Chapter 15
Love.
Such a small word for one that carries so much meaning. Neal Caffrey had long ago convinced himself he knew everything there was to know about it.
As a little boy, he'd loved his mom and dad. They took care of his needs both physical and emotional until … well, their beautiful family life crashed and burned after his dad disappeared and his mom was left to pick up the pieces. It had been a first brutal lesson in love - that sometimes along with love comes pain and disappointment.
Then came puppy love. As a young boy, Neal had experienced his fair share of infatuations. That redhead girl in third grade who used to smile at him over her shoulder and of course his unrequited love for Mrs. Cooper, his first grade teacher with the aquamarine eyes, flawless skin and blond flowing curls. It was a pure and idyllic kind of love, one that wasn't tainted with practicalities and complications. But still, in young Neal's eyes, it was love. And it was nice.
After puppy love came the delusion that sex equaled love. Those teenage hormones had awakened strange sensations in his nether regions and had demanded to be attended to. After his deflowering in the back room of a pool hall, Neal had gradually become aware of the charismatic effect he had on women and had taken full advantage of his newly discovered attributes. There'd been a fair number of conquests, some satisfying, others not so much. In some cases, he actually felt a stirring located a little higher than his waist and wondered about those. Love?
As a young adult in a strange new city, he'd exploited his newly discovered talents to do lots of naughty things - especially after meeting the little man with the glasses in Madison Square Park. Often times, their operations required some flirting - or perhaps a little more - which suited Neal just fine. He 'loved' women, all women, all shapes and sizes and if one of their little adventures required him to mix business with pleasure, he was all for it. After all, what woman would ever complain about being charmed and conquered by a man the likes of Steve Tabernacle… or Nick Halden… or Gary Rydell… or James Maine… to name but a few. Most of the time, the feelings were just as phoney as the aliases, leaving Neal Caffrey feeling unfulfilled as he continued on his search for the real thing.
Then came Kate Moreau. She was everything he'd ever imagined and more: sweet, beautiful, innocent, pure. And Neal fell hard. He wanted to give her the world and she was only too happy to let him try. For the first time in his life, he allowed himself to dream of a future complete with the traditional white picket fence.
But alas, it was not to be and her sudden and tragic death left him totally gutted. Getting over her had taken time, a long, long time. Neal had allowed himself to wallow, to imagine what his life might have been with their two point two kids, their obedient chocolate Lab and regular Saturday morning visits to the local Home Depot. It was only after she'd been gone awhile that he came to the realization that it had all been a mirage. Kate had 'loved' him for what he could give her and not for who he was or more importantly, who he longed to be. Her voracious appetite for all things pretty and shiny could only have ended one way - with Neal in the slammer and Thursday afternoon conjugal visits for years to come.
It became another hard lesson from the book of love and Neal briefly returned to fleeting and unsatisfying liaisons. But even those were few and far between and more importantly, they were impractical with that ever-present reminder of his status as ward of the state hanging around his ankle.
Then one sunny Tuesday afternoon, she'd walked back into his life.
Sara Ellis.
God, he hated her! Her testimony at his trial had practically sealed his fate and here she was again being her old, self-righteous, annoying self. He'd done his best to get along with her for the sake of the case they were working, sucked up to her to get that blasted report from the FAA. She was smart though, smarter than he'd given her credit for and, like Peter, Neal had always liked 'smart'. He'd begun to realize that, like all successful cons, his bogus flirtations with the woman held a tiny kernel of truth. When she wasn't banging on about that damn Raphael, she was fun to be with; she was refined, cultured, shrewd, sexy, witty and she didn't mind colouring outside the lines every once in a while. But best of all, when it came to Sara Ellis, he didn't have to pretend to be anyone but himself and surprise, surprise she seemed to like him just fine the way he was.
These days, it would always make him laugh when he was asked if it had been love at first sight between him and his wife. Nothing could be further from the truth. It had been a slow burn, just like peeling an onion and discovering layer after layer, each one surprising and wonderful.
It was hard to know when the tides turned exactly. Things between them had evolved so gradually. There was the playful banter and the shameless flirtations and by the time the Adler case rolled around, they fell into bed, gladly scratching each other's itch and Neal found he was enjoying her company more and more. But Sara had made it abundantly clear that she would only put up with so much of his funny business. Although she enjoyed the odd adventure, she refused to step definitively over the line and for a long time, the couple agreed to keep their relationship on the 'friends with benefits' plane, a comfortable middle ground they could both live with.
But despite his resolve to keep things casual, Neal's feelings for her began to deepen around the time he and Mozzie had begun planning their getaway to Cape Verde. For weeks, Neal had entertained the notion of asking her to come with them as it gradually dawned on him just how much space she occupied in his thoughts and in his heart. But Mozzie's dire warnings about life on the run being incompatible with monogamy had convinced him to give it a pass.
Looking back, he couldn't quite remember the exact moment he'd fallen in love with her. Maybe it was when she'd moved in temporarily and he'd started looking forward to waking up with her by his side every morning or maybe it was when she'd willingly agreed to help Scott Rivers return that bustier or perhaps it was that night in Diana's apartment when she'd helped him pull a Wally Burns without knowing what he was really up to. He'd been surprised at the way his heart had tightened in his chest when he'd seen that picture of her with Bryan McKenzie and on the night of June's 75th birthday, without warning, those three little words slipped out of his mouth, taking them both down the road to a new adventure, one they'd never seen coming.
Neal figured he'd finally come to the end of the road in his search for love and that he would never again experience feelings as deep and intense as the ones he felt for his wife. The day they were married in June's garden, his heart had been full to overflowing with love for her. Since then, he'd seen her at her best and at her worst and still, he woke every morning with a smile on his face because she was there by his side. And so, Neal concluded that the long tortuous road that had been his lessons in love had taught him all there was to know about the subject.
But he'd been wrong.
The love he felt for his wife was deep and abiding but it had not prepared him for the overwhelming love he would eventually feel for his children. It was the kind of love that was in a league all its own, an all-encompassing, fierce, soul crushing love that he'd never imagined himself capable of. The kind of love that made everything pale in comparison. That overpowering need to keep his offspring safe from all the evil in the world, to protect their innocence for as long as he could. He'd heard the analogy about how having kids was like having your heart grow legs and walk around on the outside your body. He'd never quite understood it until his children had been placed in his arms for the first time.
From that moment, he'd begun to see life through their eyes, full of wonder and curiosity. Two perfect tiny human beings who didn't care about his past misdeeds or the fact that he'd sat in a jail cell for the better part of four years. They looked up to him as if the sun shone out of his ass and there was nothing he could ever do to disappoint them. It had become his life mission to live up to their unconditional love and he would willingly give his life for them - another cliché he'd never understood before they'd come along.
Love… so many manifestations. But above all else, his love for his children was so intense, so fierce that the thought of them suffering in any way was unbearable. The moment Hope had taken her first breath, he'd fallen head over heels in love. He'd been even more surprised when it happened all over again with Liam as if his heart had just doubled in size to contain the love he had for the two of them.
And now, Liam had needed him and he hadn't been there. It tore at his heart with a pain so vivid, so deep it physically hurt.
'What the fuck is going on?' he repeated into the phone. 'I just saw Liam's face on television!'
He took a shaky breath, trying to keep his voice in check. Sara was sleeping just a few feet away and if he could spare her the kind of distress he was feeling, he was all for it.
There was a stutter on the other end of the line. 'He's… he's fine Neal' Peter said.
'He's fine? What do you mean, fine? I just found out my son has been missing most of the day and nobody bothered to tell us!'
'I know, I know. I'm sorry. I tried to call a couple of times.'
'What? You couldn't leave a message?' Neal replied angrily.
'I didn't think —'
Neal interrupted, he was about to burst. 'Just… just tell me what the hell's going on.'
He heard Peter exhale. 'Cornyn… he showed up at that birthday party Liam was at and he passed himself off as me.'
'How did that happen? Didn't Nathan's parents recognize you?'
Peter's breath grew ragged as the interrogation continued. 'El dropped him off and said I'd be picking him up but there was a miscommunication between Nathan's parents.'
Neal did his best to listen, his hands shaking as he held the phone.
'I got there about five minutes later… I'm sorry Neal.'
'Did he hurt him?' Neal's voice creaked.
'No, he doesn't have a scratch on him. We had him checked out…'
'How… how long was he missing?'
'A little over four hours.'
Neal held his head in his hand as he listened. 'Are you sure he didn't… touch him?'
'No, Liam said he just drove around and that he finally fell asleep.'
Neal could feel a monster headache building behind his eyes and rubbed his temple. 'Did you arrest him?'
Peter hesitated. 'Not yet. He dropped Liam off at the front door of the Federal Plaza…'
'He what?'
'He told him to get out of the car and walk up to the building. Our night guy saw him standing out there.'
It was probably best to keep to the broad strokes. Neal didn't need to know his little boy had been standing there shivering and terrified when he was found. At least not yet.
'Where is he? I need to talk to him' Neal blurted out.
'Neal, he's asleep. He's safe in his bed.'
'I don't care…' Neal began before realizing how ridiculous he sounded. If Liam had fallen asleep, waking him and cross examining him was a stupid idea. 'Okay, okay fine. We'll be there by the time he wakes up in the morning.'
'What? No, don't do that.'
Neal's anger began to bubble to the surface again. 'Are you fucking nuts? You think Sara and I want to spend a day relaxing at the beach after what you just told me?'
Peter cleared his throat, unsure what to say. 'Yeah… I suppose…'
'Sara's asleep, she had a rough day today' Neal said, not giving any details. 'I'm going to get us packed and we'll be on our way.'
Peter opened his mouth to speak but the line went dead. And he felt his heart sink.
WCWCWC
'El?' Peter called out as he came upstairs.
He peeked into Liam's room and found her there, sitting on the edge of his bed, watching him sleep. She brought her finger to her lips and stood, joining him in the hallway.
'Shhh' she whispered as she closed his bedroom door and headed across to their current bedroom.
It was almost eleven and Peter was still walking around in his suit and tie. He let himself fall on the edge of the bed and pulled off his shoes. He looked totally done in.
'How'd it go with Neal?' Elizabeth asked as she climbed up on the bed behind him and rubbed his shoulders.
'He's pissed off' he replied. 'Can you blame him? He and Sara are having a perfectly nice holiday and he turns on the TV and sees Liam's face. I'd be mad at me too.'
'I'm sure he was just reacting in the moment. Your priority was to find Liam and once you did, you didn't want to take your eyes off him. When he calms down, he'll understand that.'
He turned and raised his eyebrows, disbelieving. 'This should have never happened. If only I'd gotten there five minutes earlier…'
'Honey, don't start. This Cornyn guy was obviously watching, waiting to pounce.'
Peter got up, removed his jacket, his tie, his shirt. 'Neal and Sara trusted us with their kids and this happens' he moaned.
'If I know Neal, he's probably kicking himself for getting mad at you. He just found out his little boy was taken and he wasn't there to keep it from happening. He's probably just upset with himself for not being here.'
Peter shrugged. Hopefully El was right and the two of them would talk this out when the dust finally settled.
'They're on their way home' Peter announced.
'Really?' She glanced at the clock. 'They'll be back before the sun's up. I'm setting the alarm for five. I want to be up and ready with a pot of coffee when they get here.'
Peter nodded in agreement. 'Then I have to tell Neal about this note' he said, holding up the piece of paper. 'This guy's totally off his rocker. Who knows what he's capable of.'
Elizabeth stared as he grabbed for a shirt and pants instead of his usual pyjamas.
To the unspoken question he replied. 'I want to be ready to go when Jones calls… when they've located that rental he was driving.'
WCWCWC
The dim light by the bedside glowed as Neal worked in silence. He glanced at Sara, relieved to find she was still sound asleep, her face increasingly distorted by the bruise on her cheek. There was no point in waking her until he'd finished packing; she needed rest to recuperate from her own trauma. As far as he was concerned, the longer he could put off telling her about Liam, the better. He placed the stack of clothes he was carrying into the open suitcase and stepped into the bathroom to collect their toiletries.
'Neal?' he heard her call out from the other room.
He returned to the bedroom, placing the armful of toiletries in the open suitcase on his side of the bed.
'Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you' he murmured as he sat next to her.
He gently ran his hand through her hair and looked into her relaxed face. Sadly, he was about to bring her back to reality with a thud.
'How are you feeling babe? How's your head?'
'Okay…' she said, looking around her. 'What's going on? Why are you packing?'
He swallowed and exhaled. He'd been rehearsing the conversation in his head ever since he'd hung up from talking to Peter. Hopefully, he could keep her from having the same horrible sinking feeling he'd suffered when he'd seen their son's face plastered on the TV screen an hour earlier.
'I think we should head home' he began.
'Wha —' Sara opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off.
'First off, the kids are fine…' he began slowly, needing to get that all important piece of information out of the way. 'But something happened earlier with Liam and I think we should get home tonight.'
She was sitting up now, her previously relaxed face contorted. 'Why? What… what happened with Liam?'
'He's fine… he's safe but…'
He decided he had to bite the bullet, pull off the band-aid. There was no way to sugar coat this. 'Honey, Cornyn passed himself off as Peter and picked Liam up after Nathan's birthday party this afternoon.'
'What? You mean he kidnapped him?'
Neal shook his head - the word 'kidnapping' was just too jarring to hear. As angry as he'd been with Peter a few moments before, he needed to put the best face he could on what had happened.
'Peter says he drove around with Liam in the car just long enough to trigger an amber alert and create chaos.'
He could hear Sara's shaky breath. 'Oh my god!'
'Sara, look at me. He's fine, he's home and he's safe. Cornyn didn't hurt him, he just scared him.'
'But why…'
'The guy's fucking looney tunes that's why and he probably wanted to freak me out.'
Sara threw the blankets off and got to her feet, heading for the dresser where she'd hung some of her clothes. He watched as she faltered, her ankle still tender.
'Careful' he admonished as he followed her.
'Did you talk to him?' she asked over her shoulder as she started searching for her phone.'
'Honey, I… I don't want to freak him out. Peter says he's sound asleep in his bed.'
She turned to face him, a painful frown across her forehead. 'How could we not know this was happening?'
Neal shrugged and returned to stuffing clothes into his suitcase but despite his best intentions, he could feel the resentment building. 'Peter says he tried to call us but didn't want to leave a message.'
She picked up on the anger in his voice. 'You're angry…' she stated.
When he spoke, his voice was full of emotion. 'Damn it Sara, they had an amber alert out on him. Can you imagine if we'd turned on the radio and heard about it without a heads up?'
'How did you find out?'
'They had something about it on the late news - that the little boy who'd been missing had been returned home.'
Again, he couldn't contain his anger. 'Peter should have called the minute they found out he was missing!'
Sara started working as fast as she could, throwing clothes into her suitcase. All she wanted was to get home as soon as possible. 'Well it's not like we were sitting around taking calls this afternoon —'
'I DON'T CARE!' Neal shouted, so loud that she was startled. So much for trying not to upset his wife. 'He should have… he should have told us.'
She walked over to where he stood, his toiletry bag in his hands. 'Are you telling me the truth? Is he really all right?'
He nodded but didn't speak. 'That's not the point' he murmured under his breath.
Their eyes met and Neal opened his arms to her. She whimpered softly and he rubbed her back, his self-control gradually returning. They stood there, bodies fused with thoughts of their little boy who was miles away.
She pulled away and looked into his eyes. 'I want to go home' she murmured.
He nodded. 'I'll get this stuff to the car, you do one last check okay?'
Sara tapped herself on the forehead. 'I was supposed to go to the police station in the morning…'
He kissed her forehead. 'We'll worry about that later. Hurry up and get dressed.'
TBC
