Hey lovelies!

Don't have much to say in regards to really anything, except that coming chapters may not be as long as they have been in order for me to truly stay on top of these updates.

But other than that, thank you all so much for all the comments! They mean so much to me.

Enjoy Chapter 16!

~Geni

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Chapter 16: Mistake

Maya's POV

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life.

Decisions I don't care to reminisce about.

Even so, those memories nip at your heels always in your wake, with good reason. I have always tried to value mistakes as the reminders they are to prevent you from repeating yourself. I like to think I learn from most of my mistakes…all except for one.

"...Maya. Maya!" Josh has been calling my name periodically for about ten minutes.

I've kept my eyes trained directly in front of me the entire time. Drawing patterns with my eyes across the train doors.

"Are you just never going to talk to me again?"

I bite my lip to keep myself from doing something childish, like sticking my tongue out at him or worse, sticking it down his throat.

Instead, I sigh deeply, allowing my crossed arms to fall to my lap.

Finally, meeting the deep azure of intiseful eyes, I take him in. The close intimacy that crackled between us last week is long gone.

As opposed to lingering stares and meaningful touches followed by fits of goofy laughter, Josh sits directly across from me on the other side of the traincar. A world of space screaming between us. His back straight and posture unsure. If not for the talking, one could easily pass us and think we were strangers.

I'm grateful for the distance; for the separation that keeps us both appropriate. I appreciate it… and I hate it.

It was mortifyingly effortless to get used to Josh's touch. Expectedly addicting even.

"I'm talking to you, Josh." I relent, "I just have nothing to say to you right now." I don't mean to put so much attitude into my tone.

"We're never going to find her this way, Maya." Josh runs a worried hand through his hair leaning back on the train bench, breaking contact with my gaze for a second before hurriedly drawing back.

Josh looks at me- has always looked at me- in such an indiscernible way. It used to keep me up at night. My mind would illustrate theories of desire and annoyance. Never entirely sure if he was trying to wordlessly tell me something.

"Can you just hate me afterwards?"

I wonder if he knows what just a look does to me. Large doe eyes blanketed with remorse. It's not fair for him to make me want to nessle him in my arms, when I wasn't the only one in the wrong.

My anger towards my best friend's uncle had subsided (for the most part) after about a day of sulking in the Matthews guest bedroom. The fact of the matter is, I shouldn't have provoked him the way I did. I can't very well be angry at someone for using my words against me when I used the looks on their face as ammunition in the first place. That being said, the anger towards myself persisted.

"I know you're scared. And I'm worried too. But we're never going to make any progress this way." He finishes, drawing back my attention.

Looking down at my hands, I announce "I don't hate you, Josh."

"The way you won't even look at me says different."

I can't look at you. I'm afraid of what will happen.

Wincing, I look up, "I'm angry, Josh."

He opens his mouth to protest, so I raise a silencing hand. "Not just at you. I'm angry at myself as well. More so actually." I say the last part more to myself.

There were so many reasons I was angry. I was angry I hadn't been the one to tell Josh. I was angry that no matter how long it's been Josh has the power to shut off my brian with one kiss. I was angry that it's been a week and we haven't spoken, I was angry I didn't know where we stood and I was angry at the damn space between us.

If I closed my eyes, the other night plays out like a movie. The scratch of Josh's lingering scruff scoring down my collarbone. Angel soft lips kissing and sucking and biting. Hands touching and taking and groping. Legs still unsure of what earth is after being wrapped around his thick waist. I've never felt as alive as I did in those minutes. Desperate in a way I've never been. A hunger low in my belly, that felt it would never be sated.

Earlier that day I was so sure it would end with Josh and I holding a more intimate title describing our relationship. But of course it ended with us in separate rooms hurting.

Josh has proven to me he wants something more and it doesn't take a genius to see I'm right there with him. But I feel like everytime I'm ready to go through with it. 'Unlock the vault holding my heart captive and give into everything I've wanted since I was a little girl. A bomb falls and everything holding me back is jerked awake by the explosion. It wasn't just that day before I left for college. It was every time before that as well. Replaying no matter how much I wanted to shut it off. Telling me a tale I know all too well. Where Josh pulls away and I'm left alone...broken, alone and embarrassed.

Bringing myself back, I keep my eyes on Josh, "And I'm embarrassed," I add, "about the other night too. I was supposed to tell you about me and Zay. I wanted to be the one who told you."

I try to convey how true my words are the best I can. Eyes welling up, while a wave of guilt attacks my senses.

"That conversation should have been spoken calmly and privately, not that I put it past us to get at each other's throat in any scenario-" I offer a small smile in hopes of lightening the mood, "-in both ways that we apparently do."

The small huff of air Josh releases in the form of a chuckle sends a thrill down my spine.

"But it was never meant to be blurted out," I continue,

"You deserve better than that. And so did I. But Ava is just a kid. A bratty kid. But a kid who meant well none-the-less so I can't blame her. I should have been the one to push you to let me confess the truth. But if I'm honest I didn't want to ruin our day any more than you did. "

Nodding,Josh looks down as well. Awkwardness filling in the silence graciously.

"You were angry too." I say after some time.

I was expecting Josh to still be angry.

After Corey called us this morning, filling us in on what was going on. I was sure the building wouldn't be able to stand after Josh and I laid eyes on one another again. The heat in his eyes from the other night seared into my brain. Mocking me in my dreams coupled by the sorrowful gaze that soon followed that anger moments before I fled.

I was so sure that we'd erupt and nothing would remain but ash and fury.

However, I was instead met by worried looks and hesitant conversation as Corey informed us of what he knew and what he needed from us.

"Yeah." Josh answers horsley.

"You seem fine now though...What happened?"

Rubbing at the back of his neck, Josh refuses to meet my eyes, "I realized why I was angry."

I raise a questioning eyebrow.

"People don't like it when you show them how it feels to be treated the way they treat you. The negative aspect anyway."

My heart squeezes in my chest.

"Thank you for the painting by the way. It was beautiful."

I say in awkward appreciation, "I'm glad you liked it.".

I think for a moment before deciding on standing and making my way over to the other side of the traincar.

I sit beside Josh, mindful to keep a gap dividing us.

Sighing deeply, I turn to face the older man, "Josh, I know there's a lot of tension between us," My hands wring together, fighting the urge they have to touch him now that we are only mere inches apart. "and we probably need to talk a bunch,but none of that matters right now. Finding her is all that really matters right now."

"You're right."

I am right. Because as all consuming as our relationship continuously displays itself as. Something exclusively more pressing presented itself.

Riley was missing and we are going to find her.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The day ages frantically as Josh and I search place after place coming up short at each. Riley nowhere to be found.

My heart punches against my ribcage while worry rushes up and down my limbs. Naturally, the more time that passes the more anxious we grow. Which apparently has a lasting effect on productivity.

After checking all of Riley's usual spots with no success, our guesses began getting more bizarre. ThT is, until Josh brilliantly suggested checking the middle school from when we were kids.

Again, there was no sign of the young brunette.

As a last resort we took the short trip to the highschool as well, as to not leave a single stone unturned.

We roam the halls diligently peering over corners and through windows.

Summer School limits the presence of really anyone. It shouldn't be very hard to spot a grown woman who embodies the word sunshine amongst disgruntled teens.

"I'm sorry."

Josh's voice is firm as if he made a decision. Hand running along the metal of closed locker doors two steps behind me as I do the same. Fingers playing on at the cold surface in order to anchor myself.

To say that the day had been a hurricane of the senses would be putting it lightly. It appeared that putting the two of us in close quarters of any kind meant reverting us back to teenagers.

"For?", I ask pressigly.

He answers quickly. It feels like he is trying to direct this conversation somewhere. Like the begging of the conversation is only a means to an end.

"I'm sorry about the other night too." Josh elucidates,

"You apologized. I thought it only fair that I returned the favor."

"Is being fair your only reason?"

"No... " His face is contemplative. Calculating his words and being very mindful of the distance between us.

"I have other reasons."

We make our way to the only room left in the building.

"Well… thank you for your apology."

We round the corner, Josh stepping around me to reach the door first. Thoughtlessly, the brunette pulls the handle down and opens the door for me. Waiting until after I've rolled my eyes and walked in to walk in himself.

"Do you have a reason for lying?" Josh eventually asks. Trying to sound nonchalant.

I scoff a dry laugh,"I think it's self explanatory."

I turn to face Josh, The lights that remain off, cast shadows under his eyes that make me sad. Has he not been sleeping well?

I want to caress the skin there, but a hand on my heart holds me back.

We keep fucking this up. If it's not me, it's him. It's a mistake regardless of who makes the fist move.

"Do you have a reason for kissing me?"

There's an edge in my tone that even I can't decide if it is desire or anger.

"I think it's self explanatory," He teased in an attempt at keeping the conversation light.

But then he says, "I wanted to." And suddenly the weight is back.

"Yeah and I want Supernatural to never end. Doesn't mean I'm locking the cast in some studio somewhere."

Keep it light, Maya, I command myself. Turning around to take an actual look at the room. My eyes scan the empty spaces in hopes Riley's petite frame will be taking up the gaps.

Taking my hand, Josh gently coaxes me back into his space. I'm still facing away from the man, but I can feel the heat radiating off of him as he slowly closes the little space that remains between us.

It makes my head spin.

After hours of being with him. Every emotion possible fought against heavy handed instincts. Striking down the impulse to just reach out and touch, but at every turn there was an invisible force always there, keeping us apart.

I let myself feel okay in that one moment. His musky scent overwhelming my senses as I imagine myself turning around and burying my nose in his neck.

"Maya, It's really not this complicated."

"I don't know what you mean." I try to real myself back in. Heart beating loudly in my ears.

I knew exactly what he meant.

"I mean; I can still remember the way you taste."

His voice is husky and deep, shooting sparks down my spine while he gets closer still.

"Josh." I practically gasp, When his hands finally touch me.

"I remember the sounds that you made as if you were still making them. They are recorded into my mind like a song I can't stop listening to."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm telling you what I mean."

"Josh-"

"I'm telling you how I can't stop thinking about you at every moment of the day; I am thinking of you and I've tried not to. God, Gorgeous I have tried. But you always make your way back in."

Me too. Jesus, me too! But that's what you say now. What about when you change your mind like you always-fucking always- do.

"We should stop." I sound breathless even to myself.

Josh shakes his head then bends to rest his forehead against my shoulder. "You know what my problem is?"

"Your misguided understanding of personal space?"

His laugh vibrates against my ear "My problem is I expect you to just see in my actions that I am completely committed to you and we could go from there. But that's what I've always done. Isn't it? I've always wanted you with my eyes and my heart and body but my words, my words have always sent you away. So I'm telling you right now so that you have absolutely no doubt in that beautiful head of yours that I want you."

I will my tears away. Every bone shouting at me for not giving in to everything I've always wanted. Something in the back of my mind telling me this is a mistake. These feelings are just too tempting and will only result in pain.

"I don't believe you."

He will never know how much I wish I did.

"Why?"

I turn slowly to face the man the moment I hear the despair in his voice.

"You know why." I say softly,sympathy dripping from my eyes. I reach out and in one hand I card my fingers at the base of Josh's hair. Feeling the feather soft stands play at my fingertips while the other finally surrenders to passion, caressing the soft skin of his cheek.

"I don't," Josh presses, hands moving to pull me closer. Eyes desperate and voice low.

"You do. You do and I just-I can't- I can't do this with you right now. Soon but, Josh, She's-She's"

"SHHH. It's okay. It's okay. I'm sorry, you're right. We can talk about this later."

I could tell somehow that later would be sooner than we needed.

"I was so sure she would be here" I say without pulling away.

"We're going to find her,Maya."

" At this point I'm not so sure."

" We're going to find her, Maya."

Josh is the one to move. Taking his heat and comfort with him.

We walked around the room looking for any sign she had been here. Texting her for the millionth time between searching the floor and table tops for clues.

"We have to find her, Josh"

"We will," He assures me, "This is just so unlike her"

I nod my agreement as I walked around the old high school art room one last time, taking in the paint long since chipped and a splattering of colors indecipherable after so many years of abuse.

"This does sound more like something you would do." Josh adds.

Laughing softly, I admire the art of the new generation, "I did do this. Several times even.

"Actually, the last time I did, Riley and I were in this very room. Slinging paint at one another…" I invite the memory back pleasantly

Recounting that time Riley and I were trying to find me after I lost myself before we attacked one another with paint just like we once did in middle school.

"After that one year in highschool when I was lost, we ended up at Shawns cabin before we made it here. I went back so many times to that cabin after that. Usually after you would come to visit... It was peaceful. A good place to think…"

All at once I feel a bucket of ice water submerge my brain. My eyes widen as I berate myself for not coming to this conclusion sooner.

"Why after I'd come to visit?" Josh asks.

But I don't hear him.

"Oh my God!" I exclaim joyously,

"I know where she is!"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arriving at Shawn's Cabin upstate, I take the steps two at a time as I push open the door.

"Riley?" I call out searching the bedrooms first then the kitchen and living room.

Everything is just as I left it. A mirage of paintings and photographs Shawn and I created over the years hang proudly on random walls. Drawings made my Auggie and Riley are also honored on the fridge.

The plants appear to be thriving, so Shawn must still come down here like he promised me he would. I feel a flood of appreciation warm my heart as I observe what used to be my greatest sanctuary.

It only lasts a moment before the dread overpowers the comfort.

"What did you mean by usually after I'd come around?"

I managed to evade Josh's prodding on the trip up to the cabin but his patience was waning. I really hadn't meant to phrase it that way. I was simply reminiscing about a lost time and speaking freely is so easy around the brunette, I didn't have the forethought to watch what I was saying.

"I can't believe she's not here. I was so sure she would be."

"Maya you can't keep avoiding this. I want to talk about this."

"Josh, I want to too. But not now. I can't argue with you right now." I push as much authority into my tone as I can so he understands I mean business.

It doesn't seem to do the trick, though, "Yes now." he demands.

I want to tell him that Riley is more important. That finding her is all we should be focused on,but part of me knew that if we held off any longer there was no telling what would happen,

"Okay…' I finally say after a pause, "Okay. There's a lot to unpack here so where do you want to start?"

"Why would you come here after I'd visit."

I sigh deeply, meeting his eyes, " Josh, nearly every time you came by you would say something to tea- You would reject me. Sometimes I needed a minute to catch my breath where there weren't eyes expecting me to be strong."

Regret softens handsome features, causing Josh to turn his voice more tender,

"I know you hate me saying it but everything I did and said for those years was for your own goo-"

"Here we go again." I interrupt him tugging at strands of hair, "Josh don't even start this." I complain, not prepared for another fight. But I know myself and if he even thinks about finishing that sentence I can't be held responsible for what I may say or do next.

"Yes, Maya! You have to understand it was for your own goo-"

It doesn't take much for me to break. The stress of everything between me and this man combined with the worry about Riley wasn't helping me in trying to keep my cool.

"Enough!" I shout.

Josh is stunned into silence.

"Enough with this absolute horse shit about how you did this and that for my own good. I'm so tired of hearing it. And I'm not gonna fucking say it again Mathews, You are not my father and aren't to make decisions that you believe may or may not benefit me. That is my position, my role,responsibility, pick a fucking synonym that means mine alone."

Taking a calming breath, I lower my voice, berating myself for allowing the anger to consume me. This is my problem. I'm too defensive.

"I'm sorry for yelling." I quickly apologize.

" But that decision was for you." I say in a gentler tone, "You really need to wake up and realize it was all for you...

Josh gives me a baffled look, raising his own voice,"How could losing you possibly be for me?"

Peering into his eyes, I feel the last of my walls collapse. Words I hadn't known I kept barricaded within myself flow like a broken dam.

"You say you suffered and that you sacrificed time with me for my own good; lived in agony knowing you'd lost your chance. But you didn't lose your chance, Josh. You repeatedly sent it away." I remain calm, speaking only to get my point across as opposed to making him feel my pain with the volume of my voice.

"You didn't. Want. It" I say slowly in punctuation.

Josh shakes his head sharply,"That's not true, Maya," He declares, "I always wanted you."

"You weren't ready." I say sympathetically, I feel for a moment that I am also assuring myself,

"Or you were scared or something neither of us can begin to fathom but every decision you made to leave me at arms length, every word you used to intentionally hurt me was for you. Not for me."

Josh's stares at me incredulously, but I don't stop, "For your conscience or fear of being hurt or maybe your pride. I'm not sure. but I can't manage enough fucks to give on the matter. Because that was then and this is now, Josh. Clinging to that anger is only gonna hurt me more than it already has. So stop saying it was for me, because it upsets us both and it was always, always for you. Loving me. It wasn't enough for you way back when. I wasn't enough for you."

"That's where you're wrong." Josh cradles my arms with both of his hands, begging me to hear his declarations,

"You have always been enough for me. And I don't know if you're right about the rest. And y'know what, I wouldn't be surprised if you were. But all I know is I want you. I always have, there's no doubt about that."

"And yes. Yes! I was beyond stupid and ignorant to push you away and treating you the way that I have over the years is unacceptiable but i'm here now,"

Josh's eyes are pleading, "I'm here now and I will gladly with the biggest smile on my face get down on my knees infront of everyone on this fucking planet if it meant you would give me a chance. Because you are also still here Maya. Youre here and you're standing in front of me and if I dare to reach out, I can feel all of that soft creamy skin that makes me just want to ravish you... It's not me pushing away this time. It's you."

"Can you blame me?"

"No. No I can't but.. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard Maya. And I feel the harder I try the less you want me to. It's like…"

"Like what?"

"Like...Do you want things to stay the way they were? When we never saw each other or spoke or even knew of the other person. Is that what you want?"

No. The answer is bold and in red hovering over my eyes.

No. No, I don't want that in the slightest.

Have the last few weeks been laced with more drama and heartache than i've had to truly deal with in a long while? Yes. But would I give up these last weeks with Josh for that empty meaningless life I was living before-never truly happy no matter how many distractions I provided myself with? Absolutely not, I couldn't. Even if I wanted to.

It would be like walking through life color blind. Content and utterly fine. Nothing perfect and nothing monumentally wrong. Then a flash strikes across a vague sky in the shape of Josh Matthew's smile and with it he brings technicolor. How could I ever go back to grey clouds when he's given me the rainbow?

"No…" I say because it's true.

"Then things like lying to drive a wedge, aren't gonna help either of us."

I must look wild, protesting idily, "Well, what was I supposed to say, Josh? Here you were, beautiful as ever and the fear that you could worm your way past my defenses were all too real. Was I supposed to look at you-Look into the eyes of the first person I ever lo-. Was I supposed to tell you;

'He possibly loves me Josh. God! He could love me and I won't ever be able to love him back properly. And he's fine with that. I have this perfect for me man, before me. But from the moment my eyes laid eyes on you again, even just the thought of anyone else makes me feel empty inside. Because you have been my focal point of interest my entire life. You are who I compare my good and my bad days to and these years apart nearly killed me at one point, and here I am seeing you again and unable to think clearly because once you enter my mind you never I don't know what to do' Is that what you wanted to hear?" I feel myself getting hysterical.

My chest is heaving as if I'm recovering from catching my breath and my face is most likely bright red with embarrassment. My words are so vibrantly honest I wonder how neither of us are covered in its truth. I have been swallowing those words from the very moment I laid eyes on Josh when I came back from Cali.

Josh just stares at me, eyebrows furrowed and lips trembling with unspoken something-God, I can't tell what and he won't say anything!

His eyes never release my own and I feel something akin to panic crawl up my chest. As if I were being watched beneath a microscope.

I want to shout; Say something!, but I'm paralized beneath his gaze.

Panic settles into my blood slowly turning me ice cold.

Everything I know about love is because of him. Love for me hadn't been about sex or fancy dates. It was about being around a person who makes you feel things no one else can. Someone who makes you so happy anything bad is unimaginable and so damn angry you can't see straight, but wouldn't want it anyother way all the same.

Caring about Josh was never the same as typical love for a young girl. It wasn't ever about being inseparable, seeing as how separation was our downfall. Josh and I had been apart for years, even before I left. When he started college and practically lived at Corey and Topanga's apartment we spent most days together. Even so, he always made sure I was outlying. But I found that truly caring for someone had nothing to do with being inseparable; it had to do with being separated and nothing changes because your feelings transcend distance.

"Say something…" I squeak,unable to take the silence.

"Yes."

I frown tilting my head to one side in confusion, "Yes, what?"

"Yes, that's exactly what you were supposed to say,"

Then he kisses me.

Somehow it's so unlike the kisses we shared only a week ago-A mess of tangled limbs angry and desperate, pushing and pulling at each other and still somehow, exactly the same.

Josh gently links our bodies together so there isn't even an inch of space between us. He licks at the seam of my lips until his tongue meets mine. Swirling and tugging until I'm more breathless than I've ever been.

It feels overwhelming.

It feels relieving.

It feels like coming home.

I'm not sure how much time passes before oxygen becomes a necessity again. We stare into eachothers eyes for some time. Peering over spit slick lips and flushed skin. I can feel his heart racing as profoundly as I feel my own, more intimate than anything I've ever known. I decided to throw caution to the wind once I've caught my breath and hesitantly-giving myself enough time to stop in case my brain decides to come back on line-I slip onto my tiptoes and press another chaste kiss to swollen lips; testing this new intimacy again.

A kiss not driven by surprise like at the ferris wheel or anger like our fight, or followed by my heartache like the first time our lips ever met, but a kiss intended for the sole purpose of sweet desire and affection.

It's unfair how velvety smooth Josh's voice remains, when he manages to reduce me into a quivering mess. "You Can't tell me you and I aren't meant to be."

I pull away unnecessarily slow, overcome by so many emotions.

"Josh, " I say gravely, "...I'm scared…"

Before Josh can respond- "Maya? Uncle Josh?"

There, with sopping wet hair Riley stood. Towel loosely slung over her shoulder while another hangs in the air demonstrating her attempt at drying dark brown tresses.

Sharply pulling his hand down from my cheek, Josh turns to meet the eyes of his niece.

"Riley!" A wave of relief sheathes on Josh and us both.

"Why the hell are you doing upstate!? Are you insane!?"Josh shouts.

My head jerks in his direction, slaping at his chest in a way of chastising the older man.

"I-I… how'd you know where to find me?"

"Riley, what's going on?" I say much softer than her uncle, not bothering to answer her question.

Moving to the suede couch Riley plops down like life is pushing her down.

I see in her eyes that she is contemplating lying, I fix her with a stern look and she swiftly abandons the idea knowing I'm not one to let go quite so easily.

Sighing, Riley frowned deeply, "I was doing laundry the other week and I was putting away mine and Lucas clothes when i opened his sock drawer and-" she interrupts herself looking at us incredulously, "It's like he wanted me to find it."

Sharply, with no additional explanation Josh and I snap our attention to one another, quickly understanding.

I hold my breath, worried I've misread the situation. Hoping for Lucas' sake, his lack of creative hiding placement didn't ruin the summers' great surprise.

Riley gasps, reading our expressions easily, "You knew" she shouts almost betrayed.

"Knew what?"

Riley groans exasperated, sending us each a heated glare.

"I found an engagement ring in Lucas' sock drawer."

Josh is first to speak, walking warily as if he were approaching a spooked mare, "Riley that's wonderful. I know the surprise of it all is ruined but that doesn't warrant running away."

"No! No, it is not wonderful! What we have right now. That-this- is wonderful."

"I don't understand."

Josh silently nods his head beside me, crossing strong arms across his chest in defense, unfamiliar with a tempestuous Riley.

"This is a mistake,Maya." Riley looks desperate. Frustrated with just about everyone for having to explain herself at all. I don't think most people comprehend how hindering and stressful it can be to explain what's going on in your own head when you don't even understand it yourself.

I can tell by her fidgeting hands and shifting eyes that she was definitely unsure of her own thoughts. Something inside me snapped in that standard way it always has when it came to protecting my best friend, even if it's against herself.

The brunette's uncle looks less than understanding, ready for answers after a day bestewed with concern as he searched for said brunette. I strike him with a steely gaze, mutley warning him to be sympathetic.

"Marrying him would be a mistake." RIley repeats, but it sounds more so like she is speaking to herself.

"Then don't marry him." My tone is even and serious as I try to convey I am here to support her in any decision she makes.

"But I don't want him to leave me" She sobs, "God, I love him so much. So much that I feel that it hurts me. But..."

Smiling, My tone never wavers, "Then marry him."

I walk towards the couch and sit beside my best friend, placing on hand atop of her shaking ones. Letting her absorb my warmth and find comfort in my presence.

"Lucas and I will crumble under the pressure, Maya." Riley glaces up to her uncle, blushing bashfully as she confesses things I'm sure have been eating at her for some time.

I shake my head drawing her attention back to me, "That doesn't matter."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't, honey. I don't know anything except that you love that man and he loves you. He adores you. And if you decide that you aren't ready, then you fucking tell him that and I garentee that he will understand. I'm not saying that everything will be okay, I can't promise that. But I can promise you it will never make him love you less."

"I don't want to hurt him." Riley's big doe eyes are rimmed red with tears and with them she is begging me for answers I just can't give her.

Josh interjects, remaining confused, unsure how to really contribute to the conversation other than clearing up his apprehension,

"By saying yes? How could you possibly hurt him by saying yes?"

"Marriage is uncharted territory, Uncle Josh. People do things in a marriage they never would have imagined while in a normal relationship."

Riley sits up straighter as if ready for a well rehearsed speech.

"What if he wants kids right away? What if he changes his mind about waiting and is crushed when I tell him i'm not ready to be barefoot and pregnant carrying his litter of children or-"

"Riley, Riley. Relax."

"Hurting him now; with petty fights and arguments racks me with indescribable guilt just regularly. What if marriage makes it worse or saying no to a goddamned proposal makes it worse?"

Riley at this point shoots up from her seat and is rapidly looking from me to Josh and back again as she practically cries her distress. "He's gonna think I don't love him!"

"Sometimes we hurt the people we love in order to protect ourselves and that doesn't make us bad," Josh counters, " or make us love them any less."

"What if it's a mistake?"

"What if what is a mistake?" I urge.

Josh adds conscientiously, "Saying yes or saying no?"

"Both."

"Some mistakes are worth making.."

Raising a hand silently, I gave Josh a look. There's a look in his eyes that look startled. Without words he asks me incredulously, ' Are you gonna let her end her relationship!?'. Rolling my eyes passively I respond by willing him to see that I have a plan.

Turning my gaze back to my best friend, who now leans back too exhausted to sit straight. Her wet hair stains the back of my stepdad's couch and I feel my intentions fall into place, "Do you love Lucas, Riley?"

Riley doesn't waver for a moment when she answers, "Yes. Yes, of course I do."

"Do you want to spend the rest of your life by his side?"

"Maya,marriage is-"

"I never said marriage, Riley. I said, ``Do you want to spend the rest of your life by Lucas's side?""

Again, Riley doesn't take much time to ponder my question, "Since I was 12 years old. That's always been true."

"Then why does a piece of paper and a sappy declaration of sickeningly sweet love change anything? The two of you have been practically declaring your love for one another in the form of vows since we visited the Lodge in highschool."

"It doesn't..."

"It doesn't," I repeat.

"The two of you will be by the others' side amongst hundreds of foolish and life altering mistakes whether you decide to marry Lucas now or in ten years. Make the mistake, Riley. Make the best out of that mistake. Because whether you end in tears later, they will dry with the memory of that sunshine smile you have always had while looking at that country dork."

"...I'm scared, Peaches"

I pull the best woman I know in the world into a hug. Wrapping my arms tightly around her waist and letting her rest her head on my shoulder. I feel the tension slowly ease from her body, pulling me closer and holding me twice as fiercely.

The glaring reality of our age knocks obnoxiously at my mind. We were no longer little girls, dependent only on one another in our quest of becoming who we needed to be in this world. We were no longer guests to this world. We are a part of it. And with that, comes the rest. The fear of the unknown. The joy of living. And the tragedy of consequences.

"I know you're scared," I mumble softly.

Slowly my eyes find Josh across the room, "It's okay to be scared…" swallowing thickly, I pray Riley doesn't suffer from whatever decision she makes. "Being scared means you're about to do something extraordinarily brave."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The ride back home wasn't nearly as tense as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, it was definitely tense but not nearly as bad as I anticipated.

Riley sat quietly beside me, resting her head on my shoulder while she looked out the window, a stream of consciousness, neither Josh nor I were privy to, play out in her mind.

Josh sits on my other side sparing me worried glances every red light turning back as soon as they go green.

We finally arrived back in Manhattan some time later. I held on tightly to Riley as Josh paid what I can only imagine was an astronomical amount of money to the cabbie.

" Thank you" I mutter sweetly to Josh in the elevator. Never taking my eyes off of Riley's distant ones.

Josh is just about to put the key in the door when Riley says the first thing she has since leaving the cabin.

"Thank you guys for coming to find me and for dealing with my silence. I guess I was so embarrassed the way home I didn't know what to say, but I appreciate what you've done for me today given the circumstances."

Riley looks down bashfully, cheeks pink and shame evident in her posture.

"We love you, Riles," Josh states. I nod my agreement.

"And there's nothing on earth that would keep us from helping you when you're in need." I add.

Josh looks like he is contemplating something prior to saying, "Do you need more time before going in? We can go grab a bite if you need more time."

Riley smiles gratefully at her uncle then grabs my hand and squeezes gently before she flashes that sunshine smile I've missed so dearly today and says,

"Nah, I think I need to say something extraordinarily brave to my future husband."

I bit my lip from smiling too brightly, trying to contain my excitement when I look towards the older man who looks equally as proud as I feel for my best friend.

When we walk in, many things happen at once.

First, Lucas runs from the kitchen to the front door enveloping Riley's small frame into nurturing arms. Lucas then buried his face into the crook of his girlfriend's neck saying things I couldn't quite make out. Riley definitely could though. A sharp jolt of guilt straightening her back,she rises to her tiptoes so Lucas won't have to bend as much. She presses about ten kisse to his cheek before finding his lips and apologizing against them.

I look away as to give them a bit of privacy but they've already gone away.

"Let's go home, honey." I hear Riley whisper taking Lucas' hand and walking to the door. She waves politely at the rest of us in the room while Lucas looks at her like she may disappear if he looks away for too long.

The next thing that meets us is Zay and Sarah sitting on the couch watching one of the Rocky films.

" Are Corey and Topanga not home?" I inquire conversationally.

The tension has resurfaced tenfold as I notice the glaring contest both Zay and Josh appeared to be participating in.

I take the necessary steps required to be beside Josh again. Not satisfied with the space between us now that we've established the intimacy I had become so accustomed to. I lay a comforting hand on his shoulder causing him to relax under my touch.

Sarah decided to interrupt the silence thankfully, "No, they went out to grab a few things after they received your text saying Riley was okay."

She sends a sharp look in Zays direction displaying some sort of telepathic conversation I couldn't interpret. They go on like this for some time before Sarah shoves her elbow into Zays ribs leading him to grunt loudly.

I stifle a startled laugh, as does Josh. Confused but not complaining about the show.

Clearing his throat Zay stands and makes his way so that he is standing before Josh.

My eyes widen in caution. Dubious of what may come next.

" Hey, Josh. Ahem, I- I wanted to apologize about how things have gone down between us. I stepped out of line a few time, although you did too when you decided to raise your voice at-"

" Zay!" Sarah crisply chastises.

"Right. That's besides the point. That's between you and Maya and what I'm trying to say is...I'm sorry."

Zay offers out his hand for a shake giving Josh the choice not to accept it.

I note Josh's eyes scan to me before falling back to Zay's outstretched hand and making a decision.

"This doesn't fix everything." Josh urges, then takes his hand into his own, yet not very convinced of the sincerity of the apology.

"But it's a start. And I'm sorry too."

"Thank you. Maybe someday we may even like each other."

The air between them is still thick with tension but the effort on both their parts warms my heart all the same.

"Happy now?" Zay grumbles falsely, then cracks into a smile when Sarah splits into an ear to ear satisfied grin.

"Awwww. Very."Sarah coos.

"See, now was that so hard? Oh y'all have made me so proud. Imma bake you something. How does slutty brownies sound? Maya, I know they're your favorites! C'mon Josh, I could use your help and you're gonna want to know how to make these to win any argument with this one."

Chuckling, the southern bell draws Josh into the kitchen.

He shoots me a desperate worried look unsure of what this little cooking lesson will bring. Zay and I laugh at his expense.

I stare off wistfully behind him. Thinking more and more about what took up most of my thoughts while in the cab.

I think about Josh and I. I think of our kiss and-

" Hey, Curly. Do you think I could talk to you for a minute."

I tilt my head inquisitively. "Sure?"

Zay leads me to the guest bedroom and sits me down. Pacing back and forth while trying to build courage to tell me something.

"Is everything alright?" I remark, fairly certain I know what he is going to tell me.

"I have something to tell you." He states abruptly.

"...I…" He clears his throat trying again pleading, "Don't be upset with me."

"If you're going to say what I think you're going to say there's no way I'll be upset with you."

"You don't know what I'm gonna say"

"And I never will if you don't spit it out!"

"Alright, okay. I… I think- no, I know-" Sighing frustrated, Zay squares his shoulders and meets my eyes fiercely,"I like your cousin. I like Sarah."

" No shit Sherlock."

"I know this is a big-Wait. You know."

"Yeah," I bark a laugh as to say of fucking course!

"Yeah I know. I'm pretty sure Stevie wonder knows and the man's blind!"

" Maya…"

Zay offers a sad smile that looks more like a grimace. A remorseful expression taking over his features. I rack my brain for some time trying to find an explanation but I can't think of anything wrong that he's done.

"Why do you look guilty?"

The man remains silent for another second. Opening and closing his mouth to show he is trying to find the right words.

Then it dawns on me and I feel like slapping Zay upside the head for even thinking for a second of ruining this for himself.

Groaning I see that I will have to be very stern with him on this matter.

"You don't have to love me, Zay" I repeat a quick memory of the same words being recited to me in the Matthews apartment in the wee hours of the morning holding a different Importance.

"But Maya I've always been there for you. It's not fair to just-"

"But nothing! Zay," I start seriously, shaking my head sympathetically,

"If you're honest with yourself you've never loved me… But that girl out there… I know that look and while you love me like your best friend, a best friend that you're very close to, it doesn't mean you're in love with me. Just means that we have been each other's support system for so long you blurred the lines of love and in love. But the way you look at Sarah? Zay, you have no idea what's coming. Not saying you're in love." I quickly clarify, "You've just met. However, she has the same look…."

Zay contemplates protesting but the furrowed brows and tuned over frown show me he is letting my words sink in.

"I mean, think about it. Even though you 'loved me' when I was confused about Josh you encouraged me to see where it would go. I think all that anger between you guys was just your brotherly instinct. Would you try and help Sarah get back together with Johnny a"

Zay releases a sound equivalent to a growl, glaring at me when I free a small chuckle. I open my mouth to continue before he clarifies in case the fucking growl wasn't answer enough, "Hell no! She only told me a little about him and he sounds like-"

"Oh yeah?" Snickering, I nodded slowly in a sort of I told you so manner.

Standing as if there was nothing left to say I made my way to the door.

"Wait, that's it?"

I can't help the elated laugh that creeps up my throat,"Yeah, dude. It's fucking crazy right? Who knew that getting what you want was a matter of actually making moves to get it. I guess you create opportunities by asking for them."

"I take it by the use of past tense when referring to your confusion about Numbnuts out there, means something." Zay smirks.

My returning smile is answer enough.

"What now though?"

"Now.. you're gonna get your girl and imma go get my man."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

When Zay and I walk back into the common area. Josh has baking flower in his hair and Sarah is laughing hysterically at some unintelligible joke 'you just had to be there' to understand.

Swallowing thickly I push the fear down recognizing it as me about to do something extraordinarily brave.

"Bay window."

Josh looks between Zay and Sarah making sure my attention is directed to him, "Me?"

I can't contain my heart beat. Pounding against my chest as I link our fingers and lead him to Riley's old bedroom. "Bay window right now."

I guide him to where I usually sit on our beloved bay window and simply look at him for a moment.

This is it. This is where I take my own advice for once. Where I stop myself from creating my own obstacles and set myself up for heartbreak again.

But, honestly in that moment, even getting one blissful day with Josh Matthews makes up for everyday afterwards he will be nothing more than a memory.

Licking my suddenly dry lips I watch the worry flit across the brunettes enticing features.

It torments me that my fear of being hurt placed Josh in a position that resembled my years of insecurity and rejection. Something I would never wish upon my worst enemy, let alone someone I cared so dearly about.

On the way back to manhattan-between bouts of worrying about what Riley was thinking of- I wondered how I would tell him what I wanted.

However, In this moment, I felt the delivery mattered rather little in comparison to the message- in comparison to the person who for the first time in my life wanted me back!

I was officially getting out of my own way.

The emotion of it all crawls up my throat and makes it sound gravelly,

"Do you want me Josh?"

His eyes shift between both of mine. surprise consuming his Adonis like features.

"Yes." He says breathlessly.

Letting a single tear fall, I move closer, "I'm scared as hell to want you" I admit, a slow smile forming before a tearful laugh joins in, "But here I am. Wanting you anyway."

"Yeah?"

If I didn't know any better I'd say there were tears in Josh's eyes as well.

"Yeah." My Grin is unparalleled.

Swiftly, Josh stands and pulls me in by my hips lifting me into strong arms and spinning me around. He tangles his fingers into my hair prior to drawing back and pulling me into a deep, toe curling kiss.

I feel dazed.

"God,you're good at that."

"Good." Josh beams cockily.

"Now, I get to make up for all the years I was supposed to be kissing you."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you in any form of relationship you permit. Our only job is to find those worth suffering for.

I look at him. Take in the lines of his face and the curve of his lips and I know that he can hurt me-he has-he will. But… I don't care. I can see that this time is different and maybe it's wishful thinking.

And I know that I'm a fool, but his eyes lock with mine and leans in for a chaste kiss. Not asking for more than comforting pressure. Just a soft press of flesh. Not asking for more than proof that I'm here. That we're real.

God, in the lightness of his eyes I know this may be hazardous. No- It will be hazardous. But loving Josh has always been my favorite mistake.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

THE QUEEN OF LINE BREAKS HAS SPOKEN!

Yay! Happy Happy Love Love!

Can't wait to really get into the fluff pieces and away from all of the angst.

Please let me know what you all think!

There were a few things I wanted to clear up, many of you think that Maya is clinging to the fight Josh and Maya had from before she left for college but it's more than that. It's everytime over the course of 3/4ths of their lives where Josh disregarded her feelings in order to do what he felt was best, even if it was at her expense.

Also yes Zay and Josh have a bit of a reconciliation but not really more of a I'll tolerate you for now agreement otherwise it would have been very unrealistic,so don't hurt me too badly.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Oh and let me know if you want a mini bonus chapter of Riley and Lucas' conversation :D

Have a lovely day, Lovelies. Stay safe and

See you next chapter!

~Geni