16- Jack
Clearly he is used to shopping alone. His list neatly written out and his glasses perched on the end of that pert little nose. Glasses. He wears glasses folks and I am so turned on I can barely behave. Just when I thought he could not be anymore a dreamboat … he goes Librarian on me.
Lisa must have been a useless bitch that also let him do the shopping because he keeps looking at the trolley each time I add something like he is confused, not sure it's his trolley then he sees the munchkin sitting in amongst things and grins. Such a loving soul, she loves him too.
I know there were a few things he looked twice at, especially the sugary things but he politely nodded and moved on without commenting on the health of my child. Maybe he is clever enough to know all that sugar is for me, my daughter not such a sweet tooth.
Then we saw Owen in the parking lot, the motorbike he had ridden in on was lovely, I love bikes and saw Ianto's' eyes travel over it with equal admiration. Really? The image of him on a bike almost made me go all aquiver, and I really thought that was just a term until now.
Then we got home and..wow. Home. I feal l am taking advantage now but the talk we had this morning sort of made me feel like I was still welcome here. Even if my prat of a brother was fucking up his life, maybe mine was taking shape.
His cupboards were so neat it hurt my eyes, my things shoved in any old how and then I wondered if that might annoy him so I made it a bit straighter, surprised that more fit in this way. So there is a method to the madness that is kitchen cupboards.
My little one was hungry and I turned to ask what she wanted only to find a sandwich already being munched on as Ianto patted her hair gently and asked if she wanted a drink too. What a mother hen. Lovely man.
Then we sat and ate a nice snack, the cut pieces of fruit a surprise but a nice one. Was quite refreshing. I actually like fresh fruit. Who would have thought?
It was getting late afternoon and the phone rang, Ianto checking and ignoring it as he told me it was just HER and he pushed the phone under some cushions on the sofa. Felt childish but at the same time empowering for both of us to realise we have been handed a prime opportunity to gain our independence from our bloodsucking siblings.
I know he was worrying about those kids, his eyes sliding to the photos of them he had everywhere. The fact he could not have any of his own clearly meant he had worshiped the next best thing. I cannot imagine a world without Alice … to have been unable to have a little goblin of my own and I can only imagine the hurt he is going through now. At least I could fight for her, I could make sure that even if Lucia and I were not together, our child would always have both of us. As we sat in companionable silence I knew that he was helping me see that I had to make a decision of my own.
"I was offered a job here, you know" I start sounding him out, us still so new, I don't want him to think I am throwing something away or changing something for him. I get the feeling he might panic "I train SWAT and Special Forces. I usually come over for a few weeks every month or so, why I get Alice while I am here and Lucia is usually good about it. A few times she said no but … overall she is a good mother and does care about our relationship with our girl. Anyway … they want me here fulltime. I am Scottish by birth, can come live here without having to worry about citizenship and stuff it's just … until now I have felt torn. I love both worlds, my life is diverse and a little hectic at times. I am starting to think that it's time I slowed down. For her. Became a more hands on Dad, not just the odd weekender. It's not fair to her, this idea of getting time when I have it … it should be giving her time when she needs it. Right?"
"Would you be happy? Coming here?" Ianto asked, a clever one who saw that I was conflicted "If you gave up the present model and changed it … would you regret it or do you think it would work?"
"I've been chewing on it for about a week or so now, since this last arrival I have seen she has grown so much. I am missing things that are important not only to me bit to her. I think I would regret missing out on the chance to be a good Dad to her more than a career." I lean back and realise this is true. It's right. I would regret it if I didn't make a change of pace for her. She is my little everything.
"Then you really don't need to ponder it anymore" he smiled, so handsome and not at all searching for his place in my pondering. Clearly he is used to getting scraps. This angers me in a way I cannot explain so I lean across hooking his chin and I kiss him gently, feeling him respond and then lean back to look into his face.
"And this is nice too" I whisper, searching his face for any sign of alarm but there is none. Only a warm affection that seems to wash over me.
Decided.
