Chapter Fifteen

She woke far before her alarm clock. Even with the assurance of Rafael's arms draped over her and the comfort of his body heat next to her, sleep had not come very easily.

Your own brother…

She couldn't stop the image of Simon in the interrogation room from entering her mind repeatedly. And the worst part of it – she didn't believe he was innocent. She shifted slightly and felt Rafael move. She turned and watched him open his eyes sleepily.

"I'm sorry – go back to sleep, I'm just going to make us some coffee."

Before he could even respond she was getting out of bed and making her way quickly to the bedroom door.

Rafael's mind was racing a mile and minute. Had she regretted sleeping in bed with him? Was it too fast? Sure, she seemed okay with it last night. But that was last night. That was when the lights were off. When nobody could see. But now, in the harsh light of day – was she rethinking her decision.

He shook his head.

Don't be an idiot.

He was being dumb – and insecure – and immature. Their relationship was deeper than this shallow, teenage uncertainty.

He sat up, ignoring the extreme soreness in his chest. It seemed like everyday it was getting worse. He wondered when it would finally get better. He needed it to be soon. It was driving him crazy being so reliant on Olivia. Even though she made it clear that she didn't mind. He minded.

Plus, she wasn't going to stop treating him with kid gloves until he healed. And their brief kiss on the couch the previous morning was not nearly enough…

He made his way slowly to the kitchen where Olivia hadn't turned on any lights. She was fumbling around a little trying to make a pot of coffee by the light of the city lights outside the window.

She was beautiful. Breathtaking.

"Liv?" He questioned softly. The way she was acting was scaring him a little. She acknowledged his presence slightly, but didn't hold his eye line.

"Liv - what's going on?"

The way he asked - she could tell he wasn't taking no for an answer anymore. She immediately stopped fumbling with the coffee maker, put one hand on the counter top and turned to look at him seriously. He deserved to know. She felt guilty keeping it from him like this. He took a bullet for her. Regardless of how intentional it was - he almost died in her place. He deserved her honesty.

"Rollins found a security camera," she started slowly, "- of the shooter dumping the gun a few blocks from the gala."

She watched his confused expression. He was understandably confused about what the bad news was.

"Were you able to find him? Arrest him?"

"Yeah," Olivia responded sadly. She dropped her eyes for the first time.

Rafael began smiling a bit confused and uneasy. He reached his arm out for her,

"So, what's the problem, Liv? This is a good thing…?"

He was dipping his head to try to force her to make eye contact with him. He rubbed her arm softly and she looked up at him again.

"It was Simon."

"Simon… Simon -" He played around with the name. She watched it bounce around his head. Then, recognition: "Your brother Simon?"

The realization came over his face and she felt a lump forming in her throat.

"Oh, Liv." He moved instantly to hug her, "I'm so sorry." She didn't turn down his embrace even though it surprised her quite a bit. Why was he feeling sorry for her?

"You're sorry for me? He's my brother," she said into his neck. Her arms came to wrap around his shoulders.

"Exactly. And regardless of what he did, he's your family… so, I'm sorry, Liv." He pulled back from her, "You are not responsible for your brother's actions."

"He's not my family," She responded, defiantly. "Family doesn't do this." She turned away from him to open a cabinet and pull out two coffee mugs.

"Are you absolutely sure that he did?"

She poured coffee into the two mugs, shaking her head slightly. "I don't know… he lawyered up pretty fast. But my gut - my gut - maybe it's possible he didn't pull the trigger, but he knows more than he's letting on…"

There was a brief moment of silence before he asked,

"What does Dodds say?"

"Well, that's the other thing," she responded squaring her shoulders to him.

He slowly approached her until they were face to face. He gently reached out and ran a hand up her arm, rubbing her shoulder. It was an innocently intimate touch that drove her crazy. She closed her eyes realizing just how exhausted she was. He always had a way of helping her relax.

"Hey - hey," he whispered delicately and she opened her eyes again. "I know you want to get to the bottom of this - but you need to tell Dodds. Simon is guilty or he's not, but it isn't on you to find out…"

He was right. Of course, he was right. Even if Simon was guilty, and he confessed to her, a good lawyer could point out the conflict of interest from a mile away. She would have to call Dodds this morning.

But first -

She leaned in to him, lips landing softly on his. The kiss was slow, inquisitive. His hands moved to her waist, gently pulling her closer. Her whole body reacted to his touch. The longing she had been feeling multiplied tenfold. She knew that she couldn't let it go too far, but it was hard to remember that when his tongue was tracing her bottom lip.

It surprised him a bit when she leaned in.

But he was all too willing to comply with her lips. She was intoxicating. Her hands travelled up over his shoulders and into his hair.

Olivia felt her back come in gentle contact with the cold door of the refrigerator and he pulled away slightly so they could catch their breath. He studied her face softly. He smiled. She was clearly flustered. And he was sure he looked the same way.

The pads of his fingers felt tingly as they traced over her skin. His heart raced, butterflies swelled in his chest. The best kind of butterflies. He felt like they were revitalizing him. Her breath gently fell over his face.

She closed her eyes, trying to gain back some control, "Rafa…" Her hands rested on his cheeks, pulling his head closer, until their foreheads connected. There was a warning in her voice. But something else too. A longing.

"I know."

"It's not that I don't want to." She gently pulled back his head so she could look at him. "Believe me - I -"

"- I know, Liv." He smiled a small smile, but his eyes were shining with unspoken admiration. "I go back to the doctor in two days. And in the meantime, I'm a fan of the kissing," he said with a joking smile, leaning in to kiss the spot below her ear.

She chuckled wrapping an arm around his shoulders, "You're satisfied?" she joked back.

"Hmm, very," he said leaning in for a brief, yet passionate kiss. He pulled away grabbing two coffee mugs.

He didn't tell her about the soreness still radiating through his chest. She shouldn't have to worry about that right now. Not with everything else that was going on.

"You know - maybe we should talk about the investigation…" She whispered behind him as he was pouring their coffee.

By the way she spoke, he could tell that she was no longer talking about her brother. She was talking about them. Their investigation. But talking about the investigation into their marriage meant talking about them.

"Look Liv, I know this relationship has been less than conventional but -"

He took a deep breath. Regardless of how much their relationship had changed lately, he took her feelings very seriously. He knew that it wasn't easy for her to talk candidly about her feelings. But he also knew how he felt. His feelings were getting stronger and more absolute by the day.

"- I love you. And to be honest, in another life, I would've asked you to marry me a long time ago."

She smiled kindly at him and it made him relax a little. When he said things like that, she felt like she didn't deserve his loyalty. His devotion. She didn't exactly know how to put it into words, but Olivia figured that if she were able to, she would've said something similar.

"But what do you think?" He asked slowly. He had leaned the small of his back against the counter top and brought his coffee mug to his mouth tentatively.

"I want this. No matter how unconventional it is. I want this and I want you." His eyes shone back at her. "But, you know -" she began. Her eyes left his suddenly. What was that look? Apprehension? Shame? Embarrassment? "Tucker and Cassidy both work for IAB now and that could complicate things."

He hadn't even thought of that, but it was true. At the very least, they both knew the nature of their relationship in the past. Both men knew that Olivia and he had worked together for years hiding their interest in each other quite well. They also knew Olivia. And that she would do just about anything to protect a member of her team. Past or present. Not to mention that both men had been in long term relationships with her.

"They'll have to recuse themselves, obviously…"

"We'll figure it out," he said to reassure her. They had to. There was too much at stake. He reached out and held her hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. She focused on their hands. She was thinking hard on something. He wondered if she would tell him what it was.

"Thank you," she said in just above a whisper. "I'm gonna go wake up Noah."

It wasn't long after she made the phone call that Chief Dodds was in her office again.

"I'm not even going to ask you why you waited 12 hours to call me about this. I just want to know why you and your squad continued investigating this case after I explicitly forbade it."

Olivia opened her mouth, then closed it again. She had absolutely no answer for him. The last thing she wanted was Dodds thinking that she didn't respect his authority. She respected him like her old Captain, Cragen.

"I didn't mean to disregard your authority… I had every intention to stay away from the case, but one of my detectives stumbled upon the footage and -"

"And he's your brother! What were you thinking, Lieutenant?!"

Olivia sighed. That was exactly the problem. That's why she should have listened to Dodds in the first place. Because what she was thinking… She was thinking that she wanted to be the one that looked Simon in the eye when he told her why he shot Rafael. She wanted to hear, first hand, why he tried to kill her.

"It won't happen again," Olivia said in a small voice.

Dodds stood up and heaved a long sigh, "No, it won't. Because you're under probation. Effective immediately."

"What? For how long?!"

"At least until you're cleared by IAB."

"Chief I -"

Dodds held up a hand to stop her, "It's out of my hands, Olivia. Pack up everything you'll need for the next couple of weeks."