have to ask. It's obvious, most of the time."
"Maybe for you, since you grew up like this. For me, it's not as easy."
"I've noticed."
"What do you mean? Did I say anything wrong?"
"No, you haven't. It's just that I had to get used to you being so open and talking about things without much of a filter."
"Where I come from that's not a bad thing."
"It isn't. But there are situations when it's wiser to keep silent and observe quietly."
"There's also situations when it's wiser to say or do something instead of waiting and letting chances pass you by."
"I'm sure. That's why we have to learn how to distinguish one situation from the other. We have to adapt to different conditions accordingly to make it through all five tests."
"You're damn smart, are you sure you're from here and not from Erudite?"
"Yes, I am. And watch your tongue."
"Easy, I just wanted to get a reaction from you that's not covered with politeness."
"Well, you did."
"You're learning."
"Let's hurry up now, it'll get dark soon."
Less than an hour had passed when Beatrice spotted her family's wooden cabin. Smoke rose out of the chimney, and the flickering light cast by fire shone through the curtains that covered the windows.
"We're there," she whispered, her heart beating faster now that she was moments away from seeing her family. She hadn't realized how much she missed them.
"Finally," Christina sighed. "I thought we'd never make it."
"Come, let's get inside."
The last few steps to the door were easier than all the other ones they'd taken since leaving the castle earlier.
Beatrice knocked, six times.
"It's a pattern we use to show it's a family member," she explained before she pushed the door open, and they both stumbled inside.
Warmth greeted them as well as three faces staring at them from the sparsely laid table.
"Beatrice." Natalie was the first to speak. She tried to push herself out of her chair, but her arms trembled as she propped her hands on the table for support.
"Mum, don't. You don't have to get up." Beatrice hurried over to her mother and gently lay her arms around her as she embraced her. She couldn't stop herself, and didn't want to, even if she had brought a visitor.
"Child, what are you doing here? We didn't expect you back so soon. Not that we're not happy to see you, don't ever doubt that," her father said as she let go of her mother.
"There's a lot I have to tell you. But first, let me introduce you to my friend Christina. Christina, these are my mother Natalie, my father Andrew and my brother Caleb."
"Nice to meet you," Christina said and stepped forward with her hand outstretched. Andrew and Caleb just stared at her in surprise, whereas Natalie took her hand and shook it, weakly though.
"Christina, be our guest. Sit down with us. We don't have much here in Abnegation, but what we have, we share."
"Thank you."
After hanging their cloaks close to the fireplace to dry them, both girls joined Beatrice's family at the table. Caleb had fetched two more bowls from the cupboard and was now ladling soup into them.
"So, what is it that you want to tell us?" he asked.
"Caleb, don't be curious."
"Sorry, father. It's just that Beatrice has already said she had news to share with us."
"It's alright," Beatrice reassured. "There is indeed a lot that has happened since I left."
They all looked at her expectantly, but nobody asked further questions. They were back to showing their usual polite restraint. After the last days at the castle and in Amity, it suddenly seemed strange to Beatrice, somehow unnatural. Why was curiosity considered bad even when it was about a daughter's or sister's experiences?
"Okay, please hear me out. Things didn't go as planned. On my way through our province I heard rumors about a competition at the castle run by the royal family to find a wife for the prince. I decided to find out more about it and then joined. That's how I met Christina, and we spent the last week in Amity and went to see the fairies, and..."
"You did what!?" Caleb's voice was hard and reproachful as he let his spoon sink.
"I joined a competition in which I have to complete a task in each province, and if I win, I get to marry the prince."
"Marry the prince? Why would you? You don't even know him. I'd never thought you could be this naive, Beatrice. You want to leave us to go and live in the castle? With a man... boy who is known to not have a heart to give out to anyone? He's as cold as snow."
"That's not true," Beatrice replied, her voice stronger than she'd ever heard it in a conversation with her brother. Neither of them usually rose their voice.
"Are you defending him already? Are you that power-hungry that you'd go and live with that human ice block instead of staying in Abnegation were you belong? Is this not sufficient for you anymore?"
"Enough," Natalie interrupted them. She inhaled shakily before she continued. "That's enough for now, Caleb. Your sister asked us to hear her out, and we will do that without judging."
"Mother, didn't you listen to her? She's putting herself in danger, putting you in danger. She was supposed to sell goods, so we have money to buy more of your medicine, and now she's wasting her time - your time - with a stupid and dangerous competition instead of doing what she was told."
"You don't have to like what she's doing, Caleb. I don't like to see my daughter putting herself in danger either. But she has to make her own decisions, and apparently she already has. She's letting us know about it, not asking for permission."
"Father, do you think like that, too?" he asked.
Andrew took some time until he spoke. He wasn't a man of many words, and he always thought twice about everything he said. For Beatrice, it wasn't unusual to wait for him to reply, but she noticed how the tension at the table made Christina shift uneasily beside her.
"Well, I don't like that you do this Beatrice, for the reasons your mother has listed. It's dangerous, it's probably not worth it. But I once was young, too, young and hopeful. So I understand how powerful hope can be."
That seemed to take the wind out of Caleb's sails, for he opened and shut his mouth twice before he muttered something under his breath and continued to eat his soup without another word.
"Please, Beatrice, do go on," Natalie encouraged her daughter when the silence got too thick.
"Thank you, mother. I don't have much else to add. We're not allowed to talk about our tasks with anyone who's not involved, so I can't tell you what exactly it is that we have to do here in Abnegation. It sounds manageable, though. We'll probably need three days to complete it, and then we'll stop by a second time on our way back."
"We'd be happy to welcome you again, anytime, my dear," Natalie said and patted Beatrice's hand weakly.
"So how about you? How are you? What have you been up to this last week?"
"Oh, there's really nothing interesting enough to share about last week."
"Nothing interesting?" Caleb snorted. It was so unlike him to behave like that with his feet under their parents' table. "Mother fainted a few days ago. She was unconscious for a minute or two, and if we hadn't been home to assist her getting back up from the floor, she'd have been lying there all day."
"Caleb! That's not yours to tell."
"No, mother? Then whose is it? You wouldn't tell her, and neither would you, father. All you care about is that Beatrice is back, even if it's just for a night. Now will you please excuse me?"
His chair screeched as he stood and hurried outside. They stared after him. Beatrice couldn't remember that her brother had ever walked out on their parents.
"I'll go after him," Andrew said after he had digested the first shock. He got up and wrapped himself in a gray cloak before he grabbed another one, Caleb's, to follow his son outside.
"I'm sorry you had to witness this, Christina. Things have been difficult for him lately," Natalie apologized.
"That's fine, my mother and sister constantly fight like this, too," Christina said.
Beatrice was sure it was supposed to be comforting, but it only reminded her that in her family, things like this usually didn't happen. Was she tearing them all apart by taking part in this competition? Had she come to the wrong decision?
Her mother cleared her throat. Her voice was small as she mumbled, "We usually don't."
When Beatrice and Christina woke up, Caleb had already left the cabin. Andrew had almost finished his cereal porridge and was about to follow him into the woods.
"Beatrice, Christina, good morning," he greeted the girls from where he was sitting on the simple bench by the table. "I have to go soon, Caleb and I have to search firewood and if we're lucky we'll find a rabbit stuck in one of our traps. We haven't checked them in a few days."
"Why did Caleb leave early? Because he's still angry with me?" Beatrice asked.
"Well, your brother can be stubborn at times, not unlike you."
Beatrice shrugged. "There are things that are worth being stubborn about and others that aren't."
"He's going to calm down, don't worry." Andrew got up and put a hand on Beatrice's shoulder. "Be careful, please. I expect you to return on Thursday. Then we'll have more time to talk about this competition. Look after your mother this morning, will you?"
"Alright, father."
Andrew gave her one last assuring look and then put on his shoes and cloak and left.
"Where is your mum, anyway?" Christina asked.
Beatrice roasted slices of dried bread and heated water in a kettle above the fire. Then she started looking into small pots and ceramic bowls stocked on the shelf.
"Still in bed. She has problems getting up in the morning. Her blood pressure is too low and her legs are too weak. She needs her tea and a small breakfast first."
"Is it like that every day?"
"Lately yes. She was better, before. We had bought medicine in Erudite that made her feel better, but now there's nothing left. After the last dose, she got a little worse every day. I need to earn money to buy more of it. It's the only thing that helps. We've tried all kinds of herbal infusions, but nothing can compare to this elixir."
"Is that why you joined the competition? To earn money so you can buy your mother's medicine?"
Beatrice found what she was looking for and scooped some dried leaves out of a glass into the boiling water.
"Yes, that's the idea."
"That's very... selfless."
Beatrice didn't reply. Instead, she focused on stirring the tea with a wooden spoon. The leaves left green swirls in the water.
"Would you hand me the small black bag that's in my jacket, please? Left side," she said instead.
Christina raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment on the change of topic. She wordlessly fetched the little bag and handed it over to her friend. Beatrice loosened the ribbon that was keeping it closed and reached inside to pull out a piece of asymmetric root covered in dried mud.
"Is that what I think it is?"
"I thought it could be useful to take some with us, you know? It made us feel warm and relaxed, and I want to try if it can help my mother get better, too."
"Did you ask Robert?"
Beatrice could feel the blush that had to be creeping up on her cheeks.
"No."
"So you stole it?"
She was irritated that Christina sounded almost as if in awe of her.
"I wouldn't consider it stealing, since I collected it on the clearing. I pulled it out of the mud, so I didn't take it from any of the Amity."
"Beatrice, I must say I'm impressed."
"'There are situations when it's wiser to do something instead of letting chances pass you by' - your words."
"Yes, I remember saying that, I just hadn't realized that you'd already internalized this so fast."
"I'm a quick learner."
