There are a few time jumps in this chapter, so keep an eye on the dates :)
Hereafter
Chapter 15
September 12th, 2018
Charlie.
The day I became a father I made a promise to Bella to give her everything that she needed, regardless of whether it would effect me financially or not. Even when she moved to Arizona with Renee, I still did whatever I could to give Bella the life that she deserved. That doesn't stop now, and it won't stop until my last day on this earth.
I couldn't be more thankful for Edward's help, and for everything that he has done these last few weeks, especially as he put everything on hold for someone he's known for such a short amount of time. Had it not been for him I wouldn't have even given the dog idea a second thought, or found myself contacting my K9 unit to get a hold of contact details for the breeders we've used in the past.
In my time in the force I've dealt with many different breeds - each one holds a different characteristic than the other - but I had my mind set on one in particular. Bella needs a companion who is not only highly intelligent, but who can appear physically intimidating and protect her in any aspect that she needed.
"Good morning, this is Annie." Annie and her husband have been breeding German Shepherds for the last decade, and some of our best canines had come from them.
Thankfully she knew me by name, because I sure as shit was not in the mood for formalities. "Annie, it's Charlie Swan."
"Charlie! How are you? I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter."
This is where I came across a hurdle. Until we had everything sorted, nothing was being mentioned and Bella was staying under the radar. I'm sure Annie wouldn't say anything to the press, but I could not risk this and potentially make Bella's mental health even worse. Instead I answered simply and got straight to the point. "Thank you. I'm calling to see if you have any litters available or due soon?"
"I knew they'd find a place in your heart sooner or later!" Annie laughed lightly to herself. "Well, you're in luck. We have a six-week-old, pure-bred black and tan bitch who is waiting on a loving home, otherwise we are expecting a new litter in roughly a month."
"When could I collect her?"
"Personally we don't part with our puppies until they are nine weeks old, but you are more than welcome to come and visit her before then if you'd like to make sure that she is right for you."
It was either three weeks, or three months. I didn't even have to think twice over my answer. "How much are you asking for her?"
"Usual price is eight hundred, but for you I'll do seven-fifty."
Seven hundred and fifty dollars did not seem a lot when it came to Bella's safety. I accepted the offer straight away.
"I will send you a copy of her details. Your newest K9s in training are all from the same mother, so you've got a good one here."
"Thank you, Annie. I trust you."
"Feel free to come along and see her whenever you like, and I'll give you a call when she is ready to go home!"
"Just on the off-chance, you don't, er, know any trainers, do you?"
"I know a couple. I can add their information to your puppy's form."
"Thank you, Annie. I don't think you can understand how much I appreciate this."
I hung up the call feeling positive. This was going to be the best birthday present Bella ever received.
0-0
September 13th, 2018
Bella.
I've never been fond of my birthday. I don't like the idea of ageing, and on my birthday it is literally thrown in my face that I'm older today than I was yesterday. I think that affected my mental health more than normal, because I stayed in bed for a long time after I originally woke up. Charlie had bought a bell that I would ring when I wanted to go anywhere, but I didn't ring it. I didn't want to face the reality.
I must have stayed in bed for longer than I realized, because Charlie had to come in and check on me. He said that it was almost ten o'clock and that breakfast was ready for me. I didn't want breakfast, I didn't want food, and I didn't want to go downstairs. I wanted nothing but for this mental pain to leave me alone.
"C'mon, Bells; I think you'll like what I have for you downstairs."
I sat up in the bed as I sign that I was finally ready to move.
"Would you like a bath first?"
No. I don't want a bath, I don't want anything. I was only moving to make Charlie happy.
Placed out on the kitchen table I saw French toast and strawberries. Edward was sitting at the table already with an empty place in front of him, and in the middle of the table were two presents and three envelopes.
Three envelopes? Who is the third from?
"Happy birthday." Edward smiled up at me and moved out the seat so that Charlie could sit me down. They were both so happy for me, and I wanted to return the happiness. It was hard, but I did my best.
I was given half a slice of French toast and three strawberries. As I took the first bite I noticed that neither Charlie nor Edward looked at me - I'd feel far too intimidated if they watched me eat. It was best that they left me do it, and at my own time.
"How are you feeling today?" Edward asked me as he poured himself another coffee from the filter jug.
Was I to answer honestly, or what he wanted to hear? Before I could hesitate for too long I simply shrugged and said: "good".
"That is excellent. Is there anything you would like to do today? Watch 'Fly Away Home'?"
I'd like to watch "…'Fly Away Home'." There wasn't much else I could do, but I appreciated him asking. I prayed for the day that I could leave the house again, and in time start working again. I missed the busy schedules and the change in weather - it isn't the same when you can only see it through a window.
"Do you want to open your presents, Bells?"
Ironically I hate having the attention on me, but I knew that if I opened the presents now then I can continue my day as 'normal' as possible. I accepted Charlie's offer and was handed a rectangular shaped present wrapped in shiny blue paper.
"This one is from my family as well as myself."
"Your… family?" I couldn't understand why Edward's family would want to get me a present. I had only met Emmett and Rose, so why would anyone else care about me? I'm a complete stranger to them.
"I know you're confused, but it will all make sense in a second."
He wasn't giving me any more than that, so with confusion clear on my face, I pulled at the edges of the paper and as soon as I spotted the well known Apple logo I closed the paper back over again in a rush. "No." I couldn't accept this. From the shape I knew instantly that it was an iPhone and there was no way I could allow anyone to spend so much money on someone like me. Especially as half of his family I had never even met before.
Edward covered my hands that were still holding onto the box. "We wanted to get you something that can make your daily life easier. You can set up a schedule, listen to audiobooks, and download hundreds of different self-care apps. Not only that, but you can FaceTime me, send messages and make your communication ten times easier than it is at the moment."
I had had the same iPhone for six years - it was slowly falling to pieces, but it did its job, so I never wanted to spend the money to buy a new one. I remember all the different applications and music that I had on that old phone. I remember, the day that I went missing, Victoria grabbed my phone from my bag and I never saw it again. I don't know what they did with it, but the fact that no-one had ever found it, or had been able to trace it, told me that it was probably disposed off somewhere on the way to Oregon.
I was so grateful that Edward and his family had bought me this present. I could have my own form of independence and wouldn't need to rely on Charlie's Nokia if I needed to talk to Edward when he wasn't here. It was entirely too much, and I don't know how I could ever repay them, but I was so incredibly thankful.
With teary eyes and a watery smile I mumbled out my first proper sentence in over a week. "Thank you… Edward. …Your family… are lovely."
Edward also looked emotional. "You don't need to thank any of us." He continued to pull my hands away from the present in order to finish ripping off the paper to allow me to see the box underneath. I knew it was an iPhone, but I never imagined for it to be the newest edition with FaceID and goodness knows what else.
"Alice wanted to set it up for you, so you have everyone's number - including my mother's, just incase you might need to ask her for, I dunno, decorating advice?"
I appreciated the joke, and I hoped that my smile helped convey that. The phone was sleek black in color and it felt so big in my hand compared to the one I used to own. It was going to take a while to get used to it.
Charlie had stayed quiet this whole time, but knowing how he and Edward worked together, it wouldn't surprise me if he already knew about the phone before now. After the surprise had worn off, I was handed the second present which held a new selection of clothes for me. All of mine were far too big, so I really appreciated the pajamas, sweatpants, t-shirts and hoodies that now covered the table.
"Thank you…" Charlie bent over and wrapped me in a hug. I don't know how they managed to buy these without me knowing, but I tried not to focus on that too much.
I soon found out why I had three cards - one of them was from Edward's family alone. They included a lovely, heartfelt message and even signed it from Nora too. The second was from Edward; he reminded me that I am stronger than I think I am, and to always think of the positives in life. Charlie handed me his card last, and when a white piece of folded paper fell out from the card, my confusion came straight back again.
It clearly needed an explanation, and Charlie was quick to give me that. "I'm sorry that I can't give you this gift now, but you'll understand why when you open it."
When I unfolded the paper I was met with a bunch of words and numbers that made no sense to me, until I spotted the words: German Shepherd.
Wait, what?
My breathing became labored when I saw the scanned photo of a puppy at the bottom of the page. I didn't know what was going on, and tears were quick to return. Charlie pulled his chair closer towards me and helped me control my breathing. I wasn't sure why I was anxious.
"This is your dog, Bells. She will be here in three weeks time."
This is your dog.
My dog.
I'm safe now.
"Thank you… so… much." With trembling hands I held the paper closer to my face to take a better look at the dog. My dog.
"Bella." I looked from the paper to Charlie. "She will be trained as a PTSD service dog, and she will be by your side wherever you go."
"PT…" what?
I was so confused. I had so many different thoughts running through my head that I couldn't tell what was up and what was down right now.
Edward seemed to know more about it than Charlie, because he was quick to help me understand. "Sweetheart, this puppy will be trained to make your life as easy as possible. If you have a panic attack she will catch that before it happens and will know how to help. She will be your protector, but most importantly, she will be your friend."
My "protector…"
"Exactly. You don't need Nora anymore, because you have her."
I can take her on a "…walk."
I knew it must have been difficult for them to decode my sentences, especially as Edward misinterpreted what I was trying to say. "I don't know for certain, but I think she can be trained to assist your walking. If you hold onto her harness she could aid you around the house."
She'll wear a "…harness?" I'm not stupid, I knew that service dogs wore them, but I always thought it was for seeing eye dogs to give their owner a bit more stability.
"Yep. Even in training this puppy will wear a harness advertising her job. Look," on his phone Edward brought up a picture to help me understand better. It all became very real when I noticed the words 'working dog. Do not pet.' I knew I had a lot of difficulties, and there is no doubt that I'll have to deal with them for the rest of my life, but I hadn't thought long term. Will I always need this dog? What happens when she's too old to do her job properly? Would I need to get another?
My main question and concern needed to be worded properly. I didn't feel strong enough to say the sentence in full, so instead I took the pen that always sat on the table and wrote my words out on the back of an envelope. Will I be able to take her to work?
Charlie answered this one for me, but he seemed hesitant. "Er… we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." I knew what he was trying to say. I didn't like it.
I won't be able to go back to work? I wrote down.
I have to go back to work - I loved my job and the team that I spent all day with. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't go back there. That book shop often felt like my second home.
"I'm not saying you won't be able to go back, but I think it'll be a long time before you can."
What has my life become?
0-0
October 5th, 2018
Bella
The last few weeks have been… interesting.
I've noticed changes in myself, both good and bad. My talking is getting better slowly, however I still rely on paper and my throat continues to hurt if I talk for too long. Angela has really helped me with that and offered techniques to try and help, but only time will tell if it actually works. I hit a bump in the road when Edward had to return to Oregon and once again my eating stopped and my nightmares returned in full force. Charlie tried his best, I know he did, but everything gets ten times harder when there is only one person here for me.
Edward has been away for a week, but he's coming back today when my puppy arrives. He said he wouldn't miss it for the world. My new iPhone has really come in handy - I've used it as a distraction and plugging in the earphones has helped the negative thoughts stay at the back of my mind. I've also taken advantage of being able to text Edward and have managed to tell him truthfully how I feel. I have been 'walking' every day, and can now manage to stand up and walk to the kitchen by myself as long as I have something to steady myself. Stairs are still a no-go, and when I take a bath I still need Charlie to help me in and out, however I now have the strength to wash by myself.
This new found strength all comes from my eating and how my body is getting stronger. I still rely mostly on my soup and strawberries, however I have added a few extra food items into my diet like mashed potatoes, oatmeal and dark chocolate. I asked for foods that would be easy for me to swallow and digest. My mind constantly tells me to stop eating, but Angela continues to remind me that I know what I need to do, and no matter how much my mind tells me something, it can never stop me from physically moving my hand up to my mouth.
Angela was so pleased for me when I mentioned that Charlie had bought me a dog. She said that she couldn't wait to meet my puppy and was certain that she would soon see a massive change in my mental health. The day after my birthday Edward helped me order everything I would need for my puppy. We bought a bed, bowls, a leash, toys, but most importantly he helped me order a harness for her. Apparently, because she isn't going to be trained by an organization, we get to order our own harness. I ordered two - one for now, and then one for when she is bigger. They are both red and I had some patches to be attached to it:
PTSD Service Dog. Do Not Distract.
Not All Disabilities Are Visible.
In Case of Emergency, Do Not Separate Service Dog from Handler.
Service Dog. Stress & Anxiety Response.
It all became very real when Charlie and Edward attached the patches to the harness. It was almost like I didn't want to believe it. I now had a disability whether it was physical or mental, and it was all because one man was sick in the head. Today everything will change for me. Edward was arriving in five minutes, and as soon as he gets here Charlie will leave to collect my puppy. My new protection.
Edward sent me a message to say that he was outside. On shaky legs I stood from the couch and, with my hand holding onto the back of the seat, I guided myself out of the living room and to the front door. Charlie had a very proud look on his face - he knew how much this means to me.
Unlocking the door was still a struggle for me, but with both hands I managed to open it and reveal Edward's smiling face on the other side. I had done it. I had finally answered the door by myself.
"You did it!"
"I… did it." I felt confident enough to tick this off my bucket list. However, because I had been standing for so long, after I had given Edward a hug I needed to use his elbow to walk us both to the kitchen where Charlie was zipping up his jacket.
"How was the drive?" He asked.
Edward slumped onto the chair and dropped his bag to the floor. I was so thankful that he made these trips so often because it was clear that it took a lot out of him. "Tiring, but at this point I could do it in my sleep."
Charlie snorted out a laugh and then tapped his pockets as a way to double check that he had everything. "Right, Bells, is there anything you need before I go?"
I knew that if I asked for anything it would delay Charlie for longer, and the sooner he left the sooner he would get back. Thankfully Edward assured him that he was happy to get anything that I needed.
"Okay." Charlie dropped to be level with me. "I'll be roughly an hour. Edward is here, the doors are locked - you'll be perfectly safe, okay?" He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the side of my head. It was clear that Charlie was anxious about leaving me for the longest period of time, but he knew that I was in safe hands.
The only question is, did I know that?
After Charlie left my mood had dropped and I tried my very best to stop the thoughts from taking over. Edward asked me if I wanted any food, which I quickly declined. We made our way through to the living room and Edward suggested setting everything up for when the puppy arrives. We pulled the plastic wrap off of her bed, toys and bowls, and then set out the training harness.
"I have one more thing to add…" Edward rummaged around in his bag before bringing out a paper gift bag.
"What… is this?" I couldn't accept anything else from Edward - he wanted to buy everything for the puppy already. What else was there to get?
"I hope you hadn't changed your mind on her name…" He opened the bag and worked his way through the paper before pulling out a light brown dog collar, with a bone-shaped tag dangling off the front. Engraved on the back of the tag was my cell phone number, and then on the front was my puppy's new name: Luna.
I had found it difficult to come up with her name and had written down thousands of different options, but I kept on going back to Luna. The moon had always fascinated me, especially how every single person in the world was looking at the same object. The moon is always looking over you, and Luna will be looking over me.
"Thank you. I… love it."
I pulled Edward in for a hug, and a smile broke out across my face as he kissed the crown of my head.
"How are you feeling?"
For the first time in a long time I spoke honestly, not what my head told me to say. "Overwhelmed… yet excited."
"You know how you feel with Nora? You'll feel the same with Luna, but it'll be ten times better."
I can "still… see Nora?" I doubt I'd be here now if it wasn't for that dog. She will always hold a place in my heart.
"Of course you can! The next time you come through to Oregon we can go on a walk with them both. How does that sound?"
I smiled. It felt good. It felt very good.
0-0
Charlie kept his promise. An hour and ten minutes after he had left, I heard his cruiser pull up outside. My excitement was quick to peak when he entered the room with a green blanket in his arms, and Luna's head poked over the top to check out her new surroundings. I was quick to notice the tanned spots around her eyes, on the base of her ears and ruffled down her neck. She was gorgeous.
"Ready to meet your girl, Bells?"
Edward held my hand in support as Charlie made his way over and placed her down onto my lap. At first I couldn't believe how big she was, and from the size of her paws I knew that she was going to grow into a big dog. "Hello…" I cooed down to her. From the sound of my voice, Luna jumped into action and nuzzled her head underneath my chin. She was so soft; my fingers got lost in her fur.
"I think she likes you, Sweetheart."
Luna wriggled around on my lap and up onto my chest, so much so that I had to have Edward put his hand out incase she fell off.
"Hello… Luna." I knew that she didn't know her name, but I swear she responded to it. Her hazel eyes met mine, and I could already tell that this was my protector.
Luna ended up getting slightly restless on my lap, so we let her down to the floor, where we watched in amusement as she sniffed around the legs of the table, jumped up to paw at Charlie's knees, and then chewed on Edward's shoe laces. Then all of a sudden Luna stopped what she was doing and sat back on the floor. Her eyes searched the room, and when she found me she bounded back over to my feet.
"This girl is smart," Charlie announced. "She already knows her job."
"Luna…" I dangled her toy rope over the front of the couch. I wanted to play with her properly - lie on the floor, or run around and be silly - but that was too much for me right now. Hopefully with the toys I can entertain her like this for now.
Every time that Luna played, or experienced something new, I found myself smiling. She was already distracting me without knowing it.
I couldn't wait to watch her work, and see how things would improve.
0-0
I have had Luna planned since I thought about Nora, so I cannot tell you how excited I am to finally bring her into this story!
I have made a picture collage of Luna, her collar etc, and then what she will look like as she gets bigger. It will be on RosieRathbone FanFiction on Facebook if you would like to check it out!
Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think!
