Must Be Held Accountable

Accountable (adj): subject to giving an account; capable of being accounted for

Accountability (n): the quality or state of being accountable; an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions

-from Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 11th ed

Fox and Link stood facing each other on the former's starship. The Hero of Time held the Hylian Shield in one hand and the Master Sword in the other, his eyes flint as he took in his opponent. Fox, for his part, unholstered his Blaster and twirled it in his fingers, hoping to intimidate Link.

"I hope you're ready," chuckled Fox.

Link locked his jaw, saying nothing. He'd had about enough of Fox's attitude.

"Not a talker, huh?" asked Fox. "That's fine by me."

The elf prayed for the match to start so he could put this uptight vulpine in his place.

And his prayer was answered.

"3—2—1—GO!"

"Come on!" shouted Fox, twirling his Blaster again. "I'm right here!"

"Hyaah!" yelled Link, opening the fight with a sword slash combo.

With a series of flashy moves, Fox evaded the slashes, retaliating with Blaster shots. "You can do better than that, elf boy!" he crowed.

Then, Link's boomerang beaned him in the face, drawing blood. Fox's eyes narrowed.

"Big mistake," he growled, advancing on Link, who held his sword to his face.

Starlight danced off the blade as Link handled it like an expert swordsman, landing shallow but stinging cuts on his opponent. Fox fought back with punches and kicks, but he was more focused on putting on a show for the spectators than taking Link's sword skills seriously.

Sound familiar?

"So, Link," Fox said casually as the two traded blows. "How's 11th place treating you, huh?"

Link blew air between his lips and replied with an aerial slash which knocked Fox back a bit.

"Eh—it's not too bad," Fox went on. "At least you're not at the very bottom, like your friend, Luigi. The universe just enjoys s—ing in his face, doesn't it?"

Again, Link ignored him, taking Fox by surprise with his down aerial, an airborne downward stab. Then, he used his slashes to attack Fox's footwork, briefly knocking the vulpine off his feet with a Bomb.

Grinning, Fox rose to his feet. "Is that all you got?" he asked.

Link heaved another Bomb at him, only for Fox to use his Reflector to knock it off course. Then, the elf dashed forward and performed his Spin Attack.

"Impressive," Fox said mockingly, hitting Link with a no-look kick, followed by a tail swipe.

The Hero of Time was sent sprawling, but he could still raise the Hylian Shield as Fox let loose a stream of Blaster fire.

"I've got you pinned, elf boy!" laughed Fox. "Let's see you ocarina your way out of this!"

Exasperated, Link threw his shield at Fox like a discus, knocking the leader of Star Fox on his [bleep].

"Didn't see that coming," groaned Fox as he struggled up.

He didn't see Link's flying kick coming, either. The bearer of the Triforce of Courage didn't give his foe time to recover, quickly going on the offensive with a flurry of sword strikes and forcing the vulpine toward the stern of the ship, which was a hot zone for infinite combos.

Fox was now balanced on the starship's wing. "Cute little elf likes to play with swords?" he taunted. "Well, don't flatter yourself—they put you in 11th for a reason. What saved you from being total trash—that silly hat? That faerie?"

Leave Navi out of this! Link wanted to shout, but he knew that it was what Fox wanted. He couldn't lose focus.

Fox backflipped, grabbed the edge of the wing and then swung himself up with a double-footed kick to Link's face as the audience oohed. Link rolled to his feet and retrieved the Hylian Shield.

"Just a stupid little elf with a sword and a shield and a faerie and an ocarina," sneered Fox as he strode toward Link. "No wonder you're in 11th place. You can't play a tune on that thing to save your life."

Link swallowed the rising anger, waiting for Fox to attack, to do anything. But he was doing nothing—except mocking him.

"Is that stupid green tunic the only thing you ever wear? It looks like a dress to me. You're supposed to be the 'Hero of Hyrule', and you can't even dress the part."

Link danced forward then, the Master Sword swishing the air. Fox performed some flashy, evasive leaps and spins before crashing into the elf with his FireFox move. Link found himself gripping the edge of the stage, Fox smiling down at him.

"Too easy," he snickered, performing a downwards kick which sent Link plummeting into the blast zone.

"Eleventh! Eleventh!" the audience mockingly chanted as Link respawned.

"What would the people of Hyrule think of their beloved hero now?" asked Fox as Link brandished his sword.

The two Smashers fiercely resumed their battle. Link feinted, sliced and thrust the Master Sword while Fox dealt out a series of kick attacks, making catty remarks the whole time. The elf did his best not to let Fox's words get to him, dismissing it as juvenile trash-talking, but as the match wore on, the verbal attacks became more—personal.

"No matter how many times you save Hyrule, that big ol' Gerudo always finds a way to invade it again." Fox's eyes glittered, and his mouth twitched as he struck and leapt clear of the Master Sword. "Now what do you think of that, Mr. Eleventh-Place Elf? Why can't Hyrule stay safe for once? Oh, right—you're the second-worst fighter in Smash Bros."

Don't react, Link cautioned himself.

"Look at you. In that stupid green tunic, parading around with a sword and shield like you're playing dress-up, and talking to a faerie who only says 'Hey, listen!' Second to Luigi, you're the most laughable 'hero' I've ever seen!" Fox just didn't know when enough was enough. "I bet that when your back is turned, all of Hyrule grumbles to themselves 'That elf-boy just cleaned up this mess; can he see fit to keep it clean for, I don't know, ten minutes?'" He laughed. "Wait until they see you now."

He grabbed Link and sent his knee into the elf's sternum—once, twice, thrice—before throwing him hard into the starship's back wing. Slightly dazed, Link fished out a Bomb and hurled it at Fox to buy some time.

"And what about Zelda—your lovely Princess?" Fox persisted as the two furiously battled it out on the stern of the Great Fox. "What would she think about you now? Would she still run to you whenever her kingdom is thrown into danger? Would she still lie with you, even after seeing that tier list?"

Link sucked in his breath, his attacks growing angrier as the words struck their mark. I will keep calm. I will keep calm. I will keep calm.

"I'll bet she's in her castle, puking over the fact that she's been f—ing a trashy little elf-boy like you for the past thirteen years!" Fox went on. "Unless f—ing you is the only way she can keep her kingdom safe! For a Princess, her prerequisites for heroes are extremely lax. Maybe she'll wise up and realize that she can get with anyone in the world. Maybe she'll throw in the towel and hop into bed with Dorf. Sexy, muscular, tan-skinned Dorf."

He locked eyes with Link. "Ah, hit a nerve, I see," he said in satisfaction.

"You piece of [bleep]," Link huffed out. "You know nothing about me and Zelda. She doesn't care about some list. She doesn't care about my flaws. We're as in deep in love as we were the day we first met, and how I'm ranked in this tournament will never change that."

"Oh? Then what's that saying about absence making the heart go yonder?" Fox retorted. "What if something happens while you're out here making a spectacle of yourself, and she'll just go out and find herself another hero who's bigger than you—in every sense of the word?"

"You think she needs a man to protect her all the time?" spat Link. "She knows how to use a sword. She keeps a rapier. And she's a tactician! She wasn't entrusted with the Triforce of Wisdom just for having a pretty face, you know."

"And how come a silly little elf with a faerie was entrusted with the Triforce of Courage?" grinned Fox. "Just sayin'—there's no way someone like you can keep her happy."

"[Bleep] you," Link spat out. "[Bleep] you—and the horse you rode in on." He wanted to rip Fox's head off. He was sorely tempted to comment on how the vulpine was unable to protect his recently-murdered father, James. Or perhaps make a passive-aggressive observation about Fox's love life, or lack thereof. But he held his tongue. Lowering himself to that would do no good.

Fox continued to shamelessly rip on Link for being eleventh and how it may or may not have affected his personal and professional life. But Link didn't lose his composure, aside from fighting more ferociously. Eventually, he used Fox's jibing against him, tricking him into making easily-avoidable mistakes before taking one of his stocks. Alas, Fox failed to take the hint.

By the time both fighters were down to one stock each, Link was hot and internally fuming. He wanted to humiliate Fox in front of God and everyone and see how quickly he'd stick up his nose at others then. And eventually, he did. The vulpine was so busy jeering and taunting Link that he forgot to pay attention to the stage hazards and wound up in a shower of Arwing lasers. A cold smile stretched across Link's face as he moved in and took his opponent's final stock with a Spin Attack.

"GAME SET!"

Fox glared at Link as the latter's victory was announced in the Reception Area. "You were lucky," he groused.

Link smiled tightly at him. "Maybe I was," he said. "Better luck next time, yeah?" He held out his hand.

But Fox didn't shake it. Instead, he wheeled around and stormed off, muttering indignantly over being defeated by "a low-tier elf playing dress-up".

"Wow, what crawled up his [bleep]?" Link asked no one in particular as he headed for the showers.

"That self-righteous figlio di p—a!" Luigi exclaimed as he, Samus and Link enjoyed a meal at a burger joint. "I can't believe he said that to you!"

"Me, neither," said Link. "He was so courteous the first time we met."

"This has gone on long enough," said Luigi. "First, Falcon goes off on Sam, and now this!"

"Whatever MH is doing isn't helping," Ness chimed in. "I wish DK was here right now. He'd Giant Punch those two into the next century."

Samus and Link hummed in agreement.

"But Luigi's right," Ness went on. "Violence won't solve this problem—not outside of the battlefield, at least."

"Yeah," said Samus. "How are you holding up, Link?"

"Not good," Link said truthfully. "He said some things about Zelda that I'm not gonna repeat."

"Why would he insult Zelda?" asked Luigi.

"He didn't insult her," clarified Link. "Just—my relationship with her."

"D—n," said Samus. "What is up with him?"

"I wish I knew," said Link, "but I do know is that he has some serious issues he needs to work out."

"Amen," said Samus.

"Both Falcon and Fox have crossed a line," said Luigi, "and they must be held accountable."

"Well—what if we retaliated and made it look like an accident?" asked Ness. "That ought to give them something to think about."

With just a look, Luigi ixnayed the idea. "Their day is coming, and it's fast approaching," he said wisely. "All we have to do—is wait."

"Show me ya moves!" crowed Douglas.

He and Luigi stood across from each other, atop different platforms. The match had just begun, and Falcon was confident that he'd smoke this plumber!

Not a muscle moved on Luigi's face in response to the taunt. He communicated only with his eyes, and he wished that Falcon would read the message in them. Steadily, Luigi put his fists up, watching and waiting. In the back of his mind, he knew what the racer was going to do. Maybe he could use it to his advantage.

Falcon smirked. "Scared now, huh?"

Luigi said nothing, hands clenched to the point they were perspiring. He'd let Douglas show his moves first.

"Come on!" goaded Falcon, leaping across the platforms and aiming an attack at Luigi.

The plumber's eyes glittered, and his mouth worked in anticipation. He could feel his muscles snap to attention as he wound up. Before he could let go with his fist, however…

"FALCON KICK!"

Douglas found himself in empty space as his high momentum caused him to overshoot Luigi. He hung there helplessly for a bit before dropping into the blast zone below.

Luigi didn't even bat an eye.

"GAME SET!"

"WTF happened back there?" Falcon demanded of Luigi after the latter's victory was formally announced.

"What do you think?" retorted Luigi. "You self-destructed, and I won."

"But—you didn't—I…" Falcon spluttered. "D—n you, Luigi! How could you do this to me?!"

"I didn't do anything!" snapped Luigi.

"Yes, you did! You and your C tier buddies made me and Fox look bad!"

"Oh, so it's my fault? Just like you losing that Team Battle was Sam's fault?" Luigi hotly challenged.

The question blindsided Falcon. "Wha…?"

"That's right—she told me everything," Luigi said, his tone steady but VERY angry. "How could you do something like that to her—to someone you say you love, no less?! You really hurt her! You should go over right now and apologize!"

"Or what? You'll sic your beloved brother on me?" scoffed Falcon. "You've got some b—ls interfering with my love life. What happened between me and Sam is none of your bees-wax!"

"When you try to shift blame on her for something you did, then it is my bees-wax!" Luigi shot back.

"I apologized already, anyhow," huffed Falcon.

"Showing up at her door with flowers and a flurry of excuses—you call that an apology?"

"At least I tried!" balked Falcon.

"Evidently, you didn't try hard enough," said Luigi. "You wanna know what she said to me? She said that she doesn't need your pompous behavior in her life, and that she clearly sees that you don't need her in yours! How do you like those apples, Falcon?"

Falcon huffed. "Well, excuse me for telling her the truth," he said. "I can't believe she's so butthurt about it that she'd want to reject my grand gesture!"

"There you go again—scapegoating her!" exclaimed Luigi, "and now you're scapegoating me! Well, I'm not gonna stand for that, pal! You lost the match because of your recklessness! I had nothing to do with it!"

"Yes, you did! You won without doing a d—n thing!" yelled Falcon. "What kind of Smasher does that?! But who am I kidding? Only the bottom-tier d—bag would have such low standards!"

"What—so me winning without doing anything is a crime, while you think you can just glide your way to victory without putting forth any effort?!" Luigi wanted to know. "You actually think that just because of some stupid paper that's not even here anymore, you're automatically entitled to win—but when someone does by chance win without throwing a single punch, you have conniptions?! What is wrong with you?!"

"I'll tell you what's wrong—this is what's wrong!" spat Falcon, throwing a mean hook to Luigi's jaw.

The plumber caught himself on a nearby wall, eyes blazing. He tried to remind himself what he'd told Ness, Link and Sam countless times. He tried to remember how lucky he was that MH didn't find out about that first altercation. But Falcon's behavior was getting increasingly intolerable, and he was starting to get a sense of how difficult it was for his fellow C-tiers to follow his advice.

"Yeah! What do you think of that, loser?" he heard Falcon say. "How about you get your ugly n—b nose out of my love life and do what you do best—be a second banana?"

That did it.

Luigi whirled on the racer, fists raised. "Oh, you wanna go again, buddy? Huh? You wanna go again?!" His voice was low and dangerous. "C'mon, Falcon! Hit me with your best shot! I wiped the floor with you in the lounge that night, and by God, I'll do it again! C'mon, you snobby, selfish bully! Let's go! You and me! Right now!"

"Not it I have anything to say about it," boomed an even, authoritative voice.

Master Hand had arrived on the scene, flanked by a few Polygons and Mario. The red-clad man bristled at the sight of Luigi's bloodied, swelling face. Two Polygons took initiative, grabbing him before he could charge at Douglas.

The Hand of Creation, meanwhile, wasted no time interposing himself between Luigi and Falcon. "If I said this once, then I said it a million times," he said. "I will not tolerate this behavior! Luigi, you definitely know better! I know you've been through a lot, and I understand how you feel, but that's no excuse! This—just isn't you."

"He attacked me!" Luigi defended, pointing to his bruised face. "And before that, he was going off on me because he lost the match—just like he did to Samus!"

"Did she ask you to get on my case?" spat Falcon.

"No, she didn't! She didn't ask me to do anything!" Luigi practically screamed, struggling against Master Hand and the rest of the Polygons.

"E-nough!" barked MH. "I will not have my Smashers scapegoating each other or starting brawls in the hallways! Now, I want you two to shake hands and put this feud to rest. For good."

Grudgingly, the two Smashers obeyed.

MH turned to the Polygons. "Get him out of here," he said, indicating Falcon.

"This isn't over," hissed Falcon as the humanoids hustled him down the corridor.

"Yes, it is," MH said crisply.

"Thank God we got here when we did," breathed Mario. "Are you okay, Lil' Bro?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Luigi curtly replied. He lanced MH with a glare. "I had the situation under control, by the way."

"Not when you were prepared to start a fight in my hallway," said MH, "and don't think I'm unaware of what happened between you two in that lounge. Once all of this settles down, we're still gonna discuss it."

"Well, I had to do something while you were handing out free passes like candy," huffed Luigi.

"Watch the attitude," cautioned MH. "I'm aware of the ongoing situation, and I intend to take the necessary steps to rectify it."

"With all due respect Master Hand, I don't think 'the necessary steps' are helping matters," Luigi said coldly. "Sometimes, you've got to take a few unnecessary steps. Now, if you will excuse me." He turned on his heel and stalked off.

"Luigi…" MH started.

Mario stopped him. "Just let him go," he said.

After stopping at the infirmary to apply an ice pack to his face, Luigi stormed to his room, slamming and locking the door behind him. He changed into a pair of navy gym pants and no shirt before turning up his music and attacking the practice dummies he'd set up beforehand.

This had gone too far!

Several days later, Luigi was still wired over the latest incident with Falcon. Not even talking it over with Mario, Ness, Sam and Link was enough to get it out of his system. Luckily, the perfect outlet came in the form of his last match of the day—a fierce one-on-one against Fox atop the latter's starship.

He'd showed up on the battlefield wearing his green and white ensemble, and Fox could tell by his manner that he was taking no prisoners. Well, neither was he. As soon as the match started, both parties came out swinging. The mercenary leader's agility and hand-to-hand skills soon proved no match for his green-clad opponent's strength and force. It wasn't long before Fox was on the ropes, taking heavy blows from the irate plumber.

"Guess you heard what happened with me and Link," Fox said archly after he managed to roundhouse kick Luigi away. "Is—is this what you do in your spare time? Fighting other peoples' battles for them?" He chuckled. "Can't say I blame you. You've got a lot of time on your hands, what with your brother leaving you all alone while he cavorts through different worlds on his latest adventure."

This comment did nothing to improve Luigi's mood, but not a hint of it showed on his face.

"I also heard about you antagonizing Falcon recently," Fox went on. "How about you do us a favor and let us live our lives in peace?"

The nerve of him, thought Luigi, closing in on Fox before he could use his Blaster and rocketing more punishing blows into him.

Fox landed a hard strike to Luigi's face, still smarting from Falcon's punch. His face still smarted, his mind still smarted and his heart still smarted. Everything still smarted. Luigi attacked low, knocking the vulpine off-balance with a breakdancing flare kick. Then, he hopped back up, forcing Fox to retreat with his "sissy fists" attack before blasting his face and body with punch after punch and kick after kick.

Ultimately, Fox ended up at a three-stock disadvantage. His opponent's damage percentage was in the red, but he was stubbornly refusing to be knocked out of bounds. Fox's face reddened, but he assured himself there was still hope. However, as he and Luigi continued to battle decisively, he became conscious of a distinct crackling over his earpiece.

Was that his team trying to call him?

"Hello?" Fox spoke into the earpiece. "Who is this?"

"Hey, Fox," said Peppy Hare. "Just checking in with you."

"Oh. Hey there, Pep," said Fox. "You couldn't have called at a worse time, though."

"How goes it?" asked Peppy.

"Uh—not too great at the moment," said Fox. "I'm current in close hand-to-hand combat with my last opponent for the day. This guy is giving me everything."

"Oh, boy," said Peppy.

"What about your Blaster?" asked Slippy Toad. "How's that working out for you?"

"It's a cheap joke," huffed Fox. "My opponents don't even flinch from its shots, one of them has a shield to deflect them, and another can absorb the shots with his psychic powers. Besides, it doesn't work when fighting in close quarters." As he spoke, he managed to blindside Luigi with the FireFox and several solid kicks.

"A wise decision not to bring me along, eh, Fox?" Falco Lombardi piped up.

"D—mit, Falco! I thought you said you weren't interested!" said Fox. "Now's not a good time for this, anyway—I'm getting clobbered over here!"

"Hey," said Falco. "I have faith in you. I know you'll find a way out of this jam."

Fox exhaled. "Thanks, Falco," he said. "I gotta go now. Talk to you guys later."

"Wait," said Peppy. "Before you go, I know something that may help you."

"Really?" asked Fox. "What's that?"

"Do a barrel roll!" Peppy said happily.

"Oh, come on…!"

He was cut off as Luigi delivered one Hell of a punch which sent Fox sprawling onto his back. As the vulpine struggled up, Luigi fluidly spun and aimed a sharp kick at his opponent, knocking his earpiece clean off his face.

"All right, Luigi," said Fox as he got up. "Have it your way."

He closed the distance between him and Luigi, attempting to attack his footing and doubling him over with numerous body shots. Once the man in green recovered his wits, he darted in once more, smashed the vulpine a few times in his sternum and solar plexus and sent that Blaster twirling off into deep space with a lucky blow.

"No matter," Fox shrugged. "Slippy will just make me another. Let's finish this, L."

"For once, we agree on something," said Luigi.

The man in green gave Fox everything he had left, even cracking his opponent's Reflector. Fox was fast and versatile, and yet Luigi could more than hold his own against him! The odds were now firmly stacked against the leader of Star Fox. On his last stock without managing to take even one of his opponent's. Bruised, aching, exhausted—and now clinging onto the Great Fox's tail. Imagine the humiliation! About to be beaten aboard his own ship! By a mediocre character, no less!

No! I am not losing to the worst character in the game!

Everything went silent. A slight chill swept down Fox's spine. He sensed something was dreadfully wrong.

And he was right.

Luigi stood over him, motionless. His fists were half-clenched. Shock, disbelief and hurt were written all over his beaten face. Slack-jawed, stunned. And then something scary began to brew in the plumber's wounded doe eyes, naked malevolence darkening his features. It hit Fox like an Arwing laser—he'd just spoken those words aloud.

"Wow, Fox," Luigi spoke up, monotone. "You had to bring that up, didn't you?"

"L—you've got to believe me—that just slipped out—I…"

"Well, this slipped out, too," Luigi said icily, balancing himself on the ledge and doing a bashful little kick which broke Fox's grip, sending him plummeting into the blast area.

"GAME SET!"

This is definitely spinning out of control, Luigi thought to himself later that night. Falcon and Fox must be held accountable. They must. They must!

Please R&R.