Hi, so here is another chapter, this one does build towards the main crux of the story that is coming soon.
And thank you all so much for your patience-I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer-Nothing is mine, just Lena and the upcoming plot.
And i will try and update sooner than later.
There In The Disappearing Light
Chapter 14-Great And Unfortunate Things
Lena and Carlisle have a conversation about Lena's genetic structure. Lena has an identity crisis about who she is and where she originated from and Rosalie is overhead resulting in Lena being filled with confusion and pain and taking the beginning of a road she never wanted to take. Chapter does end on a cliff hanger-of sorts.
Embry left a week after he arrived. The wolves had never intended to stay long but she knew that there was not going to stay forever, apparently there was loads of issues to do with their reservation, protection and such. Lena had tried to listen but Embry had been half naked sprawled over the couch playing a game and she had tried not to look. She had been writing an essay about the beginning of the Air Force in the United States for her American History class and she was trying not to stare at the mass of taught skin that was currently being flaunted in front of her. Embry was doing well on his promise that he would not pressure her into anything and he seemed to be happy whenever she was in the room but she couldn't help but feel embarrassed whenever she was near him and Lena was not used to feeling that out of sorts about anyone or anything.
Instead she was spending a lot of time hiding away in her bathroom which boasted a bath and also a table near it that allowed her to watch Netflix as she spent time wondering just what the hell she had ever done to deserve this crap?
When she did go downstairs it was to eat.
She was almost relieved that Embry went on the Wednesday before she went to school slipping her his phone number and making her promise to speak to him if she ever needed him. "Even if all you need to do is vent, call me. I promise I'm a really good listener"
Lena had stared at him and then kissed him on the cheek pretending to ignore the fact that she could hear Rosalie hiss from behind the curtains. Lena had come to ignore it, she had not yet had a conversation with Rosalie, about Embry, about the role that he had played in her life, about everything…and anything…she did not know how to mention it herself in the safety (depending on how safe she thought her own mind) never mind how she felt speaking out loud. She did not want to think about the number on the card that was currently residing on the desk in her bedroom under her algebra book (a sure sign that it would remain hidden until further notice). Instead she turned her attention in the week that followed to other, slightly more pressing matters that had been weighing upon her mind since she had, had the conversation with Embry. It had opened up so many doors that she was unsure of what was going on.
She had decided to come to the decision to talk to Carlisle.
She had to know all the ins and outs about her health.
That was something that she had to focus upon.
In the week that followed she spent most of her time when she was not at school or alone in her room determinedly not thinking about half naked werewolves with Carlisle. The conversation that had taken place between Embry and herself had in some cases thrown up more questions than she had been prepared to think about and now that she was here, thinking about them, she thought that she was ready to start the research and furthermore ready to hear the answers that they would bring. Regardless.
For Lena that was not one small thing.
Carlisle had compiled what seemed like years and years of research that he had been working on in months. Unlike Lena he did not need to sleep and though he seemed to work he also had time on his hands—more than she had ever seen.
His office (with that bizarre and very intimidating wooden cross hanging over the door like some sort of benediction) was spread with files and books and laptops. He had clearly been looking into this but weather it was because of Nessie or down to her then she did not know. She was still unsure of how much of the family history she had a right to know about. Already she was aware that there were somethings that never seemed to be discussed without a horrible awkwardness staining the very air around it. Even Lena could see these things and she had never been what one would have called tactful.
But she was learning and she was learning fast.
She knew by now that you didn't talk about or raise questions about Rosalie's past. Neither did you so about Alice's. Emmett had told her all about his childhood on the railroad at Tennessee including the stories of his family and Lena had listened thinking back on what time would have been like in the 1930s where life while hard in it's own way was simple in it's own way. She had never before had a vivid picture like that before, painted for her in that way. She could almost see it right before her very eyelids before sleep claimed her.
That was one of the things that she knew about, it was clear that besides asking about Rosalie's history it was wrong to ask about Alice's. Edward had taken pity on her one night when she had commented on an essay she was thinking of writing for almost half of her credits on the First World War in America (to which he became almost giddy when it came to helping her with) and had explained that Alice did not know much about her past and that because of that she was incredibly vulnerable. Lena had not been sure what she was supposed to say to that but she had confessed in that moment that she was thinking after she left school to major in History to which Edward had smiled that dimpled smile and had offered to help her no matter what. She could almost understand what it was that made Bella act…well…like she acted when she was around Edward. He had a certain charm after all even if it did not appeal to Lena on a romantic level.
Then there was the fact that Alice had no memories of her human life whatsoever and the fact that Edward had left Bella—and someone called James who Lena had learnt should never be mentioned otherwise Edward tended to put his fist through a wall and Esme got upset over the fact that plastering dried unevenly. You didn't mention the Volturi unless you had to because that had the same effect only it was Bella who ended up shattering one of the mirrors when she had thrown the (most gaudy but yet gorgeous) diamond necklace that Lena had found straight into it.
But above all one of the few things that Lena had learnt throughout the weekends and the nights where she came home afterschool to a family that seemed to have very little boundaries despite the fact that they were all in their own way exceptionally different was that you never asked Rosalie what happened to make Carlisle turn her into a vampire. She had heard mostly everyone's story from the rather sweet ones (Jasper and Alice's first meeting and Emmett's childhood right up until he was mauled by a bear) to the downright disturbing events (Jasper before Alice and the story of Renesmee's birth—if there was a reason to not have children it listening to that) and to the incredibly romantic ones (anything to do with Esme and Carlisle's admittedly rather heart-warming story). The only one she had not heard was Rosalie's and yet whenever she was about to ask Edward (cheating no doubt by reading which direction her thoughts were going) and would either distract her or shoot her a look while screaming at such a shrill pitch it made her wince, to shut up.
So yes she knew that there were secrets, terrible secrets that had to be kept hidden and when she woke up to realise that it had been two months—the longest that she had ever been in one place before—and she found that she didn't regret it. She had been a part of something like this, something that felt so real, she had never had an actual family.
Of course, just as she came to that conclusion she was reminded of her mother, her actual mother who she had killed she supposed when she had hacked her way out of the womb. She found that when she was supposed to be sleeping, she was staring at the ceiling and thinking of the woman, no she thought, the teenager no doubt who had met the best looking man in the world and had thought that he would be there forever. She might have thought he was out of this world—Lena thought that the unnamed woman who she thought she might have gotten her blonde hair from and her height and her cheekbones would never have guessed who her father really was and she had given him everything and had wanted a happy ending with him.
And then thoughts turned to her biological father, she wondered late into the night closing of her mind so that Edward couldn't hear (she was getting really good at that now even if it did leave her with a headache that made a hangover look like a walk in the park). She wondered what he had been like, had he been like Edward who had openly admitted that he had no idea children like Renesmee could exist? Had she been a genuine mistake between two people who despite everything had loved each other (like Bella and Edward) or had been like the other vampires she had heard about, the ones who liked the idea of ripping apart human women—who saw them as food and then prized the babies that they carried as the new threat to the supernatural world? And if so where did that leave her? The tragic mishap of two people who did not know better? Or the creation that had murdered a person in an agonising way only to be abandoned by the other person who had created her?
Whenever she thought of that she had to turn her head and bang her head against the pillow hoping that sleep would come. Embry sometimes texted, just little things and Lena had still not figured out if she wanted to text back but she found them whimsical, funny and a little bit sweet.
Carlisle would talk to her and she would listen.
She knew that her genetic make up was a bit different and Carlisle thought it might have been because she had not had the access to human blood like Nessie had had, she had been in the womb drinking human blood and Lena had not. And that made her think about weather or not she had starved her mother to death from the inside out and that made her mind go to some real dark places real fast. Lena had no idea how to cope with her existence, how to cope with the feelings inside of her that were getting steadily more and more darker with each day she learnt something new. Of course she knew that her birth was unpreventable in some ways, human instruments could not have penetrated anything during her birth but she had never once had to think about it in the graphic detail that Carlisle tried to explain to her.
Actually when she came to think about it she knew that Carlisle was probably dumbing down what had happened and that made her feel so much worse. She wanted nothing more to do than to forget what was going on and she wanted to curl under her covers and pretend that she did not know what it meant to cut through someone's stomach with teeth that were made from super strong vampire venom.
After that rather graphic mental image Lena tried to listen to what else he was saying but she found it difficult. She acknowledged that her diet was more human that Nessie's. And perhaps the fact that she had not realised that she was different had given her a great amount of denial, denial was her best friend she thought bitterly one night as she scrapped a brush through her blonde hair and not even bothering with the tangle teaser because she wanted the pain.
The pain distracted her from thinking when she looked at herself in the mirror her skin pale and luminous, her hair blonde and perfect and her eyes dark. She was perfect and deadly even when she didn't feel perfect.
The day it all went to shit (as Lena had known, she had known it would) was the day where she had heard for the first time exactly how Rosalie felt about her.
It had started out rather simply. She had, had a run in with Elana the head cheerleader who hated anyone who was blonder, skinner and quite frankly more attractive than she was. Lena wondered if head cheerleaders became bitchy when they got the position and while she usually ignored mutters and whispers and conversation between girls who had no idea that other things existed in this world that was dangerous and deadly.
Lena wanted nothing more than to sink her teeth into the soft throat sometimes, it would be so easy, nobody would ever see it coming, Elena certainly wouldn't.
And to make it worse Embry still hadn't fucking texted her.
She trudged home, It had been a sunny day, a rare one and the Cullen's had spent time at home. They didn't go out in the sun because they shined like diamonds blinding anyone in their path, Lena when she had first seen Rosalie had nearly dropped her plate on the tiled floor of the kitchen. Emmett had caught it before she had shattered a piece of china that was the same price no doubt as the first car that some people got for their teenage child.
She had been halfway up the drive when she had picked up on the thoughts of Rosalie who had been in the kitchen doing—whatever it was that Rosalie did. Lena half listened in despite the fact that she was rummaging around for her keys. She liked to let herself into the house, she liked the fact that she had keys, she liked the fact that she was part of a family even if she didn't know where in that family she fit in.
She was half listening in but she stopped listening abruptly. Rosalie and Emmett were both thinking things but Rosalie's thoughts, they seemed to be centred around her and she was thinking it over and over again.
Daughter.
This, this, on top of everything else was too much. This was far too much.
Lena saw Rosalie's blonde head snap up when she heard her or saw her or whatever it was that vampires did when they realised that they were being watched. Emmett followed her example. For a second the two of them stared at her and Lena stared back and then she did the only thing that she thought she could do in the circumstances.
She ran.
She did not know if it was a good thing or a bad thing that neither Rosalie nor Emmett followed her.
Next Chapter-Lena makes a harsh decision that sets of a chain reaction that has deadly and devastating consequences for her, the Cullen's and her future in the family.
Hopefully I will be able to publish the next chapter sooner rather than later.
